Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How many children in until you knew you were "complete"?

117 replies

anywhichwaytoo · 06/05/2022 13:18

I have 2 happy and beautiful and healthy DC.

But I don't feel "done" or "complete".

Did you have a strong feeling of feeling 100% content when your youngest, or only, child was born?

I wonder if there's something wrong with me?! Will I always yearn for more DC even if I go on to have another one? I've always pictured myself with 3 DC...

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 06/05/2022 18:55

The idea that a person needs to have children to feel ‘complete’ is silly.

For you it is. But people feel differently & that's ok, not silly.

Littlepoppet1 · 06/05/2022 19:01

One and done here. DC is nearly 4 and I've never had any desire to have another.

Susie2021 · 06/05/2022 19:02

After our first I couldn't wait to do it all again!

We had discussed 3, but whilst pregnant with number 2 I really made most of it as I just "felt" they would be our last.

Minuets after baby was born I said to my DH I felt complete. He said he felt the exact same. It was honestly such a strong, overwhelming feeling like the final piece to our puzzle was here.

DH had snip just a few months later.

I've honestly never felt broody since.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
MuddlingThroughLife · 06/05/2022 19:04

I always wanted 3 and had 3 with a 3 year gap between each one. Was hard work when they were all little but so worth it. Number 3 was a boy after having had 2 girls which was the icing on the cake. My boy passed away aged 10 but I always tell people I have 3 children.

JollyWilloughby · 06/05/2022 19:04

After 3.

Tried to stop at 2. Rationalised why it would be more practical to stop at 2. I had a boy and a girl too.

Honestly….. it was itch I just couldn’t scratch.

My itch is now nearly 7. Me and my husband sometimes speak about when we nearly stopped at 2 and we are so glad we didn’t.

i just knew I wasn’t finished. I did know after his birth though immediately that that was that.

Original poster
anywhichwaytoo · 06/05/2022 19:11

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 06/05/2022 16:52

I have 3 DC-all in their 20's now and I will never feel complete. That sounds very dramatic and am way past the baby stage and don't have a womb anymore but I was always perpetually broody. I think some ppl just are.

I had to accept that I was always going to want another baby and that eventually I needed to just enjoy the children I had instead of always aching for another.

❤️

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 06/05/2022 19:12

MuddlingThroughLife · 06/05/2022 19:04

I always wanted 3 and had 3 with a 3 year gap between each one. Was hard work when they were all little but so worth it. Number 3 was a boy after having had 2 girls which was the icing on the cake. My boy passed away aged 10 but I always tell people I have 3 children.

I'm so sorry 💔 that must be unbearably hard.

RoyKent · 06/05/2022 19:13

Knew I could only have one so I guess after one.

ladymaiasaura · 06/05/2022 19:26

Libertaire · 06/05/2022 18:05

None. Zero. Zilch. I am very happily childfree by choice.

The idea that a person needs to have children to feel ‘complete’ is silly.

It's not that I feel I am now complete as a person, just that that part of my life is complete. My family is complete (except for maybe a dog...). There are still plenty of other things I want to do and achieve in my life, both with and without my kids. If you have no desire to have children then this discussion isn't really relevant to you.

Favouritefruits · 06/05/2022 19:28

I have two children I always felt like I would like one more, then my SIL got pregnant and watching her run around soft play whilst I sat with my drink put an end to my dreams. I’m glad I’ve got time to myself adding another baby would disrupt my youngest too.

Louise0701 · 06/05/2022 19:31

@mumsiedarlingrevolta I think I’m going to be you! I’m so glad it’s not just me as I have said to friends before I think I will always be broody and they clearly don’t feel the same way. Thank you for making me feel slightly more normal 😂

DorritLittle · 06/05/2022 19:41

I felt totally done after one but knew that in theory I wanted another.

Had another and from day 1 wanted another.

Eight years later I still want another one! I am still gutted I didn't. But head and heart and all that.

doingitforthegirls · 06/05/2022 20:01

I have 3 children. 2 of which are IVF twins.
I have 2 embryos left frozen. Will never conceive naturally "accidentally" or otherwise as lost both tubes to ectopics. I would love to give my last 2 embryos a chance. If they don't stick then I'd feel perfectly at peace about that. If they did then I'd be over the moon too. I'd love a massive tribe of children - I don't think I'll ever feel "done" but I think that stems from miscarrying 7 babies before the twins. For me constant losses hugely changed my perspective on having children - it's not that I'm jealous of those that have an "easy" ability to decide how many children they will have but I think if you've never had to worry about fertility or loss then you may feel differently to someone whose had to fight for every child they brought home from the hospital. For some that may mean they don't want to every go through it again - the risk of more heartbreak - for me though id risk it to give my last too Frosties a chance x

IsabelaYourBoyfriendsHere · 06/05/2022 20:05

I always wanted three and I have them now (beautiful little girls aged 4, 2 and 7 months). Once my youngest was born I suddenly felt complete. I'm absolutely adoring every second of her lovely babyness right now!

But I'll definitely never say never, we're 26 and 28 right now and another one day might be nice. I just know I don't have that overwhelming longing I felt before I fell pregnant with my existing children.
We've already been so lucky and I'm eternally grateful for my wonderful three.

JollyWilloughby · 06/05/2022 20:21

@IsabelaYourBoyfriendsHere

i had my 3rd at 26 and felt similar. 33 now and definitely no urge to go for number 4.

SallyWD · 06/05/2022 20:24

Two's definitely enough for me. I also feel the world doesn't need anymore of my offspring. I like the fact I can give 2 children lots of attention and time. It feels manageable.

Riverlee · 06/05/2022 20:31

Always said I’d have four children. Dc1 became ill when he was three (now fine) dc 2 wasn’t even one. That took it out of us emotionally for a long time, and we were getting older then. Consequently, it wasn’t the right time to have a third child.

Although the right decision at the time, I still have a pant of regret when I see families of three or four children. When I had a hysterectomy, my biggest hang-up was knowing I’d no longer be able to have children any more (even though I was then in late forties, and had no plans for any more).

Foodbanksshouldbeobsolete · 06/05/2022 20:32

I thought I was done after two but got a bonus one. Definitely done now as a single parent to 3

Riverlee · 06/05/2022 20:33

MuddlingThroughLife · 06/05/2022 19:04

I always wanted 3 and had 3 with a 3 year gap between each one. Was hard work when they were all little but so worth it. Number 3 was a boy after having had 2 girls which was the icing on the cake. My boy passed away aged 10 but I always tell people I have 3 children.

Sorry for your loss.

mintich · 06/05/2022 20:34

3 for me! I knew I wasnt done at 2, but I definitely feel done now

WhiteFire · 06/05/2022 20:37

Three. It's the right number, however dc3 would have ended any desires for anymore, she was such hard work.

Sparklehead · 06/05/2022 20:43

I had vaguely thought I would end up having four (I think because I’m one of four myself) when I was younger, but have ended up with three, and I’m content, but have certainly had a few pangs of nostalgia and ‘what ifs’ in considering a fourth. I never felt that sense of completion after X number of children. I think my family could have been both bigger or smaller and I would have felt similarly. There are so many different factors to take into account which will affect the number of children you end up having. For me, my husband was happy with three, one of my children has additional needs, I was getting closer to 40 (my personal cut off date), and so 3 it was. Good luck with whatever you decide.

frugalkitty · 06/05/2022 20:49

I always wanted three and knew when the pram was packed away after number two that I wasn't done. Our third completed us and as I don't like even numbers, it would have been three or five for me so three was enough!

nailsathome · 06/05/2022 20:53

I have 4 wonderful children (with 4 losses as well) and I am done but I'm another one who will always be broody. I have pangs of jealousy when people announce pregnancies or show scan photos.

DarkCorner · 06/05/2022 21:07

Always thought I’d be done with 2. Circumstances meant that I ended up with a 9 year age gap and I was shocked that after I had number 2, I didn’t feel completely done. I think it was just the hormones and wonder at this new perfect person. I now feel totally content with 2 but if we won the lottery or had an accidental pregnancy (have the coil so it’d be very much an accident!), I would be very happy to have a third. It’d need to be very soon tho as I’m early 40s. I think the “oh god, I don’t think I want this to be my last baby…” feeling went away when my youngest was around 6-12 months.