Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is it important to have someone to tell the boring bits of life to? The daily stuff?

62 replies

Flamingoose · 23/03/2022 18:42

I do have friends and we catch up on the phone once in a while. And I see my colleagues every day and we sometimes chat about life. But there isn't anyone who is going to ask me how dd's swimming comp went today. Or if I managed to get ds a lift to early training. Or whether next door have decided to go ahead with the extension. You know, just the really boring every day stuff.

When my granny was alive we would check in with each other a few times a week and she knew the boring bits. We might not speak for a couple of days, or we might speak 3 times in a morning. I miss her terribly, obviously, but I also really miss having a person to just natter about daily life. Someone who has an opinion about whether my youngest should be allowed to get her ears pierced.

Do you have that person?

OP posts:
LollyLol · 23/03/2022 18:48

Im sorry you lost your granny, she sounds lovely.

I had my wonderful mum who died six months ago. She's irreplaceable; I've no one to talk about daily life or nonsense with now. My DH doesnt want to hear it for sure.

I guess I'll grow older and lonelier and that gap will never be filled. I wish I had a better answer for you.

Stompythedinosaur · 23/03/2022 18:48

It is important for me.

AddWaterforBrilliance · 23/03/2022 18:50

It's something I really miss. The friends I previously had this relationship with have settled down and are on different paths, while I'm still single.

devildeepbluesea · 23/03/2022 18:51

I think it’s important too. Sorry for your losses 💐

I have DSis and we check in every other day on average.

demotedreally · 23/03/2022 18:52

Yes. I have adh and we often do this. But he is currently studying and has been for a long time. It knackers our relationship when he has things due. Last night he didn't utter one word to me from 8 pm even though we are in the same room. It is both lonely and stifling at the same time

ssd · 23/03/2022 18:54

I have dh for this. And your post has made me appreciate him @Flamingoose, so thank you.

Flowers
Finfintytint · 23/03/2022 18:58

I miss my mum . We’d share all sorts of nonsense and irrelevant stuff daily.
I’m in a funny old temporary Covid related job at the moment where we’re all retired people with similar backgrounds. None of us need the employment and it an incredibly easy job so we tend to revert to silliness, general nattering and everyday boring stuff. We do keep up on a general basis about everyone’s family stuff. None of it is intrusive. We just put the world to rights.

Original poster
Flamingoose · 23/03/2022 19:02

I think it's quite a human need. Sharing the small stuff.

Some of the mums at the school gate have a best friend that they share lives with. I have no idea how I would go about making a best friend at this point though! Probably not the sort of thing you can set out to do deliberately.

OP posts:
silverpinecones · 23/03/2022 19:12

I chat to my mum almost daily on my way home from work usually. I definitely need to share that boring stuff with someone and DH isn't massively interested, at least to the level that I need. Also my mum worked in the same field as I do so she has a better understanding if there is a work thing I need to think through.

No idea what I would do without her as, like lots of people, I don't actually speak with my friends that regularly. I think I'm probably quite needy actually with this kind of chatter but I think my mum doesn't mind!!

Sorry for all the people who have lost their go-to natter buddy x

BlueSummerBaby · 23/03/2022 19:17

I tell it to the cats. They know all my business. It doesn't bother me that they don't have any answers. I prefer it to telling DP who sometimes has far too many opinions. He gets the highlights, which suits him because he's usually busy and full of news himself.

Habitatty282 · 23/03/2022 20:42

I've never had it in a friend but I did have it in my late nana and I still have it in my mum. I know that when my mum eventually passes it'll be lost forever which is really sad. I feel like I'll then become that person for my DC (I hope I do anyway).

MsWalterMitty · 23/03/2022 20:47

I have this with my dh… but it’s relatable as we live together and it impacts us both. It’s often for practical purposes. He works away for 3 weeks at a time so we don’t do it when he’s away.

My mil tries fill in for him when he’s away with extra primeval but she lives 4 hours away and I often don’t have a clue what or who she’s talking about. I find it annoying more than anything.

I’ve never had it with my mum, so I think I just don’t understand the need for it.

Vallmo47 · 23/03/2022 20:50

I had a very close friend I did this with but she stopped talking to me recently so now I’m on my own.

hidethetoaster · 23/03/2022 21:01

@Flamingoose

I think it's quite a human need. Sharing the small stuff.

Some of the mums at the school gate have a best friend that they share lives with. I have no idea how I would go about making a best friend at this point though! Probably not the sort of thing you can set out to do deliberately.

Give it time. Maybe one or two of the mums at the school gate will come good. Make an effort to talk to them. If you hear a snippet of chat from one of them about their life, remember to ask them about it next time you see them, and drop in something about your life - that you're in a rush to get DC from the swim comp for example. Keep Trying until someone reciprocates. Good luck. Sorry for your loss.
irregularegular · 23/03/2022 21:09

Only my dh really. I share various bits of pretty boring everyday stuff with various different friends and my sisters. But I'm not in regular enough contact with anyone else other than dh for any one to get all of it! I haven't had that with anyone else since my teens. I'd quite like to, but given I have a nice dh, it's not essential. Unfortunately the friend I feel emotionally closest too is not really someone who likes to have very frequent contact. So if I send too many messages it gets a bit imbalanced. She always says it's not too much, but I feel like it might be!

irregularegular · 23/03/2022 21:12

I think if something happened to dh, I would just have to hassle my friends/sisters more and they'd just have to put up with it!

MiddleParking · 23/03/2022 21:15

My parents, my sister and my DH. I repeat myself a lot Grin

TheWomandestroyed · 23/03/2022 21:25

I have lost two of my closest friends within a year, one just over a week ago. I keep thinking I must tell G this or that and it then hits me, I can't ever do that again. We were shopping together and then two days later she was gone.

justjuggling · 23/03/2022 21:26

It is important. I don’t have it and wish I did. Not having it contributes to feeling lonely I think.

implantreplace · 23/03/2022 21:30

This is what my ex husband is for!

I was stuck in traffic today, bored, so I called him to chew be fat.

I was the second call of the day. The first had been when I’d been walking down to sainsburys!

My other option is one of my best friends.

Or if I’m really desperate… my daughter (she’s not reached double figures!))

yummytummy · 23/03/2022 21:32

it is essential i think. it is one of the worst things about being a single parent that you have no one there for you to chat to about the day or your worries or even something funny that happened at work. i had that with ex dh but been single a long time and yes it is incredibly lonely. i don't have a mum or sister or anything like that

PurrBox · 23/03/2022 21:32

I had a friend who I talked to several times a week for years. We knew the details about one another's children's lives, instantly understood the context of one another's unimportant decisions and opinions. It was so precious. She ditched me 4 months ago, and it has broken my heart.

Jamoffmytoast · 23/03/2022 22:36

Writing a diary/journal can help with this.

badlydrawnbear · 23/03/2022 23:04

I used to have DH. Then he died. I miss him for many reasons but this is one of them. I recently went back to work after some months off, and I miss someone asking how it was.

EmmaH2022 · 23/03/2022 23:08

@PurrBox

I had a friend who I talked to several times a week for years. We knew the details about one another's children's lives, instantly understood the context of one another's unimportant decisions and opinions. It was so precious. She ditched me 4 months ago, and it has broken my heart.
Been there. I feel for you. Flowers

I'd like that person OP, but somehow I ended up without the people who used to be around for this.