Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

The hospital just called...

185 replies

greenwayer · 25/03/2022 03:06

My mom is 69 and has been in hospital for 10 weeks, she went in with slurred speech and a slight infection and confusion. In that time they have not found what is causing her symptoms, she's had every test going several times. About 2 weeks into her stay hospital called me at 1.30am to say she had deteriorated and they were considering DNR. Luckily she pulled through but hasn't really got much better. She now regular has times where she's more conscious or less conscious. 10 weeks in bed has took its toll. The hospital decided to send her to rehab at another hospital, I was surprised because of her condition but have to trust their judgment. Apparently she went there yesterday afternoon.

The hospital just called to tell me she's back in hospital and completely unresponsive with a GCS of 3. They wanted to let me know where she was. Now I'm wide awake and don't know what to think. I don't have anyone in the real world to speak to at this hour. So I'm talking to you guys.

It's been a nightmare situation because they haven't allowed visitors because of Covid, I live 200miles away and when I call it's difficult to get information, I'm lucky if they actually answer the phone and it took 9 weeks to even track down her neurologist. She told me a couple of days ago that she was fit for discharge. Fit for rehab. They could find no cause for her symptoms. She has 'sleepy' times and 'chatty' times. That is all I know.

I don't know if she is actually worse now or just in a 'sleepy' time and the staff aren't used to her or if this is further deterioration and I should be seriously worried. The lack of information is crazy.

OP posts:
PeterPomegranate · 25/03/2022 09:41

Hi OP. I’m not sure you’re still checking this thread but I hope you’re ok. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of why it might not be easy for you to visit or you might not actually want to. Take care xx

Jeezypeepers · 25/03/2022 09:42

@tomsellecksloverug but the hospital won’t let her in? She’s been told there’s no visiting. What do you suggest she do, drive hundreds of miles to stand outside the door and still speak to no one helpful? Hmm

doublemonkey · 25/03/2022 09:46

So sorry to read this OP. You should insist on a visit. They will let you in I think.

Hugs x

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Icecreamandapplepie · 25/03/2022 09:48

Please ignore the totally inappropriate posters earlier. Of course noone knows anything about your situation or factors you have to take into account when making your decisions at the moment.

Very sorry for what you're going through the last thing you need is for people to try and make you feel even worse than you do.

Hope you have compassion and support irl.

Rewis · 25/03/2022 09:50

People here seem to have a very different experience than I've had.

Just show up and demand answers. They gave a pone number (the same that we already had and nobody was helpful) and closed the door. They did agree to take flowers (since it was grandmas birthday)

Sounds like end of life care. Well, it was very obvious that grandma was at the end of he rlife but the doctor refused to declare it was end of life care. Therefore no visitors.

tomsellecksloverug · 25/03/2022 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

PurpleTrilby · 25/03/2022 09:53

OP, it's okay not to have visited or to go now, it's entirely your choice. I didn't visit my dad when he died of covid, the hospital did offer me that chance, but me and my shielding partner were not vaccinated at that point, the place was awash with covid and I made the difficult decision not to go. Near the end I just said give him all the drugs you can, keep him comfortable. It was the right decision for me.

For all the posters berating the OP, go fuck yourselves. All this "well I would do this and that and get answers and be there at the end" - you don't fucking know what you would do unless you have been in this kind of situation. And every situation is different. So yeah, polish your 'best child ever' halo and go about your day, having had a go at someone in the most awful circumstances because it makes you feel good. You're pathetic, pompous examples of Dunning Kruger effect. Fuck off.

TicTac80 · 25/03/2022 09:57

Ward sister here. GCS of 3 is the lowest score you can get. I don’t know the ward routine for where you mum is, but on my ward the doctors have a board round at 9am (this is where the whole team and nurse in charge has a quick run through of each patient on ward). Then the ward rounds start. 3 or 4 teams of doctors (each under a different consultant) will see each patient on their list. The ward round can take a long time. Physios, OT, SALT, dietician and other specialties will also review patients on their lists. Ward nursing staff will start their day at 7am with a handover and then be doing drug rounds, washing patients, giving out breakfasts, monitoring patients, feeding them and so on. I can’t speak for other wards but mine is massively short staffed. So tasks now take longer to complete as there are fewer of us available to do them. The phones we have are not cordless ones so if we are in with patients, then we can’t get to a phone. We are lucky enough to have a brilliant ward clerk but she just works part time.

My ward allows 1hr visiting each day for all patients, bar the ones on our covid side (unless in exceptional circs). For those who are end of life, visiting is extended. It’s also extended in other certain circs. I understand though that each hospital will have a different policy.

Ideally, we or the doctors would update relatives (when a patient gives permission for this!) when they visit. Otherwise, we do like to telephone with an update. However this is not always possible. I always apologise when people can’t get through to us on the telephones. I know how hard and frustrating that is (both my parents died in the last 5yrs, and both died at the hospital I worked in). So I’m very aware of how important this is.

I’m so sorry that no one has phoned you with updates in the past ten weeks. Like I said, I’m always happy to update relatives (as much as I can when I have the time to), and our doctors are very good with doing that too (again when they are able to): I think it really does save a lot of stress/worry all around and it means that we all know where we are with things.

I would suggest that you telephone and/or email PALS (in fact, follow it up with an email, and list ALL your concerns and questions, it would be a good point of reference). They’re a great team, who will chase the ward and make sure that someone will get in contact with you.

As to you visiting, I know that for some it will be difficult or not always possible. Don’t worry about what other people think. You just do what you need to do. If you are wanting to/able to get down there, it might be worth speaking to the ward and seeing if you can visit due to living so far away and it being quite exceptional circumstances. I would allow it for my ward. But again I know all places are different.

I really hope that you are able to get hold of someone and they can really take the time to go through things with you. I wish you all the best x

Bearlover87 · 25/03/2022 10:04

@greenwayer

My original post was just to chat to others about the situation I was in in the early hours. When I had nobody else to talk to. It was supportive at the time, Thankyou to everyone who commented.

Unfortunately now it's turned into a personal attack, judgments made without knowing all the facts. Facts I'm not willing to share because they are unnecessary to my purpose of posting.

I don't intend to discuss my relationship with my mom here. I do care about her which is why I was up all night worrying and why for the past 10 weeks I've spent hours daily trying to get my mom the help she needs. I will continue to.

I'm sorry to hear the posts where you lost a loved one, thank you for sharing.

Bless your heart OP- I have hated reading the horrible, judgmental comments made to you. You are not in the wrong- you have done everything you physically can for your mum. It’s clear you love her, otherwise you would have taken that phone call this morning and gone back to bed, rather than posting on here. It’s a very hard call to make. She has been this low before and has pulled through- it’s understandable that you think this is another one of those occasions and don’t want to unnecessarily cause panic and alarm to those around you (even though you are clearly panicking). I’m shocked visitation is still being limited in hospitals- my own personal thoughts on this don’t matter, but I’m sorry this has all been so difficult. I pray that when the time is right, you’re able to see her. Please ignore the hurtful comments on here xFlowers
Origamiheaven · 25/03/2022 10:08

Senior Nurse here. Agree with Tictac. Contact PALS for advice.The contact details should be on the hospital website. Best wishes

RampantIvy · 25/03/2022 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

WouldYouIfYouCould · 25/03/2022 10:14

Sorry your going through such a hard time. We recently lost an elderly relative. His health started to deteriorate after his second covid jab. He was hospitalised after his booster but his symptoms were put down to random infections (which all tested neg), then Parkinson’s, then more infections (despite still testing neg) and then he sadly passed away. Is it possible that your mum reacted to hers (if she had any)? It seems that doctors can’t pinpoint that as a possible cause of anything, even though reactions are real (even if rare).

Im2022 · 25/03/2022 10:15

A lot of people posting who seem to have no experience of dealing with the NHS. You have to fight to get what you want and to receive information, and you can’t do this over the phone.

I saw at least 15 old men die on my Dad’s wards through the years every time he was admitted. Each one of them was alone with no family, no one to hold their hand or speak for them. Usually died from secondary infections caught in the hospital.

I can’t even bear to imagine what OP’s mother is going through. There is no way the hospital would disallow a close relative from visiting an older patient this severely ill. At the moment, this lady has no one to speak for her as she lays in bed. And the OP is calling 80 times a day to no avail. She needs to be there physically.

Such a sad thread. I’m hiding this now. Wishing your mother health and hope she recovers.

WickedStepmomNOT · 25/03/2022 10:29

@TicTac80

Ward sister here. GCS of 3 is the lowest score you can get. I don’t know the ward routine for where you mum is, but on my ward the doctors have a board round at 9am (this is where the whole team and nurse in charge has a quick run through of each patient on ward). Then the ward rounds start. 3 or 4 teams of doctors (each under a different consultant) will see each patient on their list. The ward round can take a long time. Physios, OT, SALT, dietician and other specialties will also review patients on their lists. Ward nursing staff will start their day at 7am with a handover and then be doing drug rounds, washing patients, giving out breakfasts, monitoring patients, feeding them and so on. I can’t speak for other wards but mine is massively short staffed. So tasks now take longer to complete as there are fewer of us available to do them. The phones we have are not cordless ones so if we are in with patients, then we can’t get to a phone. We are lucky enough to have a brilliant ward clerk but she just works part time.

My ward allows 1hr visiting each day for all patients, bar the ones on our covid side (unless in exceptional circs). For those who are end of life, visiting is extended. It’s also extended in other certain circs. I understand though that each hospital will have a different policy.

Ideally, we or the doctors would update relatives (when a patient gives permission for this!) when they visit. Otherwise, we do like to telephone with an update. However this is not always possible. I always apologise when people can’t get through to us on the telephones. I know how hard and frustrating that is (both my parents died in the last 5yrs, and both died at the hospital I worked in). So I’m very aware of how important this is.

I’m so sorry that no one has phoned you with updates in the past ten weeks. Like I said, I’m always happy to update relatives (as much as I can when I have the time to), and our doctors are very good with doing that too (again when they are able to): I think it really does save a lot of stress/worry all around and it means that we all know where we are with things.

I would suggest that you telephone and/or email PALS (in fact, follow it up with an email, and list ALL your concerns and questions, it would be a good point of reference). They’re a great team, who will chase the ward and make sure that someone will get in contact with you.

As to you visiting, I know that for some it will be difficult or not always possible. Don’t worry about what other people think. You just do what you need to do. If you are wanting to/able to get down there, it might be worth speaking to the ward and seeing if you can visit due to living so far away and it being quite exceptional circumstances. I would allow it for my ward. But again I know all places are different.

I really hope that you are able to get hold of someone and they can really take the time to go through things with you. I wish you all the best x

This^^ Sending you a handhold @greenwayer and lots of love at this awful time for you and your family Flowers
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 25/03/2022 10:31

@BoodleBug51

You've already had lots of advice here, one thing I'd add to it is to contact PALS at the hospital and explain what you've said here. Someone needs to be an advocate for your Mum, and with the distance it clearly can't be you.

Does another relative live closer who could step in? Or does your Mum have a close friend who would be willing to get involved?

Another one saying PALS is your best option.

I'm sorry, this is terrible - both your mum's situation, the lack of communication from the hospital and the criticism on here.

PALS, complain to the hospital, your MP and I'd give these people's helpline a ring, they'll know the system www.brainandspine.org.uk/supporting-you/

Hope you get some good news soon. Hang in there.

caringcarer · 25/03/2022 10:33

I would just get in car and drive to hospital she is in. Stay at her house if need be. I would be shocked if you were not allowed to visit her. Mother's Day on Sunday. Even if unconscious she will most likely still be able to hear you. She will know she is not alone if you hold her hand. If you don't go I think you will regret it.

TheBeautifulMoors · 25/03/2022 10:34

FlowersFlowersFlowers

ReadyToMoveIt · 25/03/2022 10:38

@tomsellecksloverug

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.
Do you think Dr’s are just standing around waiting to be ‘talked to’ at the door of the hospital? They’ve told the OP she cannot visit! Yes it’s appalling that the poor woman has been in hospital alone for 10 weeks. How is that the fault of the OP who has been told she is not allowed to visit?! You think she should what? Break in?
Mirrorball2022 · 25/03/2022 10:49

@RampantIvy

Also, aren’t covid rules almost completely relaxed now?

No, quite the opposite. Covid rates are increasing and hospital admissions are up.

The war in Ukraine has taken the focus off covid but it is still very much there. Hospital visiting at our local hospital has been suspended and my outpatients appointment has been cancelled.

Same at my trust who have continued to be strict, every time they open a ward to strict and tested visitors they get an outbreak of covid. We rightly still have to isolate and stay off until negative LFTs.

Covid inpatient cases have increased again recently after it easing. I’m still talking 2/3 wards full by the way. Infection control measures are very much in place and I can’t see it changing.

PineForestsAndSunshine · 25/03/2022 11:12

In case you do return to this thread, OP, I wanted to add my voice to all the others saying you have done nothing wrong.

Sometimes I think people forget there is a human being with a messy, complicated human life sitting behind the words on their screen.

Flowers
RidingMyBike · 25/03/2022 11:16

Crikey, some of the people on this thread... Have they any idea how difficult it's been to visit someone in hospital in the last few months, even without being 200 miles away?! Even if visitors have been allowed, it's often an hour only, booked in advance, and the chance of that hour coinciding with a doctor/consultant etc being available to talk to is fairly remote.

ThanksThanks thoughts with you OP.

tomsellecksloverug · 25/03/2022 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

BuanoKubiamVej · 25/03/2022 11:25

Apologies if you have already said this and I have missed it but what country are you in OP?

I think that in your position I would be insisting on being allowed to visit. The thing is that after all this time they still don't have a diagnosis so it's impossible to say whether this is an "End of Life" situation and if they carry on not knowing then it is entirely possible that they won't know that it's an "End of Life" situation until it is too late. Maybe your mum will be fine and I do hope that she gets better but if this is the end then the magnitude of the trauma they are causing by this mismanagement and miscommunication is unacceptable. Take the position that unless they have a confident diagnosis and a treatment plan that is clearly leading towards recovery then you should be allowed to visit under their existing End of Life protocols because there is no way to know whether this is likely to be the end or not.

vjg13 · 25/03/2022 11:26

@RidingMyBike

Crikey, some of the people on this thread... Have they any idea how difficult it's been to visit someone in hospital in the last few months, even without being 200 miles away?! Even if visitors have been allowed, it's often an hour only, booked in advance, and the chance of that hour coinciding with a doctor/consultant etc being available to talk to is fairly remote.

ThanksThanks thoughts with you OP.

Absolutely, and different hospitals currently have different rules on visits. My husband had a serious head injury last year and was in a very large teaching hospital and getting updates was incredibly difficult and I was a HCP so understood the system. Their were no family members allowed in A&E and only 1 parent with a child. Often the updates were meaningless hospital speak too.
Mischance · 25/03/2022 11:32

They tried to send my OH for rehab - I refused to allow it. He was not fit for rehab; they just wanted the bed emptied. I am sorry your Mum was pushed from pillar to post - very disturbing for her.

I think you should get down there and talk to them; and see your Mum.

Swipe left for the next trending thread