Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

When you had your babies

96 replies

SuperSocks · 10/04/2022 19:03

Assuming you weren't estranged, when did you get in touch with your families to share pics/the birth story/baby's name? My brother's baby was born last night but I only know about it because my mum told me, and she hasn't seen pics or talked with them or anything. Is that normal?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 10/04/2022 21:12

No, I don't, hence posting here to ask what's the norm! But I would want to talk to my mum that day, because I love her and want to include her/have her support/offload some of the stress. I don't see why snuggling the newborn and talking on the phone for 10 minutes have to be mutually exclusive?

I was wiped out after all of my labours! Number 1 and 3 were a full 20/15 hours of non stop pain starting the afternoon after a very broken night with stop/start labour so I was completely exhausted. They were both born early in the morning so that whole day pretty much went by with medical checks, feeds and squeezing sleep in where I could. I was absolutely not on top of texting anyone (except DH!) Labour two was shorter and contained within one day after a full night's sleep but DS2 was whisked off to NICU and the labour was more traumatic so I was a bit preoccupied that time as well.

I did very much want to talk to my mum after the labours and offload to her but there was absolutely no way I could have done that within 24 hours. I could barely string a sentence together. And she was at the first birth, so she knew and I didn't need to explain to her. It was only later that I was able to talk about any of them. I spoke giving brief details within a couple of days but anything more in depth was much later.

ElephantandGrasshopper · 10/04/2022 21:13

I think it sounds normal. I had a long and difficult birth with Dc1, she was born in the early hours and I was not in a fit state to speak to anyone the next day, so dp phoned both families to let them know she had arrived safely. By that point we had both been awake for at least 48 hours and were both practically hallucinating from lack of sleep, so I wouldn't be that surprised if he had forgotten someone!

SarahAndQuack · 10/04/2022 21:59

@BertieBotts

No, I don't, hence posting here to ask what's the norm! But I would want to talk to my mum that day, because I love her and want to include her/have her support/offload some of the stress. I don't see why snuggling the newborn and talking on the phone for 10 minutes have to be mutually exclusive?

I was wiped out after all of my labours! Number 1 and 3 were a full 20/15 hours of non stop pain starting the afternoon after a very broken night with stop/start labour so I was completely exhausted. They were both born early in the morning so that whole day pretty much went by with medical checks, feeds and squeezing sleep in where I could. I was absolutely not on top of texting anyone (except DH!) Labour two was shorter and contained within one day after a full night's sleep but DS2 was whisked off to NICU and the labour was more traumatic so I was a bit preoccupied that time as well.

I did very much want to talk to my mum after the labours and offload to her but there was absolutely no way I could have done that within 24 hours. I could barely string a sentence together. And she was at the first birth, so she knew and I didn't need to explain to her. It was only later that I was able to talk about any of them. I spoke giving brief details within a couple of days but anything more in depth was much later.

That is taking me right back to wondering how you were getting on!
SunflowerSmith · 10/04/2022 22:13

Dh called my parents and his parents while I was still in stirrups being stitched up, they all knew I was in labour and my lovely Dad was climbing the walls with worry until dd1 was born, sadly he died unexpectedly when she was 7 days old so never got to know he would have ended up with two granddaughters.

BertieBotts · 10/04/2022 22:44

Aww :o well it wasn't that long ago!

SarahAndQuack · 10/04/2022 22:45

@BertieBotts

Aww :o well it wasn't that long ago!
True! But a lovely memory because of the outcome.
ChoiceMummy · 11/04/2022 07:19

@SuperSocks
I don't see why snuggling the newborn and talking on the phone for 10 minutes have to be mutually exclusive?

Nor do I. But many daughter in laws impose all sorts of rules on the inlaws, as though they couldn't possibly bond if the inlaws know much! Yet sadly, the tone will be set that the inlaws are permitted to know, if not already present and visiting.
I'd also prepare your mum that she may not even be permitted to visit in the next 2 weeks as this will be their time and other claptrap.

Blimecory · 11/04/2022 07:25

I didn’t speak to my parents or DH’s parents for a few hours. DH spoke to both sets of parents within an hour. Both passed the news on to our siblings. Neither DH and I contacted our siblings. Definitely would not send pics or share a name.

Appolonia · 11/04/2022 07:31

I had a c-section at 10:10am. I sent a photo to the family WhatsApp group and rang my mum at about 11am.

BrieAndChilli · 11/04/2022 07:35

With our 3rd he didn’t have a name for a week as we couldn’t decide!!

Holly60 · 11/04/2022 07:37

Why don’t you send a text to say your mum has told you baby is here and congratulations. Hope mum, baby and dad and doing well and looking forward to seeing them when they are ready.

Then you’ve shown you are interested and care, and I’m sure they’ll be in touch when they can

Thatsplentyjack · 11/04/2022 07:47

With my first I was young so was a bit ashamed to tell people. No idea when my mum told the family. I would have told my close friends while I was in hospital because 2 came to visit.
With my second my partner was literally texting people while I was pushing him out. The midwife gave him into trouble for that. Just aswell it was her because if I had been capable I would have strangled him.
With the third he was well warned to to get that phone out until she was born, whi h he did but was texting everyone 5 mins after and wanted me to speak to my mum on the phone 20 mins later!

DockOTheBay · 11/04/2022 07:47

Rang my parents and siblings about an hour after the birth. Both sets of parents visited later that evening.

MintJulia · 11/04/2022 08:08

After about a week. Time to get home, regain my balance, and get to the point when I wanted to talk to people again. DP phoned my dsis I think, to let her know we were safe. She rang everyone else.

Late pregnancy hormones made me retreat, I didn't want anyone near me until I needed the midwife, and after the birth I was the same for a few days. I even hated the postman delivering letters

I would have torn the arms off anyone trying to take photos of ds. It soon passed. Grin

Birth & hormones vary. Give your DB & SIL some space. This time is not always straightforward, and is not about the wider family.

MTCV · 11/04/2022 08:16

I would say totally normal.
We were told we shouldn't use telephones in the delivery room because we should be concentrating on the baby. They said two phone calls and then asked you to keep your phone off until you were moved to the maternity ward. DH had a smart phone, he called his parents and sent a picture, called mine (who didn't answer) and sent a picture (which they didn't look at because they didn't want to pay to download it!). As they didn't have a space for me on the maternity ward, I spent ages in the delivery room and they allowed me to call my mum after about 6 hours. She still didn't answer so they let me call my grandmothers.

Probably they're trying to avoid people plastering photos all over social media when they haven't had a chance to notify their close friends yet.

Dinoteeth · 11/04/2022 08:36

I had one straightforward birth in the middle of the night waited until a sensible hour to call both sets of parents. And I sent my pal a photo.

I also had a complicated birth in the middle of the day, and it's was hours before we called parents. Needed me fixed first.

The new parents might be both exhausted, give them time there might also be complications needing dealt with

Charlavail · 11/04/2022 08:38

Both times I called my mum within an hour of the baby arriving. The first time (2017) my parents and inlaws came and saw us while we were still on delivery suite which seems mad now! I mainly wanted to tell my mum how painful it had been both times. I've never understood not introducing the baby for two weeks. With DD I wanted everyone to see her and tell me what a hero I was for giving birth! With DS I caught covid at the hospital then DD got chicken pox so we couldn't see anyone for weeks and that was nice as well in a different way.

EatingToast · 11/04/2022 08:39

Absolutely normal. I had an EMCS at about 3 pm. Then was in recovery for hours with midwives messing about, trying to establish bf etc. Hadn't eaten or slept for 2 days. Got up to the (full) ward about 8pm which was dark and silent because everyone was sleeping/resting/feeding. There was no way I could have started making phone calls. Spent the entire night feeding. In the morning was inundated with midwives, doctors and paediatricians doing various checks, still feeding. I had pre written a social media post with blanks to fill in for weight and time so that everyone would know simultaneously, but didn't even get a chance to post that until just before I was discharged. It's a crazy time, and so are the two weeks once you are home.

Strokethefurrywall · 11/04/2022 08:45

Almost immediately rang my parents, my sister and my best friends. My parents were at a dinner party with their lovely neighbors and I could hear everyone celebrating when my mum exclaimed "it's a boy!"

Sent pictures shortly after and posted his arrival on social.

It totally depends on how the birth went, and the appetite for sharing information within the family.

We're a very close family so would call each other as soon as physically able!

JudgeRindersMinder · 11/04/2022 08:49

@Ginsmything

My dh used the pay phone in the hospital to let our parents know both times and they would have let the rest of the family know i expect. Back in the old days before mobile phones and social media.Cheaper to let others pass on the news 🤣
Exactly how it was for us too! Photos taken with 35mm camera and film developed Grin In some ways it was a lot easier and controllable.
C8H10N4O2 · 11/04/2022 09:06

@SuperSocks

Assuming you weren't estranged, when did you get in touch with your families to share pics/the birth story/baby's name? My brother's baby was born last night but I only know about it because my mum told me, and she hasn't seen pics or talked with them or anything. Is that normal?
Good grief give them a chance. They already passed the key message onto someone in the family who can share the news. Its a major and often exhausting event even when it goes well, not a photo opp for general entertainment.

And don't be too confident about what you will do if and when the time comes - the reality tends to be wildly different from anything you imagined.

yikesanotherbooboo · 11/04/2022 09:15

Babies were born before WhatsApp and photos by phone.Indeed two were born before mobiles.All three children born in daylight hours .We didn't tell family that I was in labour and DH phoned our parents to say all ok, sex,weight very shortly after birth.We weren't organised on names at that point.Parents told our siblings.

RaspberryChouxBuns · 11/04/2022 09:52

Poor woman is probably beyond shattered, uncomfortable, emotional and in pain and now has to look after a newborn. Give her some time to get herself together.

Fullyhuman · 11/04/2022 10:24

Go gently with her. I didn’t tell anyone I was in Labour with #1 and then dh rang people quite late the next day. My mum oversteps boundaries and I was emphatically not on an endorphins high. I was in pieces, actually. #2 I was much happier to communicate v soon after.
A baby’s safe arrival is wonderful news for all the family but birth can be brutal, especially in an overstretched hospital. Your SIL may feel vulnerable for a while.

Norgie · 11/04/2022 10:28

Mine were born pre mobile phone and internet days, so my DH used the phone in the nurses station to phone both sets of parents, who then told everyone else.
The photos went to a photo shop to be developed and were sent out accordingly.