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Original poster

Help please

72 replies

Tabithalevi · 15/04/2022 07:27

Hi there,
I really need some advice.
My baby's father wants nothing to do with my daughter whom is almost 8 months.. he has another baby who is 1 and a half which he is in contact with. I'm not sure if I approach his mother and let her know that in fact she has two grandchildren.. would I be wrong to do so?? I just feel really crappy for my daughter.. I feel so sorry for her. Please, any advice is appreciated. Thank you

OP posts:
LIZS · 15/04/2022 07:34

Is he on birth certificate? Apply to cms for financial support. Why does his family not know?

nearlyspringyay · 15/04/2022 07:45

No don't approach his mother. He's made his decision. Does he provide financial support for his daughter?

Original poster
Tabithalevi · 15/04/2022 07:50

No he is not on the birth certificate. His choice. Hi family have no clue about me or the baby.
His girlfriend at the time found out about us (I did not know about her) now he is angry at me about it and completely taking it out on us.

Do I tell his mother? I feel as though it's not fair to hide such a thing..!

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Original poster
Tabithalevi · 15/04/2022 07:52

It's my daughter's grandmother at the end of the day.. I just don't know. I feel selfish for keeping her hush for his sake.

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 15/04/2022 07:52

No, don’t approach his mother.
Does baby have his surname ?

GeneLovesJezebel · 15/04/2022 07:53

Does he give you money towards her upkeep ?

Original poster
Tabithalevi · 15/04/2022 07:55

So I should just keep her a secret? No she does not have his surename. Since his secret has come out he literally hates us.. he's completely taken it out on my baby.. he was there throughout my entire pregnancy even shortly after she was born.. but ever since that happened he hates us both. When he's the one that had put me in that situation to begin with. I had no idea

OP posts:
LIZS · 15/04/2022 07:55

What would telling her achieve? If he wants nothing to do with you, is not on birth certificate won't he just deny it? Have you ever met her? Did you know he had a gf and baby already?

OhPullThemUpBrenda · 15/04/2022 07:56

I'd tell her. Let her make her own choice if she wants to see her GC. He doesn't get to dictate what other people do
I hope it all works out for you @Tabithalevi

GeneLovesJezebel · 15/04/2022 07:56

Could it be that he has changed because she is a girl ?

Original poster
Tabithalevi · 15/04/2022 07:58

@LIZS
No of course I didn't know.. we were seeing each other for over a year.. I then fell pregnant.. it was only after my baby was born taht this all happened and now out of anger and spite he's saying horrible things and wants nothing to do with her. I have applied for child maintenance

OP posts:
Original poster
Tabithalevi · 15/04/2022 07:59

@OhPullThemUpBrenda
That's how I feel about the situation.

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:00

What do you want as an outcome?

Original poster
Tabithalevi · 15/04/2022 08:03

@AchillesPoirot
Well she has this entire family which know nothing about her.. I would feel terrible for atleast not trying. Grandparents are so apraxia's and precious. I grew up without any and I would hate for her to go through the same for such selfish reasons.

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:05

So you want his parents to have contact with your daughter? How do you envisage facilitating that?

LIZS · 15/04/2022 08:05

And if they decide to ignore her? Are you sure you are not hoping by telling them he will suddenly step up or even get back with you. He led , and continues to lead, a double life and cannot be trusted. Hardly a positive influence in your dd life.

AchillesPoirot · 15/04/2022 08:07

Also what do you mean by grandparents are so apraxia? I don’t understand that sorry.

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 15/04/2022 08:09

They raised a man who cheats on women, ignores his child and contributes nothing to its upkeep. I doubt they are the fairy tale grandparents you are looking for.

picklemewalnuts · 15/04/2022 08:11

I think I'd try and check the grandparents out, see whether I wanted them in my child's life. They raised their useless son, so that's one bad mark against them. How does he speak about them, that may give you a clue. They could be great. It would be a connection to his family.

Bear in mind he could really scale up his behaviour if he's angry about you contacting his parents. How would you expect them to manage the situation, given their son's behaviour? Can you imagine a healthy dynamic there?

Neveranynamesleft · 15/04/2022 08:14

I would tell her.

Your beautiful daughter is her granddaughter, she is her family, flesh and blood. Nobody can take that away. She should not be hidden like an awful secret.

Everyone has a right to make choices. If the father doesnt want to know, that's his choice ( and his loss ) .
I would tell his mother then it is up to her to make the choice of having her in her life or not.

When your daughter is older she will ask questions and at least you can say that you tried, if things havn't worked out.

Original poster
Tabithalevi · 15/04/2022 08:19

If they decide on ignoring her at least I made the effort for my daughters sake. It's not for me.. I'm not going to force him to see her, that's his loss. I just wanted to give her the opportunity in at least telling her. I'm 50/50 on the situation as it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tabithalevi · 15/04/2022 08:20

@LIZS

If they decide on ignoring her at least I made the effort for my daughters sake. It's not for me.. I'm not going to force him to see her, that's his loss. I just wanted to give her the opportunity in at least telling her. I'm 50/50 on the situation as it is.

OP posts:
LoveSpringDaffs · 15/04/2022 08:20

You were seeing him for the best part of two years & never met his family?

They may not even believe she's his.

No way would I be getting involved with his family.

Frankly I'd be moving as far away as possible while he's in 'don't give a shit mode' the last thing I'd want to do is have to hand my child over to that Walker & his family for 'contact'

Wanting a nice Daddy & Grandparents for your child is normal, but this lot won't be that. They'll just cause you no end of grief, wishing you hadn't bothered!!

Original poster
Tabithalevi · 15/04/2022 08:21

@AchillesPoirot
Sorry that was a typo. *i meant to say important and precious

OP posts:
Neveranynamesleft · 15/04/2022 08:22

I fail to see how the grandparents can be blamed for all that is wrong with their son.