DS(7) so upset after not moving up to next swimming stage

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DS(7) is the only one out of the Stage 2 swimming lesson classes held on one particular day to not be moved up to Stage 3. There was 11 children who moved up except him.

He is absolutely distraught about it still 6 weeks on. His lesson is the slot before his friends so they have all noticed and one keeps harping on about why hasn’t he moved up.

His instructor said he can mess around sometimes but his ability is on track, therefore he will be held back in Stage 2 for 2-3 weeks until he proves himself. This instructor then left and the chief instructor took over and said DS isn’t doing three techniques correctly so he’s not moving up for the foreseeable future.

I’m annoyed that we have had conflicting opinions about what is going on, but irrespective of this how on earth can I get DS to pick himself back up and prove that he can do it. He cries at the mere mention of going swimming, says he hates the pool, tries to refuse to go to lessons (doesn’t get away with this), and doesn’t want to see his friends there as he says he is embarrassed.

I want to build resilience in him but at the same time he is genuinely just so upset and it’s been 6 weeks now that we don’t know what the best way forward is as nothing we say helps. We try to swim another 1-2 times a week with him for fun and practice but he has got very anti to even try practicing.

Any ideas please?

Can you move him to the same stage lesson but on a different day/time so that he doesn't have to see his friends in the next class and hopefully gets a different instructor, so it's like a fresh start?

Once he qualifies to move up then try to get him back in to the lesson with his friends?

@xyzandabc I had considered this although I do know they are usually pretty full but I can ask. DH is pretty cross with the instructors for the mixed messages and wants to move to another provider but lessons around here are alway pretty scarce, particularly the council classes (we use a gym chain).

I would ask the instructor why, if your DS is not doing 3 techniques correctly, they haven't spent the last six weeks working with him on those techniques so that he can do them. And what they plan to do to make sure he does learn them very soon.They are supposed to be teaching him to swim, and making swimming fun - you are paying for this service. Instead they seem to have managed to make a child who enjoyed swimming, not want to swim at all. That is pretty poor on their behalf, and I would let them know I am not impressed.

I think I’d be torn between moving him to another day for a while so he doesn’t have to see his friends (and the one who keeps going on about needs to be told to stop), or finding a new swim school. Like @AmyDudley said he should have progressed by now and his confidence should not have been affected.

I'd move days if at all possible.
There's also a chance he will be taught by another instructor on the new day who may be a better teacher for your ds. I'd ask.

After 6 weeks the others will be more advanced than him now. So I think once he does get moved up he may always struggle to keep up with them now. I think I'd make a clean break, change lesson time/day/teacher and see if that makes him more settled. Such a shame

Thanks for all the replies and I think I will see if they can move him to another day.

Such a shame as he’s been swimming with several of these children since they were 4. He’s always been a strong swimmer so this has come out of nowhere. If he’s still upset we may find another swim school if we can to have a clean break altogether.

If you can afford it get him 1-1 lessons so he can move up quickly

They need to give him some realistic goals to work towards. It's no good to say 'not in the foreseeable future'. The other coach was fair to say 'we will reassess in 2-3 weeks' - that would give him something to really try hard for. Right now he probably feels like he is serving life in the lower ability group. Could you meet with the coach and get your son to ask 'ok Mr X (whatever his name is), I really want to move up with the others, what do I need to do to get to go in the better group?' That will make him look mature and like he is taking it seriously, rather the other option of than you just complaining on his behalf.

I'd get a few 1:1 lessons to catch him up to his peers.

You can lead a horse to water and all that. If he’s messing around and not paying attention properly he’s not going to improve. I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to blame the instructors.
One to one might help him focus better.

When you say he's been swimming with these other children since he was 4 and he's now 7, do you mean he's not even completed 2 levels in 3 years (despite also doing a couple of leisure swims a week)? In which case I would be moving swim schools rather than just teachers. That is not good progress unless there are issues with motor skills. I'm not surprised he's messing about after so long in one level. He's likely bored!

IME sometimes there is a clash of personalities or the child just doesn't get the teacher's way of explaining something, in which case it is easier to just switch class (I now know which teachers to avoid as DCs move through the levels). We have also found a DC stuck on a skill that is falling just short and preventing them moving, and in these cases it has been worthwhile doing the holiday crash courses to get them over the line for that stage and on to new challenges.

When you say he's been swimming with these other children since he was 4 and he's now 7, do you mean he's not even completed 2 levels in 3 years (despite also doing a couple of leisure swims a week)? In which case I would be moving swim schools rather than just teachers. That is not good progress unless there are issues with motor skills. I'm not surprised he's messing about after so long in one level. He's likely bored!

This! If he’s been swimming weekly since 4, even accounting for lockdown he should be beyond orange hats by now! (Physical disabilities excepted of course- but you didn’t say this was a factor).

@SkankingWombat it’s interesting that you commented on only being in Stage 2. I’m pretty sure he started lessons in Reception (was aged about 4.9 years to be precise) along with several other children who are in these groups. He’s just turned 7 and the others of the same age have just moved up to stage 3.

I thought this lack of movement upwards was due to the gym being closed for months due to the lockdowns plus lessons didn’t re-start for quite a while even after the gym re-opened.

How long would a child be in each stage for, assuming no physical issues?

As a swimming teacher myself the set up sounds odd. Why would they move a bunch of kids up all together? I move when the child meet the requirements not move the group up. I also don't understand how they can gauge how long it's going to take, how long is a piece of string.🤷‍♀️ The requirements in terms of Swim England guidelines for stage 2 is 5metres front crawl 5 metres on their back with their arms by there sides, push and glides front and back and some rotations and floating. Please don't hesitate to ask any questions or if you tell me where he's currently at, I can help you on what he needs to work on.

I would ask the instructor why, if your DS is not doing 3 techniques correctly, they haven't spent the last six weeks working with him on those techniques so that he can do them.

Swimming lessons with 12 kids in don't really work like that though. You can't target the lessons around the targets if one of the 12 pupils. It might be worth looking at 1:1 if you are able to. Or try to find a different session if he is that upset.

I think my DC usually took about 4-6 months per stage. DD 2 has been a bit slower - she was in the first stage for a absolutely ages but then moved through the next stage quite quickly. The pools being shut will definitely have had an impact, especially on those who were in the lower groups as they will have forgotten a lot. DC2's pool was closed for over a year as they also did refurbishment works. She was on the verge of completing a stage before lockdown but then had to spend another 3 months in that class when she got back. She is two stages behind where her sister was at the same age, largely because of the pool closure.

If you can I’d do a couple of 1:1 lessons which will worn

My daughter 12 is in a swimming club - swimming 4 times a week but still has some 1:1 lessons to work on specific things

Is it one of the ones using that online system with ticks that needs 100% to move up? We left, but too late for dd1, who had struggled her way to stage 8 but didn’t enjoy it at all.

Now at a different swim school with dd2, and it’s night and day. No tick system, lovely and encouraging coaches who remember each week what she specifically needs to work on. She’s loving swimming and has improved massively.

At that stage a 1:12 ratio is not going to suit some children. We moved ds to 1:1 sessions and he made much more progress. Although more expensive he spent much more of the session actually swimming rather than waiting for someone else to swim.

I think you are looking at this the wrong way round. Instead of being cross that your dc has been treated ‘unfairly’ and blaming the instructor think about how you can help your son. Some 1 to 1 lessons might help, but what you really need to address is why he is so distraught about it, it’s an over reaction. It’s not unfair that he doesn’t move up if he isn’t good enough - it’s tough but potentially a useful lesson.
I’m a teacher and after reports I always get a few emails complaining about low grades - not in a constructive way but a ‘that’s not fair they’ve done xxx / work hard etc’ way. Such a bad message for the dcs from their parents. I always feel like saying that I’ll change the grade if it makes them happy but it won’t change the level of work the child is doing.

@Bananarama21 thanks for your reply. The Head instructor who has taken over now says that his arms and legs are not straight enough doing the different strokes and kicking, and he rolls too much when doing front crawl. The previous instructor always said he was doing well and the only issue was his attention span would wander for about the first ten minutes of each lesson. I do think his legs intermittently bend at the knee too much when kicking.

There was 12 children split across two classes at opposite ends of the pool. They have always seemed to move children up in blocks once they complete assessments every few months; one child’s parent was annoyed as her DD is an amazing swimmer but they kept her in Stage 1 because there was no space in the Stage 2 classes (the instructor told her this). My friend’s child also attends the same lessons and she thinks they have run out of space and selected the weakest swimmer to hold back (my DS), but who knows? There is two new children joined Stage 3.

We tried the local council pool lessons, they were cheap and cheerful but huge groups and the teachers didn’t have a clue who the individual kids were. Moved to a private gym, £20/lesson with groups of 3/4 and DC progressed through the stages rapidly. One teacher in particular was outstanding and the kids just get it when she explains what they need to do. Yes, the cost for one class is the same for a month at the council gym, but worth it given what has been learnt.

DCs are all different, obviously, but my DD1 is 7yo. She is in stage 7, but was doing the preschool Duckling lessons before 4yo and could already swim 10m when she moved to stage 1. One other friend is a similar level, but they are both outliers. Her classmates who started at 4yo are now stage 4 or 5 despite lockdowns. The ones who started post lockdown #1 are now on stage 3 and have been for a while (many including DD1 seem to get stuck on 3 for a while), except one who struggles with gross motor skills and is still in 2. My 5yo is in stage 5 (also an outlier!), and the majority of children in her class at this stage and stage 4 are/were ~2yrs older than her.

NB I know so much about their classmates swimming levels as they all bring their certificates into school to celebrate in assembly when they move up. Some I see as we queue up to go in, and others DD1 comes home saying so-and-so shared X certificate.

I should add that one of my dcs found swimming really hard - just didn’t float! Ended up as a 6 yo in a class of 3 and 4 year olds, all of whom passed through the stage rapidly! You can’t be good at everything! We didn’t make a big thing of it, just one of those things you find hard! He’ll probably learn more if he doesn’t have his friends to mess round with.

Can you take him swimming during the holidays? Sounds like he needs practice.