I have everything, and yet I'm really struggling

[WhiteDoorBlue]

Just that really. I honestly have everything anyone could want and yet I am slipping and I've no idea how to catch myself.

I've a loving family, nice home, good friends, career etc. And yet I am so exhausted to the core of my being that I just can't cope. I'm withdrawing from friends. At first I was all "I'm just very tired and need to take some time out" but now even when I see them I don't have anything to say.

I barely function at work. I'm an NHS consultant. I burnt out during covid and had 2 months off. That was 18mo ago and I thought I was doing OK, had therapy etc. But honestly I think I'm heading back there, and in my specialty the demand isn't anything like it was even a year ago.

I just don't know what to do about it. I do all the things I'm supposed to good diet , exercise, take daily pleasure in nature,good sleep hygiene, minimal alcohol.

My bloods, thyroid etc are always normal. I'm not pre meno (checked).

I'm just done. Absolutely f'ing done. And I've no idea what on earth to do about it.

I'm scared to go off sick but also scared not to go off sick.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm just so stuck.

NC for this as I cba having this linked.

Ah man it's Interesting you mention plants and projects...

I have a day off in the week now to "relax". What this means in practice is that I buy plants, come home and plant the plants, tend to previous plants, pot veg seedlings on for the raised beds, spend hours looking at plants on the Internet. I can spend hours out in the pissing rain doing my garden. And I enjoy it, but it is stressful thinking about all the plants and the jobs.

Plants have not made me zen. And if its not plants its knitting.

With a professional hat on:
your employers need to do a stress risk assessment
sort you out a well being plan
refer to OH
can you access short term counselling via EAP whilst NHS catches up?
GP for medication?
on-line stuff like Headspace for meditative mechanisms
local crisis team/Samaritans

Yes I was an arse. I apologise.

@RosesAndHellebores the way that you wrote your previous posts, I don’t think I believe you.

It is not a race to the bottom. Being nasty to someone else who you perceive as better off will not make it better for you. And that person is not better off whatever you think.

Perhaps take some of the things suggested to the OP and apply them to your own life.

It's alright @RosesAndHellebores , I can be an arse too sometimes. Thanks for apologising, take care

You are very gracious op

I hope you can find a way back to feeling more you

Op, your working conditions must have been extremely challenging, it could be work but equally it could be something else. It may be worth having some counselling? I wonder if some unprocessed trauma has come up from your past? It may be an idea to try and unpick what is going on for you.

Plants: some thrive, some don’t. Stop fretting and work out what works for your garden. It can take about 7-10 years to get to know a garden and the seasonal and climate variation.

it doesn’t matter. Hardy geraniums and campanula thrive on benign neglect. Look up plants that withstand slugs. Nasturtiums are quick and colourful. Look at what you have already and work your garden round it.

When DD was Ill with her MH 7 years ago Infound a little personal sanity in starting a gardening diary. Noting all the shoots and bugs I came across. And taking it out on the abundance of weeds.

I'm so sorry OP. I can't imagine the hell of frontline NHS work over the past couple of years. I know a couple of clinical colleagues who were diagnosed with PTSD. Both took a sabbatical and had medication and CBT. One has returned to their original post, one moved out of acute care into primary care work. Both are therapists rather than medics so in a slightly different situation but I don't know if this is helpful in terms of options for you? Take care.

I am sorry to hear you are going through this OP. You sound utterly exhausted. You have been through such a difficult time as well during the pandemic.
Although not in medicine I went through a period of time 20 years ago where I reached a point of where I could no longer do my (professional) job. It had exhausted me and I had nothing more to give. I had become depressed, flat and devoid of any joy. One of my work cases had been particularly awful. I did not tell my employers how I felt; I just left the job and had time off during which I gradually recovered and had a redirection of life. At the time I did not have the courage to tell my employers how I felt. I assumed they would not understand and the depression made me think that they would think I was useless. I felt that I could not admit to any weakness but I believe now that that was my depression talking. Now, however, when I think back I believe that my employer would have been understanding and given me some time off to recover. Do you think it is worth speaking to your bosses or colleagues OP? They might help you find a solution and help you find a recovery plan? I’m worried that if you burn out much more you could end up quitting or become unwell. Best wishes to you OP and good luck.

You can go through the practitioners health service for doctors. I have heard it is a very good service and may be more tailored to your circumstances. I’m sure they are seeing lots of people experiencing similar to you at the moment.

www.practitionerhealth.nhs.uk/accessing-the-service-for-doctors-and-d

Please look up the NHS resilience hubs. About 40 across the country. Primarily for NHS and social care staff to get fast psychological therapy/ support. Waiting times much less than GP route. It sounds like you’d benefit from talking this all through with someone who really understands how staff are feeling 💐

My friend still hasn’t recovered from having a baby in the pandemic - also an NHS Consultant and is very definitely burnt out although unwilling to talk to OH

I suspect you’re not alone - I had an easy pandemic but still look around and think what the hell happened ?! I can imagine the scale of emotion if you’re in the NHS

OP I understand how you feel.I have always been confident and capable but a couple of months ago I was just burnt out. Stressful job during COVID, long hours but not as worthwhile as yours. My dc are grown up so easier for me. Can you at least take a couple of weeks holiday. Take a friend or family member with you to help look after your pre schooler. Turn your phone off and leave the laptop. Pack a good book. I totally get you on the plants. I now only buy a few at a time otherwise they sit looking at me. There is also an online course of yoga with Adrienne callled breathe. I tried in during the first lock down and was amazed how it emptied my mind. I should have kept it up.

This whole thread really hit home to me. I feel for you OP and have been off work with stress related illness myself. Sending hugs

We're all so terribly busy busy busy these days that there's never any time for 'convalescence'. If we're sick, we take the absolute minimum of time off. We send our children back to school when, if we weren't working and stressed about childcare/taking time off to look after them, we might have allowed them another day at home sick. If we do have a 'day off' we feel we have to cram it full of activity because we don't want to 'waste' it. No wonder our accelerators get stuck down. We never have our feet off the pedal!

Quite a lot of us could do with being sent to the countryside to convalesce like people did 100 years ago.

How true. I find when I go in holiday now I just sleep all the time. I can’t motivate myself to do anything much. That can’t be right.

A stint in a convalescence home would totally sort me out.

Thanks to you all yesterday I have referred myself to occupational health and my local resilience hub. I've looked at my caseload and compared it to pre-covid levels and realised that I have WAAAAY too much work on and very few breaks. Even going for a wee is problematic. I'm meeting my boss in the morning and will be clear that it cant continue. I want to stay in work, but not like this.

Also had a complete meltdown about misplacing something at home, which really highlighted the need for change.

I think you are literally burnt out and irrespective of finances you have to take time off before you crash .
You can't take care of others if you are not looked after yourself .

I don't think you have an option but have time out . Ring your mortgage company to see if there is a payment holiday option failing that beg borrow from friends and family to give you a buffer .

Use the time out to evaluate changes you can make to ensure you don't end up back on the treadmill.

Thank you for all your goodwishes and support, and solidarity to all those facing similar challenges💐

My dh was in a similar situation. He took a few months off then went back on a phased return. It didn't go well, he's now been off for six months and for a while was very ill indeed. Under crisis team at one point over Christmas. He is also an NHS consultant. I'm not sure he will return to the same role.

You get 6 months full sick pay? Please use it and consider medication. Help for heathcare professionals can provide counselling.

Yes, take the sick pay. That will be a start. In that six months take some time to think things through.
I have watched a family member in a very similar situation. Worked to death doing really long hours until burnt out. Then had a nervous breakdown essentially and had to go off long term sick. In that time he pulled himself round with a lot of help.

I would feel a fraud taking the sick pay. A colleague had a bad accident and is off sick, and my first response was to feel jealous. Which is warped I know.

Hoping my boss will be helpful in the morning

I really like you. :-)

I’m dreadfully sorry you’re going through this. I echo PPs that you need more help, possibly medication, and probably some more time off. Yes, the NHS needs you now… but the NHS will be well and truly screwed if all of its consultants try to “push through” for too long and end up quitting for good.

You have a toddler, you just moved house… you’ve got more going on than most people right now, so cut yourself some slack, and don’t hesitate to take the time you need to be able to look after yourself. This is a long-term play for yourself, for your family and for your job.

I hope your work load is reduced.

You need to be brutally honest that if their isn't a major change you will end up of sick as you are only just clinging on and you would rather not be off sick but have things change.

Trauma is so shit

OP 🌷is there any way you could take a payment break from the mortgage to allow yourself some space?

I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time.