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Original poster

To those of you who know an alcoholic, functional or otherwise: Can an alcoholic ever 'enjoy' a drink again normally or absolutely not?

73 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 10/04/2022 17:44

I know that every alcoholic is different so what works for one will not work for another etc etc.

But having said that do you think that's it. Once they recover so to speak it's just best to avoid alcohol altogether? So if you have a family gathering is it better to not have it in a gastro pub or whatever? Or even in you have it in a restaurant should everyone avoid ordering alcohol for the table?

I'm just trying to understand one or two things.

OP posts:

AlexaShutUp · 10/04/2022 17:46

I don't think they can drink safely again, no. Some may be able to manage pretty well with others drinking around them, though...I think that is a very personal thing and will probably be different for everyone.

AssignedBlobbyAtBirth · 10/04/2022 17:48

I know 2 alcoholics well. Around both of them everyone drinks normally but they never have a drink. They don't complain about other people drinking and friends partner drinks at home

FOJN · 10/04/2022 17:55

I'm an alcoholic in recovery and know lots of other alcoholics in recovery. In my experience alcoholics cannot drink normally after a period of abstinence, some may manage an imitation of it for a while but the wheels eventually fall off.

How sensitive you are about drinking in front of them or where you socialise will depend on them and how new they are to sobriety. I avoided pubs etc when I was first sober but I never expected others not to drink around me. It doesn't matter now I more confident and I pay no attention to what other people drink. I have been sober for a long time though.

Monkeytapper · 10/04/2022 17:56

No, I’m 15 years sober. Well nearly, I tried the whole 1 or 2 drinks about 5 years ago and it didn’t end well before I knew it I was bingeing again so I have now finally accepted I can not just have 1 drink and will now remain abstinent.
I’m lucky in a way as I met my husband in rehab and he hasn’t had a drink in 15 years and doesn’t intend to ever drink so there is no alcohol in the house to be tempted by.
I do t mind others drinking around me, but if I do ever go out to parties, events, weddings etc, I leave once everyone starts getting pissed. My friends and family know not to try and persuade me to to stay, I go on my terms when I have had enough.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 10/04/2022 17:58

Nope.

Several alcoholics in my family, plus I had a client who was an alcoholic.

In every single case, "just the one" resulted in a binge and blacking out at best, hospitalisation, organ failure and death at its' worst.

Changes17 · 10/04/2022 17:59

I think once they are established as a non-drinker it's fine for others to drink around them, but probably it will always be wisest for them not to drink themselves.

At first it might be difficult. I wouldn't ever offer anyone I knew had trouble with alcohol a drink. I would also make sure there was going to be a good non-alcoholic alternative.

Eviebeans · 10/04/2022 18:03

I remember a friend (ex drinker) saying one is too many and twenty is not enough. So no.

Original poster

VladmirsPoutine · 10/04/2022 18:03

So it's a resounding no. But so many social interactions / occasions are propped up by alcohol - even baby showers!

OP posts:

NeverChange · 10/04/2022 18:16

No. I don't know any alcoholic who can have 1 or 2 drinks without it sprilling again.

I do know alcoholics who can be around alcoholic but don't drink it any longer and don't need to avoid people who do. They are usually in long term recovery.

HundredMilesAnHour · 10/04/2022 18:17

I have a friend who is an alcoholic and has been in recovery for 10 years. (I didn't know him when he was drinking, we met much later). He doesn't drink at all but has no real issue with people drinking around him as long as it's not OTT. He does use wine in cooking (sounds silly but it surprised me).

I very rarely drink around him (at most I will have 2 alcoholic drinks, and only when it's a special occasion and/or we're somewhere fancy on a Sat night etc). When I first starting spending time with him, I never touched alcohol. He never ordered a drink and I followed his lead and eventually when we were closer, he told me he's alcoholic. It was only a lot later he told me he was fine if I wanted to have a drink around him (he knew I drank but I never did when I was with him).

I have never been to a pub with him but he does have friends who he accompanies to pubs for pub lunches/to watch the football every so often. Seems a bit insensitive to me but it doesn't seem to bother him. Instead we exercise together, or go for coffee, or do day trips out or go for a meal (or all 4). It's always just the two of us - he's very introverted.

What is apparent though is that he has very strong boundaries and that's how he manages his sobriety. He keeps most people at a distance and has a very tight circle around him. He doesn't let people in emotionally. That's how he maintains control. That makes him hard to be friends with at times and he's hurt me more than once. I understand why but that doesn't make it any easier.

He once told me that he thinks about alcohol every day. Even 10 years into his recovery. I can't imagine how hard that must be.

Northernsoullover · 10/04/2022 18:22

I don't identify as an alcoholic but I gave up drinking because my consumption was worryingly high. I have no off switch. I won't drink again because restricting myself to two glasses would make me utterly miserable. I tried to stop drinking for a decade but ultimately failed because I thought life would be bleak without alcohol. I read the book Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck and its like a switch flicked and I no longer wanted to drink. I'm 3 years as a non drinker (I still know I'd be miserable if I had to stick to a few drinks though).

Crunchymum · 10/04/2022 18:22

Is this a hypothetical question?

Do you know someone in recovery? If so can you ask them their views?

FWIW, alcohol has a physiological effect that tricks body and brain into wanting more (it's a lot more complicated and scientific than this of course) so ideally no an alcoholic in recovery shouldn't drink alcohol, no matter how moderately.

Think about it this way, if moderation truly worked then why do people become alcohol dependent?

Original poster

VladmirsPoutine · 10/04/2022 18:40

Crunchy it's not hypothetical. My sister is recovering and sometimes I'm at a bit of a loss at what to do.

OP posts:

Original poster

VladmirsPoutine · 10/04/2022 18:42

@Crunchymum "I'm crunchy, he's wild." That has to be one of the best threads on MN of all time

OP posts:

MumInBrussels · 10/04/2022 18:42

I stopped drinking about 3 and a half years ago. I'm not sure I'd call myself an alcoholic, but I definitely had problems controlling my drinking. It's a bad idea for someone who has problems drinking and who has stopped to try starting again - almost no one stops immediately the first time they ever get hammered and pretty much everyone who's stopped drinking because they drank too much has tried moderating in the past. If we were capable of doing it, we'd already be moderate drinkers. That doesn't change just because you have a period of sobriety. (At least, it never did for me; I've tried stopping drinking, then drinking moderately, several times. And I'm not the only one.) So, I don't think your friend should drink again, no.

As to whether other people can drink around them, depends on them - ask them if they're ok being around other people who are drinking, would be my suggestion. It's not an offensive question, and the answer is different for each person. I'm now totally fine going to bars and restaurants with friends who drink, I just have soft drinks - there's no need for your friend to never socialise again! But for the first few weeks/months, I chose social occasions pretty carefully and did turn down some that were very alcohol focused, because I didn't want to add pressure to something that was already a challenge.

FlippyFloppyFlappy · 10/04/2022 18:42

No, I'll say.

Crunchymum · 10/04/2022 18:50

[quote VladmirsPoutine]@Crunchymum "I'm crunchy, he's wild." That has to be one of the best threads on MN of all time [/quote]
It's not often people get the reference. Gold star for you

On a more serious note, are you able to speak with your sister about it, to see where she is at and how she wants those around her to support her? As you say everyone is different.

It's lovely that you want to support her of course, but she'll know what works best.

DropYourSword · 10/04/2022 18:55

There is no "recovery". They're always an alcoholic. They just might have remained sober for a long period of time. They can't ever "enjoy" a drink "normally" ever again.

FusionChefGeoff · 10/04/2022 18:56

I'd definitely speak to her about it - I'm in recovery and generally speaking the earlier someone is, the wider berth they should give all social / drinking occasions.

I was also advised to always have an escape plan so I could leave if I felt uncomfortable or tempted. So don't give others a lift / make sure you can just leave easily.

After a while it became possible to endure a wedding etc.

After even longer, it became possible to enjoy them

pentopaper · 10/04/2022 18:59

No - otherwise they wouldn't be an 'alcoholic'! Definition is powerless to alcohol. Never recovered, always recovering. My family member is 10 yrs now & never has an issue if others drink near him- doesn't like it when they become drunk & 'on a different level' though. The very fact every social occasion in this country appears to need the lubrication of alcohol is what has led so many to alcoholism- many many more just haven't admitted it to themselves.

iloveeverykindofcat · 10/04/2022 19:00

I know someone who has been sober for a few years now and she doesn't mind people drinking around her at all. Social drinking wasn't her problem though. She could abstain in public and then get blackout drunk at home. Perhaps it depends on what their habits were whilst in addiction.

ChiefInspectorParker · 10/04/2022 19:03

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romdowa · 10/04/2022 19:03

My sibling is an alcoholic and went through years and years of being dry for a few months and then trying to drink socially. They always ended up back where they started . My sibling is 2 and a half years into recovery now and knows one drink is enough to put him back.they can't stay at an occasion where there is drink for very long , it's just the way it is for them but they'd rather that then where they were before. They were 24 and their kidneys, heart and liver were in trouble, blood pressure through the roof, they were badly malnourished and honestly they were half dead. Nobody needs drink and occasions can be celebrated without it. I don't drink myself because of what I went through with my sibling and I've never struggled to celebrate an occasion. In fact I get married this winter and I'll have a lovely day with no drink.

ChiefInspectorParker · 10/04/2022 19:05

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MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2022 19:06

@ChiefInspectorParker

I agree that earlier in recovery/abstinence, it’s best to avoid places with alcohol unless you have a good reason for being there and a solid plan - eg what you’re going to drink, how you’ll cope if your drinking friends question you, a sober friend to check in with afterwards, etc.

This.

I used to work in treatment and the saying was, "if you go to a hairdresser often enough, you'll get a haircut".

However, in later recovery, with someone who's not kidding themselves, they can be around alcohol and drinking.

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