What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

Mine never told me I was beautiful. They were great parents and told me I was clever, funny, wonderful .... but never beautiful. I'm sure they were correctly trying to praise me for something other than looks. But as they never ever told me I was beautiful I've grown up thinking I'm ugly. I'd never tell them this. They'd be devastated.

Its between not letting me shave my legs /facial hair or not letting me drink with my meal in case i filled up on water and didnt eat. I remember loving gravy as i was so thirsty!

Not reporting sexual assault, as they didn’t want to upset anyone 🙄

Left it a bit late to tell us parent had terminal cancer and not just 'something the Drs were looking into' would have liked to have spent better time with them, I understand it is hard to know the right time.

They moved house twice between my 11th and 15th birthday. - back in the day when we had 1st year, 2nd year etc at school.
So….
1st year - yay new big school school all my friends from primary - very happy
2nd year - moved house half way through - new town, new school
3rd year - at same school as 2nd year
4th year - moved house, new town, new school (this was the worst one)
5th year - same as 4th year school.
I went to three different senior schools. It was awful.

I was rewarded and comforted with junk food, then made to feel bad when I gained weight and was constantly told I needed to lose it. As above was told how little my mum weighed repeatedly despite her having a much more petite frame. Set me up for a lifetime of disordered and emotional eating and poor self esteem.

I also wasn’t allowed to use tampons, because my mum didn’t like them (for some unknown reason) so could only use pads until I left home

I was never allowed to grow my hair as it was 'too fine'.

Blue 'didn't suit me' so I was never allowed to wear blue clothes. I was not a girly girl and a bit tomboyish and desperate to get out of pink! This probably stems from being the youngest and the only girl.

I remember looking at the make up counter in the Co Op once and asking for some. I was around 10/11years old and my mum said I wasn't old enough for make up and wouldn't let me have any. This continued through my teenage years, probably because she doesn't wear make up. Even now approaching mid 40's I only wear make up when I go out because I was made to feel like it was forbidden and that I don't need it.

Great thread, and something I have mused frequently since DD was born.

An absolute lack of any kind of routine. Was allowed to fall asleep in clothes and go straight out to play the next day - no forced hygiene measures.

Allowed to watch stuff like Thriller when I was 6 or 7 and subsequently terrified for years of horror stuff.

Breakfast was cup of tea and the biscuit tin.

Enforced diet culture then as a teen - damaged me for life.

Was never dressed even remotely fashionably. When I went to uni i was so totally out of my depth in terms of clothes shopping etc. I just didnt know HOW.

Alot can be explained now in hindsight, lack of money etc.

This is such a hard one to unlearn isnt it! I remember being forced to do slimming world and then rewarded with a big bar of galaxy if i lost weight.

I was 13 and not even overweight, a bit of puppy fat.

No privacy when in bath or going to the toilet. Either or both parents would come in, even when I was a teenager. Dad took a big strop once when I wouldn't let him in as trying to change a tampon. Asked why he "should have to suffer".

Put borax on our mouth ulcers

Kaolin and morphine for upset stomachs

Took us out of school sometimes to go poaching

Letting my dreamy and quite immature for their age 9 Yr old brother walk to and from his friends house (5 min walk away but across 2 major roads). Yes, he got run over. But survived with no major injuries. Apart from that, A grade parents - so quite a weird anomaly really.

Always being late for primary school and having to go into assembly or lessons when they had started with everyone turning to stare at me, and I was a painfully shy child. As soon as I was old enough to get there alone I was always on time. I have no idea why dm wasn’t pulled up on this. I still hate being the centre of attention now.

No one drank tap water in the 80s! I didn't like fizzy drinks so I could have ended up dehydrated, but luckily it was acceptable for 2 year olds to drink tea...

I don't think my parents made "mistakes" - they just parented to the times/a bit better than my grandparents did.

Also never being allowed to use tampons, only towels.

Never being allowed to dye my hair, or shave my legs.

Not allowing my bridesmaids to have their hair done in her house on the morning of my wedding, because "they would use too many towels"

And probably the worst one, Never telling me she loved me.

All my DC are told that at least once a day, and are also allowed to do all of the above

@Forevergold2838

CornishGem1975 my parent were frugal like this too and its definitely rubbed off on me. I was never allowed anything from a gift shop, we always took a packed lunch, wouldn't ever buy a programme etc. DH let's the kids have all these things and I dont stop him but inwardly feel like we're doing something very wrong and shouldn't be spending on things like that.

Isn’t all that just very typical of the time though?

I was born in the eighties and stuff like cans of pop were never bought (it would be a bottle of supermarket own cola which would go flat as soon as opened). Never had food out of the house like in a restaurant or cafe etc. You might get a greggs sausage roll and a gingerbread man at a push. Buying a programme would be seen as a waste of money. You’d never buy any confectionery at the cinema, you’d smuggle in your own. Even stuff like sharing bath water and towels etc.

I don’t see it as being particularly unusual or hard done by, it was just how pretty much everyone lived at the time

Mum only bought fizzy pop that we had to drink sparingly as it was expensive, to this day I hardly ever feel thirsty and get numerous UTIs from not drinking enough.
Being laughed at for crying or being told I was stupid for being upset, this resulted in a life long difficulty with dealing with my emotions.

I honestly can't think of anything, of course at the time I hated having a 'curfew' and having to be home at a (sensible) time but equally it was always my Dad who was happy to pick me and my friends up from the Youth Club disco etc etc. I didn't appreciate it at the time but looking back they were really good parents. I remember my DF very kindly and gently telling me a boyfriend was really no good, he didn't ban me from seeing him or anything like that but gave very good advice - which (to my shame) I ignored and yes, the boyfriend was a waste of time and space.

I didn't appreciate having to do tuition to get me through my exams .. but of course that was the right thing to do.

In fact I think my DPs were much better DPs than I am .... .

@thecurtainsofdestiny

No privacy when in bath or going to the toilet. Either or both parents would come in, even when I was a teenager. Dad took a big strop once when I wouldn't let him in as trying to change a tampon. Asked why he "should have to suffer".

@thecurtainsofdestiny

Fucking hell that’s awful. I’m sorry you went through that

They didn't buy any drinks I liked. Our tap water tasted awful and if I complained they insisted I had diluting juice instead as that would change the flavour. They then didn't believe me when I said diluting juice always gave me a sore head. It was many, many years later I worked out I get that from artificial sweeteners.

We also weren't allowed any fizzy drinks (which was sensible of them really I know) so I was stuck with milk (which I didn't like much). Visiting either of my grannies was the best as they would make non-stop cups of tea and it was probably the only time I drank a decent amount of liquid in a day.

Allowing me to be fat, and therefore bullied as a child

Not letting me sit the entrance exam to the grammar school (I'd have passed that test), instead chose to send me to the shitty comp.

I think they thought the comp was fine as my mum attended when she was a girl. It wasn't. It was a fucking dog eat dog hell hole for the survival of the fittest.

@McConkeysPlate

Not reporting sexual assault, as they didn’t want to upset anyone 🙄

There was a farm behind our house and only a wire fence separating our garden from the farm. I was 6 and a man who worked on the farm would regularly talk to me sexually and show me his penis when I was playing in the garden. I told my parents about it and they built a wooden fence but never reported it. I asked my mum about it recently as I wanted to know why she never involved the police and she said "there was no point. No one would have believed you. You were a child." 🙄

Divided us into types - the clever one, the pretty one.

My mother was obsessed with us being nice, I can remember being quite little and often asking ‘was I good’ when we got back from things. They did put us down a lot - not in an abusive way, just self-depreciating as if we were extensions of them. None of us grew up wits any self confidence.

Both quite emotionally distant also. And a bit too heavy handed on the smacking.

They did love us, they just didn’t have all that many life skills themselves.

Freedom, just way too much freedom. I grew up in the 60s & 70s in the wilds of the North East & it was pretty much the norm at the time to sent the local kids off for the day in packs. We had a wild time going wherever we liked & nobody checking on us & just presuming we were playing in local woods & fields. So long as we were back for tea, we were free to roam locally

Only we weren't staying local, but some of us sneaking swimming gear out of the house & taking a bus 10 miles to the nearest wear to swim in. It wasn't particularly safe & we were a group of unaccompanied 7/8/9 year olds 🥴

I absolutely cringe when I look back at some of what we got up to & DPs had absolutely no idea

The water one is an odd one because thinking about it, I never see my parents drink water either even now. Was this less of a “thing”? And why? It’s free!

I’ve always consumed a lot of water all day long but I don’t think this was encouraged by my parents.I remember them trying to force me to drink juice a few times which I hated (and still do). I don’t remember what we took on days out but I don’t remember any kind of water bottle. Maybe just food.