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Original poster

How the hell do you ‘do it all’?

87 replies

Bookaholic73 · 27/03/2022 18:25

I’m on about how on Earth people manage to work full time, feed your family healthy home cooked meals, make time to go to the gym, have a spotless house, make time for 1-1 time with your DH/partner and also make your children feel not neglected?

Please tell me, is this actually possible??

OP posts:

Midnightstar76 · 27/03/2022 20:35

Goodness knows OP! I question myself all the time after work, then extra school work, making tea, ironing for next day I really do wonder how the heck and one thing’s for sure there ain’t no gym in my equation absolutely no time for that. Just about manage to crawl into bed before Groundhog Day begins again.

Manekinek0 · 27/03/2022 20:38

I don't. I take one day at a time and prioritize spending time with family and eating well (because I love food and cooking). Then I just live with constant guilt and feel terrible about everything else.

surreygirl1987 · 27/03/2022 20:41

Ha. I work full time, have just completed a PhD, and have 2 children under three. I run and swim. I do everything rubbishly! I am stretched too thin, thr laundry is never finished (thankfully my husband is brilliant with housework), and I always feel guilty about not giving more to either my kids or my career. One can 'do it all' but be terrible at it!

Isonthecase · 27/03/2022 20:56

I've had people say I was one of those people before. The trick is to only invite people round when the house is clean and tidy, and constantly be absolutely exhausted. Option b is just lower your standards and enjoy life which is where I am now and it is MUCH nicer for the whole family.

notacooldad · 27/03/2022 20:57

You work as a team.
If the work load is shared equally and that includes child care and the biring chores it can be done. Just!

alternating · 27/03/2022 20:58

I've got a cleaner once a week, kids in wrap around care 3x per week, I bought a peloton so I can exercise early morning or after bed. I work from home 3 x per week (in the office 2x) which helps as I can keep on top of laundry. I often have to log in evenings/weekends to keep on top of work as log out early to do swimming lessons etc with kids.

I buy ready prepped food (undoubtedly could save a fortune here buying veg and meat and doing it myself but there just isn't time.)

I don't think there's a way to do it all, just methods to help survive while hoping one day it'll all get easier...outsourcing ironing, cleaning etc definitely helps!

BeyondMyWits · 27/03/2022 21:05

We just lowered our bar on standards, and take our glasses off... life is too short to give a shit sometimes.

Notdoingthis · 27/03/2022 21:07

No not possible. DH is neglected.

AgingBadly · 27/03/2022 21:13

I prioritise:

Spending time with kids (3 and 5)
Spending time with friends (live overseas so no family)
Super easy meals always - rice cooker is always on, beans on toast, fresh cut up veggies, eggs in numerous styles, good quality cereal.. I just offer apples as snacks which gives my boys autonomy but not too much choice
I have a laundry room where I do all the washing, drying and putting clothes in drawers. No clothes around the house to pick up ;)
No partner! Don't think I could cope having to factor someone else in! Works for me ;)

WlNDMlLL · 27/03/2022 21:19

It depends on what working full time means in reality too. If you have an hour commute each way and work through your lunch hour, you're down 15hrs a week on someone who WFH and takes an hour off at lunch. You can do a massive amount of cleaning and exercise in that time. Equally if full time is 35 hours that's far more manageable than working 45 hours, which is easier than 60 hours...

HippeePrincess · 27/03/2022 21:22

We don’t, I don’t think it’s possible.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 27/03/2022 21:24

We have a cleaner.

Healthy food is often either stir fry so quick or in the slow cooker.

I manage the gym twice a week.

Dh is an equal in our relationship and we share the load.

We have one lazy weekend day morning when we allow ourselves to stay in pjs and chill with dc.

House isn’t immaculate as we have 3dc and dd2 is a mess tornado.

Notwashingup · 27/03/2022 21:31

Had a great day. I do it all, up early for football, out for breakfast, been swimming, home for a rest, out for tea. Just getting things ready for the morning and found all DDs school uniform still in her laundry bag!
Have just had a week off work so have had a clean but actually am more organised when I’m working.
My kids do dance, football, swimming, play dates, sleepovers. I have no social life, meet nice people everywhere the kids go though

Bigoldmachine · 27/03/2022 21:36

As everyone else has said, it’s impossible to have it all.

You will have to prioritise from your list, or compromise. Eg don’t try and fit in the gym 3 times a week, aim for a 45 minute workout once a Week or something.

Things I’ve compromised on: money. I work PT so I can do all the kid stuff. We have no family at all to rely on for childcare so someone has to be there to pick them up everyday. When they’re a bit older I can work more and earn more. (They’re 5 and almost 2) So we are skint but happy. I had a similar kind of childhood, my mum went full time when I was 11 and then we had a bit more money to go around and do nice holidays etc. I look back on my childhood so fondly and I’ve turned out relatively well adjusted!!

Also the house work. Sometimes I am on top of it, I get into a stride where it is all managed and nothing is a tip / dirty…. But it seems something always comes along to knock it al out of whack again. Eg I get ill and have no energy to do it all every day.

I also have a DH who pulls his weight.

I have a hobby that keeps me sane and sometimes I do prioritise this.

You can shift your priorities as you need to. But don’t try to keep all those plates spinning all at once all the time. You’ll burn yourself out really fast!!!

Also, sorry to be morbid….. but my mum did die young (she was 55, I was 20). One day it will be your last. None of us is here forever. I say let the housework go, no one on their death bed wishes they’d scrubbed the loo a bit more!!!

katiejemima · 27/03/2022 21:45

I do most of that. 3 reasons:

I don't watch tv. It just doesn't really interest me..never has.
All the relationships I have in my life are pretty trouble-free, so I don't have to spend a lot of headspace/time worrying about them. I can concentrate on other stuff.
I'm super organised!

I don't mean the above to sound boastful...and I'm definitely not perfect by any means

downbythewoods · 27/03/2022 21:45

It's not possible without a supportive partner who pulls their weight, money to afford outside help (cleaner/ gardener/ window cleaner etc) and money for wrap around child care - oh and an ability to lie to themselves and others, because even with all this help, anyone who says they're achieving all this without compromising on other things (eg spending time with their kids is full of sh*t).

DelilahBucket · 27/03/2022 21:49

I don't do too bad a job,and I more than work full time as I have a business to run. No one is at home often enough for it to get particularly messy. We did have a cleaner but we couldn't afford it anymore so we had to stop. Both me and DH do house stuff/school runs etc, it's an equal pegging. That's the "secret". No one can do everything on their own. It also means we both have hobbies that take us out of the house regularly. We don't go to the gym but we do go running and walking together several times a week.

Mum2jenny · 27/03/2022 21:56

Sod the gym, then it works for me

canonlydoblue · 27/03/2022 22:00

Not possible (imo) - husband and I clean constantly - the house is sometimes tidy for a day. Kids eat a pretty even mix of good homecooked food and beige freezer rubbish. I haven't been to the gym in a decade but I do run around after six children under the age of ten which I consider suitable exercise. I work part time and even that's a struggle. Husband sometimes gets half an hour of my time in the evenings but I usually just fall asleep on his shoulder.

glowingcandle · 27/03/2022 22:34

I live in an area with lots of high earners and it seems to go one of two ways - either they both stay FT and outsource as much as possible (nanny, cleaner, gardener, food deliveries etc) or one parent gives up work or gets a very part-time, local job.

Until recently DH was working 5 days and I worked 4 and it was really stressful. I've recently dropped down to 3 and it is working much better. Youngest child is 3 and I'm going to consider going back up to 4 days when she is at primary school. As long as we can afford it, I doubt I'll work FT again until they're both at secondary.

I don't actually find keeping on top of the house too bad as I quite enjoy housework (weird I know). I find the food side of things worse, we get hello fresh boxes fairly regularly and more takeaways than we should.