Why do babies like sleeping with us?

[gionalooks]

My DD is 6 weeks old and sleeps like an absolute log next to me, co sleeping. We've given her crib a few tries and she hated it

I've read online that it's to do with their breastfeeding being on tap but she doesn't ever feed during the night, so long as she's next to me

If she's in her crib, she wakes to be fed a few times

DS had the exact same pattern of behaviour at this age too. He slept beautifully and I was never sleep deprived, but he was in my bed too

Why do they like it? I don't particularly enjoy the presence of my own ex H... so can't say in the same and hate sleeping alone

I like sleeping with my DC but prefer my own space generally speaking

It's completely natural.
But why do we as a society expect babies to sleep alone, part of it is our adult beds aren't really safe for babies too soft, danger of suffocation. The other part is a marketing campaign for moses baskets and cribs

My DC never ever ever came into our bed. I needed that psychological break from them. That sounds awful but it was the only break I ever got until I went back to work.
Midnight milky snuggles might be nice for some, but nothing beat several hours uninterrupted kip in my own bed. Luckily they slept really well from four or five months. Many years on, all bonded well enough.

To be honest, I don't think this kind of biological imperative is explained to new parents if you are following the official guidance.
I know I felt like a deviant for co-sleeping with my now 20 month old, and I was scared to admit it to any health care workers. Like others though, I found it was the only way I could get mine to sleep.

Mine basically coslept until she was 14! As she said when she was about 6 or 7, "why do you get to sleep with someone but I'm supposed to sleep alone? It's scary!"

As everyone else has said - because we are mammals, and sleeping with the mother is the biological norm for every other mammal species on this earth.
It’s also the cultural norm in majority of countries worldwide. Baby sleeping on a separate surface/separate room to the mother is a very western concept. My ex-MIL comes from Thailand, and was horrified when we bought nursery furniture other for DC1 - she couldn’t understand why we were even considering the baby sleeping anywhere except with me. As it turned out, I co-slept from birth with all 3 DCs (still cosleeping with 2.5 year old DC3) and the nursery furniture was a huge waste of money

I've always felt like its actually kind of cruel that we try to make our babies sleep sperate from us. Obviously there are the safety aspects which are important, but how scary for a tiny newborn not to be right next to it's mother. My 4 year old still often climbs into our bed and he's much happier in there than alone in his room, I don't see a problem with it

I loved the milky snuggles when my 3 were babies. It's not just babies, OP. I wanted my babies near because I am Mummy and needed to know they were safe. It is, as PP have said, entirely natural.

I find it odd that you seem to be bewildered as to why a 6 week old would want to sleep near you!

^This

To all the lovely comments following mine, I’m honestly so grateful. Your words kept coming back to me during the night and were so reassuring. I completely agree with all of them and I’m going to work hard on trying to drop the feeling of guilt (which is ridiculous!). I think I will look back on this precious time fondly so for now I’ll soak it all up and enjoy all the extra bits of sleep! I hope everyone else in the same boat gets lots of lovely cuddles with their little ones too.

but hey, I’ve never experienced having to go up and down to a cot/another room multiple times a night to soothe a baby.

This exactly. I had a 10-year gap between mine and just didn't fancy the whole up and down all night chilly pacings between rooms second time round. I put a bed in the 'nursery' and from the start slept in the bed with DD2. I got so much more sleep this time round! I only ever half woke, she would feed when she wanted with only a little help, I could pop the dummy back in if she lost it - the whole thing was just much less traumatic and felt natural.

I'm amazed at the number of threads with 'my baby will only sleep on me, HELP!' - the total surprise of new parents at babies wanting to be near their mothers! - even though there's at least one every week.

@Pleaseacceptmyusername

To be honest, I don't think this kind of biological imperative is explained to new parents if you are following the official guidance. I know I felt like a deviant for co-sleeping with my now 20 month old, and I was scared to admit it to any health care workers. Like others though, I found it was the only way I could get mine to sleep.

This is really true. Our NCT class hammered us about the risks of co-sleeping. With the result that DP, who wasn't well after she gave birth, was absolutely terrified of it and therefore we slept in shifts so we could sit, awake, with a sleeping baby tucked up on our chests. We didn't have her in bed with us until she was over 1. That's one of the things I really wish had been different.

I think there are a few comments on this thread that sound a bit sneery about the OP's question and I think it's hurtful. There's no need to ask why she's asking - if you've read the papers any time in the last couple of decades you will have seen stories about how fragile babies, and when you have a newborn it's really easy to panic and feel you'd be a terrible mother if you didn't stick rigorously to the guidelines about sleep.

I had a lovely bedside crib for DC1 and thought it was the perfect solution - but he had other ideas! I hadn’t planned to cosleep but when he was actually born I couldn’t imagine not doing it. I think if you are breastfeeding it is the most natural thing and the option that keeps the baby happiest and gets you both the most sleep in the early days. I ended up cosleeping with both until I stopped breastfeeding, at 13 months for DC1 and 17 months for DC2. Both settled in their own cots and own rooms after that without any issue.

@Lindy2

Both of mine had to be next to me to sleep. If I tried to move them it was like an alarm had gone off.

I've always assumed it was the comfort and security of knowing I was there that let them stay in a more sound sleep.

I found when we were co sleeping it was easy for me to sleep staying very still. Now my children are older and we don't co sleep I fidget quite a bit.

Interesting about the sound sleep @Lindy2. My baby naps for much longer if I stay next to him. And agree on the keeping still, I used to fidget around a lot in my sleep but sleep in the same (often uncomfortable!) position when he’s snoozing beside me.

Mine slept in my arms very early on, then into a Moses basket by the bed. I tried cosleeping but they hated it!! When they went into the proper crib (in our room), they all slept like a dream from 12 weeks! I think a lot does depend on the baby, so don’t feel bad either way!

I think there are a few comments on this thread that sound a bit sneery about the OP's question and I think it's hurtful. There's no need to ask why she's asking - if you've read the papers any time in the last couple of decades you will have seen stories about how fragile babies, and when you have a newborn it's really easy to panic and feel you'd be a terrible mother if you didn't stick rigorously to the guidelines about sleep.
Yes, I agree. We’re also surrounded by cribs and cots and products and pictures of nurseries and babies sleeping soundly alone. Flat on their back, toes on the bottom, no cosy vibes: it’s drilled and drilled into us.

I got the shock of my life when DD emerged and only wanted to sleep in my armpit – I had no idea, and why would I, not having had a baby before? And with our NCT chat being all about Snuzpod vs Next To Me vs Moses basket.

Forever grateful to the day 3 midwife who visited the morning after I arrived home, hadn’t slept all night because the baby would only settle in my arms. DP had run out to get an emergency breast pump to de-engorge one boob and I’d fallen briefly asleep holding her – really frightening. So as a last resort I tried putting her on the bed and curling round her and we both passed out, finally! Midwife arrives to find us like that and was full of praise for it, gave me lots of tips and helped arrange us safely, taught me how to feed lying down, couldn’t have been happier that we were snoozing together. She saved us!