When did you decide your pregnancy was really actually going to result in a baby?

[AliceAbsolum]

I literally have no idea what to think about it. 7 years TTC, 5 IVF cycles, fell pregnant on the last cycle, got to 8 weeks and really thought it was going to actually work, miscarriage at 8 +3.
6+2 now. 2 embryos so high chance of twins.

Everyone who knows about the pregnancy (a few people, as we have been doing ivf for years) are talking about the baby and when it will be born, my friend got me to register with my GP surgery so I've got my booking appointment in the diary.
DH and I will have to shift jobs and move house before a baby is born so we will need to start actually acting like it's going to happen at some point.

When did you start to think and act like your pregnancy would actually turn into a real life baby? 12 weeks?

Not ivf but had 2 losses at the 10-12 week mark before dc.

The scans felt sort of unreal, like it was someone else seeing that screen and hearing that heartbeat. I was struggling to believe he was mine IYSWIM. But somewhere around 28-30 weeks i started thinking this is going to be ok. And it was.

Wishing you all the best OP.

I think 18 weeks and even then I always felt anxious. From about 30 weeks I began to believe that I was actually going to have a baby. Good luck op. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

When I went into labour with dc1 (after 5 years and a successful ivf) I was on my own, middle of the night and waters broke it suddenly hit me it was happening. Up till that point I'd alway's said 'if it works out'.
With dt they were my 6th and final attempt at ivf reality hit somewhere around 30 weeks.
I do wonder if there is a corolation between getting /staying pregnant and realising that you are going to have a baby at the end of it, as a few people I've known who've had multiple miscarriages /infertility have said similar to me.

@AliceAbsolum

Thanks everyone. DH and I often talk about it but then always add at the end "if it happens", or "if we end up having a child". It's just weird. Limbo land

Can totally relate, you and I have a similar journey. I had a few pregnancy complications so for me it was at 24w (when the baby could live if born prematurely).

But I had real trouble bonding with my baby when she was born and have struggled with ppd and what feels like imposter syndrome - like she's not mine, I'm just looking after her until her real mum comes. It has been hard. She's 5 months now and just in the past month I've been able to really bond with her.

With a journey like ours it feels like you should just be grateful you finally had a child but make sure you have the right emotional support in place when baby comes too. That's just my experience of course but I don't think it's uncommon.

Now I know how lucky I am and how wonderful my baby is and I'm so grateful. Good luck 😘

We had 4 miscarriages, and subsequently 6 rounds of IVF before DS was born. I spent the last month of pregnancy in hospital being monitored for reduced movement and pre-eclampsia.
I didn’t believe I would be bringing him home until I heard him cry after he was born (c-section). The Drs had warned us that it can take them a while to cry when they are first out so not to worry if we didn’t hear anything straight away, but DS started crying almost instantly and it was the best sound I had ever heard, (wasn’t so fond of it after 6 months😀).

I started to be cautiously hopeful at 24 weeks. But I still didn't trust I would be taking a baby home until they were safely out. Unfortunately I know three different people who have had full-term stillbirths with no known issues beforehand, so I was very conscious that a lot can go wrong.

I vividly remember my mum saying to me at about 36 weeks pregnant ‘when do you think you will relax and believe it’s happening?’

The answer was once I held dd after she was born. Which wasn’t right away because she was a cs and didn’t cry initially - so for the first half an hour or so of her life I still didn’t think I would have a baby.

Probably in Labour !

It was a real fight or flight fleeting moment. At that point it was the full realisation of what was going to happen.

That's tough, and I can see why you feel that way. Why do you need to move and both change jobs though? Will you not have better maternity and paternity packages if you stay in your current jobs? Moving, if you mean selling your house and finding, buying and moving into another in 7 months is cutting it fine at the moment too and would heap the pressure on you both. I'd be on Right Move 24/7 if that is a must. If you can manage with a newborn in the short term I wouldn't plan to be moved beforehand.

Your thread has helped me not feel alone with this OP.

I’m 12 weeks with an IVF pregnancy and usually in a state of denial. I woke up at the weekend in a panic that there is actually a baby inside me. Absolutely ridiculous when I put myself through the IVF but I just can’t seem to accept that it has worked.

The infertility ‘journey’ was tough. Failing to conceive naturally every month. When investigations started I was told I had low egg reserve ‘if you haven’t got any eggs then you haven’t got any eggs’ said by a fertility nurse. Then the final blow of a diagnosis of endo & blocked tubes. It seems impossible that we’re in this position. Also the major guilt for being like this instead of blissfully happy.

I’ve been very fortunate to fall pregnant easily and no losses. So for me it has been pretty early, or I’ve had the privilege to not have cause to spend much time thinking things will go wrong, expecting things to be ok.

I'm a bit anxious so never really believed it until they were safe in my arms after birth

Once the 12 week mark had passed as I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks a few years back. Then when we heard the heartbeat it felt very real. I was following a pregnancy app so looked forward to every week for the update so that kept me going. Then it finally hit me when I had my 3D scan at 33 weeks and I started to prepare.

@Barrawarra Thank you for your perspective, that's helpful.

I just want it to be 5 months time. But it's not. So I've just got to keep busy and stay patient.

I hesitated to post that as not wanting to be smug - more that I feel aware now of what can go wrong, in a way I didn’t at the time, and it’s hard to undo that awareness, which you will have in spades.

I just read your last post about the advice to just believe and enjoy - while I can’t speak from experience, it sounds like good advice to me. Of course you can’t forget that things may go wrong, but I think whether you allow yourself to hope or not, you will feel pain at a loss. So you may as well have a bit of joy like she says. But I know easy for me to say. In general I think accepting how you feel is a good idea, rather than telling yourself ‘don’t feel that’. Wishing you all the best

I’ve been very fortunate to fall pregnant easily and no losses. So for me it has been pretty early, or I’ve had the privilege to not have cause to spend much time thinking things will go wrong, expecting things to be ok.

^ I wonder what that must feel like. To believe things will be OK must be amazing. Never had a scan where I wasn't absolutely terrified, always waiting for bad news as my first ever pregnancy scan was for suspected ectopic and I was in agony. And then subsequent scans I'd wait to hear those awful words again "I'm sorry..."

In my pregnancy that ended in a live prem baby I tried so hard to think well if I worry myself sick or I don't, what will be will be - as long as I follow the guidelines, it's completely out of my control. This can be liberating (or more scary!). Maybe there's something in trying to accept what we can't control?

When I had a positive pregnancy test.

From that moment on, health willing, you're expecting a baby.

With my first - the minute I had the positive test! I told all my family right away and mooned around dreaming of my baby and convincing myself I 'felt' pregnant.

After he was born I had 4 miscarriages.

With my second child (6th pregnancy) I didn't tell anyone until about 23 weeks. I spent that pregnancy convincing myself I didn't feel pregnant. It wasn't until she was born healthy that I let myself believe it. I had been protecting myself a lot but when I held her the love rushed in of course, as it does.

I had two miscarriages before my current DC and literally didn’t believe it would really result in a baby until I heard her crying after the c section!

When he was born, I just couldn't imagine actually bringing a baby home until the point he was physically here!

When a heartbeat was detected at any point past ten weeks. That is, I'm told, a fairly predictable marker for a pregnancy being successful.

When I was in the second stage of labour and they wheeled the fishtank cot in 😄

Probably when I heard a baby crying when they took her out of me? My anxiety about my pregnancy was horrendous, I couldn’t bear buying anything or setting anything up. I had no real reason to be so convinced I was getting a baby either!

Not til baby was born. Even then I was still so anxious that I didn't really believe I'd be going home with a baby. And after I was home, I still was really anxious. It was probably around 6weeks that I finally started to accept baby was here to stay. (when baby was 12weeks old, I started on medication for the anxiety, as even I realised it was not normal level).

Really not until I could feel baby kicking; with DS1 and now in my current pregnancy.

And that’s with conceiving in the first month of trying both times, so no reason to think it wouldn’t happen. It’s just hard to believe generally, I found.

Wishing you all the best x