Things your child needs to know as an adult

[herecomesyour19thnervousbreakdown]

Off the back of the cultural capital thread and reading and learning more myself about extra and super curricular
What do we all expect our 18 year olds to be able to do as they go out into the wider world?

I will pay for mine to learn to swim and drive for example:

Manage their money, keep themselves and their home clean, feed themselves well, manage their time, run a household (just basic things like council tax/utilities etc), use public transport...
I haven't seen the other thread, is that the kind of thing you meant? I best get cracking with my 6&7 year olds as I know some 40+ year olds that can't do all of that!!

MONEY - Understand how money works and how to budget. How easy it is to borrow and how hard it is to pay back. How interest rates work and how you will end up paying far more if you borrow money, especially credit cards. Why saving is so important and why spending beyond your means is a fast-track to utter misery.

To say no, push back and be assertive when necessary to people older than them. They do not need to let people treat them badly or take advantage of them just because they are young.

I want my DD to be self-sufficient (financially & emotionally). I want her to be able to drive, swim & manage her home. Equally as important, I want her to have resilience, be positive, be kind & be able to deal with life’s ‘ups & downs’ & a good sense of humour. Also to have a good work ethic.

Apart from all these, make friends and meet new people easily.

Basic DIY like plumbing in a washing machine, putting up shelves.

How do we teach this?
I am very sociable and chat with others easily and pop into their inbox and make plans
But kids are all half of my partner and he is much less like that, has few friends and hates socialising

Be good with managing money, basic life skills such as driving, cycling, swimming.

I would really like them to be able to be tidy and organised and good at time keeping.

To know their worth, especially in romantic relationships - that if a relationship is not making them happy they can leave. To understand that a romantic relationship is supposed to add to the happiness of your life and if it doesn't, walk away.

Finances, interest, mortgages, loans.

To never stop learning. Read widely.

Once you are an adult, no one else is responsible for your life and the way you live it.

Learn to drive. It's a valuable skill even if you don't own a car.

Learn to cook.

I will pay for all my kids to learn to swim, that's non negotiable, they HAVE to go to lessons until I'm satisfied they could hold their own until help arrives if they did fall into a large body of water. Once they're competent enough then they can stop if they wish.

Other than that, I think every 18 year old should be able to cook basic but healthy ish meals, budget their money and priorities how it needs to be spent.

Cook basic meals DS went to uni and had to teach 4 of his 8 flatmates how to cook chicken breasts they had never been taught. One didn't know how to boil pasta.

Keep off a mobile phone
Learn to socialise by joining sports clubs - go to pub with a mixed age range etc
do
Not just talk to kids of their own generation
Talk property not the idiot ghetto talk and do not say LIKE or KINDA
Understand that life is hard
Work is a rat race
If they want something they have to work for it

Use SPF50 every day.

I'm not joking. Life is kinder to 'good looking' people.

To understand that not everyone they meet will have good intentions towards them.

@herecomesyour19thnervousbreakdown could you please link to the cultural capital link?

To remember the importance of good manners and to be able to read a digital and analogue clock.

Cultural capital thread

Please talk to me about cultural capital... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4541675-please-talk-to-me-about-cultural-capital

All of the above.
And communication. Most things can be resolved, are not insurmountable, say if you get into a lot of debt. if you think about your emotions, work out how you feel and then express that, to a valued friend.

I had a conversation with DS2 about things that are important, and things that are optional yesterday.
Examples were he needs to learn to cycle and swim (but ice skating and skateboarding are optional).
I think that basic social skills are the best thing you can instill (eg you must greet people and say goodbye, what are appropriate answers to how are you, asking others about themselves etc).

I wanted my DC to know:

how to manage money. How to stay out of debt and budget for essentials as well as setting money aside for fun

how to cook at least three healthy everyday dinners and one slightly fancier one for having friends over

good self care, from daily showers and clean clothes to self nurture when they feel low or life is tough

basic social skills - how to be polite, friendly, assertive, how to disagree without offence.

how to cope with rejection without going into a tailspin of depression and self doubt

how to politely say no

how to ask for help if they are stuck with something rather than let the problem escalate

how to apply for a job

how to cope with/sort out minor problems and issues, like booking own hair/teeth/eye/GP appointments, contacting landlord when washing machine breaks down etc.

My DC still haven't learned to drive. Both said no point until after uni as they are in uni cities where they don't need a car and they don't want to get rusty, but I'll prioritise them learning as soon as they've graduated. Such a backlog due to Covid, I haven't rushed them yet.

How to swim
How to drive
How to manage a house
What a healthy relationship is
how to grow things! (I'm just learning this too)
How to eat and cook healthily
How to mend clothes
Hopefully DH will pass on electrical skills

If they want something they have to work for it
@standoctor - this is such an important one.

I had a really good discussion with DS2 the other day about the difference between desire and drive. Desire is just: I really want this so badly so I should get it. Drive is I really want this so badly that I will get up at 5 am and do a paper round to get the extra money I need to pay for the online course that qualifies me to do entry level work in the related field. Etc.

He finally got it.

Mine could swim, cycle, skate, fish, camp, drive, use common tools, use a computer, shop, cook , clean, work the washing machine, manage their own money/ budget, travel alone on any public transport , use a map, compass, timetables. They had all worked to earn money and had social manners.

How to show consideration for other people and not be like the neighbours that mumsnetters often suffer from

1. To consider possible reasons for things rather than assuming
2. To join a work place pension
3. To know how to swim, drive, cook
4. To only spend what they have
5. To look at having a partner as choosing to have someone come into your life because they improve it
6. To never factor any obligation to me and their dad into their adult life
7. To try hard at anything they do