Etiquette over PIL visit?

[MewYorker]

We have recently moved to a new area and MIL and FIL have asked to come and visit us for a day over Easter so they can see our new home. They will bring with them either 2 or 3 of their adult DC who still live at home. DH isn't particularly close to his family and sees them 2-3 times a year, although less with Covid - just for context.

They will be coming an hour and a half to visit us and I have suggested we go out for Sunday lunch. The plan would be to spend an hour or so seeing our new place, having coffee / drinks etc and then walk to the local. After that we would walk around the new village and then back to ours for cup of tea etc. we have a 3yo who would go stir crazy being at home all day and who loves getting out and about so this suggestion would be easier for us than me cooking. They seem happy with the idea, and we went to the local pub for lunch when we last visited them.

In this scenario should DH and I pay the whole bill at the pub or is it okay to split it?

It does sound like an odd dynamic though, with your DH ‘not being close’ to his DP, but also happy to spend a nice day out with them. I know there are reasons why an AC might not be close to their DPs but all of those scenarios would also likely rule out having a nice pub lunch together too…

@Holly60 it amazes me how judgemental some people can be, and how so many people on MN tend to assume everyone has wonderful loving happy families. All families are different, with different set ups, histories, contexts and dynamics. Did it ever occur to you that in dysfunctional families being in a public setting can be much easier than sat being sat around in a tiny living room making awkward conversation? Probably it didn't. Not that I need to explain my husbands family dynamics to anyone.

@MewYorker - not odd at all, DH is not at all close to his parents either. Good luck with The Visit

Very much depends on what is normal for your family.

In ours we would definitely be expected to pay for parents (on both sides) whether we visited them or they visited us.

My friend with the nicest closest family I know (all with similar levels of income) always split then bill when they're out and are pretty equal about hosting in their homes - the net result is that they go out for meals more/see each other more as the who is paying thing is never an issue.

As your describing a 4:2 split in terms of people and the parents asked to visit rather than you inviting them then I would be inclined to think they they will pay or be happy to split. However, as I said, that wouldn't be the case in my family...so I would be prepared to pay.

If you are the ones suggesting going out for lunch then you should be prepared to pay (or have a conversation in advance about splitting the bill).

Odd comments here on OP's family dynamic. In MN Land, it seems that everyone is either NC or in hourly contact with family. There are a lot of in-between scenarios.

In your situation, OP, I would expect to pay, but I would happily accept their offer to pay or split the bill.