What do you wish you’d known, when planning your wedding?

[Honkytonk01]

Just that.

I’ve got 7 months to plan my wedding and I’m already getting lots of comments about how much we have to do in a short space of time! We are recently engaged. The venue is booked thankfully but have pretty much everything else to organise.

Whats the best piece of advice you would give to someone planning their wedding?

We got engaged in February and wedding booked for this September.

Register office with close family and meal afterwards leading into a party for 60 friends, extended family at a local gastro pub. The main things I've focused on are:-

Getting a dress I like (£156 from ASOS)
Flowers bouquets/buttonholes and a table centrepiece.
I've spent a fair amount of an a photographer as I want some lovely photos of us and our nearest and dearest.
A DJ for the evening
£1500 to fund the bar/welcome drinks
Wood fired pizzas for guests in the evening.

Our total budget, less honeymoon has been £5k. It is second time around for both of us and we are in our 50's and we are spending our money on the things that matter to us to make it a great day.

I wish I'd known that 10 years later we would no longer even be in touch with some of the people who were there and not invited them. DH insisted on inviting current colleagues and some of his friends wanted to bring random 'dates', so we had people there who I couldn't even tell you their names now and I have no flipping idea where they are and I don't care!

I also wouldn't have put half the shit we did on our wedding gift list. We have a full dinner service that we very rarely use and more glassware than we'll ever need. This kind of wedding present is ridiculously old-fashioned and we had to buy a sideboard to keep it all in! Don't be afraid to ask for what you want and if that's money towards your honeymoon/a house/whatever, be honest about it.

And from other people's weddings - make sure if you have a big gap between the wedding and the meal that you serve canapés or you'll have a room full of pissed people.

A good photographer will have taken a list of family portraits to ensure they get all the important ones and are organised on the day.

That I was marrying a twat. First time round, the wedding was perfect - marquee, made to measure dress, beautiful flowers, free bar, 180 guests, went without a hitch. Followed by 15 years of exhaustion.

Second time - dress from ASOS, three guests, register office, Brewdog for chips and beer, then a nice dinner.

Three years on, blissfully happy.

The choice of spouse is the only important thing.

I’m a professional event planner. This is my two cents worth.

Tailor your plans to your guest list, not your guest list to your plans. Better to have tea and sandwiches and have everyone you would like with you than trimming people off because you think you need to provide an elaborate meal.

Think the whole thing through in detail from a guest’s perspective and in terms of comfort. If they’re hanging around waiting for you to have your pictures taken, make sure there will be a drink for them. How long has it been since breakfast so will they be starving? A common thing I see is people focussing on how something looks rather than how it feels. No point having beautiful place cards that match your theme if everyone went to the chip shop an hour ago because they were starving.

I also don’t go for the whole ‘it’s your day’ thing. These people are your guests, and you’ve invited them to participate in celebrating your marriage, not be the audience at the bride and groom show.

Six months is ages. Enjoy!

That as calm as the run up may be (couldn't figure out why done people needed months and months to plan), the last few days WILL be a rush. Guests flying in, foreign cash to get, last minute changes... the last is the one that was tricky.
I had the seating plan printed (and a friend had hers beautifully hand down by a calligrapher), and sure enough a heart attack, broken leg and whatever else and four people couldn't come last minute. So reshuffling the seating plan, telling the relevant guests that despite chart they were on another table, getting the caterers to note that vegetarian A was now on table Y... and after getting it all sorted the caterers lost the updated chart so my husband's boss didn't get her vegetarian meal (snagged by someone else) so went hungry (she never said anything but I figured it out after).
The (London) venues also forgot to tell us there was a parade that morning (annual event) right by the door, so photographer and florist could get to the venue and we had to do my side family photos at my hotel, which actually turned out better but I had the photographer in tears.
So what I mean is despite thinking you have got it all down to military precision, things will go wrong. You just have to try and keep a cool head. The vast majority will not notice.
Do remember to take some cake with you - we almost forgot, my parents forget to take the top layer, we forgot to take souvenir menu (which had a lovely history of the venue, personal to us) and despite promises they never gave us a copy after.
Assign one helper to do these things (distribute the table flower to certain guests etc) that might fall outside a maid of you our/best man remit (I suggest someone who doesn't drink).
Personal bugbears: having different guests to different parts (can't get my head around this), having guests pay for drinks, too much time between wedding and reception.

Don’t let people panic you that you’ve not got much time (bridal wear shops are worst for this). You have. Work out what’s important to you and what isn’t (cake and cars weren’t to me).
Whatever happens, whatever you organise, you’ll be married - that’s the main thing.

Thanks everyone! I’ve never been someone that has really thought about my wedding and the amount of money spent on stuff makes me feel a bit ill so pleased to know you don’t recommend having favours, a sweet cart etc. the reason for the short timescale is to have all the elderly family we want to be there and we are lucky enough to be able to throw money at the issue of a short engagement 😬

Remember that you can't control the weather. It absolutely poured at a friends wedding. They still persisted in taking photos outside the church. Everyone was crowded into the porch. We married a year later and also had dreadful weather. We had all our photos taken either in front of the altar or at the reception venue.

Remember that you can't control others decision to come or whether they will be able to come. One cousin didn't come because she would have been coming to our city from across the other side of the UK and she also had another event to attend in our city the following week. She couldn't afford 2 lots of travel . We also had an entire family (4 people) drop out 24 hours before due to chicken pox.

Presumably you're getting married in the winter? Make sure there's plenty of indoor space for your guests to mingle (and sit down!). Ask your photographer what their plans are for group photos (if you want them) in case of wet weather.

As others have said, make sure there's plenty of food and drink (could be a bar on site, don't feel you have to provide all the booze) especially if there's a big gap between ceremony and reception. If guests have had to travel they might not have had the opportunity to eat lunch.

Decide whether you want any other suppliers (hair, makeup, band, catering, flowers, cake) and get them booked in asap. Winter is a quiet time for weddings but with so many rescheduled due to covid people are much busier than usual.

Book the registrar!

To add:

No one cares. Really no one cares about the tiny details, they won't notice or apprecaite them. So don't waste money unless you have to have that shit.

All anyone wants is to be well fed and watered, enough seats, and to see the bride and groom enjoy themselves.

You don't need lots of stuff/things...
Choose whats important to you..
We didn't have wedding cake/speeches/dancing/lots of people/fancy invites/ hen do/fancy stag do
Wedding dress/bridesmaids or anything like that...
What we did have was a meaningful venue, our friends, close family , good food and wine....some lovely flowers ...and fun things on the table
I stood up and thanked everyone for coming..that was the speech!
We had a generous drinks allowance at the bar ...and pil surprised us by picking up the tab for the rest but we had it covered anyway..and people were happy to pay for drinks as a normal price..

Things I would do differently....not sure i would bother with a photographer these days....never look at the photos!
Got in a tizz about finding shoes to go with my dress (was a cocktail dress from Debenham and red ) they were uncomfortable so ended up barefoot and never worn again..

Although sorted it all in 7 weeks so short term pain!
Would probably invite less people....so actually had time to chat to all....

Also would think logistics a bit more for myself we only had to go shortish distance but organised cabs for oldies/pregnant friend/ those that asked ...forgot ourselves!

I had a small wedding, organised in 5 months, and wouldn't change anything about it. I don't think details matter - it's about having your loved ones there to celebrate the occasion. Five of our twenty guests are sadly no longer with us, so I'm glad my wedding was small enough to have spent time with everyone properly.

This is it. And don't sit people with strangers to make it fun. It's not fun.

Omg this! No we won’t become lifelong friends, and no we absolutely won’t have fun. If you have groups of friends, sit them together. Absolute worst wedding we ever went to they took our friendship group and put each couple on a different table and then my husband was on the other side of a massive a table and I could barely see him. It was miserable and I just wanted to go home.

oh and not everyone wants to drink only champagne, and long speeches with lots of ‘funny’ stories are usually very boring for everyone else! (Still the same wedding- I generally really enjoy weddings too so this was particularly unusual!)

Echoing what others have said, don't have a table plan. Let people sit with who they want.

To go against the grain, I prefer evening-only invitations. A whole day is too long!

I would definitely have a table plan or you'll end up with the last couple to sit down being split up. Because of the odd numbers, the family of 3, or the single friend.

I got married in esrky this year and organised my wedding in 7 weeks.

• Good wholesome food and plenty of it. We had 350 guests, the Reception was from 5pm to midnight.

• Free bar if you can afford it. We actually had a lot of alcohol left over which we returned for full refunds. The food was such a hit that we had zero left over.

• Music (disclosure, my wedding was a typical Punjabi affair so music is KEY).

• Interact with your guests. They won't care about the favours etc, they will care about time and effort with you.

• Don't scrimp on photography and or videography. Those form part of your memories.

• Don't mention gifts to anyone. We didn't and we still ended up inundated with presents and over £7000 in cash which we are very grateful for.

• Gimmicks aren't necessary.

And, congratulations on your upcoming wedding, I wish you happiness and love ❤️

I got married early this year.**

That the man I was marrying would turn out to be a fucking horrible human being.

Also,

No table plan.

Didn't do any chair bows etc, the cost was ridiculous.

No special wedding flowers.

We kept our cake simple.

Keep your speeches relevant.

My wedding day was perfect for me and my life with my husband brings me joy everyday. I'm sure your day will be beautiful 💞

So my top tip is to communicate very clearly (and politely!) with your suppliers.

If you are telling suppliers what you'd like, always follow it up with an email summarising the conversation you've had, so you know that they have it written down.

They are only human and they're doing a job, and they do a lot of weddings. They will forget certain things, or not quite clock what was actually important to you.

Check and double check that they have the information that is important to you.

For the venue, write them out a plan of the day, with all of the timings, who is doing what and when, and an inventory of items that you are bringing/ hiring.

Don't expect them to organise things for you - they might do, but they might not.

(Or you could always hire a wedding planner!)

I see this idea thrown around so much that details don't matter, but would argue it's not really true.

You're right that very few people care about bows on chairs or silly decorative bits (although if you have something genuinely creative and fun, people will notice).

But we put a lot of effort into keeping both adults and children entertained and happy, spent ages picking out food and drinks, and thought through every detail of the running of the day, the music, etc. in terms of what we like but also what kind of experience our guests would have. It took a lot of planning and wasn't just a case of making sure there were enough chairs - there was a lot more to it than that.

We had many lovely comments about it being the best wedding people had ever been to!

So, I would say, don't scrimp on the detail - but work out which details are the ones that matter.

(Hint: They are not bows or favours! Think about your guests' experience and whether YOU would want to be a guest at your wedding).

If you want the venue to package anything up at the end of the evening like food, flowers, to give to your guests to take with them, designate a family member/friend to keep an eye and make sure it happens.

We told our venue in advance that we wanted them to do this. But come the night of the reception, we were off enjoying ourselves and not keeping an eye on this, and as a result not one of our guests left with any cake or flowers etc. I'm sure the venue staff helped themselves the next day because we know there were loads of leftovers and we never saw any of it.

We wished we'd got our parents to ensure this happened.