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Original poster

Why do babies like sleeping with us?

65 replies

gionalooks · 05/04/2022 23:07

My DD is 6 weeks old and sleeps like an absolute log next to me, co sleeping. We've given her crib a few tries and she hated it

I've read online that it's to do with their breastfeeding being on tap but she doesn't ever feed during the night, so long as she's next to me

If she's in her crib, she wakes to be fed a few times

DS had the exact same pattern of behaviour at this age too. He slept beautifully and I was never sleep deprived, but he was in my bed too

Why do they like it? I don't particularly enjoy the presence of my own ex H... so can't say in the same and hate sleeping alone

I like sleeping with my DC but prefer my own space generally speaking

OP posts:

Movingonup22 · 05/04/2022 23:08

Because they’re vulnerable and need to be safe from attack. It’s fundamental evolutionary urge

123ZYX · 05/04/2022 23:09

At that age they don't really know they're separate to you. Being able to feel and smell you makes them feel safe because they have spent the last 9 months being safe inside you.

Angrymum22 · 05/04/2022 23:12

They have spent the last nine months biologically plumbed in to you. Your heartbeat has been integral to their survival. Your smells ent is imprinted on their brain. They feel safe, protected and relaxed when you are close. It is nature at its best. When you remove any helpless mammal too far from its mother it automatically cries. We are no different.

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Arianya · 05/04/2022 23:13

Historically babies who were happy not being cuddled up to mum would freeze to death or be eaten. They’ve evolved to want close contact for survival reasons and to get noisy and upset until they get what they want.

Angrymum22 · 05/04/2022 23:13

smell/scent

feliciabirthgiver · 05/04/2022 23:15

Because we are mammals and it's what every other species does.

Cherrysoup · 05/04/2022 23:15

Feel safe? Have you tried one of the cribs that attach to the bed? I’d be worried about rolling over if the baby was in the bed with me.

It’s odd, but I’m currently using a crate for a puppy, but if I sleep on the recliner overnight, he’s perfectly happy to sleep next to me, but would be a destructive devil if left alone uncrated. (This was when I had a trapped nerve and needed the area supported, so a normal bed was no use)

Lindy2 · 05/04/2022 23:17

Both of mine had to be next to me to sleep. If I tried to move them it was like an alarm had gone off.

I've always assumed it was the comfort and security of knowing I was there that let them stay in a more sound sleep.

I found when we were co sleeping it was easy for me to sleep staying very still. Now my children are older and we don't co sleep I fidget quite a bit.

MissMaple82 · 05/04/2022 23:25

I find it odd that you seem to be bewildered as to why a 6 week old would want to sleep near you!

JustWonderingIfYou · 05/04/2022 23:29

It's pretty obvious isn't it? They're biologically programmed to, it keeps them safe. Our babies are ridiculously vulnerable when born. Look at other mammals.

Traumdeuter · 05/04/2022 23:32

What everyone else has said. I was surprised at how natural I found co-sleeping, as I had always loved my own space before. But it seemed like the most obvious thing to do, or otherwise be in direct physical contact with my hand in the bedside crib.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/04/2022 23:35

We’re animals. Babies are animals, they don’t know people think they should go in cots. They’re wired the same way babies have always been wired, to be happiest when they’re close to their mothers. It’s normal, natural and healthy, if inconvenient given the ways so many people now live. No one’s told the babies and they don’t listen if you try.

Ijsbear · 05/04/2022 23:36

Mama's touch, scent and smell. Touch is so vital for tinies, plenty of evidence to support it.

SweetMeadow · 05/04/2022 23:37

It’s been nice reading these replies because my newborn will only sleep in bed next to me and will not settle in the crib attached to the bed. Despite getting more sleep and therefore coping with the newborn stage much better, I’m struggling with that feeling that I’m doing something wrong, despite knowing all about the updated guidance, how it’s possible to do it safely and this being my second child. But I just wish I could shake off some of that guilt/shame I feel that I can’t get him to sleep in his crib which is made out like it is the ultimate safe place.

So thank you to the OP and those who have made the effort to reply and state why it is biologically normal and beneficial.

Barleysugar85 · 05/04/2022 23:39

Surely the idea of separating from a baby is in some ways the most unnatural. Co-sleeping feels like the way it was meant to be for both of us, as much as I'd rather the crib had worked out, we seem to tune into each other and drop off together. I think being able to hear her sleep actually relaxes me. She is a lot more clingy than my first though- he was happy to just see/ smell me there, my daughter however isn't happy if she doesn't have at least one point of physical contact!

SmellyOldOwls · 05/04/2022 23:42

Same reason we like sleeping next to them, it's warm and snuggly and we love them and their smell. I've never been able to relax and sleep properly without my babies in the room and one of them is 4!

Frenchie8690 · 05/04/2022 23:42

It's funny because mine actually hated being in bed with me. Both went in a crib at the end of the bed. If I ever tried bringing them into bed they just didn't settle

ouch44 · 05/04/2022 23:43

Could it be oxytocin release during skin to skin contact? I know my DD who is now 13 has always gone straight to sleep if she has woken in the night and climbed in next to me. She did sleep next to me for most of the first 9 months! It's been years since she's got in bed in the night but if she can't get to sleep at night I will lie next to her on her bed and she usually still goes straight to sleep. She says I smell comforting!

ouch44 · 05/04/2022 23:45

My DS on the other hand didnt seem to do it either. He's a fidget and hates getting out of bed in the night so he says

HellToTheNope · 05/04/2022 23:45

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/04/2022 23:47

You’re doing great @SweetMeadow

You’re meeting your baby’s needs in the best way you can and that’s to be praised, no guilt needed at all

Lindy2 · 06/04/2022 00:27

@SweetMeadow

So thank you to the OP and those who have made the effort to reply and state why it is biologically normal and beneficial.

My children are older now. Our co sleeping time is actually one of my favourite memories now. If I was doing it all again I'd go straight to co sleeping again without any worries or hesitation.

KneadingKitty · 06/04/2022 00:41

Safety/instinct! Even my 6yo is averse to his own bed currently (we compromise with one night in one night out atm!) and my 7 and 9yo top and tail because they don't like to sleep alone.

I love sleeping alone, but I can understand why children don't.

bellsbuss · 06/04/2022 00:48

I've co slept with all of mine and the youngest still does on occasion.

VivienneDelacroix · 06/04/2022 00:54

Ahh Britain - where people question sleeping with their babies, but let their pets sleep on their beds.

As a species we would not have survived if babies didn't sleep next to their mothers. It's a biological imperative- they've spent 9 months physically inside you - why anyone would expect them to sleep apart from the warmth, familiarity, sound, smell, safety of their mother is beyond me. And yes of course breastfeeding too.

Human babies are meant to sleep next to their mothers. Imagine if we saw a monkey on David Attenborough try to get her baby to sleep in a different tree to her - we'd immediately think there was something wrong - and yet we think it's okay to put a newborn to sleep separately from us.

Let your baby sleep next to you, it's where they need to be.

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