I regret moving (back) to Australia

[GreenestGrass]

DP and I are both Australian. We did the typical young person thing of living in the UK and had the opportunity to extend our stay through work sponsorships and make it a more permanent move. For various reasons we decided to come back home to Australia, but as time goes by both of us feel increasingly regretful of our decision for a few reasons:

-Lower cost of living. I'm not saying living in the UK is cheap but my goodness, Australia is expensive. It really hit home for us when we moved back and were hit with prices for things.
-Lifestyle - we absolutely loved being able to travel easily and the access to different parts of the world. Australia feels so far away from everywhere and again, travelling internationally from here is super expensive. Cities in Australia also feel quite 'samey' and lacking character in comparison to the UK.
-Professional opportunities - with the much smaller population size, professional opportunities here in Australia just can't compare to what we had over there.

These are just a few of the reasons but overall we just preferred living there to here, and now there's not much we can do about it as it's unlikely we'd be able to start over again and also get the work permissions we'd need to legally work in the UK again.

Has anyone ever felt similar regrets? I'm doing my best to enjoy the things life in Australia has to offer but it does feel like we missed our chance a bit here :(

I do cringe at the ‘lack of culture’ comments.

Having experienced both, it is so totally dependent on the individual not the country.

I don't blame you @GreenestGrass ... Whilst I'm sure Australia is a lovely place with fab weather, you couldn't pay me to live there/move there. And I don't actually understand why people elect to move there tbh.

I never understand why people want to go, because as YOU say, it's soooo far away from the rest of the world, it takes DAYS to travel anywhere, everything is so expensive, it's so hot, and there aren't that many opportunities. Plus, all the flies and snakes and huge spiders etc... No thanks.

No offence sorry, and I know this is your country, but I really wouldn't want to live there, and I do LOL at people who say 'I went for 6 weeks on holiday, or 2-3 months backpacking and was super happy there, so I wanna LIVE there,' because they are DELUDED if they think living there will be the same as a 'holiday.'

Also you can say goodbye to any family or friends, because any relationship you had will very likely be gone. I have known a few people who moved there in the past, and they saw their family once or twice in about 8 to 10 years. Wouldn't be for me. No way.

This reminds me, I knew a girl at school who emigrated there with her family when she was around 14 (late 1970s.) Her dad was a minister and got a placement over there. I found her on Friends Reunited some 25-26 years later, and we messaged each other back and forth for a few weeks.

She had stayed in Australia, (all the family did actually, mum, dad, and brother who was 6 at the time.) She was married to an Australian man and had 3 sons.

I was both amused and slightly annoyed when she emailed me and said 'I am sending some photos of my house, and garden, and swimming pool to make you jealous.' I thought 'cheeky cow I am not jealous of anything. I have a lovely home, a lovely garden, and I live in a lovely country.' I did not respond.

She emailed AGAIN a few days later, saying 'I am enclosing some more pics to make you jealous again The beautiful sunset over the sea on this lovely hot day while you sit in rainy England.'

Because the sun never sets over the sea here, and the sun never shines, and it rains 24/7!

I just messaged back and said 'nice pics, I hope your week is going well.' She emailed back, and said what do you think of our pool? Are you jealous you don't have one in your garden?'

Utterly bizarre.

As I said, she had 3 sons... I emailed her a picture of my DAUGHTER and said 'here's a photo of my daughter. Are you jealous you don't have a daughter?'

Never heard from her again.

@nolongersurprised

Not sure why you'd think all that was particularly Australian

You’re not sure why beach activities are associated with Australia?

I live in south west England. My kids spent lots of time on the beach all year round

Is this typical of children in the UK though? My children wouldn’t swim in colder sea. It’s Autumn here now, yet the water temp was 25 degrees.

I'm not sure why you think they are just Australian. We have excellent beach facilities.

Is it typical? Well it isn't if you live in other areas where other things are on offer or if you aren't interested. I don't think all kids in Australia live a short walk from a beach or can see the beach from their classrooms like mine could.

It is a bit sweeping to insinuate British kids can't do all these things.

I'm half French, half Australian, was born there and spent the first 14 years of my life there (on and off with large gaps as we moved around the world due to my father's work), my parents then moved us to the UK. When I got divorced at 24, I moved back to Oz, with the intention of staying there permanently. This was in 1993.

I was back in the UK just over a year later. Like you, I felt very isolated...and of course at that time there was no internet etc. But the major force driving me back was drama with my mother's extended family...she dragged me into it and it was the only way I could get free, for the sake of my mental health. To be honest, there's been lots of times since that I've regretted moving back to the UK! I have no family in the UK and as I get older - I'm nearly 54 now - I feel that more and more.

I have dual UK/Aus citizenship and passports for both, so I know one day I will have to make a final decision about where to live. It's a tough one!

Have you any European ancestry at all - even a great grandparent can get you citizenship by descent in some countries.

Any EU passport can get you to Ireland where you're near to the UK to sort out jobs that would sponsor one or both of you.

Or you could live in Ireland - broad range of professional opportunities to work here, lots of multinationals, high cost of living so like being in Oz!

Even if you don't have any EU ancestry you could see if you could get to Ireland if you have a critical skill - won't always be the same list as the UK.

If you live in Ireland you can apply for citizenship after 5 years, then you can live and work in any EU country or the UK.

But everyone will ask you if you'd mad to move here from Australia.

@NotBadConsidering

It’s always strange when emigrating to Australia threads come up, the focus on culture. It’s nice to have a bit of culture, but it’s not like British people spend all their waking hours in museums and art galleries. I imagine most British people have never even been to the British Museum, for example. Most people just watch the telly and go to the pub and might do something “cultural” a few times a year.

I don’t know why all expats are expected to be culture fiends and have the lack of Rome just a Ryanair flight away something that will make or break the deal. Most people in Australia are exactly the same as British people!

Disclaimer: I say this as someone who DOES enjoy art, museums etc, but I think the kind/quantity/absence of cultural things of this kind just makes a difference to the feel of a place. It certainly affects how I feel about places. It's partly why I live in London; yes, I know there are lots of cultural possibilities all over the UK, but I love the feeling of the sheer quantity here. It's just of a different order. I think it can be about the sense of possibility, too; I don't spend all my free time seeing art/films/plays etc, but I like to know that I always could just get on a bus and go and see something.

@Helleofabore

I do cringe at the ‘lack of culture’ comments.

Having experienced both, it is so totally dependent on the individual not the country.

Yes for everything really, one person likes the Australian weather but it would be the main thing that would put me off. Me and the sun are not a great partnership. Someone thinks the surfing in Aus is great, North Devon has a great reputation for surfing and has just become a World Surfing Reserve so we can surf here but not everyone wants to surf. Someone loves an outdoor life which they can have in Aus, well they can have it here as well if that's what they want.

@noirchatsdeux

I'm half French, half Australian, was born there and spent the first 14 years of my life there (on and off with large gaps as we moved around the world due to my father's work), my parents then moved us to the UK. When I got divorced at 24, I moved back to Oz, with the intention of staying there permanently. This was in 1993.

I was back in the UK just over a year later. Like you, I felt very isolated...and of course at that time there was no internet etc. But the major force driving me back was drama with my mother's extended family...she dragged me into it and it was the only way I could get free, for the sake of my mental health. To be honest, there's been lots of times since that I've regretted moving back to the UK! I have no family in the UK and as I get older - I'm nearly 54 now - I feel that more and more.

I have dual UK/Aus citizenship and passports for both, so I know one day I will have to make a final decision about where to live. It's a tough one!

I think it is common to feel that as you get older. I have seen it with family and colleagues/friends. The complication if often that people have children in the "new" country and obviously that is home to the children. Parents then have the dilemma of wanting to go "home" but they don't want to leave their adult children.

I think it must be very difficult and whilst I sometimes wish I'd lived abroad for a while for the experience at least I'm settled in England.

It is a bit sweeping to insinuate British kids can't do all these things

Maybe. But based on posts here swimming ability in the UK for children seems quite different to that in the UK. For both open water and pool swimming.

It may be that some UK children have also grown up with a year round beach culture, but given the temperature difference it seems less likely.

My 10 year old is by no means a champion swimmer but can confidently swim beyond the breaks in the sea, well over her head. She can swim 1-2km in the pool and all four strokes. This is not particularly unusual and is typical of many other Australian girls. I don’t get the impression it’s as common for children in the UK, especially those who don’t want to swim in the sea in a UK winter.

All your reasons are very valid but you have to focus on the reason you decided to move back. It can be a cultural shock to move back but I think you will settle back.

We have the option to live in Australia but I don’t want to live there as it is so far from everywhere and we love travelling.

I have no advice about your situation, having lived in the UK all my life and never been to Australia. But just wanted to say that it's good to hear someone posing a few positives about Britain and life here, compared to elsewhere. We are all so fond of moaning about prices, the NHS, the weather, cost of housing, job opportunities (apparent lack of ...) etc etc .... the grass is not always greener, it seems.

I truly hope you manage to either settle back into life in Oz, or make the decision to come back and settle. Good luck whatever happens.

@nolongersurprised

It is a bit sweeping to insinuate British kids can't do all these things

Maybe. But based on posts here swimming ability in the UK for children seems quite different to that in the UK. For both open water and pool swimming.

It may be that some UK children have also grown up with a year round beach culture, but given the temperature difference it seems less likely.

My 10 year old is by no means a champion swimmer but can confidently swim beyond the breaks in the sea, well over her head. She can swim 1-2km in the pool and all four strokes. This is not particularly unusual and is typical of many other Australian girls. I don’t get the impression it’s as common for children in the UK, especially those who don’t want to swim in the sea in a UK winter.

Swimming ability where I am is high, both schools my kids went to, primary and senior, had their own pools. Swimming clubs and life saving clubs are popular. Baby swimming is also popular, my GD was swimming independently before her first birthday, the only worry with her is that she is totally fearless in water so does need watching.

The point is British kids can do all that, there might be many reasons for moving to Australia but we do have beaches here if that is what people want.

Dartmoor is also a very popular outdoor venue here for things like Ten Tors and Duke of Edinburgh award.

Mine also did scouts/guides and Combined Cadet Corp at school, loved going off in an army truck for a week at an army base and if they were lucky they would get a lift in a helicopter. A free week on one of the Tall Ships fleet was also popular.

If you think British kids can't do outdoor stuff I''m happy to let you know they certainly can.

@ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave I said misogyny! It's rife I know it is. Hoping if we do go I could help challenge some of those norms.

Apologies, I missed that! Just out of interest, why do you think the misogyny is so bad in Aus?

I think it’s definitely misogynistic here in Aus, but I think the whole world is becoming more so.

Yes agree with @ancientgran you can totally do all the beach stuff in the uk if that’s what you want! We are also by the beach on the south coast and spend many an evening after school on the beach and long days in the summer holidays. There is also a life saving school and sea cadets. My dc so far all learnt to swim young! Yes it’s not as warm as Australia sea but personally I prefer it as there are a lot less things that want to hurt you!

OP, I’m the expat (adult) kid of expat parents and I do know some of your sadness. A sense of belonging is not synonymous with your geographical or ancestral home, and that sense of being a square peg in a round hole never leaves you, particularly if there’s one happenstance place that somehow suited you better than you expected, but where you couldn’t live out your days for some reason.

You have already realised you can’t move back, so instead of sadness and regret you need to start moving forwards with hope and excitement. Throw yourself into new friendships and hobbies, give a lot of love to your house and garden however modest, embark on a new educational or career project.

In the West the saying is “Life is too short”, but life is actually long for the vast majority of people in developed nations. Take care of your health and spirit and in retirement you will be able to travel the world as you wish.

I'm glad I found this thread. I'm driving a move back to Australia later this year (DH Aussie) I'm very worried about it but after a shit show of a few years I think it is the right time even if DC is in secondary. We will both have dual nationality so I guess if worse comes to worse we could move back but with the cost and expense that would be unlikely for at least 5 years. I'm mainly worried about kids settling and jobs but I work in infrastructure and from what I can see there are opportunities (I've signed up to job sites). We are mortgage free here and would hope we would be able to get something decent but aware house prices are mental.

@nolongersurprised

It is a bit sweeping to insinuate British kids can't do all these things

Maybe. But based on posts here swimming ability in the UK for children seems quite different to that in the UK. For both open water and pool swimming.

It may be that some UK children have also grown up with a year round beach culture, but given the temperature difference it seems less likely.

My 10 year old is by no means a champion swimmer but can confidently swim beyond the breaks in the sea, well over her head. She can swim 1-2km in the pool and all four strokes. This is not particularly unusual and is typical of many other Australian girls. I don’t get the impression it’s as common for children in the UK, especially those who don’t want to swim in the sea in a UK winter.

I'm a bit baffled by this tbh. Who cares about whether you can swim in open water if you never need to? I've got to my late 40s and sure, I can swim in the sea, but I honestly don't think it's a skill that's needed. Wanting to do so - well fine - we have plenty of coastline here in the UK and while the sea may be colder there are wet suits and plenty of people here swim in the sea year-found (mad buggers!). But to give this is a great reason for living in Australia is

I spent a very boozy afternoon recently with a group of returned expats (back home to Ireland) and to a woman they all had brutal reverse culture shock. It's not really home anymore, friends and family not interested in their lives abroad, employers not valuing skills gained abroad. The shock of a new school system. We had a good old moan!
The happier ones were the ones who didn't "come home", they see it another new country/posting with all that entails, but easier as you speak the language.

Don't make any hurried decisions OP, take some time to settle.

I think it just illustrates what you might want for a life. Swimming, the coast, surf, etc is a pretty standard part of most kids’ lives in Australia, as opposed to those who are lucky enough to live in parts of the UK with nice coast line (south coast, south west etc.) I grew up in the north and Morecambe Bay wasn’t exactly a joy, with Heysham nuclear power station in full view!

It’s just an example of what life offers, it’s not about the specifics. It’s no different to people fixating on “culture”, as if all expats are going to miss spending every weekend at the Tate Modern. Some people will read about kids enjoying the surf in warm water 8 months of year and think it appealing.

@ancientgran To be even more honest, it's something that I'm still pretty angry with my parents for - the constant moving back and forth.

The worst was when we had been in the UK for a year in the early 80s...all of a sudden my father (French) wanted to move us all back to Australia... when he had been the one who wanted to leave Australia in the first place! He'd even turned down citizenship when it was offered...

Turned out his plan was to get my mother, myself and my two brothers to go back first, he was then going to say he wasn't joining us. He'd even sorted himself out with new single accommodation and hadn't given notice at his job! His plan fell through on the day we were due to fly, he had to come with us...and then less than 18 months later we moved again, back to the UK!

I found out last year he'd confessed his plan to dump us back in Oz to my mother the very same day...she still stayed with him. He finally left her 10 years later for OW.

Neither of my parents ever really thought about how much damage the constant going back and forth would do to me and my brothers...the 3 of us are still dealing with the many consequences, to this day.

@NotBadConsidering

I think it just illustrates what you might want for a life. Swimming, the coast, surf, etc is a pretty standard part of most kids’ lives in Australia, as opposed to those who are lucky enough to live in parts of the UK with nice coast line (south coast, south west etc.) I grew up in the north and Morecambe Bay wasn’t exactly a joy, with Heysham nuclear power station in full view!

It’s just an example of what life offers, it’s not about the specifics. It’s no different to people fixating on “culture”, as if all expats are going to miss spending every weekend at the Tate Modern. Some people will read about kids enjoying the surf in warm water 8 months of year and think it appealing.

Well I mentioned Tate Modern and other museums to counter the claim we didn’t really use them here either. I’m happy with what’s on offer, and use it a fair bit.

But I did grow up in Australia so I know the other side. Yes we went to the beach a lot and that was nice. I do look to what my dc have and am amazed in a different at sense at the opportunities that they find normal in London.

On a side note I’m not a particularly great swimmer from growing up near beaches tbh, not hugely better than Dc who seem good at it.

Both are good ime it’s just what suits you best.

Nothappyatwork

@Grimsknee Butler is literally Liverpool by sea 🤣
They’ve even imported the scallies. My little brother at his car broken into nicked his boxing gloves, the little twat put them up for sale on gumtree so let’s just say my brother went round there collected his gloves and gave the kid a demonstration on how theyre used.

Lol , love this . I live close to Butler and yeah I get where you are coming from . I hope your brother gave the little twat a lesson he’ll never forget.

That said my best mate lives in South London. Her son is 19, she worries every time he goes out the door . He’s been assaulted , he has friends who have not even been that lucky.
I hear people talk about lack of culture, I wasn’t very culturally engaged back in uk, I’m not here either so tbh that isn’t a consideration. I visit the uk regularly to visit friends and family , I’m always so excited to get there but after 3 weeks I’m dying to get back on that plane. I asked my kids a while back if they’d like to go back, my daughter said yes, my son said no. My DH who was unsure about the move to Oz at the start , would now never contemplate going back
I guess at the end of the day it’s great we are all different and like different things. There isn’t a right or wrong, if you aren’t happy and can’t conceive a time when you will be, move to where you think you need to be

I've got to my late 40s and sure, I can swim in the sea, but I honestly don't think it's a skill that's needed

Well, it’s needed in Australia

I’m not sure why it’s baffling, it’s just a really nice, most of the year round activity for children. Swimming in the warm ocean is pleasurable and ubiquitous in many of the populated areas in Australia. It may also be part of life for some children in the UK as well, but the weather and numerous beautiful beaches in Australia make it relatively common Australian experience.

Lots of Australians have backyard pools so children do need to be able to swim well. If you don’t like swimming or don’t consider it important, that’s fine. But watching my young children spend entire summers in and out of the swimming pool and sea has been a real bonus of living here for me.

I've not lived permanently in Australia but I stayed there for long periods with a boyfriend. I enjoyed the food and climate but really missed my London life of galleries, and old buildings and culture. I really do love the architecture of older cities and accessibility to different cultures. I'm going to Rome for the weekend and will be in Spain in the summer. In the end I never thought I could live in Australia permanently - only for holidays.