To be absolutely mortified of myself and feel sorry for for DD for being such an embarrassment.

[ShyEmbarrassment]

I have social anxiety and I am extremely quiet in social situations. DD has recently joined a club. They had an activity day planned today at a venue. Due to a couple of volunteers falling ill they asked parents if anyone wanted to volunteers. I said yes thinking I will be ok and it will be nice to help out.

We were split up in 5 different groups of children and volunteers. I tried to help out as much as I could but I mainly stood on the sidelines and hardly interacted with the other volunteers. I felt so awkward and I am sure I was making the other parents feel awkward too. They seemed to know each other so that made me feel even worse. The odd parent spoke to me a little bit but it didn't really go anywhere.

I just wanted the day to end and felt so so embarrassed of myself. I barely spoke the whole day and all I can think of is what an absolute embarrassment I am to DD. I am utterly ashamed.

I have visions of all the organisers and volunteers laughing at me and thinking what a a crazy weirdo I am.

I wish I hadn't gone now and don't know what an earth I was thinking and dread facing them next week.

I wouldn’t think you were weird at all, I’d just assume you were a little shy. You went and did it! That’s a great thing for your daughter to see.

Honestly OP while they may have noticed it's unlikely they care or think you're weird they probably just think you're shy.

Promise you're really not embarrassing. Not like you danced on the tables.

I’m sure you did fine, did you help out? Talking isn’t everything.

Maybe use it to give yourself the kick to get some counselling or online CBT. I’m sure you are a great mum but it’s going to be hard for your child if you are permanently like this. Make it the start of something towards getting a bit less anxiety focused. Well done for today.

What help have you had with it/are having?

Well done! Sounds like you were really brave!
Honestly, if anyone even noticed you were quiet, it would only be in the context of ‘are we making enough effort to include x in the conversation?’

You're certainly not the only one to be anxious in those kind of situations. I have often sounded like an actual weirdo by blurting out the first thing that came into my head! ‘Fake it til you make it’ was what helped me - and realising that no one else really cared (or noticed) if I was a bit awkward.

It maybe that you can get some professional help, but in the meantime I’m sure that Google & YouTube will have plenty of tips & tricks to help. Firstly stop thinking negative thoughts that you didn’t do well today and tell yourself (preferably out loud in front of a mirror) how proud you are that you managed it at all. 💐

I think they will have just thought you were quiet/shy, don't overthink it.

My teenagers would happily swap me for you today. Driving to rugby and a man pulled out on me, he then gave me a cocky little wave and then flipped the bird! ... I rarely swear outside the confines of the house as I have a responsible, public facing job.

Unfortunately, I'm menopausal and I've been watching too much TikTok and screeched 'Go suck your mum'. I literally don't know what came over me.

My boys were horrified, I was horrified, even cocky 'puller outer' was horrified! I had to pull over and burst into tears in sheer embarrassment 😰

Just smile op.
If anyone speaks to you just say "how nice to see you, is your dd having fun?"
And remember whilst you are torturing yourself about your anxiety there will be another:

In debt
Worried about their marriage
With a really sore blister
Worrying about a weak bladder and whether their Tena Lady notices
Looking forward to a bonk with her lover when her DH is on business next week

Honestly OP there's nowt as odd as folk and all the world is odd but thee and me and even thee's a little odd and that's what we all think.

I've done that so many times so I know how you feel, once at an event someone referred to me (in front of me) as Mrs Silence.

But in this context you wouldn't have looked weird. As pp said, maybe some of the others were feeling shy and awkward as well, leading them to stick like glue to the people they knew instead of mingling. And your DD wouldn't have noticed, whether adults are chatting or not just isn't something kids notice, care about or worry about.

Did you see anyone else and judge them on their behaviour? Are they all horrible people who bitch behind peoples backs? Your catastrophising , at most people may have thought you to be a quiet person which is an ok trait to have. Have you had counselling I have social anxiety and CBT with emdr really helped me. As did hypnotherapy.

@ShyEmbarrassment im in my 40s and my mum still tells people about how I never spoke as a child, even to my own grandparents. I remember being shouted at to just say something, while the words whirled round and round in my head but just wouldn’t come out of my mouth. You are not alone.

This is exactly the kind of stuff I've had too. My cousins used to call me Miss Mute for years and my family just shrugged it off saying well it's my fault really, what do I expect?

It's my own experience with people genuinely not liking me being like this convinces me that others must feel the same but just aren't rude to actually say it to my face.

I've had CBT on the NHS once but I really really didn't find it helpful. I was only allowed ten sessions and I just didn't get on with CBT. The trying to talk myself out of the way I'm thinking felt too forced and I never felt convinced.

@glukoo could you tell me a bit more about CBT with emdr if you don't mind sharing. Thx

I get this, group situations where everyone else knows each other are not good. Just remember that most people think mostly about themselves and so won't be thinking about you as much as you think.

I would have been the parent who noticed that you seemed a bit isolated and quiet and came over to have a few words, which might have included something like 'Are you all right? It's hard being new' My intention would be friendly and intended to show some solidarity with a newbie and it boils my piss to think that anyone might interpret it as intrusive or unwanted behaviour. It's normal friendly behaviour and the way a million friendships have kicked off.

OP, I don't want to minimise how difficult this is for you, but in the kindest possible way I suggest you get some professional help to see if you can at least partially overcome this. You recognise that this may have a knock-on effect for your daughter, so do it for her, if not for you.

EMDR you focus on a time you have felt the relevant emotions such as fear, shame or humiliation. Then I had to follow the therapist fingers as she moved them quickly. I don't fully understand the reasoning but I think it helps you move past stuck memories. It definitely helped. The CBT also helped me look at negative thoughts and managing reaction hope that helps.

Fellow social anxiety sufferer here, I think you should be very proud of yourself for volunteering and going along, OP, that's something I would have found very difficult to do x

I think you stepping up, despite your anxiety, was a great thing to do. The other parent who reached out , hopefully being kind and friendly. I think PP saying you could mention that you get a little shy (I know it's social anxiety, not shyness) in these situations could open up the group dynamics a bit more. Just my opinion.

I'm sure your DD was happy you were there.

I'm not saying that can't happen, as I said it's happened to me, but it depends on the event. A social event - honestly yes, it could happen. A volunteer/kids event - not the sort of thing people would be thinking about really.

I have visions of all the organisers and volunteers laughing at me and thinking what a a crazy weirdo I am

Don’t take this the wrong way but you aren’t that important.
They probably barely registered that you existed.

I think part of the problem with being shy/having social anxiety is that you believe people are noticing you and judging you when in reality most people are only thinking about their own lives and own problems.

Congratulations on volunteering. I am not shy but helping out and being allocated a group of kids brings me out in a cold sweat

😰