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Original poster

Does anyone else have a DH like this? It's sending me round the bend!

58 replies

confusedlots · 31/03/2022 20:45

DH is generally pretty good, involved with the house and the kids etc, but it's driving me round the bend the way he only half does things, resulting in me going around and finishing them/doing things properly!

So tonight we were doing the kids bedtimes, he pulls the bedroom blinds down, but not fully, so there's still light coming through and obviously it's still light now when they're going to bed. So I come in and have to pull them down properly.

He did the washing up after dinner, but only decided to wash about two thirds of the stuff, so although I don't have all the washing up to do, I still have to do the worst bits like the pots and pans, but he thinks he's great doing the washing up!

One of the children left their shoes lying in the middle of the kitchen. He picks them up and then sets them down at the side of the kitchen. So I have to them pick them up and take them to where they stay!

I just need to vent tonight because it's really irritating me! Those are only a couple of examples of what happened in a short space of time this evening. Maybe I'm nit picking, but I feel like it's just creating double the work! And then he thinks I'm nagging him if I say anything! Aaarrgghh!

OP posts:
Chrissmasjammies · 31/03/2022 20:50

Yes. Harry - half - a- job same in this house so annoying.

SuckIt · 31/03/2022 20:51

That is really fucking irritating. My ex was a bit like this. Would bath the kids but leave clothes on the floor or leave the bath full of water and toys. Would never finish a job fully. I have no advice - he’s my ex for a reason. You definitely need to be having words though.

TotalRhubarb · 31/03/2022 20:53

I have a Half-a-Job-Bob, too. Lazy fucker. It’s incredibly annoying, especially as he wants a medal for doing half a mediocre job. Not happening on my watch. I’ve taken to calling him out every single time, but apparently I’m anal and a nag. No mate, just not lazy.

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LuluBlakey1 · 31/03/2022 20:55

I wouldn't say he does half a job but it's not always to my standard! I either live with it or make myself extra work- I choose live with it where it doesn't matter.

Lordoftheslugs · 31/03/2022 20:56

Exact same in our house. We’ve had many a discussion/argument about it and there might be a small change temporarily but always end up back the same. He just doesn’t seem to notice these things. Then often denies that he’s done half a job. It’s absolutely infuriating!

Uafasach · 31/03/2022 20:56

Why do you have to finish all these things?

"DH, pull the blinds down properly"

"DH, you need to finish the washing up"

Repeat until he gets it.

On the third one, the child should put his own shoes away.

Blueuggboots · 31/03/2022 20:58

I do this because I get distracted with other things, BUT I am aware I do it and am working very hard to complete the jobs I start OR explain to my other half why I've not completed them!

Lineofconcepcion · 31/03/2022 20:58

Just tell him, and expect him to go and finish things. He's getting away with it. You would correct a child wouldn't you? What's the difference?

lljkk · 31/03/2022 21:01

My husband accuses me of this all the time.
Actually, he doesn't. He just gets passive aggressive pissed off.

I think what I've done is sufficient.
He doesn't.
We are definitely incompatible.

IceVolcanoes · 31/03/2022 21:03

@Uafasach

Why do you have to finish all these things?

"DH, pull the blinds down properly"

"DH, you need to finish the washing up"

Repeat until he gets it.

On the third one, the child should put his own shoes away.

I agree with this. He knows he’s not doing all the washing up, in particular.

My (STBE)H always leaves the water in the bath if he baths the toddler. He never pulls the plug out. I am convinced it’s somewhere between passive aggression and being controlling. He acts like I’m being unreasonable if I complain he left the water in the bath. His hard is it to take the plug out before getting the toddler out? I manage to do it every time. The toddler will even ‘help’ and then applaud himself.

roseopose · 31/03/2022 21:07

Mine does this, example putting the loo rolls away in the cupboard then leaving the packaging on the floor. I used to finish his jobs then rant at him about it, now I just call him to come and finish whatever I've spotted that he's just abandoned, even if he's elsewhere in the house and its a 2 second job. I find if I don't really inconvenience him he gets even more slack.

Original poster
confusedlots · 31/03/2022 21:10

I do normally say something but I've got very conscious lately of too much low level arguing in front of the kids, they really pick up on it.

And yes I agree that I need to get the kids tidying up after themselves a bit more (although they are still young) or else they might develop his bad habits!

It's just really hit a nerve tonight!

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedlots · 31/03/2022 21:15

@roseopose

Mine does this, example putting the loo rolls away in the cupboard then leaving the packaging on the floor. I used to finish his jobs then rant at him about it, now I just call him to come and finish whatever I've spotted that he's just abandoned, even if he's elsewhere in the house and its a 2 second job. I find if I don't really inconvenience him he gets even more slack.
That's exactly the sort of thing that happens here, and yes I would often do the same as you. But it wears you down when you explain what needs done but exactly the same thing happens a week or two later! I always say to him things like 'who tells me that I need to lift the empty packaging off the floor and put it in the bin?' But it doesn't seem to stick. It seriously wears you down
OP posts:
Noshowofmojo · 31/03/2022 21:16

We both do things like that in our house and then call each other Arthur Job.

CottonSock · 31/03/2022 21:19

We have this in our house too. I tell dh it shows lack of respect to me and it leads to arguments.

roseopose · 31/03/2022 21:23

I know..my DP can do tasks like washing up to completion but he doesn't 'see' general mess/clutter/dirt so would never think oh I'll clean the shower screen/fridge. I think this is part of the problem because he then doesn't 'see' what hes left lying around. If I do get him to clean something like that he'll do it then wander off and leave all the cleaning stuff there. Like he doesn't view tidying away as part of the task! I have explained to him that if hes going to do half a job he may as well not bother because it doesn't help me to have to then run round finishing stuff off and he got a bit better..I don't think its curable though sadly!

Beachbabe1 · 31/03/2022 21:26

Is it just most men in general? My hubby shuts the curtains but doesnt actually shut them because theres still a gap in the middle.
Washes up but doesnt empty bin, clean the dinner table, clean the bin lid!
He has to be asked to fold the washing when the tumble dryer has finished, he would never notice its finished himself!
Walks into the hallway with workboots on every single day rather than take them off in the porch!
I just dont think they think about the million things we do!! Argggghhhh!

OverByYer · 31/03/2022 21:29

Mine is an Arthur (job) . Drives me mad. He cleared up after dinner tonight but left the chopping board out and didn’t wipe the surfaces. I called him back to finish. His favourite answer ‘ I was going to do it later’ 🙄
It’s annoying as I am
Not a naturally tidy person either so it is a conscious effort for me also but I just do it.

Pixiedust1234 · 31/03/2022 21:34

I have one of these. After 30+ years of his laziness I am trying to figure out a way to leave. I would kill him once he retires Angry

arethereanyleftatall · 31/03/2022 21:36

Nope. Thank the Lord. I'm single and it's blooming lovely.

Peasandcabbage · 31/03/2022 21:43

Yup, this is DH

I've told him I'm quoting him on his gravestone

"I wasn't finished".

This is what he says to me every time I ask why these things are half done.....

Butternutsqoosh · 31/03/2022 21:47

I have an Arthur Job too - terribly infuriating!

Circumferences · 31/03/2022 21:47

Haha I'm actually glad I'm a "trad wife".

I take care of the household properly and thoroughly, DH takes care of all the rest of the things I don't want to do. It's an alright payoff and neither of us gripe at eachother.

BoodleBug51 · 31/03/2022 21:47

Yep, not proud owner of an Arthur job here.

Drives me insane. he'll "clear" the kitchen up after tea but never wipes the worktops, empties the bin or wipes the cooker top. And his favourite trick is to put the dishwasher onto a rinse instead of a clean cycle, and then fucking unloads it without putting the lights on (because god forbid a light bulb is left on) and I come down to dirty crockery in the cupboards.

It's a miracle he's not under the patio,

Calmasulike · 31/03/2022 21:55

My DH takes the full kitchen bin bag out to the wheelie bin then puts the empty kitchen bin back in the cupboard with no new bin bag in it!!! I always see it’s bagless the second my hand releases whatever messy thing I’m throwing into it!