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Original poster

Why do babies like sleeping with us?

65 replies

gionalooks · 05/04/2022 23:07

My DD is 6 weeks old and sleeps like an absolute log next to me, co sleeping. We've given her crib a few tries and she hated it

I've read online that it's to do with their breastfeeding being on tap but she doesn't ever feed during the night, so long as she's next to me

If she's in her crib, she wakes to be fed a few times

DS had the exact same pattern of behaviour at this age too. He slept beautifully and I was never sleep deprived, but he was in my bed too

Why do they like it? I don't particularly enjoy the presence of my own ex H... so can't say in the same and hate sleeping alone

I like sleeping with my DC but prefer my own space generally speaking

OP posts:

Confusedpapoose · 06/04/2022 01:03

@SweetMeadow

It’s been nice reading these replies because my newborn will only sleep in bed next to me and will not settle in the crib attached to the bed. Despite getting more sleep and therefore coping with the newborn stage much better, I’m struggling with that feeling that I’m doing something wrong, despite knowing all about the updated guidance, how it’s possible to do it safely and this being my second child. But I just wish I could shake off some of that guilt/shame I feel that I can’t get him to sleep in his crib which is made out like it is the ultimate safe place.

So thank you to the OP and those who have made the effort to reply and state why it is biologically normal and beneficial.

Never ever feel ashamed ❤️ Society has cast this grey cloud over a perfectly natural and wonderful instinct - to sleep next to our babies. As someone said above, they’ve been part of us, embedded in wombs for X amount of months so of course they’re going to prefer basking in the warmth of their mum for the night rather than a stiff, cold cot. You’re not damaging your baby by co-sleeping (of course as long as it’s done safely) and what I personally believe, and some research backs this, is that what you’re doing is actually providing positive mental and emotional foundations by responding to your babies needs. Honestly, is there anything better than waking up next to your baby? Ok maybe chocolate and a week in Barbados come close, but opening your eyes to their soft little face is priceless.

Blink, and they’ll be teenagers. So soak it all up and don’t ever feel ashamed. Unless it gets to a point where either party aren’t having a good time, then there’s no need to change.

The only thing I do wish would change is the approach towards it. The way health visitors and antenatal classes scaremonger expecting/new parents. So instead we sit up in bed or in the nursing chair, falling asleep with our babies in our arms - THAT’S what is dangerous. Not cosleeping if done right. So perhaps instead of scaring people they could educate safe cosleeping practises 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway, keep doing what you’re doing mama ❤️

Sunnytwobridges · 06/04/2022 01:11

@Frenchie8690

It's funny because mine actually hated being in bed with me. Both went in a crib at the end of the bed. If I ever tried bringing them into bed they just didn't settle

I wish mine had been like that. I don’t sleep well with someone else in my bed so 6 months of cosleeping was for me.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/04/2022 01:20

Ahh Britain - where people question sleeping with their babies, but let their pets sleep on their beds.

I remember a Japanese friend saying, "they wont let me eat sashimi but they put their children in another room" with a look of horror.

Babies need warmth, food, care, love. That's all in bed with them if they co-sleep. It's pretty basic humaning.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families

PoshWatchShitShoes · 06/04/2022 01:34

It's such a fleeting time. Enjoy the closeness. I've actually got my 4 year sleeping next to me now, which is rare. He's unwell and has only settled now that he's next to me. Same human desire for comfort and familiarity. Precious.

Rdhj · 06/04/2022 02:18

Do people really view a next to me crib - I.e a crib at eye level, literally attached to your bed as 'sleeping separately to your baby'? Like the pic below.

No one is recommending a baby thesedays be put in another room - quite the opposite. Not the NHS, not the lullaby trust, not NCT, no one is saying to do that.

GrrrArrrg · 06/04/2022 04:55

The whole soothing smell / feeling of safety of the mother doesn't just work on babies.

I was early 20s and moved back home after uni. I was up all night with a horrible throat infection and racking cough. Pain killers were not touching it at all. It was one of those lonely awake at 3am nights while you're convinced everyone else in the world is sleeping.

At about 7am, just before she was due to get up for work, I went into my mum's room to get some sympathy . My mum was great, she patted my head and tucked me up in her bed, and I swear just the smell of her on her pillow knocked me into the best sleep I'd had in ages. No waking up to cough or anything.

BlueSlate · 06/04/2022 05:02

I'm a bit concerned about the parenting instincts of someone who can't work this one out for themselves tbh...

BlueSlate · 06/04/2022 05:04

@GrrrArrrg

The whole soothing smell / feeling of safety of the mother doesn't just work on babies.

My daughter is nearly 16.

I sometimes stay out overnight.

She doesn't mind - I always check with her first and don't stay out I'd she wants me at home - but I recently learnt that, on these occasions, she often sleeps in my bed.

Cocopopsss · 06/04/2022 05:25

I would like to add that in the South Asian country I’ve been to, where it is the norm to co sleep, beds are a lot bigger so everyone gets plenty of space. Even bigger than a super king size bed. I think that would help with safety as well as comfort for everyone.

I agree with a previous poster who said safe co sleeping should be encouraged rather than scaring expectant mothers, like breastfeeding laying down.

MinnieMountain · 06/04/2022 05:58

DH is away with our 8yo at the moment. Their beds are separate but right next to each other. DS cuddles up to him most nights.

Kurtanforpm · 06/04/2022 06:15

Because that’s how they are supposed to sleep.

I’ve co slept with all three of mine until they are around 4 when they have happily then wanted to sleep in their own rooms.

My youngest is 20 months and is happily snoring now with her head on my shoulder.

I’ve been told again and again that I’m marking a “ rod for my own back”. I’ve got big ages gaps - 3 children over 19 years and if I had a pound for every shitty co sleeping comment I’d ever had, I’d be happy.

But hey, I’ve never experienced having to go up and down to a cot/another room multiple times a night to soothe a baby.

Mine wake up, snuggle into me and either have a feed when they are small or go right back to sleep when they are past night feeds.

Our. current set up is a king size mattress and a single mattress next to each other on the floor - bed broke while we were moving house last year and we haven’t bothered getting another base as this is an excellent set up.

farfallarocks · 06/04/2022 06:36

Ahhh this is making me nostalgic for my co sleeping days. They slept with me for 6 months and then seemed to want their own space to settle. Dh slept in another room. We all got loads of Kip. I miss it!

StephMum92 · 06/04/2022 06:40

@SweetMeadow I'm not saying it will work 100% but I put a nightie I had worn over my DD mattress and she does settle now until around 3am in Moses basket, after that she comes in with me for a few hours

WarmCrossBun · 06/04/2022 06:44

They naturally feel safe, looking back, it was one of most precious times of my life. I had both in with me, made breastfeeding much easier and less wakefulness.

Rinatinabina · 06/04/2022 06:59

Enjoy it! DD refuses to co-sleep now at 2. I always had a bad night if she slept with us because she flails, no-one got any sleep, she used to like sleeping horizontally with her foot resting on DH’s head. Now she absolutely refuses to come in with us, which means that on bad nights I’m shuttling between our rooms. Never thought I’d miss having the little pain in the butt snuggling in with us.

Nothing wrong with co-sleeping if it works for you and babies like physical contact.

GalactatingGoddess · 06/04/2022 07:03

Mine didn't! She was in a next to me for 6 months and anytime I tried to bring her physically into the bed she would wriggle all night and whimper and none of us would sleep. She moved to her own room about 6/7 months and has been a great sleeper bar regressions.
We've tried to co sleep since then when she's been unwell or teething, but she has HATED it. She rolls, cries, smacks us on the face and does not sleep 😩 I'd love to have slept with her, she's v independent of spirit as a toddler though and will only tolerate me playing with her occasionally

Chanel05 · 06/04/2022 07:09

Google the fourth trimester.

Queenoftheashes · 06/04/2022 07:12

Human babies are meant to sleep next to their mothers. Imagine if we saw a monkey on David Attenborough try to get her baby to sleep in a different tree to her - we'd immediately think there was something wrong - and yet we think it's okay to put a newborn to sleep separately from us.

Great point!

stuntbubbles · 06/04/2022 07:18

From the baby’s POV, it’s a choice between cold, hard, empty cot… or warm, stinky, snuggly mummy.

I’m 41 and still want to curl up and sleep next to my mummy

Ilostit · 06/04/2022 07:21

Because that’s natural. It’s only most Western cultures that it’s seen as the norm not to sleep with baby. Even putting baby in their own room at 6 months isn’t normal in a lot of cultures.

Kurtanforpm · 06/04/2022 07:27

This thread has actually reminded me of my ex sil, years ago when I had my first ds (she had two herself), who when she found out I was co sleeping said, “but it’s just not natural!”

okay….

NeedAHoliday2021 · 06/04/2022 07:27

There was so much pressure to get Dd1 in a cot, and dd2&3 but by then I just ignored it and did safe cosleeping. Such happy memories of that time and at 10 dtds sleep well in their own beds. I don’t get the desire to separate a baby from mum and put them in a cot when it goes against all natural instincts.

MangshorJhol · 06/04/2022 07:30

Even as an adult I like snuggling up to sleep. Why wouldn’t a tiny helpless baby enjoy that sensation?

Ijsbear · 06/04/2022 07:37

@Rdhj

Do people really view a next to me crib - I.e a crib at eye level, literally attached to your bed as 'sleeping separately to your baby'? Like the pic below.

No one is recommending a baby thesedays be put in another room - quite the opposite. Not the NHS, not the lullaby trust, not NCT, no one is saying to do that.

They aren't ? 7 years ago i got so much stick for not putting the youngest in another room!

stuntbubbles · 06/04/2022 07:40

@Rdhj

Do people really view a next to me crib - I.e a crib at eye level, literally attached to your bed as 'sleeping separately to your baby'? Like the pic below.

No one is recommending a baby thesedays be put in another room - quite the opposite. Not the NHS, not the lullaby trust, not NCT, no one is saying to do that.

My baby absolutely viewed such a thing as not sleeping next to her

She came in the bed with me and the next-to-me was a useful repository for nappies, water bottle, flapjacks and jelly babies, kindle, muslins, all the stuff you need to be awake with a baby in the small hours.

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