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Original poster

I intended to cheer up a friend in hospital... message exchange turned hotttt!

94 replies

aurynne · 27/04/2022 10:03

I have this handsome friend who I originally met on Tinder. After a short messaging period we met a couple of times, we got along really well but I didn't develop any feelings (I normally take a long time to develop feelings anyway); then he told me there was this other woman he had been seeing (also from Tinder) and he was starting to have feelings for her so he didn't want to lead me on. Fair enough. He started a relationship with this other woman which did not last long, they broke up, and he and I remained platonic friends since, seeing each other once a month or so, for a chat, coffee or walks.

I messaged him yesterday to ask him how he was doing and he told me he was in hospital with strange symptoms, he was having some tests and would be admitted for some days as the symptoms are quite worrying and they fear it could be something related to his heart (he has some medical background related to this).

This evening after work I started messaging him to cheer him up. But in a completely unexpected and unintended way some of the jokes started turning quite... erm... spicy both ways. We ended up sharing a bit more intimate details about our lives than what I had intended. I certainly raised his... spirits.

I had not been thinking of him that way before, but now I doubt our platonic friendship can go back to what it used to be. I have this exciting feeling of anticipation about where - if anywhere - this will lead, not necessarily in a romantic way (so far I don't have romantic feelings for him), but certainly wouldn't mind exploring a more physical side of this friendship once he's recovered enough to make sure I don't give him a heart attack.

No real question here, just wanted to share a little feel-good (and-excited) story and perhaps wonder what's going to happen, if anything. Let's do a little poll... what do you think will happen next time we see each other in person?

1 - We won't. He'll have a heart attack tonight, will blame me for it and I'll never hear from him again.

2 - We will fall in each other's arms, have passionate hot sex and I will gain a new hot FWB

3 - We will be all feeling so awkward that nothing will happen

4 - Sparks will fly and we'll fall in love and I will stop being single (who knows for how long this time)

5 - Other (insert option here)

OP posts:
Original poster
aurynne · 28/04/2022 07:27

Mumteedum · 28/04/2022 07:20

Your post made me feel very old. I don't get the whole Fwb but maybe you'd hope to fall in love later and you have a vacancy cos there's a couple on the go thing. Sounds exhausting.

Good luck though.

I'm 45! I see my FWBs every couple of weeks, not exhausting at all. It's a lot of fun and no responsibilities.

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 28/04/2022 07:28

aurynne · 28/04/2022 07:24

HikingforScenery
He’s desperate for some cheering up. He’ll be told all is well and he’ll go back to his other woman. Sorry!

He broke up with that woman about 7 or 8 months ago, I'm sure he'd already be with her if he wanted to. And I wouldn't mind cheering him up :P

He’s using this time to reassess and I’d going, I tell you! He’s been texting you both at the same time. 😝

Original poster
aurynne · 28/04/2022 07:30

I'm good at sharing

OP posts:

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EBearhug · 28/04/2022 07:41

I'd give him a FWB audition once he's out of hospital and fit enough.

Mindymomo · 28/04/2022 07:48

I do want to know what this did to the heart monitor. When my DH was in hospital with heart problems, even watching a sad programme on dogs sent the nurses rushing around, as the monitor went crazy high.

AngelinaFibres · 28/04/2022 07:55

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 27/04/2022 10:11

  1. He will use you while he is bored in hospital because you're providing him material to wank over (in his hospital bed - boak) and he will continue to pursue other people when he gets out of hospital.

This one sadly. You are useful currently because he is ill and bored and probably a bit afraid. When he gets out be careful of running around after him. Once this is over he will likely move right on.

Original poster
aurynne · 28/04/2022 07:56

Mindymomo · 28/04/2022 07:48

I do want to know what this did to the heart monitor. When my DH was in hospital with heart problems, even watching a sad programme on dogs sent the nurses rushing around, as the monitor went crazy high.

The real reason I messaged him today was to make sure he was still alive...

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 28/04/2022 07:59

I'd worry he's looking for someone who'll look after him, because he's had a brush with mortality. Suddenly a committed relationship looks more attractive when you need care.

Original poster
aurynne · 28/04/2022 08:02

picklemewalnuts · 28/04/2022 07:59

I'd worry he's looking for someone who'll look after him, because he's had a brush with mortality. Suddenly a committed relationship looks more attractive when you need care.

Well that's one of the reasons I'm not that interested in anything more romantic, too self-centered in my life right now, I have no intention of becoming a carer.

OP posts:
Squiff70 · 28/04/2022 08:26

I came here for examples of messages and was very disappointed. 2/10 OP, must try harder!

Hope your friend is okay...

runnerblade95 · 28/04/2022 08:52

aurynne · 28/04/2022 07:22

I find it hilarious that some posters not only assume he was wanking (I don't know, I was not there, but he certainly didn't suggest that) and even worse, than I was somehow responsible for it if it happened. Should I go to the hospital and offer to change his bed?

PeaceLurking9to5
Id say "look, im not after a player, dont play me. Are you interested in me or interested in sex with me?"

I would be over the moon if he just wanted to have sex with me, because that's exactly what I am wishing for right now and the way I'm looking at this. I am too happy with my life the way it is to even be interested in a relationship right now. Although I admit that the sweet anticipation is often way better than the reality.

Having said that, if he was amazing in bed I may reconsider. I could upgrade him to FWB. I have no idea whether or not he has any interest beyond that, but neither do I, so I am really not concerned.

We ended up sharing a bit more intimate details about our lives than what I had intended. I certainly raised his... spirits.

We’re not assuming. You implied that your sexting gave him a hard on. Which would suggest that it’s highly likely that he had a wank in order to relieve himself.

Bristlenose · 28/04/2022 08:59

Just go for it.

We only live once and life’s too short for “I wonder what would have happened if I…..?”

Original poster
aurynne · 28/04/2022 09:13

runnerblade95 · 28/04/2022 08:52

We ended up sharing a bit more intimate details about our lives than what I had intended. I certainly raised his... spirits.

We’re not assuming. You implied that your sexting gave him a hard on. Which would suggest that it’s highly likely that he had a wank in order to relieve himself.

Show quote history

I assume a guy reading spicy messages will likely get a hard on, yes. I got aroused too. That's the point of spicy messages. The only difference is, it is not visible in women. What he does about his arousal is his own business and responsibility and I find it unbelievable you're trying to "blame" a woman for that, implying that: a) Masturbating or enjoying arousal is somehow wrong, b) A man will always masturbate in a public place, bothering others around him and leaving the fluids to be cleaned by others (instead of, for instance, doing it discreetly in the toilet) and that c) when a man masturbates in an inappropriate place or leaves dirty sheets for others to clean it's somehow the woman's fault.

The World has progressed a bit, you know.

OP posts:
pollyroo · 28/04/2022 09:16

Without being harsh op I' m not falling for the 'you aren't interested' tripe Hmm You are clearly over invested judging by your thread, you can kid yourself you aren't bla bla bla.
As a pp said, you are his back up plan, he chose the other woman first. I don't think anybody meets 'just friends' on tinder Hmm
As long as you are aware he is probably looking for wanky fodder whilst he is out of bounds that's fine I guess. But I certainly would not be getting overly invested in this like you have.

runnerblade95 · 28/04/2022 09:27

aurynne · 28/04/2022 09:13

I assume a guy reading spicy messages will likely get a hard on, yes. I got aroused too. That's the point of spicy messages. The only difference is, it is not visible in women. What he does about his arousal is his own business and responsibility and I find it unbelievable you're trying to "blame" a woman for that, implying that: a) Masturbating or enjoying arousal is somehow wrong, b) A man will always masturbate in a public place, bothering others around him and leaving the fluids to be cleaned by others (instead of, for instance, doing it discreetly in the toilet) and that c) when a man masturbates in an inappropriate place or leaves dirty sheets for others to clean it's somehow the woman's fault.

The World has progressed a bit, you know.

Show quote history

We’re not assuming. You implied that your sexting gave him a hard on. Which would suggest that it’s highly likely that he had a wank in order to relieve himself.

Where in this paragraph do you see me blaming you for his decision to relieve himself? You suggested that we are assuming that he had a wank. I explained why we are assuming that. Where and how have you reached the conclusion that you are to blame for that? 🤨

Original poster
aurynne · 28/04/2022 09:51

I think some posters are taking this situation far more seriously than any of its participants

OP posts:
StrangeCondition · 28/04/2022 10:04

aurynne · 28/04/2022 09:51

I think some posters are taking this situation far more seriously than any of its participants

I agree with you OP, far too seriously but hardly surprising, some people just like a bit of frothing

riotlady · 28/04/2022 10:13

I’m option 4, mostly because my husband was my friend with benefits once!

Think all the posters inventing option 5 are buzzkills. Is it not a bit sexist to assume all women must want a relationship?

runnerblade95 · 28/04/2022 10:19

aurynne · 28/04/2022 09:51

I think some posters are taking this situation far more seriously than any of its participants

Not at all. Just wondering where you got it from that I was blaming you for another person’s actions.

TurquoiseSwirl · 28/04/2022 10:29

I like your mature attitude that FWB is what you want and you’re happy with your life and that the other posters are set in the dark ages for the fact they think a woman is really for a man’s actions

HikingforScenery · 28/04/2022 11:11

aurynne · 28/04/2022 07:30

I'm good at sharing

😅

Mumteedum · 28/04/2022 21:06

aurynne · 28/04/2022 07:27

I'm 45! I see my FWBs every couple of weeks, not exhausting at all. It's a lot of fun and no responsibilities.

Show quote history

Ha.. well good on you. I'm not judging. I speak only for myself. One at a time is enough for me...and actually too much right now.

But the whole Fwb and exclusivity talks and then maybe progression to a relationship...it make my head hurt. It's v modern imho ConfusedGrin

Original poster
aurynne · 28/04/2022 23:45

Mumteedum I've only fallen for a FWB once (in fact I posted about him here). It's always a risk (sometimes if the sex is great and there is great connection, love follows), but in general FWBs are real friends with which there is a sexual attraction but no romantic feelings. You do things together as friends do, not only sex. Last week I went on a hike with one of my FWBs, had a great time, no sex, we each went to our places afterwards.

It works during some periods of your life where you just want to enjoy life, your nice home, and not have to put up with another person's presence, preferences and idiosyncrasies. I am not closed to the idea having a relationship, but at this stage the person would have to improve my life significantly if he wants to be a permanent part of it. And that's a big ask at this moment because I love my life as it is.

A bit of spiciness with a friend is a bonus for me, you can never have too many special friends. FWBs come and go as they find partners themselves. Also, having more than one on the go is another way of reducing the chances you will fall for "the only one" or get too dependent on that intimacy that comes from only one person.

Obviously, when I have a proper partner the benefits with everyone else have to end, unless the partner is very, very open minded!

OP posts:
PeaceLurking9to5 · 29/04/2022 08:04

It's always the men who are in control in fwb relationships though. Never seems to be the woman summonsing the bloke.

EBearhug · 29/04/2022 11:57

It's always the men who are in control in fwb relationships though. Never seems to be the woman summonsing the bloke.

Not always true, though I like to think of it as a negotiation around mutual availability rather than a summons.

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