When did it become socially acceptable to have a baby without being married?

[Lambsandchicks]

1990s? Or before that? Any history/sociology experts around?

In the 1990s the Tories under John Major were doing their back to basics campaign where they were demonising single mothers amongst others. They were also having affairs and creating single parent families. One of the most infamous was Cecil Parkinson for legally gagging his mistress. His daughter from his affair was disabled.

Anyway because of their hypocritical behaviour it became more acceptable for people to be divorced with children. Then Nu Labour came in 1997. People stopped giving a damn about the circumstances children were born in and the state of their parents relationship as it wasn't the child's fault.

In the 70's single women were still having their babies taken from them against their will to be adopted.
By the 80's things had really started to change. I had my dd in 1985, had lots of other single mum friends. Mrs Thatcher thought we all should have in mother and baby homes, run by nuns, but there wasn't real political will to go back to that.
My sister had a friend who had a baby out of wedlock the same year, and had it adopted. That actually caused more gossip locally, as it had become so unusual for a woman to choose adoption just because she was single (rather than termination or keeping the baby).

I was born in 86 and most people didn't care.

I was at primary school in the 80s in a large city, so not some rural backwater. There was only one girl in my class who was the child of a single parent. We all knew about it but politely (we thought) refrained from asking questions or saying anything or bothering much with her. It was well known this little girl lived in a flat (horrors!) over a shop (good lord!) whereas we were all smuggos with married parents and nice houses. She had a sort of aura of scandal about her which we must have picked up from adult comments.

I feel bad about it now. She was a nice little girl.

I was born in 67. Dm and df married in July 71 because they didn't want me to be stigmatised when I began school in September of that year. Dm was eight months pregnant, ( they had had my sister after me and dm was expecting my brother within a month) There was only one photo of their wedding it featured the two witnesses with dm and df either side because the passer by who took the photo assumed they were the two marrying. My GPs didn't attend the wedding as they thought it shameful.

My mum had me as a deliberately single parent in 1990 and aparently quite a few eyebrows were raised - especially when she actively avoided a relationship with my father (he met me once at 4 weeks and once at 15 years).

Not amongst her friends, as they were all extremely alternative, but with the hospital, midwives, registra, my first school (rural wales) and family friends. Confused my grandparents, but didn't surprise them; she has never behaved in a socially expected way.

In 2015, age 37 in a 10 year cohabiting relationship my mum in tears referred to me as a single mum and was disappointed when my baby was born. My not actually MIL also made "you are lucky we accept the baby as ours" comments the following Christmas . So, uhm it's definitely more acceptable but the last bastions of disapproval are still hanging on!

DH and I married in 1981, but kept our own names. When the postie delivered a pile of cards, I said they were for our wedding anniversary- he unthinkingly blurted “I thought ye were living in sin, with the two surnames!”
Ok, it was a small Scottish village, but obviously attitudes to sex (or DC) outside marriage were still quite Victorian even then!

Dh and his older brother were born before PiL married, late 80s and 1990.
I only know MiL had no comments and as far as she was aware no one said anything to her parents or FiL, because we were taking about this a few years back after i had ds, dh and I weren't married, I got shit on here (name changed since) about it because of the protections marriage offers and a colleague went to town at me about how it was an awful choice. My grandparents also cornered dh when we announced the pregnancy and demanded he marry me before I gave birth (Catholic family, so we'd done a lot they disapproved of and let my parents know)

My mum had me in 1980 and lost friends because of it. I'd say 90s.

I had Dd in 1982 ... it was a big deal ,but i was only 16 .

My grandmother got married whilst pregnant almost 70 years ago. Shot gun wedding obviously however they were well suited and in love so I guess the scandal was swept under the rug. It has never actually been spoken about in the family, I worked it out from my eldest uncles birthday and their wedding anniversary! I was gobsmacked as my parents kicked right off when I got pregnant while unmarried in 2012

There was a 16 year old in my ante natal class in 1998, who was made to get married by her strict Catholic parents. She didn’t want to get married, but was resigned to it. I often wondered what happened to her.

My Mum’s sister had my cousin as a single parent in 1961 (her boyfriend turned out to be married with a family of his own). She kept the baby but had a very swift arranged marriage with a distant relative very quickly afterwards. It was a very happy marriage and they went on to have two more children in quick succession.

Er - it hasn't yet become totally acceptable; being a single parent might have the 'veneer' of being 'acceptable' - but there's still a massive of undertow of social misunderstanding/unacceptance going on.

For many, being a 'single parent' is a temporary position, until they find a new 'relationship' and an improved social accepatance.

Unfortunately, remaining as a single parent forever isn't considered something to aspire to, yet.

I had a partner who was born out of marriage in 1971 and he definitely felt the stigma. My best friend was born outside of marriage in 1983 and says she never felt like anyone was bothered. So sometime between those two dates, I guess. Although ex was northern and bf from London, so I guess there could have been some difference between the provinces and the cities.

My mum was brought up with an absent father in the early 50s- although her parents had been briefly married after my granny found out she was pregnant- and she said it was rarely commented on. I suspect because they had his name so people assumed there might be a sad story (post war). This was in London too though. So perhaps there was a difference in terms of having no father around vs being a “bastard”.

One thing is for sure, I'm glad things have moved on. My ex had some stories of how much he suffered from ridicule in his small town that were heartbreaking- one I particularly remember was him not being invited to the vicar's daughters birthday party in infant school and then the girls mother telling his mother why. It always seems especially unfair that the kid suffered too, as if it were their fault.

As an aside The Sims 3 had a negative moodlet (showing my nerd) for sims having a baby out of wedlock. And that's as of 2011 I think.

Certainly not in the1970s. In the 1980s a lot more folk started living together not married but didn't usually have babies till they were married.

Born 77 parents married 87. Never an issue.

Er - it hasn't yet become totally acceptable; being a single parent might have the 'veneer' of being 'acceptable' - but there's still a massive of undertow of social misunderstanding/unacceptance going on

I don’t know anyone who thinks like this. I think we moved beyond this years ago.

@DoctorSnortles

I was at primary school in the 80s in a large city, so not some rural backwater. There was only one girl in my class who was the child of a single parent. We all knew about it but politely (we thought) refrained from asking questions or saying anything or bothering much with her. It was well known this little girl lived in a flat (horrors!) over a shop (good lord!) whereas we were all smuggos with married parents and nice houses. She had a sort of aura of scandal about her which we must have picked up from adult comments.

I feel bad about it now. She was a nice little girl.

How would you even know about the marital status of the parents of every child in your primary class? I find that incredible.

@lurkingfromhome

I imagine it varied quite a bit by part of the country. I can see it becoming more socially acceptable in London some years before a tiny village in the Highlands, for example. I left school in the mid 80s (town in central Scotland - big comprehensive school) and knew literally not one person whose parents were even divorced, never mind someone having a child outside of marriage. It seems ludicrous now.

This. Definitely wasn't the 80s where I come from. More like 90s. Couples living together was also still risque in the 90s - there was even a comedy about it.

@A580Hojas I remember the head teacher telling us that the girl's parents weren't married and that her mum wasn't Mrs X.

In some parts of society it still isn't completely acceptible. I'm unable to volunteer for certain roles with my church as an unmarried mother.

I was born in 1980. Mum and dad married 3 months before I was born. They thought my Grandma would be ok with it, but she was really upset, as were a number of their other relatives but, mostly, I think people were ok with it. My mum made her own dress, so she could let it out when she needed to!

I know in 1994, a colleague (male) was wound up and had Micky taken because he announced his wife was pregnant and would have the baby before their wedding which had been planned some time
It was disapproval as such, more amusement. But it shows even then it was unusual and stood out to people. So still uncommon then- or at least to make such a thing public