DS(7) so upset after not moving up to next swimming stage

[Movetothebeat]

DS(7) is the only one out of the Stage 2 swimming lesson classes held on one particular day to not be moved up to Stage 3. There was 11 children who moved up except him.

He is absolutely distraught about it still 6 weeks on. His lesson is the slot before his friends so they have all noticed and one keeps harping on about why hasn’t he moved up.

His instructor said he can mess around sometimes but his ability is on track, therefore he will be held back in Stage 2 for 2-3 weeks until he proves himself. This instructor then left and the chief instructor took over and said DS isn’t doing three techniques correctly so he’s not moving up for the foreseeable future.

I’m annoyed that we have had conflicting opinions about what is going on, but irrespective of this how on earth can I get DS to pick himself back up and prove that he can do it. He cries at the mere mention of going swimming, says he hates the pool, tries to refuse to go to lessons (doesn’t get away with this), and doesn’t want to see his friends there as he says he is embarrassed.

I want to build resilience in him but at the same time he is genuinely just so upset and it’s been 6 weeks now that we don’t know what the best way forward is as nothing we say helps. We try to swim another 1-2 times a week with him for fun and practice but he has got very anti to even try practicing.

Any ideas please?

@Sittininafield I’m only a bit cross at mixed messages from two instructors - one always said he’s doing well (and used to give almost weekly feedback to both me and DS) and then the Head instructor said he isn’t doing well at all.

I think DS is embarrassed in front of the other children plus it doesn’t help that every week his good friend harps on and on about ‘why haven’t you moved to Stage 3.’ I wish her mum would tell her to be quiet.

@HairyScaryMonster

Can you take him swimming during the holidays? Sounds like he needs practice.

It says it the OP she takes him 1-2 times a week herself on top of the lesson already.

By the time we got to our 3rd dd, we didn't do the leisure centre lessons and did 121 lessons for 8 months when she was 7/8. She went from non swimmer to swimming 800 metres. Good enough for us.

I will have a look at private lessons but the gym where we are it’s £24 for 40 mins. We currently pay £30/month (receive discount because of gym memberships).

Two girls (ages 7 & 8) who do lessons twice a there are still in the same stages 3 - surely they should be more advanced? They have had x3 weekly for a year or so now.

I'd move to another day and work on his reaction to it all. Absolutely distraught surely isn't ok 6 weeks on.

It is what it is. He's not ready and, apart from changing the day, I wouldn't be indulging him 🤷‍♀️

Movetothebeat I have 8 in my stage 2 class 12 seems too much personally. It's hard as I haven't seen him swim but going off what the teacher said hes over rotating which suggest one of many things a weak leg kick, so kicking to the side by the knee, in correct breathing so gasping for air, in correct position of head so looking forward rather than down which will affect let kick does he move his head when he swims aswell? Inregards to arms swimmers shouldn't swim with straight arms we slightly bend it as our arm enters the water and pulls down. This all sounds like it can be rectified very easily but the teacher needs to make the corrections and put the work in I suspect they can't stretch themselves because of how many kids are in the class.

Hope that helps op don't hesitate to move him to another teacher or different swim school. Hope he doesn't get too disheartened.

@AppleKatie

When you say he's been swimming with these other children since he was 4 and he's now 7, do you mean he's not even completed 2 levels in 3 years (despite also doing a couple of leisure swims a week)? In which case I would be moving swim schools rather than just teachers. That is not good progress unless there are issues with motor skills. I'm not surprised he's messing about after so long in one level. He's likely bored!

This! If he’s been swimming weekly since 4, even accounting for lockdown he should be beyond orange hats by now! (Physical disabilities excepted of course- but you didn’t say this was a factor).

I think this is unfair. My DS has been doing weekly swimming lessons since he was 4.5, aside from in lockdowns when lessons weren’t allowed, and he has just this weekend moved up from stage 2. He is a strong sportsman (invited to train with premier league club’s academy) and has no problems with his gross motor or coordination.

My DS was taught 1 to 1. All I really wanted was for him to be confident in the water but within weeks, one hour a week, he was swimming underwater. I would move him. Some children need 1 to 1. It was worth every penny.

I think the posters talking about having not made progress are forgetting lockdown. Our pool was closed from March to August 2020, then again in November (so people were barely back to lessons) and then again from mid December to April 2021. That is a lot of time. I don't think that's the issue.

"Rolling around too much in front crawl"? Even adults who can swim well don't have perfect technique. It sounds like they have too many people in stage 3 and are just trying to keep the numbers down. But they could be honest with you in that case.

If there is a particular stroke that he genuinely has difficulties with (eg front crawl) does the pool do intensive courses? My ds wasn't very good at breast-stroke around the same sort of age and he did a lesson every morning in Feb half term and it's his best stroke now.

He was held back by one particular teacher for about a year - eventually I became "that parent" and spoke to the head of swim school to say I wanted him to be in an age appropriate lesson as everyone in his group was about two years younger and she moved him up on a three week trial - after which times he was moved - UP!
We also changed days to switch teachers too.

Hope you get it sorted.

Can you have a gentle word with the Mum of the child that taunts DS? Do on the basis of "I'm sure your DC doesn't realise that she's upsetting DS - can you ask her not to tell him every week as he's sensitive about it.

Saying that, I'd stop lessons for a few weeks - keep on with the fun trips - and start again in a different place with a small group.

OP is there another gym in the chain that's close enough? There are two near me and we swapped after 12 months and it was so much better.
The moving the kids up in groups is very odd. Surely they will have kids who should have moved up much sooner and being held back. That doesn't seem right to me. Also, to move from stage 2-3 they surely just need to be able to swim 5 m front and back? The technique comes later imo.

If not, swap him to another day or different time. I do this fairly regularly for different reasons. If you're the same chain as us, you can do it yourself on their app.
1:1 are worth it too. But also over school holidays, ours do a intensive daily lesson for a week. Think it's about the cost of a months lessons.

My youngest DD was in stage 3 for over a v frustrating year. She was told she was ready to move up and then lockdown happened. She went back with another teacher who kept her there for months. She did fly through the next two stages quickly though. I wouldn't say there is an average time for each stage. My eldest finished all stages in 3.5 years and that was over lockdown too. Youngest has just turned 9 and is in stage 6. I think we will be in this one a while!

I think the posters talking about having not made progress are forgetting lockdown. Our pool was closed from March to August 2020, then again in November (so people were barely back to lessons) and then again from mid December to April 2021. That is a lot of time. I don't think that's the issue.

I’m not. My 7 year old was also affected by lockdown and is comfortably in stage 5 now. Granted, he started pre school so when the OPs DS went into red hats he went into orange. Still though as much as I love my DS a sporting prodigy he isn’t!

[quote Movetothebeat]@SkankingWombat it’s interesting that you commented on only being in Stage 2. I’m pretty sure he started lessons in Reception (was aged about 4.9 years to be precise) along with several other children who are in these groups. He’s just turned 7 and the others of the same age have just moved up to stage 3.

I thought this lack of movement upwards was due to the gym being closed for months due to the lockdowns plus lessons didn’t re-start for quite a while even after the gym re-opened.

How long would a child be in each stage for, assuming no physical issues?[/quote]
I have 2 DDs (11 and 13) and both have got stuck at a level, way past their peers. For DD2 it was orange (Stage3) as she lost confidence in all areas of her life at aged 8 (SLT issues) and was I think 3 years at that level. The instructor was apologetic, but I said as long as she wasn't in anyone else's way I was happy for the lessons to continue.

DD1 got stuck at the dolphin kick technique. It took her a year longer than most to go up a level. The level after that was swift as the rest of her skills were really good by that point.

I now you want your DS to do well and keep up with his group (and yes Covid has really got in the way) but I'm sure other swimmers will fall behind over the levels. I would feel uncertain about the instructor. Are they trying to shame him into better behaviour and when you called them out found fault with technique? Maybe moving class would be best - to change the dynamic of the student/instructor relationship.

But do keep half an eye on his behaviour and be honest. Is he behind because he fails to do tasks well because of messing around? If he just has that kind of energy and distraction he might take longer to get the skills.

*know - in the second paragraph.

My SIL stopped her children's swimming lessons because they weren't progressing (DH had a cousin who competed at county-level. Maybe SIL thought you had to aim at that or not bother). We view it as a life skill.

Everyone saying what levels that child is at their age is completely irrelevant its frustrating as a swimming teacher, it all depends on a child's confidence and willness to learn and how they coordinate their stroke, it's down to the individual child on how fast or slow they learn comparing each child is completely pointless.

Can you clarify what scheme his lessons uses? Stage 2 is low in Swim England, but they don't do proper strokes in that! (Which is Stage 5...)

(Also it is true that there are a lot of older kids in lower stages at the moment... my 9yo has just moved in Swim England stage 5 and she was no where near the eldest in her Stage 4 group. The Stage 5 class has kids aged 6-12 in it!)

Aroundtheworldin80moves

Can you clarify what scheme his lessons uses? Stage 2 is low in Swim England, but they don't do proper strokes in that! (Which is Stage 5...)

Sorry i had to jump in but they learn frontcrawl in stage 2 as a swimming teacher they swim 5 metres front crawl and 5 back arms by their side from swim England guidelines. 10metres frontcrawl and backstroke in 3. Stage 5 would be swimming lengths using 4 strokes.

God you sound just like the mum I heard at swimming lessons Friday afternoon. Disgusted her kid hasn't been reassessed and moved up. This anxiety about it all- is it worth it? Your kid will undoubtedly pick up on it and feel like you are disappointed and this will massively impact on his self esteem

If the instructor doesn’t believe he’s ready then he isn’t. Yes it’s frustrating but sounds like your son needs more time before he’s ready to move up.

I'd be looking into 1:1, a group class will never be able to focus on techniques a child is struggling with. You may find a few 1:1 sessions will help boost his confidence and improve the things he needs to, but do speak to his current teacher and find out what he needs to work on.

My DD is almost 7 and just moved to stage 4 after being stuck on 3 for months and getting really disheartened seeing the other kids move up. I made a huge fuss after every lesson about how well she was doing but we also chatted about what she needed to work on and it helped her focus. Her teacher was really lovely too which helped as she'd made a big fuss when the kids did well or improved or even just tried hard.

@Bananarama21

Everyone saying what levels that child is at their age is completely irrelevant its frustrating as a swimming teacher, it all depends on a child's confidence and willness to learn and how they coordinate their stroke, it's down to the individual child on how fast or slow they learn comparing each child is completely pointless.

Perhaps, but it's useful to have a comparison to find where on the scale you fall and what is the 'norm'. Do you really believe it is usual for a child to have only completed 1 stage in 2 years of lessons (if we are generous and deduct a year for the 2 lockdowns) when there are no SN and the child swims once or twice a week outside of lessons? If I had spent £750 on lessons (what 24 months costs at our pool) in these circumstances, I would feel ripped off.

DS was told - infront of the class - that he’d never be a good swimmer, he didn’t have the stamina, etc etc etc. when he was in little school. His swimming was fine (he’d been having lessons since he was 6month) but he was a bit lazy (and the youngest and smallest in the year probably didn’t help).

He was swimming 4 times a week at one point (twice with the school) and bumped into his teacher when he left the school at a swim meet where he won his race. He only had an issue with swimming when there was one particular teacher when he was about 5 (who made all the little kids cry) and we changed his class because he was unhappy going if this teacher was there. A teacher that inspires and encourages really makes the difference.

He is now 17 and got his sports tie for being captain of the school upper school swimming team and coming second in his race (the team came 3rd overall).

I’d think about changing his teacher or class and if possible take him once a week myself and get him to swim lengths to practice and play other sports to get his stamina and strength up.

Of course that is if you (and he) wants to invest extra time in swimming (he may have other clubs and interests that takes up time). It’s a good skill to have - I wasn’t ever taught how to swim properly and only learned the ‘correct way’ just before lockdown when I took some 1-2-1 classes with a lovely man!

SkankingWombat depends really sometimes they can get stuck on a stage, depends on many factors such as water confidence getting their face in which is the biggest challenge and breathing properly in the water tend to be the biggest factors in why a child might not progress. Stage 4 seems to be a stage where they stay the longest as they learn another 2 strokes and frontcrawl and backstroke 25 metres. They then tend to progress faster as they work towards distance in the later stages aswell as breathing with the strokes.

op don't hesitate to move him to another teacher or different swim school

^^ This. Not all schools/teachers/lessons are as good.

TBH you could take a break - keep up taking him yourself and take the pressure of him with this other kid and in mean time find some other lessons or 1 to 1.

I had something similar happend with dance in primary - I probably wasn't any good as later disgnosed with dyspraxia but enjoyed the lessons. I was a bit disappointed not to move up but what made it so much worse was girls who did wouldn't let it drop every week then at school. Then teacher changed to one who constantly pointed out my faults - I staretd playing up desperate not to go and dreaded it all week. My parents made me for a while - then swaped me to an instrument - which was fine for a long while.

As swimming is a more important skill to have - I'd try and avoid him assocaiting it with something he hates - and move him.