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Original poster

Daughter paying for laundry

110 replies

Starbonnet123 · 25/03/2022 10:35

My daughter is 19 and still lives with us at home and will do for quite a while I think . She doesn't pay rent as we don't need the money and we'd rather she saved as she does want to buy a house . She works and gets well paid for her age .
The question is what should I charge her to do her laundry? She wants me to do it as she "hasn't got time" and doesn't want the hassle and i won't do it for her as it's taking up my time , I work full time , and me doing it brings me no benefit whatsoever so my husband thinks I should charge her to do it if I want to .
What do mumsnet think is the going rate for laundry ?

OP posts:
Bootothegoose · 25/03/2022 11:53

@PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn

She wants me to do it as she "hasn't got time" and doesn't want the hassle and i won't do it for her as it's taking up my time

Her problem, not yours. Don't do it.

This.

You don’t charge her for it, you don’t do it.

Next time she asks, laugh in her face and ask what other adult chores would she like you to do? 19 is a big girl, she’ll be just fine.

thatweirdhippygirl · 25/03/2022 11:55

I’d totally charge her! She hasn’t got time? Why is her time more important than yours? She will have to make time to do her laundry when she’s living on her own, so she can make it now.

My 17yo has been doing her own laundry since she was 14. Despite me offering multiple times to do it, as she chucks it on at night time when the sun has obviously gone down (solar panels) Angry

TheCatterall · 25/03/2022 11:57

Sod that. We have a laundry basket (me and son aged 22) and when it’s full one of us will stick on a wash. We take it in turns to empty the washer. We put clothes on airer. We take them off (no ironing done here ;) ). We share it.

Just don’t do it. She’s getting quite a lot for free she can contribute to the household by helping on the home.

Does she help towards food. Does she ever cook. Or wash up. Does she ever clean or hoover?

Nope. You all work and live in that home. You all contribute to its upkeep.

And basically she needs to learn how to manage this stuff for when she’s living on her own. It’s hardly too much to expect of her.

And do you know for sure she’s saving. It is that an excuse to live rent free whilst she lives the life she wants getting waited on hand and foot at home.

My son works and he also cooks and cleans. I order the food but we have it delivered to home so it’s no biggy. He helps me with jobs, decorating and diy around the home. He does this as:
1- he’s not an arsehole.
2 - when he lives alone he’ll need to be able to do this stuff.

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Bonbon21 · 25/03/2022 11:57

So she is working...doesnt pay rent..doesnt do her own laundry..
When is she going to grow up.. ??

She DOES know the world does not revolve around her doesn't she?

SheWoreYellow · 25/03/2022 11:57

If she is working a usual amount of 40 ish hours a week, then she can manage it. If she’s trying to work and study at the same time or work two jobs then I’d feel sorry for her and do it. Not iron it though.

Brighteyedtriangle · 25/03/2022 12:00

10 pound a week

ssd · 25/03/2022 12:00

So your dd expects mum to do her laundry even though mum is working too and has limited time....

And you are asking a bunch of randoms how much to charge your dd for doing her laundry...

What a weird relationship you two have, one sounds as bad as the other

PandemicAtTheDisco · 25/03/2022 12:00

I lived with a male housemate who 'didn't have time' to do his laundry. He would leave it in the machine so we'd take it out and leave it on the countertop, if it was wet then he'd be annoyed none of us had hung it out for him or put it in the dryer - I think a few people did initially hang it out for him but quickly worked out they'd get no recipricol help in return. He had a real attitude about none of the 'girls' sorting it out for him.

He was also the same with general cleaning, emptying the bin, washing pots, cleaning the bath after use etc. My solution was to move to another shared house. There was a real epectation that the females in the house would be happy to look after him.

2022HereWeCome · 25/03/2022 12:00

Going against the grain but I think you need to use this to impose some boundaries. You say you don't charge your DD rent but she works? Does she contribute to food bills, utility bills etc? If not, she should be IMO.
You aren't doing her any favours if you are paying for everything household related because she isn't learning to live within her means or make financial choices based on priorities.

I would offer to do her laundry for a cost (but only full loads) and I would price on laundrette service wash prices with extra for drying.

Crunchymum · 25/03/2022 12:03

Do you do any other household chores for her? What about food?

Could you work out a monthly service charge?

L0stinCyberspace · 25/03/2022 12:06

OP your time is just as valuable! Let her sort out her laundry, start to finish.

Not charging her rent is definitely not going to do her any favours. I've seen so many adult women like this who thought with a flick of the hair and a giggle they can get out of taking responsibility for so many things. Their parents had never expected them to pay for things.

caringcarer · 25/03/2022 12:19

When my adult son was working 60 hours a week during pandemic he was still living at home with us. He found time to do his laundry and cook once a week. She sounds a bit of a princess to me. You are not doing her a favour allowing enabling her to avoid caring for herself. You work and find time, so should she.

MimosaFields · 25/03/2022 12:28

No time for laundry? She's taking the piss!! My own son has been doing his own laundry since he was 14. He either does it or there are no clean clothes. Stop enabling her laziness

youvegottenminuteslynn · 25/03/2022 12:33

She wants me to do it as she "hasn't got time" and doesn't want the hassle and i won't do it for her as it's taking up my time , I work full time

You both work full time and she says she hasn't got time to do it. So what she's essentially saying is that her out of work time is more valuable than yours and that she should be able to opt out of the bits of adulting she doesn't like (that nobody likes) despite living rent free and presumably wanting to be treated like an adult when it suits her.

Reality check time. I wouldn't charge because I wouldn't be bloody doing it after she spoke to me like that and thought she was above a completely normal task.

Tell her straight - If she doesn't wash her clothes herself, they don't get washed. She'll probably moan about it as she seems to think it's a huge inconvenience but she'll soon wash as she'll have no alternative.

SilenceOfThePrams · 25/03/2022 12:34

Don’t charge her.

Can you imagine the rows when something she wants to wear is still in the machine, and she believes that by paying you, it should magically be done at her convenience not yours?

If she wants a service wash, she can take it to a launderette - they’ll wash, dry and iron it for her.

JulJul · 25/03/2022 12:38

I'd fix a schedule. Everyone needs free time. If she doesn't want do it, let her buy the products needed for you both.

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 25/03/2022 12:40

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Dacquoise · 25/03/2022 12:41

She does it herself at home or suffers the consequences of it not being done. Interesting she's not asking your DH to do it.

Or she takes it to the dry cleaners or laundry offering this service and pays for it. That includes taking and picking it up. That might focus her.

Thinkingblonde · 25/03/2022 12:42

Does she work or go to college/ uni?
Why doesn’t she have the time?

grapewines · 25/03/2022 12:46

No one wants to do the washing, but doing is part of being an adult. She needs to grow up.

CrabbyCat · 25/03/2022 12:50

Is it just laundry she has a problem with, or doing any chores?

I don't mind laundry so would happily swap chores with an adult DC who did. However, I'd expect them to pick up more of something else instead - ideally something I'm less keen on!

Failing that, rather than paying you directly for doing her laundry, could you get her to take on one of the household bills like internet, just to start exposing her to the reality of adult life?

ididntevennotice · 25/03/2022 12:50

Such a weird set up, separate laundry. Ours just goes in the washing basket and when it looks like you can make a load out of it someone puts it on. That would be me, DH or DD20

Thoosa · 25/03/2022 12:54

You said you don’t want to do it. So don’t.

Money is neither here nor there.

She really should make a contribution to roof and bills, though, even if it’s token.

Thoosa · 25/03/2022 12:56

@ididntevennotice

Such a weird set up, separate laundry. Ours just goes in the washing basket and when it looks like you can make a load out of it someone puts it on. That would be me, DH or DD20
It’s weird for you, normal for others.

Personally I gave mine laundry privacy at the same time I gave them locks on their doors. They don’t always want mum treating their stains and they need to learn how to operate a washing machine.

Kite22 · 25/03/2022 12:57

Bit of a bizarre suggestion to charge her to do her laundry.

As an adult who is part of the household, she should be contributing to the day to day jobs that need doing. Whether you all do 1/3 of the cooking, 1/3 of the laundry, 1/3 of the shopping, 1/3 of the gardening, 1/3 of the cleaning etc etc, or you - as I suspect is more normal, you each do a bit more of the jobs you don't mind, and let someone else do more of the jobs they don't mind, she should be pulling her weight.

I know it is hotly debated on here quite often, but I think she should be paying you some housekeeping too. I think it gives them a false sense of how much they have to spend if they don't pay anything towards their keep.