How the hell do you ‘do it all’?

[Bookaholic73]

I’m on about how on Earth people manage to work full time, feed your family healthy home cooked meals, make time to go to the gym, have a spotless house, make time for 1-1 time with your DH/partner and also make your children feel not neglected?

Please tell me, is this actually possible??

I only manage through outsourcing - decorators, cleaner and gardener.

Also have a home gym as I don’t have the time to get to the gym.

I wake up early to cook fresh nutritious home made food everyday. My children cycle to school and I walk with them and that’s 2 miles. I then tube it to work but walk halfway. End up walking about 6/7 miles a day so that’s exercise and food sorted for us.
My husband does the cleaning and ironing so that’s that sorted. He also does the shopping on the way joke early in the morning. My children do a lot of after school activities as they love it. They also do homework before school. Once we get home, all we have to do is eat, chill and go to bed. In bed by 7ish and asleep by 7.30. I also sleep early. My husband and I both work full time but opposite shifts so we have never paid any childcare. I have 3 children. It’s hard work but doable because my husband isn’t lazy and isn’t work shy at home and with the children. We spend a lot of time outdoors over the weekend. No one feels neglected. I also get time for myself.

Throw money at it. We have a cleaner, a gardener, get HelloFresh/Gousto and eat more takeaways than I would happily admit to. I never exercise (I'd rather prioritise socialising/literally anything else, frankly), and the DC are at childminders/ASC until 6.30 four days a week.

Works for us though.

I think it's impossible to think people can do it all. I prioritize a decent meal each night, minimal housework, making sure the dogs get enough walks/ attention , and laundry. I'm afraid things like house maintenance, cleaning etc just have to wait.

You can't. I tried, bulk cook, cleaner etc. But still falling short. Part time whilst kids young is the answer.

I also think it's harder if your DP/DH also has hobbies/wants to see friends/exercise etc. The mums I know who go to the gym/go out a lot have partners happy to not go. DH & I have to share annoyingly!

I can't manage it and I wonder how people do it.

I work FT, two primary age DC and a partner who works full time but doesn't contribute much in the way of childcare or home help. If anything he makes the house a total mess and fucks up my routine when he's around. I think it's my fault for still managing to cobble together some form of home life on my own - I enable he's lack of contribution. House is a tip most of the time and if it isn't it soon will be. He won't have a stranger in our house cleaning either.

I really struggle.

Work comes first. It pays the bills and will be there once the kids have left home.
Dh cooks.
House is given a once over once a week. But wouldn't call it spotless, unless I have people coming round. It does about me that people will assume the state of the house is my responsibility though.
3 exercise sessions per week each.
Kids in bed by 10 at weekend (adjust as she appropriate) then we have our time.
Kids will probably say they were neglected, when they're older. But I had a sahm, and still have complaints. And our house was never spotless. Only my gran's house was spotless, growing up. Most people 's houses were, well, a bit scruffy.

Kids do more now they're older, but it was the young years that were harder. Going to teach ds,12 to iron his own shirts, so he doesn't just drop them in his wardrobe. I suspect he'll give more of a shit if he's ironed them himself.

I've worked part time all the way through my children's lives. When I'm not working I've been doing up the house, arranging everything ie household admin, shopping, cleaning and providing taxi service for the kids I'd rather have this mix than pay anyone else to do stuff. Full time work would never have worked for me because I'd have been frazzled and stressed.

And the problem these days with the cost of living having shot up is that no-one on an average salary really has spare money to "throw at it" to get cleaners, gardeners etc. While 2 parents may both be working full time, their household income may just be covering bills and spare stuff may go to kids' hobbies, entertainment/holidays. There may not be any spare for what is essentially a luxury, which is "staff".

Even with shopping delivery, for me, we live 3 mins drive from a large Tesco, so it's not worth the delivery cost to pay for a delivery as it costs me nothing in petrol anyway. And it's an added stress to be home to be available to take in a delivery too. So all in all getting shopping delivered is not worth the extra hassle for me anyway.

I don't manage it. My DH does some stuff when he is at home but he works very long hours and I wouldn't say he pulls his weight. I work part-time (on average 3 days a week but I frequently do overtime).

I prioritise. Either work or DC comes first... if I have a work deadline, DC gets more screen-time than I'm happy with. If work is quiet, I do lots of activities with DC and we go on fun trips out on my off days. Nutritious meals come next...I try to cook a 'proper' meal three or four times a week, but often we'll have picnic meals or beige oven food with a couple of boiled veg on the side. The menu at my DC's nursery is veggie and incredibly healthy so I don't feel guilty about this.

The house comes next. We have a fortnightly cleaner so it never gets too grimy even if I don't do much in the interim. Keeping up with the laundry is annoying though. The night before the cleaner comes is tidy-up time and I just don't worry very much about it the rest of the time. My DC really enjoys playing in the laundry pile so that's an unexpected benefit of having it taking over the upstairs hall .

Exercise and 1-1 time with DH are low priorities, although I am trying to build more physical activity into my day.

I do it all apart from the gym, although manage some runs. I work full time, do all drop off and pick up (albeit only one child), single parent, clean house and pets. I do have a cleaner once a fortnight for three hours but otherwise keep my house clean and tidy (5 bed semi). I know I sound smug but I have been through divorce and loss, just have lots of energy I think?

I agree, you don't.

I work full time, have a 15 year old daughter and a job that requires to work late/from home frequently.

I don't cook from scratch every night. I do 1 hour of housework an evening - I make a list and just work through it. I have one evening a week for yoga and another for a hobby when my daughter is at her dad's. My daughter has a hobby that she does one evening a week and Sunday mornings.

I have a boyfriend I don't live with who I do the hobby with and see at weekends.

I don't outsource anything, I just readjust my standards and expectations.

I go to bed early once a week.

You can't.
We rely heavily on family help for childcare, especially so we get to the gym and are able to work full time.
The house is clean but never tidy. Impossible with a toddler.

Why would you even want to aim to do this?

It's a lie, a myth fed to us via neoliberalism, that "if you work hard enough, you can have it all".

No, you can't.

If you are enormously privileged you can have a great deal and if you're not you can't.
The End.

My daughter cooks once a week and does her own ironing. I don't iron anything. It's the only thing I never do.

This thread has made me feel so much better. I am permanently shattered. I am afraid the house comes last after children and work.

I work full time, the rest is a bit hit and miss!

DH does the cooking, neither of us go to the gym.

My dses are older teens so it’s very much emotional support rather than practical and I do all I can to support them.

DH and I do spend time together but thanks to a new job I am exhausted most of the time so we don’t generally do much.

I did all the rest when my dses were younger and I only worked part time. Also wasn’t menopausal as I am now.

Unless you earn a lot or receive money from someone such as your parents, in order to hire cleaners, buy Hello Fresh etc, it's not possible. You just have to try your best. It's fucking exhausting.

I totally fake it. I'm like a duck.

Decluttering and minimizing stuff saves both time and money. And makes it easier to keep clean and tidy.

Houses are packed these days compared to how they were; I look at family photos from the 60s and 70s and there is minimal furniture, few ornaments, no rooms full of toys, hobby stuff, plastic crap, etc.

My motto is ‘do it all, do it badly’ I have found it impossible to do everything, so I have accepted that my house is a tip, my social life is limited and exercise is challenging, however, my children are happy, my marriage is good and how I look is of no real consequence- it’s not forever.. (just feels that way)

I don't have DC so that's the main thing! Load of chronic illnesses that leave me really fucking tired
My priorities are
Work over anything else as I need to pay bills (FT 40hrs)
Food - so I feel better and give myself the best chance of being healthy. Batch cooking and quick meals
House - clean enough, tidy enough I clean as I go when I'm cooking and use any dead time (like on hold) to do stuff and try for 30 mins a day
Exercise - peloton. Means I can jump on it when I finish work or any time I have 20 mins free
DP - fit him in when I can we don't live together but he cooks happily for me so that's a bonus

On a bad week with illness I will work and sleep and that's it

Not possible! I work part time. 3 year old and 1 year old go to nursery 3 days a week. I have half a day to myself where I blitz most of the housework, catch up on marking (teacher) and try and squeeze in things like life admin, dental appts when needed etc. We get the occasional Gousto box on weeks I have no imagination about what to cook. I don't cook from scratch on my working days (we have pizza, or an easy to chuck together pasta and sauce etc). We have no help with the kids (family aren't local) and I'm permanently exhausted and in bed by 9.30 most nights! My kids watch some TV most days so I can get things done, and I don't feel bad about it!

I work full time, am studying for a Masters, have 3 kids and a dog. I am constantly overwhelmed tbh.
I've just employed a cleaner (fortunate to be able to), my husband and I do equal share of school drop-offs/pick-ups, equal time spent doing homework with the kids etc. He has to do the lions share of cooking and shopping and I mostly do the laundry. We have a dog sitter for the three long days we are both out the house (we both work from home a day each).
I am usually in bed by 9pm. I do try and exercise at least two times a week as I actually feel better for it and more in control if I make time to do it. We don't have any family nearby that can help out. Just have to get on with it. I feel constantly guilty, stressed, overwhelmed. I wake up in the night thinking about all the stuff I have to do. I really don't see myself as 'doing it all' - more like balancing a tight rope and truing desperately not to fall off. Kids seem happy though.