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Original poster

I have not left the house in a week. What do I do?

100 replies

DaffodilsandDelilah · 10/04/2022 14:00

DS12 has HFA. He broke up from school a week ago so we are heading in to week 2 of the Easter break.

I also have DD7. DD7 goes to a holiday club during the week which she loves.

DS12 will not leave the house at all; we’ve been trapped inside for a week. He can’t be left alone and DH is away working. I am slowly going insane and I can not stand it any longer.

A few days ago. I planned us a day out to a lovely local community garden with a play area (for today). I told DS12 days ago that we were going, he needed fresh air and we needed to get out. He was reluctant but he understood. I’ve reminded him daily and explained we won’t be long, we’re going at a quiet time etc etc. We were only going to go for an hour even though I’ve paid for the full day.

This morning, he has refused to go. He’s had an almighty meltdown, shouted at me, refused to dress. He said it’s only me wanting to go and he wants to stay in.

He does no extra curricular. He goes to school , comes home , watches tv, goes to bed, on repeat. He won’t leave the house at weekends.

I lost the plot. I told him I hate living like this , I feel like a prisoner controlled by his whims and I can’t do it anymore.

Every weekend is the same of him and his routines and HIS need to stay at home. The sun is shining and all the DC are playing out or are on day trips out. I look out the window and just feel sad.

We are again inside. I can’t pop to the shops to break up the day because he can’t be left alone and he won’t come with me.

What do I do going forward? I’m so very annoyed right now and I can’t think rationally other than to go and make another fucking cup of tea to drink whilst staring out the same fucking window.

OP posts:
Lightning020 · 10/04/2022 14:13

At that age unless he is special needs you can go out daytime do essential shopping for two hours. It is no different from you working weekdays and returning home 6pm. If he can walk home from school that is.

You can also go for a walk on your own as he needs to learn to fend for himself just leave a snack and drink he can pour it out he has to learn.

As for extra curricular many yr 7 children don't join extra curricular activities for a while once they go to secondary school. My ds who is now 17 only joined army cadets just before the pandemic.

Lightning020 · 10/04/2022 14:13

Just keep popping out and try not to fret .....

joopy79 · 10/04/2022 14:14

Take away the TV remote?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Anotherdayanotherdollar · 10/04/2022 14:16

Lightening020
The op states that he has HFA, which I think is high functioning autism, so possibly can't be left alone.

FlowersOP, that sounds really tough. How long is your DP away for?

AgentProvocateur · 10/04/2022 14:16

The OP has said that he has autism. I think she knows best whether he can be left in alone or not Hmm

gamerchick · 10/04/2022 14:16

At that age unless he is special needs you can go out daytime do essential shopping for two hours. It is no different from you working weekdays and returning home 6pm. If he can walk home from school that is

The OP has literally said he had SN.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/04/2022 14:17

Why can't he be left home alone, would he be a danger to himself?

Original poster
DaffodilsandDelilah · 10/04/2022 14:17

@Lightning020 he does have special needs and is unable to be left home alone.

@joopy79 unfortunately, taking away the remote makes no difference. He does use his time wisely at home , he likes to build models and spends a lot of time doing this.

OP posts:
HugsAlwaysAvailable · 10/04/2022 14:17

What does he do that means he cannot be left alone?

My saw is also HFA, and dislikes going out. He is a year or so younger than your DS, but the same as in he just wants to come home and game and watch TV. He will come out on family days, but unhappily so. I have managed to get him enjoying a scooter so he at least gets out the house for a couple.of hours of a weekend.

I feel your pain though OP.

DownWhichOfLate · 10/04/2022 14:17

Would he go for a walk if he had headphones and could listen to a podcast or some music?

VeryMuchFlaggingMinty · 10/04/2022 14:18

I know it probably won't help this time round, but is there any possibility of getting respite care in place so this doesn't happen if your DH has to go away in the future?

Do you have a garden you could at least sit in or some fresh air and sunshine?

HewasH2O · 10/04/2022 14:19

You need a break. Is it possible to recruit a nice local teenager to sit in the house with your DS whilst you go out with your DD. You may be able to find one who shares similar interests to your DS (Maths, physics, gaming etc) who is keen to earn some extra cash.

FreyaMaya · 10/04/2022 14:19

Do you have a garden OP? My son is low functioning and I don't leave the house for months as he hates going out. But I do have a back and front garden to escape to.

gamerchick · 10/04/2022 14:19

Mines 15 and can be left now but I couldn't have left him at 12. Again it depends on the kid and whether they feel anxious about being left. Do they need supervision because they do dangerous things etc.

Is a babysitter an option?

toomuchlaundry · 10/04/2022 14:19

Does your DH work away a lot?

Malariahilaria · 10/04/2022 14:21

Also have hfa ds but only 7 so joining for interest. I'm not there yet so excuse my ignorance but what would be the danger if you went for a walk for 20 mins whilst he was on his screens, so you have cameras or an alarm system he can trigger? Realise all present differently but if my ds is focussed on something he won't move for 30 mins.

FrownedUpon · 10/04/2022 14:23

Sounds awful. Must have a terrible impact on the whole family. I’d second getting a babysitter/carer in so you can get out. Any extended family who would come over? I really couldn’t live trapped in my own house…

joopy79 · 10/04/2022 14:23

Could you take him somewhere to look at models?

Crunchymum · 10/04/2022 14:25

The OP literally says in her first post that her child cannot be left alone.

@DaffodilsandDelilah

Do you have a garden?
Any benches close by that you could encourage him to go out and sit on?
Any friends or family you can visit? (He would at least be outside for to travel there / back?)
Can you ask school to help maximise his outdoor time (not sure how feasible that would be in secondary but I was thinking along the lines out outside lessons in warmer weather)
Will he do any other activities at home? Reading / lego / boardgames / baking?

Crunchymum · 10/04/2022 14:26

Also yes. Anyone who can come by for an hour and let you go out for a coffee / break.

When is your DH back?

Allmyfavouritepeople · 10/04/2022 14:28

Another one echoing whether a babysitter is an option?

You definitely need some time for yourself.

There are people out there who can babysit for you, I know cos I'm one of them! Looked after a 14 year old lad with HFA while his parents went out for a bit. He was absolutely fine and I think it helped them bridge that gap between being with him constantly and leaving him for an hour or two. Obviously every child is different but if he can't be left alone it doesn't mean you're the one who has to stay with him.

VyeBrator · 10/04/2022 14:29

I lost the plot. I told him I hate living like this , I feel like a prisoner controlled by his whims and I can’t do it anymore.

You should be telling your DH this ^^

His family life can no longer facilitate him working away from home. It's time he found another job. It might not be easy but it's completely necessary by the sound of it.

Afterall, you wouldn't be able to get a job doing the same would you?

ENoeuf · 10/04/2022 14:32

If he can’t be left maybe ask about respite or direct payments. I do echo other pp surprise at not being able to leave him for an hour but maybe he’s very young for his age or doesn’t like being left.

AHungryCaterpillar · 10/04/2022 14:33

Why do people keep saying he can be left alone when the op said he can’t? I have a dd with asd and she can’t be left alone either even though she’s 11. I’m a single parent though and it’s tough, there’s been times I’ve been trapped in as she won’t come out and can become aggressive, Just because your child can be left alone doesn’t mean others can.

HollowTalk · 10/04/2022 14:33

What would he be like if you told him you were going out for an hour with the other DC, while he was in the middle of something absorbing?