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Original poster

Can someone please talk to me?

52 replies

Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 07:35

I am feeling suicidal and can't cope any more. DH can't help. No one can. At the end of my rope.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 07:39

I am a regular. My life is completely in the toilet thanks to my YA DD. She has had depression for years. Made worse in pandemic. Now has severe social anxiety. No meds or therapy have worked. I can't cope with her abuse any more.

OP posts:
Lubeyboobyalt · 03/04/2022 07:40

I'm here. That sounds very rough, I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad

Do you have anyone at all irl to reach out to? GP, local CPN?

BlueFlavour · 03/04/2022 07:41

That sounds so hard. Do you have any real life support for your dd?

I’m so sorry you feel like this Flowers

Twixie2022 · 03/04/2022 07:42

I’m here. I’m sorry you are feeling like this. Can you reach out to anyone irl x Flowers

BlueFlavour · 03/04/2022 07:42

Support for you I mean. Have you heard of Early Help?
They saved me when my teenage dd was being utterly horrific.

Original poster
Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 07:44

Long waiting list where I am. I am meant to speak to someone next week. Been awake since 4.30 am today with a panic attack.Tried to get some support from DH. He too is exhausted. He rolled over and went back to sleep.

DD has dropped out of uni. Left a trail of expenses. She is not capable of living alone. Wont leave her room. Wont eat. Been on several meds. All of them don't work or knock her out. I am out of solutions. She used to be the most social person you have ever met before the pandemic. Now can't even speak to anyone. Sleeps all day and then abuses us when awake.

OP posts:
Hallmark1234 · 03/04/2022 07:45

You desperately need to have a break from her. Is there anyone or anywhere you can go to for a short time?

Toodleshrew · 03/04/2022 07:46

I am here for you. I am a single parent and reached a very low place last year because my teenagers were abusive towards me. I felt suicidal. Things are better now. At the time talking to my gp was helpful. Have you considered this? For you, not your daughter.

Original poster
Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 07:47

I called my GP and was referred to Talking therapies which I am having next week but apparently it is all online. I can;t face any more online. Have shelled out for private health care for DD. Still not working. She won't make any effort at all. She doesn't want to get better.

Too ashamed to tell friends. My marriage is crumbling. DH has a very stressful job- act two jobs. He is diabetic as well. I can't ask for any more support from him.

My mother is very supportive but she is 77. My only sibling lives in the States.

OP posts:
Lubeyboobyalt · 03/04/2022 07:50

I'm so sorry Flowers

You mentioning her being incapable of living alone makes me wonder about ADHD, has that ever been looked into for her?

My own adult DD also spiralled during the pandemic, her therapist noticed female ADHD traits, and thankfully she was able to get diagnosed. Being bad with money and poor executive function are big signs

I'm not trying to diagnose her online but it could be worth checking out. Another avenue that could potentially help a lot if it was discovered

For something more immediate though, don't be afraid to get her talking to the GP again about nothing helping

And OP you definitely need more support too. When you give everything to support someone else it is so hard on you physically and mentally. You deserve and are worthy of support and help Flowers

Original poster
Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 07:51

Why is life so unfair? Even before the pandemic DD was hard work. I wish I had never had DC. I have a DS doing his A levels. He is fine but affected by his sister's trauma. I have to keep things calm for him too.

We have no history of mental illness in our family. I didn't foresee this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 07:53

Yes, she was investigated for ADHD and they found nothing. Currently the diagnosis is social anxiety. All her friends are graduallly moving on and getting jobs. She says she wants to go to uni but can't handle the noise, the people, the talking, the interaction. Pre pandemic she was heading for a 2:1.

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Original poster
Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 07:54

@BlueFlavour

Support for you I mean. Have you heard of Early Help? They saved me when my teenage dd was being utterly horrific.
Had not heard of this. Will explore it.
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Vallmo47 · 03/04/2022 07:55

I am here to listen OP. I’ve been in very dark places in my days. I don’t have any solutions but I know in the long term things have a way of eventually falling back into place. You need to do what you have to do to get through the day to day. It’s sunny where I am. Could you wrap up warm and go for some air? A drive through hot chocolate? Something small that would make a tiny difference.

Toodleshrew · 03/04/2022 07:56

Online talking therapy might help you a little so do give that a go. I had the same from my gp. I also found a good private family therapist for face to face meetings. She talked to me alone first and gave me the support I need then we had some sessions with all of us. It completely changed the attitude of my eldest and though my younger child is still tricky, things are better.

Original poster
Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 07:56

I know this sounds horrible but I can't say it to anyone. Recently she had an inflamed lymph glad and I actually thought " Maybe it's cancer and she will leave is in peace"

OP posts:
Lubeyboobyalt · 03/04/2022 07:56

it's too much on you to expect yourself to keep things calm for everyone, that's way too much on your shoulders OP no wonder you are feeling so low

Does your DH have any idea how bad you feel? If not please do tell him the honest truth. You can't be a rock for everyone or keep anything calm when the stress of it is making you so low that you are suicidal. You deserve support and love Flowers

Lubeyboobyalt · 03/04/2022 07:58

@Arwenevenstone don't judge yourself for dark thoughts like that, it is a part of the ill health this terrible time has caused you. Flowers

Toodleshrew · 03/04/2022 07:58

And yes, today … valmo47 suggestion of a walk in the sun with hot chocolate sounds good. You sound exhausted and need some time to yourself

Original poster
Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 07:59

She is v underweight and won't eaven eat because of anxiety. The more she falls behind in uni the more she will reject food.

OP posts:
pollyglot · 03/04/2022 07:59

I'm so very sorry to hear this, OP. Does your DD have any sympathetic friends from the days when she was social? Is she interested in anything, such as sport or fashion? How would she react to a pet of her own-a kitten or something to love and care for? I wish I could do more to help....just keep using us as a sounding board. x

LndnGrl · 03/04/2022 08:02

If she abusive to you she needs to leave, whether she's capable or not, she needs to seek her own support for that elsewhere if its driving you to feel like this.

Original poster
Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 08:03

@Lubeyboobyalt

it's too much on you to expect yourself to keep things calm for everyone, that's way too much on your shoulders OP no wonder you are feeling so low

Does your DH have any idea how bad you feel? If not please do tell him the honest truth. You can't be a rock for everyone or keep anything calm when the stress of it is making you so low that you are suicidal. You deserve support and love Flowers

Oh yes. But he too feels the same way, so needs to find his own way of coping. He can't break down like I have done today.

He gives me time to myself. He has just shelled out for a cleaner. And I only work part time ( bcause I needed to be there for DD). But I spend the time just worrying about DD. I know a lot of people think uni is not important. But we are from a family background where we have all gone to uni and it is important to her. She doesn't want to do something more vocational. She is a big reader and wants to study.

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FlappyFish · 03/04/2022 08:05

Good morning. Sending lots of virtual support. I kind of was your daughter - I didn’t drop out of uni, but had to move home in my third year. I was really unwell. The key difference is I was not abusive to my parents.

If she can’t live alone, what other choice are there? Social services? Inpatient? You cannot cope with this any longer and I think you may have to have a United front that says no more and consequences. Yes, she is your child. But this is untenable.

Original poster
Arwenevenstone · 03/04/2022 08:07

@pollyglot

I'm so very sorry to hear this, OP. Does your DD have any sympathetic friends from the days when she was social? Is she interested in anything, such as sport or fashion? How would she react to a pet of her own-a kitten or something to love and care for? I wish I could do more to help....just keep using us as a sounding board. x
A couple but they have moved away or moved on. We have a cat whom she adores. She loves to read- am talking some 2 books a week- paint, and listen to music.

My sister's daughter also has social anxiety. I have fears too, such as a fear of heights. But we have managed to defeat them by slowly doing a bit daily. DD just breaks down when she encounters ppl at uni or in her class though. And then there is no reasoning with her.

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