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Original poster

To be absolutely mortified of myself and feel sorry for for DD for being such an embarrassment.

70 replies

ShyEmbarrassment · 08/05/2022 17:32

I have social anxiety and I am extremely quiet in social situations. DD has recently joined a club. They had an activity day planned today at a venue. Due to a couple of volunteers falling ill they asked parents if anyone wanted to volunteers. I said yes thinking I will be ok and it will be nice to help out.

We were split up in 5 different groups of children and volunteers. I tried to help out as much as I could but I mainly stood on the sidelines and hardly interacted with the other volunteers. I felt so awkward and I am sure I was making the other parents feel awkward too. They seemed to know each other so that made me feel even worse. The odd parent spoke to me a little bit but it didn't really go anywhere.

I just wanted the day to end and felt so so embarrassed of myself. I barely spoke the whole day and all I can think of is what an absolute embarrassment I am to DD. I am utterly ashamed.

I have visions of all the organisers and volunteers laughing at me and thinking what a a crazy weirdo I am.

I wish I hadn't gone now and don't know what an earth I was thinking and dread facing them next week.

OP posts:

3luckystars · 08/05/2022 17:36

Most people are only thinking about themselves, they probably didn’t even register you and definitely would not have been commenting or laughing at you!

you helped out. You did something good. Be proud of that. You are quiet, so what, it’s not like you drank cider and puked up on the pitch, singing lady gaga songs, you were just yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed about!!

OrangeBall · 08/05/2022 17:36

You are over analysing

It's very likely no one noticed :)

Social anxiety is crap as it makes you hyper analyse every situation but chances are it was far better than you think x

And WELL DONE FOR GOING! i bet your dd loved having you there!

savoycabbage · 08/05/2022 17:37

Honestly, I bet they didn't even notice. You weren't there to talk with the other parents. It's very unlikely that the organisers of a children's activity are the sort of people to talk about the parents behind their backs!

People have their own stuff going on. They aren't thinking about what other people do and doesn't do.

Look at it this way, despite knowing that it might make you feel uncomfortable, you volunteered anyway.

Sunbird24 · 08/05/2022 17:38

Well that was really brave of you, so very well done firstly for offering and secondly for actually turning up! Even without social anxiety it’s hard to do something like that with people you don’t know, so please stop being so hard on yourself.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 08/05/2022 17:38

I bet there were happy to have you there and help, honesty, we all know that some people find busy places overwhelming! Please don’t be harsh on yourself 💜

BeetyAxe · 08/05/2022 17:40

I agree that you’re probably over thinking it all. You should be proud for going and helping out, at least no-one will think you were rude and obnoxious.

Playplayaway · 08/05/2022 17:41

The other parents should feel embarrassed for practically ignoring you. Just because they all know each other there's no excuse to ignore everyone else. For one thing it's not setting a good example to the children.

Don't be embarrassed. I'm sure dd had a lovely time regardless and that's all that matters.

Jinglebellsoncake · 08/05/2022 17:41

Well done you for volunteering and putting yourself out there!
Please don’t worry about people thinking you are weird for being quiet. They probably just thought you were shy and didn’t know how to speak with you, (possibly because they all knew each other, they were a bit lazy and rude) so they didn’t make conversation.

Original poster

ShyEmbarrassment · 08/05/2022 17:41

Oh I wish it were true that they didn't notice. At the end of the day one of the organisers in my group came up to me and asked if I was okay as I was so quiet, if there was something wrong. Honestly you'd be crazy to not notice! I have sometimes thought I have some sort of mutism going on. 🙁

OP posts:

3luckystars · 08/05/2022 17:44

People say that sort of thing all the time, or worse ‘smile’.

Don’t let that comment take away from what you did today.

3luckystars · 08/05/2022 17:46

And also, even if you couldn’t talk, if they are nice people they will welcome you. As my dad would say ‘some people won’t like you, but they are the wrong kind of people’

be happy with what you achieved, and definitely go again.

OrangeBall · 08/05/2022 17:53

She was probably just trying to be friendly! Seriously don't worry about it :). You did great! Celebrate the fact that you went. It really doesn't matter that you were quiet. The world loves an extrovert but us introverts are secretly plotting to take over the world ;)

InFiveMins · 08/05/2022 17:55

Don't worry about it OP, you did a great thing by volunteering and being there. Your DD should be proud to have a parent who stepped out of their comfort zone and did something to help out. Give yourself a break

Gizlotsmum · 08/05/2022 17:59

I reckon they were just grateful you volunteered! No embarrassment and do try again. Am sure your daughter is proud of you

Ferngreen · 08/05/2022 18:00

what do you think caused your social anxiety - anything traumatic in the past?
I am just looking at EMDR for anxiety. Perhaps you could research.

user1477249785 · 08/05/2022 18:02

Oh op it sounds like you are really hard on yourself. There's nothing embarrassing at all about being shy. It actually super impressive that you put yourself forward for this knowing that you find this sort of thing difficult. Says a lot about your character and how you take care of your daughter's needs.

I'm an extrovert. When I see people standing quietly on the side lines, I don't judge them at all. I honestly don't think people will have thought much other than how grateful they were that you stepped up.

ExtraordinaryBehaviour · 08/05/2022 18:03

Promise you they are just grateful that you said yes, also others would be feeling the same, even those that are swan looking are frantically paddling underneath.

Please say yes again. It does get easier and it will help your confidence.

PinkSyCo · 08/05/2022 18:08

Being quiet and shy is nothing to be ashamed of OP. I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself for, despite your anxiety, pushing yourself to do something completely out of your comfort zone. I bet your DD is.

EggbertHeartsTina · 08/05/2022 18:15

I feel sad to think that parents / acquaintances I know who are “quiet” might be home stressing like this! I bet no one gave it a second thought. You are looking inwardly, it’s hard to be objective but I’m sure you’ve nothing to worry about

Blackcountryexile · 08/05/2022 18:15

I'll bet the organisers would rather have your help any day than those people who insist on talking all the way through every event and activity. They don't do anything useful and they stop other people playing their part as well.
The organiser who spoke to you was showing you that she valued your support. I can tell how difficult is was for you but please don't let it put you off.

GingerScallop · 08/05/2022 18:16

ShyEmbarrassment · 08/05/2022 17:41

Your anxiety is lying to you. The fact that some came and asked if you were ok means they were not laughing at you but were concerned about you. Sometimes it's hard to know how to approach quite people.

I don't have social anxiety and at meets like these I often try and speak to people but am never able to "break into" groups and be part of friendship groups or even score a single friend. I don't know why.

But you did not embarrass yourself or DD. I bet she was proud of you. I bet in 10 years time she will look back and be amazed and how brave you were to go and try to socialise in spite of your anxiety. I know am in awe

oakleaffy · 08/05/2022 18:21

@ShyEmbarrassment
You did really well, There is always room for quiet and thoughtful people.
Not everyone e wants to be around overly chatty, over~ sharing people, you should feel proud you volunteered, and your daughter will be proud of you.

Newbeginnings2 · 08/05/2022 18:23

Ive suffered social anxiety and I know how difficult it can be to join in and start conversations but just wanted to say well done you should be proud you did that and I bet your DD is proud you were there too.
The only thing that’s ever helped me is to keep doing these things, it’s taken me 2-3 years in a club I’m in to fully be myself but the more you do it the easier it gets. It’s especially hard if they all know each other, you could put anyone in that situation and it would be daunting.

CalmH2O · 08/05/2022 18:23

There’s no reason they would think you’re a “crazy weirdo”, the most they will think is that you’re more on the quiet side and even that isn’t exactly something they will give a second thought to! Everyone is different. Don’t worry, people have way more to think about than a quiet parent! You’re fine 😊

User280905 · 08/05/2022 18:23

You have anxiety and you volunteered. That's really brave I bet two thirds of the parents didn't even bother to offer.

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