I have spent everyday this week cleaning for at least 3 hours and my house is still a shithole

[JTTWC]

Yep, everyday at least 3 hours. That includes doing washing and putting it on the line.

And what does it look like? Like a house from How Clean is your House.

What is wrong with me? I don’t expect perfect but I expect to walk through my hallway without getting mud, crumbs, other random shit stuck to my foot. Also without tripping over whatever the children have left on the floor.

I honestly feel like crying. I am a much happier parent when it’s reasonably tidy.

I try and do something but get stopped by the children asking a million questions, moaning they are hungry, arguing, hurting themselves.

The washing has piled up and is unmanageable. My children had Covid last week and part of the week before so it was an early half term for us which didn’t help as I was hoping to get it clean for the 2 weeks off.

I literally cannot cope. Half term has always been a struggle for me. The kids literally destroy every room. I work from Saturday - Monday. My partner does a bit but not enough.

I’m not sure if this rant or asking for advice but just wanted to know how everyone else copes?

Bog un-mumsnetty hug.

I've just had a lathe & plaster ceiling pulled down today. Despite sheeting and duct taping the doors, oh the dust!

They're coming back on Monday to remove a chimney breast and another ceiling so cleaning it feels incredibly pointless!

I thought you were going to say you have toddlers! Your dc are old enough not to be destroying rooms and are certainly capable of putting things away after themselves. They can also put washing in the machine, help hang it out on airers, out their own clothes away and help sweep the floor.

Yeah, I don't disagree with you @BIWI but sometimes people don't have the infinite energy required to fight an uphill battle against 3 other co-habitors and just giving up(ish) can save one's sanity and energy for other more worthy endeavours.

A tidy house isn't the be all and end all. It doesn't mean it has to be a shit tip, just not as tidy as one might want.

True - that's the point I was making about @JTTWC and her partner meeting somewhere in the middle!

too much stuff is definitley the problem!

My daughter has 1 ikea kallax storage box of toys and 1 book shelf

When I can no longer fit the toys in the box then something has to go! same with the books

We got a library membership so she can borrow more books and they are easily returned

I'm pretty brutal with getting rid of clothes and stuff too once outgrown or if they aren't stuff she wears - i get stuff to the charity shop and stuff I want to keep for potential second child is in those vacuum bags that you suck all the air out of and have them packed away at top of wardrobe

Me and my husband do a 30 minute blast each evening of 1 room each day so it isn't too overwhelming and we aren't spending too long cleaning at one time.

I do one load of laundry each day - 3 baskets - one for me, daughter and husband - separate the dry clothes into our own baskets and then in the evening when we are watching tv we both fold our clothes and our daughters - then when we go to bed we quickly put them into the wardrobe / drawers

keeps the place ticking over

ohhh also I have a box that i grab all the random things left round the house there is no place for and if it's not had a home found for it by Friday Its going to charity lolz

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow love it! I'm so tempted to start texting mine when dinner's ready

MinesATriple

I didn’t bloody work though! I swear if l put barbed wire on there they’d just ignore it. Or ask bemusedly why it was there.

Sweepy app might be worth a look? It assigns daily tasks to everyone, and you can customise how often stuff is done.

For example, every day here, household members get assigned to do a laundry load and put away, load dishwasher, hoover main traffic areas, clear 'hot spots' (for us that's kitchen table and stairs that always accumulate clutter), quickly clean the toilets and a couple of other bits. Then there's stuff that isn't daily but every few days that gets assigned, so today DH got assigned to hoover bedroom as that's done twice a week. Last time it was assigned to me, but it's random unless you specifically want to set tasks for specific people.

What I like is that you assign each person how many 'effort' points they have on a particular day, so for example Mondays DD is at nursery and I don't start work till late so I assign myself more effort points on Mondays as I have more time. And DH gets assigned more points at the weekend.

There's also a leaderboard if you're competitive! There's some stealing of tasks that goes on here but I can't condone such unethical behaviour

I find that we work much better with lists and things to tick off.

So your dc are 5 and 7, so presumably at school normally - I know you said they have been off with COVID, but normally, and you only work outside the home Sat, Sun and Mon ?

I'm not sure why this is such a big issue then, or why 3 hrs per day for a whole week hasn't made a big impact.

From the headline, I was going to be more sympathetic and agree that when you start a big sort out or tidy up it does get messier to start with as you empty a cupboard or loft, but then you are talking about crumbs down the hallway and tripping over things they leave lying around.

I think you are going about it wrong. Directing all that energy into following them round clearing up is like trying to fill up a bucket that has a hole in the bottom. You should put your energy into ensuring that they do take responsibility for putting things away at the end of the day, and that they only eat in the kitchen, etc.
Yes, it is a pain to call them to pick something up that they have left when it is quicker to pick it up yourself, but it is short term pain for long term gain.
They are old enough to be able to understand some basic responsibility.

Other things that help:

Storage baskets and boxes. Just chuck toys in them with gay abandon so at least they're not on the floor.

Robo hoover: DD knows that if there are toys on floor when Gus comes out, they will be eaten so she rushes around picking them up when she hears him leave his nest! Ours goes round downstairs every evening at 6.30 and we bring him upstairs a couple of times a week.

Laundry is awful, there's no getting round that. I try and do the rule that once a load is in, it has to be put away before doing another one or cleans clothes mountain builds up, but honestly there are worse things than piles of clean clothes somewhere.

Also yes to the robo hoover - i stick it on when im doing bed time and when i come back the room has been hoovered!!

You have too much stuff. You need to get rid of a lot of stuff so it doesn't look cluttered. During the holidays I find I can vacuum 2 or 3 times a day. My toilet is always clean, bathroom done once a week, kitchen always clean. Lower your standards, you're not a cleaning lady x

@Fupoffyagrasshole

too much stuff is definitley the problem!

My daughter has 1 ikea kallax storage box of toys and 1 book shelf

When I can no longer fit the toys in the box then something has to go! same with the books

We got a library membership so she can borrow more books and they are easily returned

I'm pretty brutal with getting rid of clothes and stuff too once outgrown or if they aren't stuff she wears - i get stuff to the charity shop and stuff I want to keep for potential second child is in those vacuum bags that you suck all the air out of and have them packed away at top of wardrobe

Me and my husband do a 30 minute blast each evening of 1 room each day so it isn't too overwhelming and we aren't spending too long cleaning at one time.

I do one load of laundry each day - 3 baskets - one for me, daughter and husband - separate the dry clothes into our own baskets and then in the evening when we are watching tv we both fold our clothes and our daughters - then when we go to bed we quickly put them into the wardrobe / drawers

keeps the place ticking over

How old is your daughter? And is she an only child?

Regarding the kids tidying up after themselves - any toys not tidied away after the set time, or by dinner, or when the buzzer goes (get a cheap timer) are confiscated. And really put them away somewhere inaccessible, no mercy. Soon there will be very few toys left around!

Also use this for toys that are for the playroom.....if they are found in other rooms....they're gone.

They're old enough to get the message.

she is still little @Pommelegible 15 months! I am aware things will change as she gets bigger! I have my eye on a bigger unit for her toys to have in her bedroom as she grows - but again if all her stuff won't fit in it -things gotta go!

We have a clear out once a month in general - we all go through our clothes and things and get rid of stuff we no longer wear / doesn't fit or whatever.

she has a 13 year old brother (my husbands son) he stays with us regularly

Conversely I spent 17 minutes tidying our bedroom whilst timing a box hair dye, transformed it.

What's that all about.

I'd give yourself a break post Covid and also perhaps consider a one off spring clean from a company.

if 13 year old leaves his stuff lying around - goes in the box of doom that if items are not claimed by friday they are going to charity!!

You need rules - lots of lots of rules.

Mine were no eating in any room other than the kitchen, and you sit down to eat anything, even a biscuit. Same for drinks. Therefore no crumbs or splashes. Shoes off at the door therefore no mud. Coats hung up when you come in. Toys tidied away at the end of the day, only one set out at a time.

No random changing of clothes throughout the day, one set per day, and usually worn for a couple of days (except pants). Towels changed once a week, beds once every 10 days or so. Therefore less washing.

I was a complete nightmare, my poor children!

Ah ok @Fupoffyagrasshole. I wasn’t trying to be snarky just mine all only had one box of toys when very little but as they got older it got harder to fit all of the developmentally appropriate toys in one box so they ended up with a box of construction toys, a box of trainset, a box of small world, a box of roleplay, box of craft etc and a lot more books! The younger ones now have a 4x2 each (4 books 4 toys) and another 4 boxes of shared stuff plus puzzles/board games and bigger toys like a dolls house and garage. They don’t have crazy amounts and we clear out regularly but it builds up quickly!

You need to be much stricter. They shouldn't be " destroying the house".

Immediately drawn to your title- this is me! It is relentless. We definitely, definitely have too much stuff but the process of decluttering is a big commitment in itself and whilst I’m attempting that (or cleaning), the children are making more ‘work’ around me. It really gets me down and feels very disheartening.

I also think some children have different play styles- one of mine is craft mad, another is into superhero play, the third likes to be outside. A bit of playtime can turn into a mountain of creations, with sofa cushions off for a fort and dirt brought in from outside. I find it a lot to keep up with alongside an intense job.

So, I sympathise. My advice would be to massively reduce the amount of ‘stuff’ you have, in every category.

How are people doing a load of washing every single day with two adults and one child???

Ah no worries at all @Pommelegible

I totally get it!! she doesn't need much now (all she currently wants to play with is coasters and the remote controls hahah)

Our flat is tiny - just 2 bedrooms and I do get quite anxious about clutter so I am excellent at keeping on top of things.

I'm fine with her having the unit full of toys and things as she grows in her bedroom - as it's just boxes its very easy to tidy up - just literally pick it all up off the ground and into the boxes !

I am constantly drowning in clothes for her - for her 1st birthday I requested no gifts and omg everyone gave us clothes! so I can see how quickly the stuff builds up and can get out of control

@Fritilleries I have reusable nappies and wipes so in between the clothes and bedsheets i've got those to wash so pretty much daily there is a wash going on otherwise it gets out of control