What do you wish you’d known, when planning your wedding?

[Honkytonk01]

Just that.

I’ve got 7 months to plan my wedding and I’m already getting lots of comments about how much we have to do in a short space of time! We are recently engaged. The venue is booked thankfully but have pretty much everything else to organise.

Whats the best piece of advice you would give to someone planning their wedding?

That regardless of how we felt about it was not going to be a "dry wedding" 😂

To let go control about a week or so before.

I did this before my wedding, because I wanted to enjoy my day. I planned to only get married once and I wanted to soak it all up.

So I did.

A week before, I handed a list of whatever was left to do (last min jobbies) to my family and friends and took a step back.

It's probably the only time in my life I have entrusted such a huge responsibility to others.

I'm so glad I did.

I got to enjoy my day without a care.

That I was marrying the wrong man

Only invite people you actually like, not people you ‘think’ you should invite. We had less than 40 people at our wedding, all close family and friends. I’ve been to weddings of friends and the bridge/groom have admitted that they don’t know a lot of the people there. Eg an auntie has been invited by their parents who they haven’t seen in 30 years. Or their siblings brought a mate from uni. It all adds to the expense. We also didn’t bother with favours or a seating plan (given there weren’t many people anyway) We made our own name cards for the table. Cost no more than about a tenner for the materials and did around 40. We had our flower tables in vintage teacups, all bought from car boot sales for as little as 10p. MIL did the cake, my sister gave me some bunting. Sack off the DJ. You can purchase some software on your phone for about a fiver which auto mixes songs from Spotify. Ask the venue if you can link up to their sound system and then you’ve got cheap music. DH’s dad just brought a microphone along to announce the first dance. I could go on but I won’t 😆

Guests want to have a fun day with nice food and a few free drinks. People don't care about favours or themes or loads of decorations and don't want to be stood around for ages for photos and speeches.
Don't expect people to want to spend much on hen snd stag dos
There will be people who don't come

I organised my wedding (100 people) in 3 months - I don't understand how it takes longer! Didn't bother with favours, seat covers, bridesmaids, didn't do a seating plan, food timings v relaxed so people could grab a plate and sit wherever they fancied. Made sure there was loads of food & booze available straight after the ceremony. Didn't do posed photos. I did my own flowers for the tables and the venue was so pretty it didn't need decorating otherwise. Started later on in the day so everything flowed well and there wasn't any hanging around. And there was lots of comfy seating, sofas etc in different areas so people who weren't dancing in the evening could chat and chill without being parked on the edge of the dancefloor in dining chairs. Got my (designer) dress brand new from a charity shop for £13.

The one thing I do wish I'd done was get a wedding planner just for the day - the venue wasn't a package so I had to arrange all the catering, music etc separately and manage it myself. If I could have handed all that over to someone else to run on the day, it would have meant that I could just relax and enjoy myself a bit more. Otherwise I wouldn't have changed a thing - so many people said it was the best wedding they'd ever been to and how much fun it was.

Oh, and I didn't do speeches, and got a few different people to make cakes for pudding, didn't bother with a 'proper' wedding cake.

All people care about is not being hungry or thirsty so spend your money on that.

Free bar is an awful idea 🤦🏻‍♀️
people turn up expecting to pay to drink, so let them 🤷🏻‍♀️

Make sure guests have lots of food and ideally lots of free drink.
Don't take hours (or spend thousands) on your photos - you only need a few
Make sure you and your husband take 5/10 minutes alone at some point (maybe just before sitting down for food??) to reflect / gather in and then launch back into the day!
Don't sweat the small stuff - once the day was underway, none of it mattered anymore
If you can afford a videographer then that is way better use of money than sweet carts / favours / other Instagram crap. Much better record than photos.

I also wish I'd broken tradition and asked Mum and Dad to walk me down the aisle.

7 months is an age! We organised ours in about 3 months but didn't take anything too seriously.

The main thing is that you are the hosts. Whoever you invite, out of love or obligation, is your guest. Don't ask them to spend loads, do loads, wait around for hours. Factor in your practicalities (pix etc) but give guests something to eat, drink and do while you are elsewhere.

Cut your cloth. If you can only afford a tiny meal, one small drink and no music to manage 100 people and super expensive flowers, have 60 guests and drop the flowers. If budget is no issue chuck money at it and you have plenty of time!

I was an older bride but have a lot of good friends and family. Not a huge budget. Off the peg dresses & suit, simple minimal flowers, beautiful vaulted village hall. Paper lace bunting and cheap flowers in hurricane lamps on the tables. Kids activity packs from Etsy.

We had a late, tiny ceremony followed by a huge party so no one felt left out as there was no day. Street food van with gallons of hot food, at 6pm so no one was hungry and we bought in wine, beer, cider and soft drinks as self serve. Plus a cake, sandwich and dessert table. Note on the invites re supplied booze (BYOB if you have discerning tastes!). No one really did. Everyone had a brilliant time.

Personally as well I think a church wedding is lovely and gives a sense of occasion compared to a service in a hotel or similar (which can be very quick ) but if you do have a church wedding it's worth paying for the choir (not mega bucks at all) to avoid guests awkwardly mumbling through the hymns.

Mumsnet keeps stealing my paragraphs, sorry.

You'll be fine, 7 months is plenty of time really. Our engagement was 10 months because the date suited our schedules and lives, but it was really too long and we just dithered.

I wish someone had told me that people don't hate weddings as much in real life as they do on MN. I thought we'd have more people decline the invite but everyone was wildly excited to be invited. Lovely but I found it overwhelming as my mother wasn't interested so it was a stark contrast.

Someone said to me once 'You have to get married once to know what you really want' and I agree. Having done the bells & whistles thing, if I ever get married again it would be a truly small and intimate affair with only my nearest & dearest. That said, I did enjoy the Princess horse & carriage ride thing....

One thing you can't plan for is tosspot behaviour. Like 3 of my guests who left early taking the flower arrangements with them!

That the person I was marrying was a cunt

Don't sweat the small stuff. I got married 5 months after I got engaged. You've got plenty of time

We organised ours in 4 months- we didn't stress once- honestly the things others tell you about don't matter- you will make it your wedding and it will be perfect for you both.

Make sure you book in a 15 minute slot at some post photos and pre party to spend alone with your new husband just chilling. I barely saw my husband once the reception got going!

Ditto, take a drink (and if you are having a buffet a plate of food) somewhere quiet to make sure you get something to eat/drink. I didn't do a wedding breakfast, just went straight from the ceremony to the party with a hog roast and a buffet. I found that so many people wanted to chat/dance etc that I didn't have time to eat or drink, every time I picked up my drink or plate someone would stop to chat, I'd put it down and it would get whisked away by the bar staff or I'd forget about it!

No one cares about wedding favours. Don't waste your money. Ditto fancy table settings/light up dance floors/personalised sweets/doughnut stands/chair covers/table sashes. Provide plenty of food with suitable options, plenty of drink both booze and soft and plenty of good music with space to dance and everyone will be grand and happy. Don't leave people waiting around for you to take photos.

Apparently the app has decided to eat my paragraphs. Apologies!

HeddaGarbled that is such a good point, I think back on all the weddings I have attended over the years and I rarely see most of the couples (& most have divorced anyway!) ... many lost touch within a year or so, there is such pressure to invite friends and work colleagues but may of those will drift out of your life . But (unless you have a really toxic family) most family members will stay close and supportive. I know there are exceptions, I am still very close friends with three girls I met at primary school, but many friends come and go.

My main tip ... don't spend a fortune and certainly don't go over budget. I know it's a classic Mumsnet comment but I got married over 35 years ago, register office, simple outfit and five guests to lunch afterwards. No regrets.

Get everything in writing. The photographer/florist/whoever will nod and agree with your request but then just do whatever they usually do anyway. And our requests were simple things like colour of flowers.

Or - just elope. I've been to massive Pinterest beautiful dos with wall to wall childcare and I've been to one with just two witnesses and a pub meal after and the latter was brilliant, the former was a lot of hassle and expense- the end result was the same!

Keep in mind what you really need for a wedding:
Spouse to be (!)
Legalities in place, including a registrar
Venue
Guests
Food and drink

Everything else is optional (to be absolutely fair, eloping would shorten that list). You'll probably want a special dress and a photographer, and possibly some music/a band/a DJ. But favours really don't matter, and I'd suggest that anyone who comes to the wedding for the flowers and the decorations isn't someone you want there! Nothing wrong with them, but not worth getting stressed over.

We returned to the UK and organised a wedding in 2 months, which definitely focussed the mind!

Feed people well.

Don't invite people to "evening only". It's shit for them and loads won't (understandably) turn up. If I did my wedding all over again I would just invite everyone to all day or not at all.