How the hell do you ‘do it all’?

[Bookaholic73]

I’m on about how on Earth people manage to work full time, feed your family healthy home cooked meals, make time to go to the gym, have a spotless house, make time for 1-1 time with your DH/partner and also make your children feel not neglected?

Please tell me, is this actually possible??

Nope!
I prioritise good food...the bits of the house that need to be spotless are, rest are just OK.
No H or partner, just get me time instead..far more preferable!

Earn enough to outsource things (cleaner, food delivery) and lower standards. So I will happily buy breaded fish rather than breading the fillets myself etc etc.

You can’t. A cleaner helps.

Throw money at it and outsource everything you can.

Totally possible but it takes an equal partnership where both do the housework, parenting, cooking, admin etc.

If one person has to do it all then you can't have it all

I do all except the gym part...not impossible I suppose.

DCs are adults with own families, but on reflection- you don’t.
Pick your priorities, happy children, happy self, happy other half, happy family and let the dust/ laundry take the back seat!

Nobody manages to do it all. It isn't possible.

You don't. You figure out what's most important for you and do those things, the rest follows if there's time. For me that means the house is a tip, but we have decent cooked meals (although I cook quicker veggie meals now and take more shortcuts!) I make sure I have time for myself to run or garden - for exercise and to keep myself sane. Weekends are family time, but it's fair to say DH and I don't spend enough time 1-1 atm.

It's just not possible to do it all, it's a constant juggle.

Also why is one person doing it all? What's the rest of the family doing?

Being organised, determined, need little sleep, focused, think all that shit is important.... Aka as being controlling (what my family call me)
But they also all love that life runs like clockwork for them

I think most people who “have it all” either outsource some of the things on that list - such as having a cleaner, or using food services like Cook; or they’ve perfected techniques which aren’t as time intensive as they look - a robot vacuum cleaner and surface wiping for daily clean up, meals which are healthy and delicious but don’t actually require hours in the kitchen (I’ve no idea what people who claim to “spend ages” cooking from scratch do with the time, I can cook a perfectly healthy dinner from raw ingredients in about half an hour.)

If you have a supportive partner who pulls their weight with childcare then an hour or so in the gym a few times a week shouldn’t be insurmountable - I suspect a lot of the time when women say there’s no way they could find the time to exercise it’s because they know their OH wouldn’t be willing to do the childcare.

Actually, broadly, I think the supportive OH who pulls their weight is probably the key factor in all of the things in your post. If you’re trying to do it all yourself it’s difficult, sharing the load not so much.

You can't. It's a trade-off & everyone sets their own priorities. People that can afford it out-source (cleaner, nanny, laundry service). Everything is easier when you have money to throw at it.

I don't go the gym.

I batch cook.

I clean in the day whilst working from home on my lunch.

My DH shares half the load when he is home from work or of a weekend. When he is at home we work as a team.

If I'm going up the stairs or down the stairs I have things at the top and bottom and take them up as I go throughout the day.

Whilst I wait for the microwave or the kettle etc I do little jobs.

Batch cooking is prob my biggest time saver. Once every couple of weeks I do a few meals that we all like. Probably two curries, a lasagne, a spag bol a chilli and a shepherds pie. That is my downtime because I enjoy cooking. Bit of mowtown on and maybe a glass or two of wine 🍷 I'm happy.

It gets much easier once the kids are old enough to not need to be watched and they can entertain themselves.

I don't really iron much though,only when it's needed and only of leaving got on a hangar whilst one of us showers won't drop out the creases.

I don’t think you can have it all.
But I’ve found the best way to have the majority of it, is to make sure your dh is onboard and is doing half of the childcare and housework etc, be really organised, batch cooking, have a good routine, lower your standards, eg, not ironing and if you can afford to-get a cleaner.

I work 4 days a week (but in quite a full-on job) and I don't have a spotless house. That works for me!

You can't.

For me it's a mix of

work (not f/t)
trying to stay healthy
time with dc/homework
time for myself
time with DH
time with friends/wider family

not so fussed about staying on top of housework.

I've found you can only really do 2/3 things well at once.

I do have a cleaner, rely a lot on things like chop chop, mindful chef, uber etcs

Regarding the housework, I became a minimalist. Being a housekeeper made me realise how quick a room can be tidied when I only have the necessities to move and not pointless piles of clutter. Have a mass declutter ing season. It is tedious but it'll save you soooo much time in the future. If everything has a place, it takes no time to put them back into it.

I batch cook, things like Lasagne taste better the next day so cook two things at once which might take up more time on that day but frees up the evening for the next day.

I can't do it all. Our has a permanent layer of grime everywhere, piles of washing waiting to be ironed and is never tidy. We have front and back garden and both are a bit of a mess. I would obviously prefer a clean and tidy house but I would kill myself trying to do it.

DH works looooong hours. I do 8.30-5 ish every day. 2 teenage boys. Yes, I suppose I could get up half an hour earlier and do some exercise or cleaning then, but by god, I am nearly 50 years of age and I work NON-STOP all day at work barely catching my breath, so I am KNACKERED! So I've just let standards slip massively but I'd be embarrassed if someone came in, especially upstairs in the bedrooms which look like a bomb's hit it, apart from DS's room which we have just redecorated top to bottom.

When I think about how when DH and I were late 20s, worked all day then came home to renovate our newly-bought house in the evenings for weeks on end, I have no idea how we had the energy. I guess we had youth on our side and 20 years and 2 kids later that youthful energy has well disappeared! I get home from work every day and just flop for half an hour with a cup of tea while catching up on emails or online banking or whatsapping family. Then we cook and clear up after dinner and that's it - all my energy is gone. Telly time.

So weekends are when I try and squeeze the bulk of the housework in but often DH has to work and there is other stuff to do like appointments or shopping for this and that, or gardening, or visiting family. So the bare minimum gets done. I don't like the house like it but it is what it is. Slowly descending into chaos this year though with one DS doing A-levels and 1 doing GCSEs. I switched jobs in the last year too. Most busy year ever... dropped a few balls and was late getting MOT done and paying car tax.....

Decluttering session* sorry.

I suspect a lot of the time when women say there’s no way they could find the time to exercise it’s because they know their OH wouldn’t be willing to do the childcare.

My DH is very hands on but I'm either too tired for exercise in the evenings, meeting friends, doing something with him or just catching up on stuff. I fit in some exercise by walking to work.

I do most of your list (helped by a husband who does his share and working compressed hours).

My friendships are suffering, though.

It is possible but you need an equal partnership to achieve it. My wife works away a lot and it’s hard work on my own but we have such a good routine I refuse to let things slip.

Organise, plan, online food delivery shop, batch cook, don’t have clutter and plan your date nights in advance would be my tips!!