I have spent everyday this week cleaning for at least 3 hours and my house is still a shithole

[JTTWC]

Yep, everyday at least 3 hours. That includes doing washing and putting it on the line.

And what does it look like? Like a house from How Clean is your House.

What is wrong with me? I don’t expect perfect but I expect to walk through my hallway without getting mud, crumbs, other random shit stuck to my foot. Also without tripping over whatever the children have left on the floor.

I honestly feel like crying. I am a much happier parent when it’s reasonably tidy.

I try and do something but get stopped by the children asking a million questions, moaning they are hungry, arguing, hurting themselves.

The washing has piled up and is unmanageable. My children had Covid last week and part of the week before so it was an early half term for us which didn’t help as I was hoping to get it clean for the 2 weeks off.

I literally cannot cope. Half term has always been a struggle for me. The kids literally destroy every room. I work from Saturday - Monday. My partner does a bit but not enough.

I’m not sure if this rant or asking for advice but just wanted to know how everyone else copes?

@Fritilleries

How are people doing a load of washing every single day with two adults and one child???

2 x work outfits 1 x gym kit 1 x school polo shirt 1 x nursery outfit 4 x underwear and socks 1/2 x pyjamas 1/2 x towels 1/2 x dishcloths 1 x tea towel

@BigWoollyJumpers

You need rules - lots of lots of rules.

Mine were no eating in any room other than the kitchen, and you sit down to eat anything, even a biscuit. Same for drinks. Therefore no crumbs or splashes. Shoes off at the door therefore no mud. Coats hung up when you come in. Toys tidied away at the end of the day, only one set out at a time.

No random changing of clothes throughout the day, one set per day, and usually worn for a couple of days (except pants). Towels changed once a week, beds once every 10 days or so. Therefore less washing.

I was a complete nightmare, my poor children!

Exactly (except the bit where you say you were a nightmare - I'd just say a good parent)

Too much stuff is definitley the problem!
My daughter has 1 ikea kallax storage box of toys and 1 book shelf
When I can no longer fit the toys in the box then something has to go! same with the books

How sad.

I liked Flylady too. She suggests tick lists of a few chores for kids such as clean teeth, feed rabbit, put dirty clothes in laundry, put worn but still-clean clothes ready to be worn tomorrow, set own breakfast table for tomorrow.

We had a lot of success with putting music on for 10 minutes after dinner. Always the same music. When the music came on we got used to all doing 10 minutes housework. The kids found stuff they could do such as empty bin, do dishwasher, tidy their shoes, carry their clean clothes pile upstairs, straighten cushions, put toys in toy box, while we folded dry laundry, wiped the table, cleaned downstairs loo. Everyone helping at the same time was nice.

With the 4 of us that made 40 minutes housework which made a difference.

My kids also enjoyed making a clothes-kid for the next day (laying out suitable clothes for themselves, including socks, in the shape of a kid, sitting it on a chair or laying it out on the carpet) They were excited to put it all on in the morning.

The only time my house stayed clean and tidy is before I had children and DH was away.

You've got too much stuff OP. I've been there and it's a nightmare.

You need to be ruthless, and get rid. Even if it's to one of those companies that comes to your door in a van and gives you a little money for bags of clothes.

Taking a deep breath and just getting rid of stuff so I could actually walk through house comfortably and actually see and get to what needs cleaning, is so freeing. My adult DCs are on the minimalist side, I won't go that far but I find it inspiring.

& I'm mindful that when they were little I bought them far too many clothes, too much stuff, add gifts from family to that and the house was very cluttered.

Many of us tend to have far more than we need, clothes especially. All the clothes and other items I've retained are those I love. & I love my home now.

Start bagging things up, get rid it will clear your mind and lift your mood.

15 hours this week and it’s still not clean? How big is this place?

I keep on top of what I can but I won’t stress out if it’s not clean top to bottom. Life’s too short!

PS I don’t think you ever stop stepping on their shit. Well maybe once they’ve left home. Maybe.

My daughter has 1 ikea kallax storage box of toys and 1 book shelf
When I can no longer fit the toys in the box then something has to go! same with the books
what a sad environment for a child to grow up in.

@SnowingInApril what a world where she doesn’t have heaps of plastic shite toys and visits the library regularly and borrows books and then returns them to swap for others

Ok then

I find washing is constant. There is always laundry so I do laundry all day every day which I've accepted.
I work from home so I'm home basically all the time and here's what I've got down. My house is small though and I only have one child, though my child is always at home as she’s home educated. I only keep the downstairs so it's the kitchen, lounge, hall, bathroom, back hall, and patio (garden is neglected)

Daily
Vacuum floors
Wash floors – I spray the floor all over, pour boiling water on, then mop up and let dry
Dishes all day every day
Litter tray
Bins taking out
Three meals – serving, storing leftovers, dishes again

I do a 7 hour clean once a month for under couch and all walls and floors thoroughly.
I do a 3 hour clean each week of one of our rooms which will include windows, sills, fridge, cleaning out cupboards

This routine has meant I can live in my house. Mess and unkemptness in the home triggers me and I can't stop it even though I've tried.

I make my DH do 50% of all household chores - I wouldn't accept anything else. Maybe start there OP.

I'm not the most houseproud, and we have a cleaner once a week which helps. But, what we've done since our kids were about same age as yours is just have a few simple rules which help a lot. 1. Tidy own room and playroom before cleaner comes (generally this means ensure nothing on floor and things put away but desk surface can be messy). 2. No computer game time/tv time at weekend unless room and playroom have been tidied. 3. If things get messy in between, I put a timer on and they do a 10 minute tidy before they can go back to playing/watching TV etc. Cue lots of moaning but if you stand firm the first few times then they quickly catch on that no fun happens till they've done what's asked. You do need to adapt your expectations to their age, but even a young child can pick up toys from the floor and put them in a box. It's worth blocking your ears to the moaning and tantrums the first few times, it will pay dividends.

@SnowingInApril

*My daughter has 1 ikea kallax storage box of toys and 1 book shelf When I can no longer fit the toys in the box then something has to go! same with the books* what a sad environment for a child to grow up in.

Given that some children have had their lives ruined over in Ukraine, I don't think a child being taught the value of possessions and keeping things tidy constitutes a sad life.

FFS do you really need to start with the virtue signalling @Fritilleries? How is that going to help the OP?

I know how you feel, Dh has covid and is isolating in our bedroom as we have a wedding and easter so none of us want it
My kids are 18 & 16 and still make a mess ,,they help but ds18 works full time and ds16 college and part time job yet this week we seem to be surrounded by mess
Washing drying all over doesn't help and dh is normally pretty hands on
Im going to tackle 2 rooms tomorrow frontroom and bathroom and kitchen and downstairs loo sunday
The boys can do there room and the hallways

"shithole" ?
think we need more info, what was the starting condition

I have 2 more children than OP & even when all of them small our place was never what I would call horrendous. Not because I clean for hours/day, opposite actually. I'm a bare minimum cleaner. Either OP has standards I can't understand or maybe she started out in a hoarders' lair.

I know someone who has 4 children in a 3 bed semi, basically a 2 up-2 down with extra bedroom over stairs. Her front garden is piled high with rubbish (similar to this) & lord knows what back garden is like. I could imagine her needing > 15 hours to make visible progress.

@SnowingInApril

*My daughter has 1 ikea kallax storage box of toys and 1 book shelf When I can no longer fit the toys in the box then something has to go! same with the books* what a sad environment for a child to grow up in.

Really! I think it's a great way to teach children that 'stuff' doesn't make you happier, and you totally appreciate what you do have.

@SnowingInApril, I am curious why you would think it would be a sad environment for a child to grow up in?

Yes @SnowingInApril I want to know why it’s a sad environment for my child to grow up in too 🙄 not being attached to material items. Understanding we can’t keep everything, that it’s good to borrow things like books from libraries rather than buy new things.

@Hibbutyhop the different play styles is so true. My friend used to put a film on for her dc so she could do housework and they’d just sit and watch the film. Mine would have the film on but all the cushions would be everywhere, there’d be toys all over the floor, another set of toys set up in a tableau on the coffee table, more toys in a house/den/prison behind the chair, one would be colouring while the other tried to ram them with cars and they’d have got a board game out and abandoned it part way through. It’s only 10-15 minutes of tidying (which they’d mostly do) but it’s quite soul destroying to do a load of cleaning elsewhere in the house for an hour or so and then walk into that!

With regards to the laundry I have to get up at 5am twice a week just to put away the dry clothes as it’s impossible with the kids around, only takes me an hour to blitz a large load and put away

When I ask them to do something though it results in whinging (well from the younger one)

Too bad. They've still to do it

and in the end I get annoyed and do it myself!

So they know that whinging will get them out of it

How do you get them to tidy without a load of hassle?

You don't, initially. There will be a load of hassle. You tell them they've to do it and hold firm until they do. Each and every time. They will eventually learn this is a non negotiable.

I know I should be stricter

See, you know really!!

I am also learning right now I have to be a lot stricter with my DS (5). We're starting to see behaviour I really don't like. I've been a LOT firmer recently and although it's hard he is responding very well to it. Stick to your guns!

(I heard as a parent you should pick your battles. It o lot just recently occurred to me that I don't pick ENOUGH battles! A few more battles will help me avoid raising a rude and entitled adult!)

Make a rule. They can only have screens once their mess is tidy. Stick to it and get some ear plugs so you can ignore the whingeing

Also go through everything, every box, clothes drawer and cupboard in the house and get rid of anything that isn’t used, is too small or doesn’t bring you joy. Be ruthless, be hard, bag it up and get rid. The less you own, the less potential for mess and feeling overwhelmed.

I live in a small (75m2) cottage with absolutely no built in storage, with DH, DD (4) and dog.

My tips are create decent ACCESSIBLE STORAGE that is easy to use (kallax baskets for toys), DECLUTTER so that everything in the house has a storage place that is not overflowing and likely to collapse on you when you open the cupboard.

Then follow a CLEANING METHOD like the organised mum method, and commit to it and believe in the process.

Gradually invest in better cleaning EQUIPMENT; cordless stick vacuum cleaner, spray mop, tumble dryer, bigger washing machine etc.

Talk to you DH and find a realistic arrangement. What form that will take will depends on his commitment, but it may just be that he agrees to buy a tumble dryer and accept the increased energy bill as part of the household cost.

Accept that the school holidays will be untidy choas, but get your shit together in-between, so at least it is clean untidy choas, no more grim sticky socks.

[quote JTTWC]@ReadyToMoveIt I completely agree. I am all for kids being kids but I think they should learn responsibility. When I ask them to do something though it results in whinging (well from the younger one) and in the end I get annoyed and do it myself! How do you get them to tidy without a load of hassle? I know I should be stricter [/quote]
Make sure all the toys stay in the playroom - they have to put them away before they go to bed. It’s fair enough that they play wherever they want, but the toys being returned to the playroom is an absolute must. Also, only 1 toy out of the playroom at a time. You’ve got to install this into them.
Regarding laundry, you need a good system. Have 3 laundry baskets - yours, DHs and the dcs. Kids trained to put their dirty clothes straight into their basket. Only wash clothes from 1 basket at a time, so that you’re not spending more time sorting them out once they’re washed. I used to put a load on last thing at night so it was ready to hang / go in the dryer first thing, then put another load on at breakfast time. Kids clothes can be put away whilst you’re getting them dressed in the morning. Dh can do his own washing the lazy sod!

Another vote for The Organised Mum Method

There's a website and facebook page with loads of tips to get you started - including The Messy House Bootcamp and then 'how to' for keeping on top of things.

It's the only 'regime' that's ever really worked for me.