To those of you who know an alcoholic, functional or otherwise: Can an alcoholic ever 'enjoy' a drink again normally or absolutely not?

[VladmirsPoutine]

I know that every alcoholic is different so what works for one will not work for another etc etc.

But having said that do you think that's it. Once they recover so to speak it's just best to avoid alcohol altogether? So if you have a family gathering is it better to not have it in a gastro pub or whatever? Or even in you have it in a restaurant should everyone avoid ordering alcohol for the table?

I'm just trying to understand one or two things.

@DFOD your experience with your DH is virtually identical to that of my DM with my stepdad.in the end it was the end of their relationship; dm (40+ years sober), needed to protect her own sobriety.

Good luck to you going forward, to those dealing with alcohol addiction directly or indirectly.

In my experience alcoholics cannot drink normally after a period of abstinence, some may manage an imitation of it for a while but the wheels eventually fall off

This.
Also, op, it certainly wasn’t your ‘fault’ she had a drink.
You didn’t cause it
You can’t cure it
You can’t control it.

I second pps’ suggestions that you go to Al Anon.

I've been sober since 2017. I can be around alcohol in pubs or restaurants, I can have it in the house, but I can't drink it. I can't leave it at one so I don't start. I don't think I'll ever be able to.
The thing is, I could probably just have one the first time, and the second time, and be fine. But the being fine would make me think Oh I'm alright now, this is easy. And I'd do it again and again and then very quickly I'd be back at the beginning. I've done it so many times before.

One. I have known one alcoholic who managed that - and that's because they swapped their different addiction to alcohol and then back again.

Every other one I've known drank themselves to death after they started again. I've known a few.

I'm 17 days into recovery after many dry spells. Each one had the same pattern, I had one beer, I'll be fine. Within the month I would be blacking out on vodka.
I will not be going to any restaurants or bars for a long time. I even declined bowling, I know how easy it is to slip. These slips give you temporary relief then absolutely ruin your mental and physical health for far longer.
My mum and dh still drink at home, I'm not interested at all at the minute, but when they start getting tipsy I do take myself to bed, even at 8 pm, not because I want a drink (I want to live!) but because drunk people are really annoying, and I was probably the worst!
It's good your sister has opened up to you, but I think you should have another conversation if she's comfortable with that, so you could perhaps understand her triggers etc.
But as someone in recovery, I will say that addicts lie, and if your ds is not 100% committed to her recovery she may downplay how much she drinks, or even backtrack and say she doesn't really have a problem, just went too far a couple of times etc

Haveatakeaway are you getting any support with your recovery?

I'm in some sober support groups, quit lit, sober apps etc but professionally no. But I am being completely transparent with everyone for the first ever time and holding myself accountable. I am for sure taking this one day at a time. No moderation. I'm also giving sobriety my 100% focus and priority. I don't care if I gain weight etc, I don't like drinking when I'm full. I've also been looking at AA meetings online it not sure how to.navigate them, can you join any in the country? I have agoraphobia so literally going anywhere is tremendously difficult for me, alcohol was a great anti-anxiety med for me. But sobriety will help this too!

Yes you can join online AA meetings anywhere in the country, or indeed the world.

It's surprising how alcohol gives the impression of helping with anxiety when it actually makes it far worse if you are drinking alcoholicly. You get the comfortably numb feeling when drunk and then the terrors when you sober up between drinks. Have you considered speaking to you doctor about something the help with anxiety?

Really happy for you to PM me if I can be of any help.

I'm prescribed diazepam and Ad's but shamefully I've been using it to just get through my hangover terrors. do you pay for AA?

I've had two alcoholic partners. The answer is no; they couldn't have a drink socially. The first one never stopped drinking anyway and died recently, aged 59, from alcohol-related problems.

@Haveatakeaway

I'm prescribed diazepam and Ad's but shamefully I've been using it to just get through my hangover terrors. do you pay for AA?

There's a collection at each meeting, people put a pound or two, or none, if they don't have it. That's it. No joining fee, each meeting manages its own finances and you'll probably get a cup of tea and a biscuit too.

I’m a recovering alcoholic, I’m two years sober (two years today in fact!) my partner drinks occasionally and in my first 6 months of sobriety I didn’t enjoy being in places where there was a lot of alcohol. My mum is teetotal and it was just me and my partner kids and my brothers at hers for Christmas my first sober Christmas so there was very little alcohol around but this year my extended family came and there was a lot of drinking! I found that difficult not because it made me want to drink but because I felt left out as they all got sillier and sillier together so I left early. Same with a family wedding the beginning was ok but as people got drunk I wanted to leave, again not because I wanted to drink but because very drunk people are a bit annoying when you’re sober! Now I can be in pubs, family gatherings etc with not wanting to drink at all but I do leave when people start to get so drunk they’re being daft! It all really depends on the persons length of sobriety and if it’s likely people will be drinking excessively, if so can the alcoholic leave without people making a fuss?

I have an alcoholic in my family who has chosen to continue to drink after many years of being sober. I am not comfortable with this decision. He has not returned to the absolutely awful behavior he engaged in previously, but he still doesn’t have a healthy relationship with alcohol and still is not a pleasant person when he drinks. We can have a relationship because he got help for his mental health issues , but we won’t ever be close as long as he continues to use alcohol.

AA and alanon are self supporting, as previous person put, a pot goes round (tradition 7), this money pays for the hall/meeting room/rent/cost, and buys the tea/coffee/biscuits and also literature to give to the newcomer. Any spare money goes up to area to support the cost of the phone lines, as quite often this is people’s first contact before getting to a meeting in their area.

I’m two years sober (two years today in fact!)

Happy Birthday 🎂🎉 and congratulations.

@FOJN

I’m two years sober (two years today in fact!)

Happy Birthday 🎂🎉 and congratulations.

Thank you 😊

@Prettybubblesintheair congratulations on your anniversary!
I bet you can't think of one thing in your life that has worsened due to you stopping drinking?

No. I have been sober 16 years. Not sure I was alcoholic, but all my mistakes and life regrets were made when alcohol was involved. The amount of people who have tried to get me 'to have just one' or a low alcohol drink is unbelievable. A couple of years ago I read a book by Russell Brand, it opened my eyes to my personality and confirmed that not drinking was the only way forward for me. Like a previous poster said 'one is too many and 20 not enough.'

Yes.

Father was a chronic alcoholic for over 20 years. He quit and was completely abstinent for 10-15 years, and after that he was perfectly capable of having one or two sociable drinks in company, and he never once let it get to the point whereby he was drunk or visibly under the influence.

I don't think it's common, but it is perfectly responsible. As much as I was proud of him for giving up his addiction, I also admired the fact that he genuinely reconsidered and reset his relationship with alcohol, and realised that it was perfectly possible for him to drink responsibly, enjoy the company of others, and not feel like a complete lemon just because he wasn't rip-roaring drunk. It was complicated by the fact that he genuinely liked beer and didn't seem to realise that overconsumption made him into something wholly different, It's something I've struggled with myself, but later in his life I think he discovered that as much as you might crave and desire something you relish sometimes a small quantity here and there is actually more pleasurable than an enormous amount in one go. He basically learned moderation and appreciation for the odd beer, much as most people with no alcohol issues who enjoy beer do.

perfectly possible* not perfectly responsible, that should say.

@Prettybubblesintheair congratulations 🎉

@XDownwiththissortofthingX wow I've never heard of a story like your dads! That's really fascinating. When you say you struggled similarly, do you mean that your drinking behaviours were like your dads? My dad is still in active addiction. God knows what happened on Sunday. He went drinking for 12 hours and he's been holed up in his bedroom since, hasn't eaten for nearly 48 hours. I like to call it his 'Gollum ' voice sometimes. On Sunday it was my sons bday and I could tell he was going to the pub, you know that twitchy anticipation addicts get. I said 'are you going to the pub? Because we're going to do grandsons bday cake later' all said without any disapproving tone etc, who am I to judge?! He went bonkers! Told me im really fucking annoying, he was going to actually cut his friends grass, demanded I empty his van (I did it and I'm still not sure why). But I now understand that is not my dad talking, it's his addiction. I feel sorry for him but my sobriety is more important than trying to help him when he's not ready. I've happily been Smeagle and not Gollum for 18 days, and I hope one day he gets there too.

@derrymum123 was it the addiction book? The one about all addictions, like phone time etc? I was looking at that one. I might get it. I'm currently reading pearl Lowe's autobiography, and I was shocked she's was a heroin addict, but didn't drink. Im not a drug addict but I think this is the first autobiography I've read about addiction where alcohol hasn't been a main player.

[quote Haveatakeaway]@Prettybubblesintheair congratulations on your anniversary!
I bet you can't think of one thing in your life that has worsened due to you stopping drinking?[/quote]
Sorry only just seen this! Thank you and no, there is not one thing in my life that has been made worse by not drinking! The total opposite, everything in my life is better now I’m sober.