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Original poster

DC(9) on a residential trip, no photos of her. Should I contact to see if she’s ok?!

80 replies

OuchLegoHurtsMyFeet · 05/05/2022 12:22

DC is on a residential trip with school this week at an outdoor active centre. First trip away from home, and she can get a little anxious sometimes.

There’s a parent App that’s being used to keep us all updated, as the only means of contact whilst they are away. Must be around 100 photos have gone up this week, and tomorrow is the last day, including large group photos.

not one single photo with my DC in it. I’ve seen her best friend on the pics, and she is nowhere to be seen. I’m getting worried(I could be hormonal as I’m pregnant).

Should I contact the teacher through the App to ask how she is doing? It’s lovely to see the other kids, but I’d love just one photo, even if it’s the back of her head so I can see she is doing ok!

OP posts:
ChiselandBits · 05/05/2022 18:49

but worry about what?? Seriously, do you honestly think the school wouldn;t tell you if there was an issue? And "to just see your child" - its 3 days!! Mine go to their dad's for two weeks in the summer and I might speak to them briefly maybe 3/4 times if they call. Relax, she's fine. Let her have this independence.

TeddyTrucks · 05/05/2022 18:53

3 years ago my daughter featured in most of the residential photos while she was away, then they all inexplicably disappeared from the Twitter feed. Turned out one parent had huge divorce/separation issues she hadn't had the chance to inform school about, so suddenly any photos featuring her DD had to be removed in case the father saw them and worked out where she was. Not a biggie for us under the circumstances- we were happy to forego seeing the photos in order to ensure the other child was kept safe.

ReadyToMoveIt · 05/05/2022 18:53

ChiselandBits · 05/05/2022 18:49

but worry about what?? Seriously, do you honestly think the school wouldn;t tell you if there was an issue? And "to just see your child" - its 3 days!! Mine go to their dad's for two weeks in the summer and I might speak to them briefly maybe 3/4 times if they call. Relax, she's fine. Let her have this independence.

That’s what I’m wondering… what do people think might have happened? That they’ve lost her? That she’s in hospital and they haven’t mentioned it?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
AlasEarwacs · 05/05/2022 18:55

Do you think they've just lost your kid and haven't done anything about it ?

Galaxyrippleforever · 05/05/2022 18:57

School will not think you are crazy. You've given them your most precious thing to care for! Of course you can message them, and everything will be fine.

Cubangal · 05/05/2022 18:58

If she wasn't ok you would have been contacted.

LeeMucklowesCurtains · 05/05/2022 19:03

Oh my God, I could have written this about my ds on the year 6 residential.

He wasn’t in a single bloody photo either time. The year 6 I was tearing my hair out with worry, while Dh was being the level headed one saying if they had lost him, they would probably notice he was gone.

Half way though the week, the whatsapp parents group was full of excited parents posting photos of the postcards they received from the children - I was the only one that didn’t get one and it sent me over the edge. He was definitely missing.

Turns out, he wrote the wrong address on his, he put number 10 and we lived at number 100 🤦🏽‍♀️

Same thing on the year 10 trip to Germany. Not in a single photo again. But that time, he had his phone and was sending me a text every night reminding me not to let his little sister break into his room while he was gone.

LeeMucklowesCurtains · 05/05/2022 19:04

Sorry that made no sense - thought I’d mentioned the germany trip in the first para. I am knackered.

mumofthemonsters808 · 05/05/2022 19:12

Ypur post made me smile because I was in your shoes last year, I zoomed in on every picture posted, worried myself sick and nearly asked my OH to drive to the place.I was not quick enough to spot him on the videos, I must of watched them 20 times I was in full panic mode, I kept visualising him crying.

He had a ball, still speaks about it now and all my worrying was unnecessary, if you bear in mind he is a shy, timid boy with few friends and does not really like these type of activities, I was shell shocked when he said he even wanted to go, I was sure he would pull out at the last minute.One kid did have to be picked up as she was homesick but against the odds it wasn’t mine.

Try and relax(says she who did not sleep for the 3 nights)

ApolloandDaphne · 05/05/2022 19:13

In yea olden days they went off on a bus then came home again and there was nothing in between!!!!

She will be fine.

Bootothegoose · 05/05/2022 19:39

Very normal thing to worry about! 10 (I'm assuming!) is still only little!

The picture thing is odd. However, that being said it's impossible she's not there as that would INSTANTLY have flagged with the staff. They will do multiple head counts hourly.

It's likely that her best friend can't be in pictures and is upset so DD has said she may also step out with her? It's possible she's maybe at the back and you've missed her? Maybe double check children even in unfamiliar clothing - she may have swapped with her friends! Perhaps they're split into groups and by sheer coincidence the pictures uploaded (which may seem like loads but could possibly only be a handful of events) they are elsewhere doing different activities!

However, absolutely contact them to make sure everything is OK!

Bootothegoose · 05/05/2022 19:43

BiggerBoat1 · 05/05/2022 17:21

Please don't contact the school. In the nicest possible way, you don't want to be that Mum that they have a little giggle about. You DD is probably just in a group where the leader doesn't happen to have the school Ipad/Camera.

There are constant head counts on a school trip so they won't have accidently mislaid her! If she was unwell or seriously upset someone would have contacted you.

Fuck this advice. They will not GIGGLE about you. The teachers are also most likely parents who know exactly how you feel.

If you contact them saying exactly what you said here with a very breezy 'The rational part of me is completely aware DD is absolutely fine but I think in my pregnancy addled state I've noticed she's not in any of the 100+ pictures posted. I'm sorry to be an inconvenience - please can I just double check she's OK? Thank you once again for taking the time to accompany them on the trip, I cannot emphasise how much we, as the parents, appreciate you for taking care of them.'

cansu · 05/05/2022 19:49

Be honest - you are not worried that she is OK, you are peeved she is not in any photos. Some dc are not bothered about being in photos. Teachers will not have a tick list of who has and hasn't been in one! They are busy dealing with your kids and organising things. If your dc was unwell or unhappy, you would have been contacted. Many schools now don't post pics precisely because of this kind of 'complaint'. Enquiring if she is OK because she hasn't been in a photo is simply a complaint dressed up as a worry.

jgw1 · 05/05/2022 19:53

I wonder why so many teachers are reluctant to take children on trips?

FunnyTalks · 05/05/2022 20:04

cansu · 05/05/2022 19:49

Be honest - you are not worried that she is OK, you are peeved she is not in any photos. Some dc are not bothered about being in photos. Teachers will not have a tick list of who has and hasn't been in one! They are busy dealing with your kids and organising things. If your dc was unwell or unhappy, you would have been contacted. Many schools now don't post pics precisely because of this kind of 'complaint'. Enquiring if she is OK because she hasn't been in a photo is simply a complaint dressed up as a worry.

Couldn't it be a bit of both? It's always painful to think of your child being overlooked, even if rationally you know there are various legitimate reasons for her to be missing from the pictures.

But likewise if there is a niggling worry, then it's fine to just ask. It can be hard to turn off the parental worry when your child is being looked after elsewhere.

I've been both a school staff on residential trips and a parent whose kid is away. It is totally fine and normal to check on your child OP.

And in general, working with children has taught me to always air concerns and be curious about gut feelings, as this attitude forms an important part of working together to keep children safe.

Harridan1981 · 05/05/2022 20:04

They won't fucking giggle, and if they do they're arses. I wouldn't be worried they'd lost her, I'd be worried that she was sad and not participating fully. Any teacher worth their salt would happily reassure a parent of a young child that they are ok.

ShadowPuppets · 05/05/2022 20:09

Mine isn’t at this stage but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a casual message just checking everything’s ok as you haven’t seen her. I mentioned to DD’s nursery that often I saw her whole class had a photo that she wasn’t in and I just wanted to check everything was ok? Turned out they tended to photo the start of the afternoon activity (although they’re posted at various points in the day) and she was often still having her lunchtime nap when they took the photo :D they didn’t mind my asking and it reassured me when there are weeks where she’s the only kid missing.

MargaretThursday · 05/05/2022 20:37

Harridan1981 · 05/05/2022 20:04

They won't fucking giggle, and if they do they're arses. I wouldn't be worried they'd lost her, I'd be worried that she was sad and not participating fully. Any teacher worth their salt would happily reassure a parent of a young child that they are ok.

This.

Why everyone's focusing on "they won't have lost her" I don't know. I'm certain the Op isn't thinking that. It's a straw man argument.

Op knows she doesn't seem to be with her friend, so is she struggling in a group without her friends? Is she not joining in, or is she homesick during the night so sleeping during the day, or is she just not enjoying herself?
In the cases I gave, one was the case of my dc being happy and confident to do what he wanted away from his friends, in the other case the lack of photo showed she was being bullied.

It's not that the Op wants evidence that she hasn't been lost, she wants to know that she is happy.

And actually I was once on a school trip where two of the boys got lost, left 200 miles away and the teachers didn't realise until they got a rather angry phone call from their parents who had just received a reverse charge call from a public phone box. That was the teachers at school who got that. The ones on the trip didn't realise until after we got home

Hiheidi · 05/05/2022 20:45

My son is currently away with school - also involving the sea! The thing I notice is that they all have hats and wetsuits/lifejackets on, so it's actually really hard to tell which one is him in the photos. I know how many children have gone on the trip, so in some of the group shots, I can see that everyone is there so one of them must be him - I'm just not always sure which one!

ChiselandBits · 06/05/2022 07:40

I wouldn't giggle but I would roll my eyes unless there was a particular reason to be worried, such as pre existing friendship issues. And if a child is struggling, we will be dealing with it. Short of coming to pick them up early, what would knowing about that kind of issue, mid-trip, achieve? Without exception, anytime I have allowed a child to speak to their parents mid-trip it has worsened the problem and usually ended up in the child being more upset or leaving early, usually followed by weeks / months of issues about being left out of all the trip gossip and "do you remember..." So many parents on here say how they've never been away from their child overnight or only ever left them with the other parent of Grandparents at best, for one or two nights. Unless there are underlying issues it is really normal and healthy for both parents and child to be fine with a bit of a distance from the age of about 7/8. Cub camp kind of age.

jgw1 · 06/05/2022 07:43

ChiselandBits · 06/05/2022 07:40

I wouldn't giggle but I would roll my eyes unless there was a particular reason to be worried, such as pre existing friendship issues. And if a child is struggling, we will be dealing with it. Short of coming to pick them up early, what would knowing about that kind of issue, mid-trip, achieve? Without exception, anytime I have allowed a child to speak to their parents mid-trip it has worsened the problem and usually ended up in the child being more upset or leaving early, usually followed by weeks / months of issues about being left out of all the trip gossip and "do you remember..." So many parents on here say how they've never been away from their child overnight or only ever left them with the other parent of Grandparents at best, for one or two nights. Unless there are underlying issues it is really normal and healthy for both parents and child to be fine with a bit of a distance from the age of about 7/8. Cub camp kind of age.

You have to remember it is far more important for teachers to spend their time ensuring that there is an even distribution of who is in the photos than making sure that the children are having a safe, fun, exciting time on the trip.

Soontobe60 · 06/05/2022 07:56

Let me tell you what residential trips are like from a teacher’s perspective.
You’re responsible for the welfare of 30+ children 24 hours a day for 2/3/4+ days. So on call for 48/72/96+ hours. Of which, you receive 6.5 hour’s pay a day. So if you’re lucky you’ll be paid for 13/19.5 or 26 hours.
10% of the children haven’t brought the right clothes so you have to find them some waterproofs / wellies / swimmers / towel.
10% of the children are bed setters so you have to be alert to them having accidents, get them changed / change the bed very discretely.
10% have been sick on the coach, so you spend an hour cleaning the seats before the trip home.
10% have sneaked in their phone so you're having to deal with that.
The children are usually split into groups with a school member of staff and staff from the place they're visiting. You’ve got the ‘challenging’ kid in your group, and they're trying to target a rabbit in archery, throw themselves in the pond whilst raft building (even though they cant swim) or have a major panic attack at the top of the rock climbing wall and need rescuing.
All the while, you're aware that parents are eagerly watching the website to see a photo of their child, but you've only got 1 camera between the 3 groups, and it takes hours every evening to find any decent photos showing what a delightful time they are all having. The WiFi signal is pants, so you walk 100m down the road to be able to upload said photos once the little loves have finally fallen asleep.
At the same time, you are being badgered by SLT for daily updates, they can’t find the resources you’d left for the children that aren’t on the trip and you've just started your period!

Justkeeppedaling · 06/05/2022 08:22

Of course she's ok. Do you think they are hiding anything from you? Confused
Don't be that parent.

DiscoBadgers · 06/05/2022 08:31

My DS is often absent from group photos from school, as his best friend is LAC, so can’t be photographed and they’re usually together - could it be something like this?

reluctantbrit · 06/05/2022 10:12

That's why DD's primary school didn't post photos during the trip itself. We got a handful of messages what they did per day.

Two weeks after coming back we got a CD with over 100. pictures on it. Far better than stalking them during the trip.