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Original poster

Should a person cook what their spouse wants or what their child wants?

82 replies

Nomunkat · 12/04/2022 17:53

Hypothetical situation
My husband asked me the same question and was a bit surprised at my response

Say one spouse is in a relationship where they are the main person to cook and makes dinner for their family every night (if one spouse works full time and the other is a stay at home parent for instance).
On nights where they don't know what to cook or don't fancy anything particular, and they ask spouse and child what they want to eat. If they both want to eat something different, what should they cook? What the partner wants or what the child wants?

OP posts:

Hugasauras · 12/04/2022 18:42

Definitely taking turns or compromising or whatever I want to cook that tips the balance. I hate the idea that just because children are children they don't get any say or opinion in things like this. I don't want someone deciding what I eat every night with me getting no say, why should they?

dontblamemee · 12/04/2022 18:43

Depends which one would sulk more for not getting what they wanted 🤣

CoralDaffodil · 12/04/2022 18:44

Probably depends what their answer is and how old the child was. If I ask I try and accommodate both, but my child is young and wouldn’t ask for anything too complicated.

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TheSnowyOwl · 12/04/2022 18:47

The one that appeals to the person cooking most of all. Following that, whichever is the quickest and easiest.

tararabumdeay · 12/04/2022 18:47

Feed the children - the adult can sort it out for themselves.

Georgyporky · 12/04/2022 18:52

I've learnt the hard way never to ask anyone what they want.
I'm cooking, so I'll cook what I want to.

Could be a three-hour marathon lasagne, or an easy & quick roast meat dinner.
If they're hungry, the family will eat whatever I've prepared.

sophienelisse · 12/04/2022 18:53

I batch cook a few options for this reason. My DH and me eat a lot of curries. My dd isn't keen so I generally make two meals unless we have spaghetti bolognaise or shepherds pie or something like that.

DH sorts himself out aswell if he doesn't like what I have made/took out the freezer.

MarriedThreeChildren · 12/04/2022 18:56

I would do whatever everyone is happy to eat.

Si if DH was suggesting a very spicy curry that dc cant eat, I wouldnt go with that.
If dc was suggesting beans on toast (which I hate), I wouldnt be doing that either.

Fairyfolks · 12/04/2022 18:58

Depends. If I’m working from home or off, I put a lot more effort into what’s put on the table. If I’m working in the office, it’s usually something quick and easy. All that to say that whatever gets put on the table by me is what gets eaten!!
I grew up with the old, “eat what you’re given or you won’t have anything at all” mentality so I suppose that took over with me!!
Unless a birthday request/ anniversary request then I make what they want but apart from that I’m the boss!!

actiongirl1978 · 12/04/2022 18:59

I cook something different for two or three people at every meal, so I'd cook both things.

Purplecuppa · 12/04/2022 18:59

I don't ask but try to have something on the table that everyone will eat. I cook everyone's favourite throughout the week today was Spaghetti bolognese (DDs favourite) I serve it family style DS doesn't like Mince so he ate just Spaghetti and cheese the rest of us ate the bolognese. Tomorrow will be salmon (DS favourite dd hates salmon but she'll eat the Potato's and veg). Once they eat something on the table that's the main thing.

dworky · 12/04/2022 19:01

Neither necessarily, only what the cook is happy to cook.
However, it should be borne in mind that the partner, as an adult, has the option to cook for themselves what they like, whereas the child doesn't.

MrsJBaptiste · 12/04/2022 19:02

We'd cook separate meals, I don't want to waste calories on meals I don't fancy.

Tonight, two of us are having a chicken pie and two of us are having meatballs. Both with chips and veg so easy to do. Tomorrow there will be pasta for whoever wants it and leftover curry for the others.

We do eat together too though! Lasagne kn Sunday and Toad in the Hole last night.

Masterchiefsbutt · 12/04/2022 19:04

If I'm cooking, I decided and everyone eats what they're given. If they don't like it they go hungry or cook their own.

Go on what did your DH say

Jules912 · 12/04/2022 19:04

In our house whoever cooks gets to choose, though if the kids request something we do try to accommodate and we won't cook anything someone actively dislikes. DH does most the cooking so he gets his favourites most often.

BinJuiceShake · 12/04/2022 19:07

Mid cool what the child wants and if I fancy what partner wants I’d cool that or they can cook their own

Opinion4321 · 12/04/2022 19:16

@Purplecuppa

That is genius! I always cook 2 or 3 different things but I’m going to try that

MajorCarolDanvers · 12/04/2022 19:18

@trilbydoll

Depends what they both say. If both are reasonable choices and fairly low effort I'd probably cook both. We often cook different meals though, DH is veggie, I eat less meat than the kids, and there's various likes and dislikes. I don't have a problem dishing up 3 separate meals if they all have leftovers for another day.

Exactly the same in our house.

chisanunian · 12/04/2022 19:19

Don't make a rod for your own back! Ask one or the other, not both, unless the first one you ask says they don't know or don't mind, in which case ask the next in line.

FrankLeeSpeaking · 12/04/2022 19:23

I'd not even ask them both, to be honest. I'd just cook whatever I felt like cooking, or maybe ask one of them to choose between two options.

WhereHasSpringSprungTo · 12/04/2022 19:34

I do all the cooking due to dh work hours. I don't think i ever ask dh or dcs what they want.
I meal plan. Do the food shop and cook what's there.
95 percent of the time its 1 meal for all unless there's leftover portions put in freezer so once say a month i get it all out and may be 1 has meatballs, one stew one bolognese etc
Theres 2 meals the dc won't or can't eat so that's maybe once a month when ill chuck some thing like fish and chips in and we have ours later.

springtimeishereagain · 12/04/2022 19:40

Both parents should help to menu plan. SAH parents should make dishes they know their partner likes.
This avoids last-minute meal decisions and one person not being happy!

In your situation, I'd say, 'we have chicken, pasta or rice. What do you fancy for tea?' And get my h and dc to decide what they would like. It's good for dc to get to choose some things.

GrouchyKiwi · 12/04/2022 19:44

Everyone else in my house only gets a choice on their birthdays. I do all the cooking so I decide. I do take their tastes into account, however, which is why we hardly ever have lasagne or fish pie or macaroni cheese. Bloody weird children. All three of those are delicious.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 12/04/2022 19:49

I'd do both.

It's a bit weird to ask someone what they want and then not make it (usual caveats - nothing ridiculous, not too much prep etc).

greenlynx · 12/04/2022 19:54

Feed the children - the adult can sort it out for themselves
I follow this one in a way, however my main principle is : I’m cooking I’m choosing.
That’s the reason why I’m usually the one who’s cooking.

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