DS(7) so upset after not moving up to next swimming stage

[Movetothebeat]

DS(7) is the only one out of the Stage 2 swimming lesson classes held on one particular day to not be moved up to Stage 3. There was 11 children who moved up except him.

He is absolutely distraught about it still 6 weeks on. His lesson is the slot before his friends so they have all noticed and one keeps harping on about why hasn’t he moved up.

His instructor said he can mess around sometimes but his ability is on track, therefore he will be held back in Stage 2 for 2-3 weeks until he proves himself. This instructor then left and the chief instructor took over and said DS isn’t doing three techniques correctly so he’s not moving up for the foreseeable future.

I’m annoyed that we have had conflicting opinions about what is going on, but irrespective of this how on earth can I get DS to pick himself back up and prove that he can do it. He cries at the mere mention of going swimming, says he hates the pool, tries to refuse to go to lessons (doesn’t get away with this), and doesn’t want to see his friends there as he says he is embarrassed.

I want to build resilience in him but at the same time he is genuinely just so upset and it’s been 6 weeks now that we don’t know what the best way forward is as nothing we say helps. We try to swim another 1-2 times a week with him for fun and practice but he has got very anti to even try practicing.

Any ideas please?

I don’t even know what stage my DS is on! He started lessons in September 2020, aged 4.5. Didn’t even get a full term of lessons in before there was another lockdown, so when they got to start again in around April 2021 it was like starting from scratch really. I think he might be on stage 2? He got given a rainbow certificate for swimming 5m. Progress seems slow but steady so I’m happy enough with that. It does sound like very big classes, there’s a max of 5 children in my DS’s classes (only 4 at the moment as one got moved up).

Does your child still enjoy swimming? My DS2 was always being told off for not listening as he just wanted to play and swim under water. He stayed in the same group for months. Then in a moment of clarity I realised he wasn’t enjoying it, so I cancelled his lessons. His swimming ability was much better than the overall level of his swimming group as at the end he was with children a good 3 years younger than him. He just wasn’t interested up in racing and swimming lengths. He was much happier once he could just sit and watch his elder brother.

I’m not. My 7 year old was also affected by lockdown and is comfortably in stage 5 now. Granted, he started pre school so when the OPs DS went into red hats he went into orange. Still though as much as I love my DS a sporting prodigy he isn’t

Well I don't know if my ds was particularly slow (he did mess around somewhat when he was very young) but it took him 4 years from his first lesson to pass his level 5 (he started lessons at 5 years old). They did have breaks for school holidays back then though, they now go all year round.

My 7 year old is at 90% completion for stage 2 and has been on stage 2 since August 2021 since whizzing through an intensive stage 1 class during the school holiday. He's the last one left that hasn't been moved up. I'm sure I read somewhere that most kids spend a stage doing 2-3 courses so 20-30 weeks?

There are probably intensive courses going on somewhere during the Easter holidays so maybe take him somewhere different to make a clean break?

My two have roughly been at a swimming class equal to their school year (currently 6&4). They do group/ council swimming lessons which while it's not the fastest method, is a steady swimming habit. Progress through stages has sped up over time and early on DS1 did benefit from holiday boosters/ 1:1 in the holidays when he got stuck. It's the effect of lockdown/ loss of school swimming that's kept them back at their equal to school year level. We move up at 100% whenever that falls (subject to avaliability... the record being 11 months in 2020...) To me, the system of moving most of the class up in one swathe seems odd.

DS2 is 8 and seems to have suddenly mentally switched on a bit better recently and it's showing in his progress. He got fed up in 2021 when he'd ended up going 18m without a fun swim due to various restrictions. Finally going to a splash session picked his interest up and gave him a rationale on why we do swimming lessons.

I'd suggest having a one-off complete week off for a mental break. Keep recreational swimming for fun only for a while. Take the pressure out and have fun. Swapping lessons will depend on logistics. Sometimes you need to mentally refresh and the progress then shows up.

Children learn at their own rates and that's OK. We've been there in Karate and it took DS1 well over two years (not helped by little consistent teaching in 2020) to go through yellow belt. DS2 started later and caught up to the same point. People he started with are two belts ahead. That's the reality of dyspraxia for him. We focus on his own "journey" what he gets out of it and his victories and avoid comparison. It's something he has to live with and make his peace with.

The child in the next stage needs to learn that it's rude to repeatedly pass the same comments like that.

[quote Movetothebeat]@Sittininafield I’m only a bit cross at mixed messages from two instructors - one always said he’s doing well (and used to give almost weekly feedback to both me and DS) and then the Head instructor said he isn’t doing well at all.

I think DS is embarrassed in front of the other children plus it doesn’t help that every week his good friend harps on and on about ‘why haven’t you moved to Stage 3.’ I wish her mum would tell her to be quiet.[/quote]
Did instructor 1 not want to have the difficult conversation and say he wasn't hitting the mark/ attributed a timeframe.... knowing s/he would be gone by the time the timeframe was up? Seems a very odd thing for a teacher to promise given it is a criteria based process.

Second theory is they wanted new business in and that meant they were short a spot... so they needed to leave someone behind.

If you want to resolve it i would definitely recommend 1:1 lessons. But if he has to wait for a batch to move up he could be waiting a while