Grief- what gets you through?

[Kanfuzed123]

Lost my dad over the summer for months after I couldn’t say the words.

Grief hits me here and there without warning. The fact that this person, who I knew no longer exists, no grave (cremated and ashes scattered) is what I can’t wrap my head around anymore.

What gets you through your grief?

The grief for my Dad;

He told me with venom that I was not to go around skriking (crying) about him when he died.

That I loved him and he loved me.

He was mine.

If you're on Instagram there is an account @lifedeathwhat which as I type I have realised it has helped me understand losing him and death more.

Sorry for your loss op

If not mentioned already, music, it can give a good release. I play music to help with my emotions, I suffered multiple bereavements in a short space of time, music has been an absolute godsend in helping me grieve.

Time..and sorry because that does not help you whilst it is still fresh. But it does get easier. I adored my dad, and I will never get over losing him (he died 6 years ago) but it gets easier with time.

I'm 3wks post losing my dad unexpectedly.

It is a complicated situation, made only worse still by the lack of a funeral. It feels like there's some sort of "closure" missing.

I've been alternating between leaning into it (all the crying, watching six feet under and other grief related movies), and being in total denial whilst I try to be 'normal' for my dc.

I'm hoping that time will make a difference. I have that general feeling of unfairness that this awful thing has happened but the world is just carrying on regardless. And grief is just so very exhausting.

Thanks for starting this thread OP. I will come back and read it properly when I'm feeling a bit stronger.

Best wishes to you, and my condolences to all

What gets me through? Knowing that my mum, who I lost 3 years ago, lives on inside me. Not in a woo way or a religious way but she just .. does. I have 50% of her DNA and I know exactly how she'd react to something etc. I also know that she would be very very upset with me to see me upset and grief stricken, as your dad would be with you. I hear her voice saying ' for god sake, pull yourself together!' and it jolts me out of a little crying session

Accept you'll always miss him. Accept it's hard and you'll have moments that blindside you. Allow yourself to have these moments and then move yourself along until the next time.

It's a weird and awful club to belong to but belong you must, so it's just a case of getting on with it.

I sometimes have these moments where I just simply can't believe or fathom she's gone and o actually shake my head in disbelief. And then, it passes.

And it will for you too x

I lost my Dad almost two years ago, in fact it will be the anniversary of his death next week. Grief is such a personal thing, I still have bad days and when I do I just accept it and let myself feel sad. I still can't bring myself to look at photos and I find talking about him difficult. I think you have to embrace whatever brings you comfort. I often try and tell myself that he would want me to be happy and by being happy it's the best way to honour him. On dark days I tell myself that I'll try again tomorrow.

I lost my partner to suicide nearly 18m ago. People say give ig time. I kept thinking when will I feel more like the old me but research has taught me this is not something yo get over but is something to live alongside. It is torture I know. I think after a certain period of time people want u to say u r ok,when inside you may be raging . I would say try not to push people away. I don't want to do anything but have friends who love me and gently persuade me to do things. It is a brief reprieve from the internal torture. Be kind to.yoursef. hand hold.

For me, time.
I lost my Mum 15 years ago and I still miss her so much. Not the raw grief like at the beginning, It was like real pain, but grief in that she has missed so much.
I still need her, even though I am nearly 60 and not much younger than she was when she died.

Time. I don’t feel the same constant intense grief that I felt 21 months ago when I lost dh. I was a mess for the first year and I’m still am on a lot of meds

however when I do get waves of grief they are huge.

I found comfort in just carrying on, I had to. I got out as much as I could, spoke to people.

when I lost my dad i had a 2 week old baby to care for, plus a 4 and 7 year old.

but yes time may seem like a cliche but it is true.

yes I’ve also lost friends. Some neighbours avoid me. Too scared they’ll catch the ‘widow’

thats how it feels anyway

I'm not sure we ever get over grief / losses. It is 6 years today that I lost my dad. I still find myself crying now and then. It's a horrendous pulling feeling and I don't think it ever goes away...you just learn to live with it and it does become easier.
I would like to think that one day I will see / be with my dad but I'm not sure that really happens.
Things will feel and get a bit easier as time goes on. Be kind to yourself x

Time
Allow yourself to grieve. Talk about him. Get therapy if you need it

One day at a time.
My DH and childrens dad took his own life just over 2 years ago. We got through the early days hour by hour with no expectations.
I am very sorry for your loss x