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Original poster

The hospital just called...

185 replies

greenwayer · 25/03/2022 03:06

My mom is 69 and has been in hospital for 10 weeks, she went in with slurred speech and a slight infection and confusion. In that time they have not found what is causing her symptoms, she's had every test going several times. About 2 weeks into her stay hospital called me at 1.30am to say she had deteriorated and they were considering DNR. Luckily she pulled through but hasn't really got much better. She now regular has times where she's more conscious or less conscious. 10 weeks in bed has took its toll. The hospital decided to send her to rehab at another hospital, I was surprised because of her condition but have to trust their judgment. Apparently she went there yesterday afternoon.

The hospital just called to tell me she's back in hospital and completely unresponsive with a GCS of 3. They wanted to let me know where she was. Now I'm wide awake and don't know what to think. I don't have anyone in the real world to speak to at this hour. So I'm talking to you guys.

It's been a nightmare situation because they haven't allowed visitors because of Covid, I live 200miles away and when I call it's difficult to get information, I'm lucky if they actually answer the phone and it took 9 weeks to even track down her neurologist. She told me a couple of days ago that she was fit for discharge. Fit for rehab. They could find no cause for her symptoms. She has 'sleepy' times and 'chatty' times. That is all I know.

I don't know if she is actually worse now or just in a 'sleepy' time and the staff aren't used to her or if this is further deterioration and I should be seriously worried. The lack of information is crazy.

OP posts:
Nelliephant1 · 25/03/2022 07:10

It is completely up to the OP if she can or wants to visit, please stop telling her that she MUST go and see her mother, she doesn't.

People deal with things differently, not rightly or wrongly, but differently.

Please stop guilting her if she cannot or doesn't want to visit.

Hell0G00dbye · 25/03/2022 07:13

@greenwayer

I've just called the hospital, 45min until someone answers and then 10min on hold to speak to the nurse.

She said mom has started coming around a bit, responding when they call her name. I asked for a current GCS she said 4 or 5, I don't have much confidence in their assessment. She was probably just tired.

I don’t want to worry you OP but as others have said you don’t get a GCS 3 from tiredness. That is not responding at all to a painful stimulus which, if you were tired, you would.
SoupDragon · 25/03/2022 07:14

You need to speak to the Consultant or someone senior to the Nurse looking after your mother

Not helpful at all. She clearly knows that. It isn't necessarily that straightforward to get hold of the right person and the OP has already said how difficult it's been.

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Baconking · 25/03/2022 07:14

I also think you should go there and get some answers.
If you're at your Mum's bed when the consultant does their ward round you can ask the questions rather than trying to speak to someone on the phone.

I would go, even just for a few days so you can see how she is for yourself

ronjobbins · 25/03/2022 07:15

I would go to your Mother now OP.

SoupDragon · 25/03/2022 07:16

OP I hope you manage to get answers. I agree that going there is your best bet - even during restrictions last year we were able to DP is it my mum (one person at a time for one hour and booked in advance). We tried to make it coincide with a time the doctors would be doing rounds etc.

Baconking · 25/03/2022 07:16

@Nelliephant1

It is completely up to the OP if she can or wants to visit, please stop telling her that she MUST go and see her mother, she doesn't.

People deal with things differently, not rightly or wrongly, but differently.

Please stop guilting her if she cannot or doesn't want to visit.

That's fair enough but the OP wants answers which she won't get from Mumsnet.
shrunkenhead · 25/03/2022 07:16

Will they let you see her? I know it's a long way but I think you should visit her today if you can.

Planetbippop · 25/03/2022 07:18

@SoupDragon

You need to speak to the Consultant or someone senior to the Nurse looking after your mother

Not helpful at all. She clearly knows that. It isn't necessarily that straightforward to get hold of the right person and the OP has already said how difficult it's been.

Of course it's helpful! She has no clear information on her mothers condition, particularly as the perception is GCS 3 is due to tiredness. She's just spoken to the nurse looking after her mother & could have requested they arrange a conversation with a Consultant. That's how it works.
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/03/2022 07:20

I don't want to disturb everyone in the house at this hour.

There are times when 'disturbing' everyone in the house is not acceptable. This is not one of these times. If you need to go and see her, call the hospital NOW and get your car ready (masks, hand sanitiser, water, snacks.)

Who else is in the house with you?

SoupDragon · 25/03/2022 07:21

Of course it's helpful!

No it isn't! She's already said she's tried so she obviously knows she needs to speak to a doctor. There is no chance of finding the right person this early in the morning.

Blimeyherewegoagain · 25/03/2022 07:21

Op you really need to go. We’re all saying the same thing.

SoupDragon · 25/03/2022 07:22

That's how it works.

😂😂 That's how it should work.

Soontobe60 · 25/03/2022 07:23

@berksandbeyond

In the nicest way, do you have a difficult relationship with your mother? I find it hard to believe you haven’t visited in this time. And I say that as someone who lives 400 miles away from family so I understand distance is a barrier.
My stepfather was in hospital for 10 weeks - no one was allowed to visit as the hospital isn’t allowing any visitors in unless the patient is on end of life care. Whilst he was in there he caught covid twice. You can’t just rock up at a hospital and demand to be let onto a ward!
Im2022 · 25/03/2022 07:24

Sorry to hear this. Not sure what kind of a relationship you have with your mum, but I would be dropping everything and packing a bag and getting down there to see exactly what is happening. They don’t stop relatives of severely ill patients who are nearing death from visiting, so that isn’t a valid excuse.

Sorry, I’ve lost both my parents and had 5 years of these calls with my dad and I dropped everything every single time and didn’t care about disturbing people. I’m finding your reaction quite sad.

MissMarpleRocks · 25/03/2022 07:25

I feel for you op.

It’s so difficult when you are far away. If you were to go do you have somewhere you could stay?

If you haven’t & if you feel it’s ok to give your mum’s location I’m sure someone on here would be able to advise you?

Original poster
greenwayer · 25/03/2022 07:32

Visiting on the ward she was on was strictly controlled because of the number of patients with Covid, I contacted patient services who assisted with video calls. She was not considered end of life so visiting in person was refused. I was hoping once in the rehab facility I might be able to go. I knew she could be going there any day now but nobody called to say she went there yesterday afternoon. I had tried calling the ward throughout the day but nobody answered. I have been known to call 80 times in one day before someone actually answers, then I'm told to call back because they are busy or someone is on their break etc. I left so many messages requesting neurology call me but it just didn't happen. In the end I called the neurology consultant secretaries to find out who was my mom's consultant. When they called me like I've said they really don't know what is going on. It is a difficult situation where communication with the hospital is appalling and after every test possible there is still no explanation. My mom was due a scan and the dr was also struggling for days to get through to the scanning department because the phones were constantly engaged, after several days she told me she was going to walk down there and book it that way and she did. I don't know if this hospital is an exception or if they are all like it but it's a complete shambles.

OP posts:
ChickenStripper · 25/03/2022 07:36

@greenwayer I see a lot of denial in your posts which is understandable. No one wants to acknowledge that a parent is seriously ill. Having been through this scenario several times with parents and two sets of in laws these last months of life can be very up and down - while hospitals can do a lot to "perk up" patients, it seems that on many occasions people's bodies are just starting to shutdown and in the end it is often something like pneumonia which is the final straw - sometimes it seems these conditions are minor in the grand scheme of things. I'm not sure when you last saw her but I would be going there to settle my own mind and to advocate for her. It might be better if you can stay over to Monday at least to be able to speak to a doctor. You can then be thoroughly briefed on her situation and arrange/discuss a DNR if you feel this is the best thing. When my mother was dying I realised that the best thing you can do as a child is be there for your parent at this time - it made me sad for people with no one. Be your mother's voice now.

ChickenStripper · 25/03/2022 07:37

Cross post.

Blanketpolicy · 25/03/2022 07:39

As someone who was told they couldn't visit due to covid and when they eventually said we could it was too late, I would tell them you are travelling a distance and want to see your mum while she is still possibly concious and go see her. He dr is more likely to approve you visiting than the nurse. Wish I had pushed harder and not thought she was invincible.

Ratatoo · 25/03/2022 07:40

I would do everything I could to go and visit op x

ittakes2 · 25/03/2022 07:42

I am sorry to hear about your m’n’law. Did they ever check if she has a vit b12 deficiency? It’s not uncommon in elderly and can cause brain issues. Particularly people who are veggies are at risk.

Planetbippop · 25/03/2022 07:43

@SoupDragon

Of course it's helpful!

No it isn't! She's already said she's tried so she obviously knows she needs to speak to a doctor. There is no chance of finding the right person this early in the morning.

OP said her mother was probably tired.

You can make a request, when speaking to the ward at any time, that you want to speak to the consultant. Request passed to consultant when they arrive. Did I say they'd be instantly be summoned...no. Anyway have a good day 😊

WilsonMilson · 25/03/2022 07:53

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BigButtons · 25/03/2022 08:00

Op- this sounds like end of life to me. I am in a similar situation. My mum is now at home though. If I were you I would tell them you are coming to visit. They will allow end of life visits. Good luck.