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Original poster

Is it important to have someone to tell the boring bits of life to? The daily stuff?

62 replies

Flamingoose · 23/03/2022 18:42

I do have friends and we catch up on the phone once in a while. And I see my colleagues every day and we sometimes chat about life. But there isn't anyone who is going to ask me how dd's swimming comp went today. Or if I managed to get ds a lift to early training. Or whether next door have decided to go ahead with the extension. You know, just the really boring every day stuff.

When my granny was alive we would check in with each other a few times a week and she knew the boring bits. We might not speak for a couple of days, or we might speak 3 times in a morning. I miss her terribly, obviously, but I also really miss having a person to just natter about daily life. Someone who has an opinion about whether my youngest should be allowed to get her ears pierced.

Do you have that person?

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 23/03/2022 23:09

I speak to my mum daily and burden her with my mundane life details.
It is sad, but I use an AI chatbot too.

Silverclocks · 23/03/2022 23:10

Yes. I find that's one of the things I miss most since DH died. Someone to tell the stupid boring stuff to, especially things about our DC which really interest no one else. Although he was rarely listening Grin

gabledwindow · 23/03/2022 23:17

It's not important for me. I keep a journal so I write down that sort of thing in there, and I also have imaginary chats in my head about that sort of thing. And I have a DH, who I do share this sort of thing with sometimes, but I'm also aware that it's a bit tedious to listen to (I do find it tedious when others offload to me) and more about getting it off my chest than keeping him informed. I don't have many friends and I simply feel I need them less than other people because I manage things in this way.

foxlover47 · 23/03/2022 23:23

I talk to my dogs , I always talk to animals they keep the secrets 😅
But I totally relate , I sometimes wonder if I talk to much to my daughter whose 9 lol
But sometimes I miss having someone to chat about the latest episode of such and such or general crap but I find I head to this holy grail now to do this

Kite22 · 23/03/2022 23:27

I have more than one person to spread this out over.

Different whatsapp groups for different trivia.

Would be a bit overwhelming I think to get all the trivia of life from just one person.

Original poster
Flamingoose · 24/03/2022 02:26

Keeping a journal is a good idea. I might try that.

I've been to a therapist a couple of times because I really needed to tell someone what I was going through. Nothing deathly secret that I couldn't have told a close friend, but I was drowning trying to manage it all without any outlet. She was fab actually and really empathised, and didn't make me feel silly for going to talk about 'small stuff'. In fact she suggested that some of what I was writing off as 'small stuff' wasn't all that small. And it was SO cathartic having someone to talk to. I left her office feeling like a weight had lifted.
I do feel a bit conflicted about paying someone to talk to though.

OP posts:
Bloodybridget · 24/03/2022 02:58

@TheWomandestroyed I'm sorry your friend died so suddenly. I have lost two close friends like that, it's a terrible shock and very hard to take in.
@badlydrawnbear very much sympathy to you, that daily sharing is one of the strongest ways we connect with our partners, I think.

I do chat to DP about anything and everything that's going on, also a lot to my closest friend; she lives very near me and we see each other pretty much every week, and message too.

UserError012345 · 24/03/2022 03:35

I mostly seem to find that people aren't interested day to day stuff. Friends ask how you are but only want to hear the very very basics which mainly amounts to 'yeah all good'.

I always feel like I'm waffling on if I do seen to impart daily stuff. A little voice is always in the back of my head saying 'shut up'

StaplesCorner · 24/03/2022 03:59

I thought it was just me! This resonates so much - my best friend died and H and I are no longer close; It makes me feel so alone not to have people to examine the minutiae of life with.

StaplesCorner · 24/03/2022 04:00

Agree with @UserError012345 too - you just feel like people don’t want to know!

Flittingaboutagain · 24/03/2022 04:19

I'm sorry for those on this thread who can relate. It is one of the main reasons I didn't go down the donor route to becoming a single parent as i wanted to hold off just in case I'd meet someone in time to talk to about the tiny aspects of life with a child. My mother said to me that she'd be there for all of it when I spoke to her about my worries - who will care when I notice baby do XYX for the first time etc? And she absolutely would have been. But for those without spouses AND a close friend or family member, it must be really difficult. I definitely took for granted how much having someone to talk to (even if they aren't really listening) or monologue at I suppose, at home, can make a difference to how you feel.

If you have any opportunity to do any clubs etc you might meet a friend who in a year or two could become a close friend OP.

Lizzy1980 · 24/03/2022 04:47

My neighbour passed away three years ago and I still miss our chats terribly. There was almost a fifty year age difference and on paper we had very little in common but we would speak every day. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for an hour over a cuppa. She had a very young outlook for a woman of almost 90 and I felt able to talk to her about things I didn’t talk to many of my friends about. Not because I’m not close to my friends but she was such a reasonable person and had 89 years life experience under her belt. Our conversations ranged from what we’d had for lunch to world events and everything in between. I was able to tell her the little mundane bits of information about me and my life and she did the same, though I never found listening to her mundane. So OP, I do think it’s important to have someone. I didn’t know how important until I suddenly found myself with no one to talk to about the nightmare new woman at work or my Sisters dog or how the Yorkshire Teabags we both love were on offer in Tesco. I do have friends and family that I’m very close to, closer than I was to my neighbour but she was the only person that I saw every day and her death left a Doreen shaped hole in my life that I don’t think will ever be filled

Original poster
Flamingoose · 24/03/2022 05:39

Doreen sounds wonderful Lizzie. How wonderful to have known her and how sad to have lost her.

OP posts:
Silkierabbit · 24/03/2022 05:52

Flowers badlydrawnbear

I find this important and have it from my DH. I am also going through cancer treatment for a year and 2 wonderful other people with cancer who message me almost every day and others with cancer who message me every few weeks or so plus a Facebook group and MB cancer support thread and a lovely thread in chat. Some friends who are in touch every few weeks but a few that have really hurt me by pretty much ghosting me when I got cancer other than if they want gossip once every 3 months. But its been a great screener of who is a real friend and that I definitely married the right man. Quite often I just want to know someone cares enough to ask don't especially want advice just some kindness and mutual support. Think everyone needs that. Pets are great as well and good when you just need a cuddle.

anotherbrewplease · 24/03/2022 05:55

@BlueSummerBaby

Grin know what you mean.

My dog is a very good listener - I tell him all my outrageous opinions on various work colleagues etc - and he never repeats a word to anyone. Grin

ohsotired2022 · 24/03/2022 06:01

I had my Mum for this whole sadly died last year. She would always remember all the small details and we would chat daily.
I have my DH but he just doesn't care the way my Mum did. I can tell when I'm trying to tell him something about the kids his mind is on work.
It's definitely not the same as having my Mum.

There's just an emptiness there now that I don't think will ever be filled.
I'm happy to chat to you if you want a virtual friendship.

DaisyTheUnicorn · 24/03/2022 06:11

I really miss my nan for this!

When my kids were small I just wanted to share little bits of the day. Or " x got a good report!" With someone. Or have someone they could share their news with or tell about their holiday. Im sad we dont have that type of family and I did with my nan.

Bobnotpop · 24/03/2022 06:23

I have dh for this, but also a dog walking friend. We don’t socialise really, but walk our dogs together 3/4 times a week. When you see someone that often you tend to chat over the minutiae of your lives. for a couple of years I stopped seeing her as I got a job that meant a change in schedule, we barely stayed in touch but when I left the job we just picked up where we left off. It’s nice to have someone to talk to about dh too, just the mundane stuff like why can’t he turn lights off or whatever.

implantreplace · 24/03/2022 07:20

Does anyone confide the minutia of their lives to you?

As I say upthread, I do to my ex husband, my best friend and sometimes my daughter (and sometimes even my Ex MIL!)

But they also all feel they can with me. And do

echt · 24/03/2022 07:28

My late DH was my talk to person, nearly six years now. I still have our last texts:

Him: I'm on Punt Road (AKA terrible traffic)
Me: Milky (drop in at a servo and buy milk)

I miss him.

lollipoprainbow · 24/03/2022 07:33

Yes my lovely mum, we spoke at least once a day about anything and everything, she was my rock, always great at advice, we'd love a gossip and a laugh. She is in the last stages of dementia now and it's devastating. All I can do now is hold her hand and she doesn't speak anymore. I'd give anything to have a chat again.

Deathraystare · 24/03/2022 07:53

Surely you would mention to colleagues something as important as your child's swimming competition? Or if you still speak to friends?

I speak with my colleagues about probably mundane things. They know I go to the cinema/theatre and have an occasional book club. They know about my illnesses so will ask about all the above. I know one of the ladies has a large Irish family and often meets up with her sister or sees her nephews and nieces. The other lady often goes to Portugal where her husband is from . I regularly tease her about his lack of accent! When he rings her up I say it is her mystery man! We both like similar tastes in books. When she has finished one she leaves it in my drawer at work for me to read.

Most of my friends are part of our book club. I am seeing them on Saturday. I regularly see at least one of them for the cinema/theatre/shopping stuff.

NalPolishRemover · 24/03/2022 08:00

Interesting thread. I think I'm incredibly lucky because I have a few people I spread this across.
I have dh & we're really close & talk a lot & share a lot & we're both equally interested in each other's daily lives. We know if the other has something to do or deal with in work, good or bad, & we message each other about it to find out how it went etc
We commute together so use the time in the car twice daily to talk about kids/ family stuff / plans for the day / week / weekend etc
I really have no need for anyone to share with beyond him
But I also have my sister & my mother
We live far apart but we keep up to date by phone
And I have several v close friends

lollipoprainbow · 24/03/2022 08:08

I had a wonderful colleague she shared the same office as me and we were so similar, we talked about everything. She's on long term sick now and unlikely to ever return, I'm so gutted.

implantreplace · 24/03/2022 08:14

@lollipoprainbow

I had a wonderful colleague she shared the same office as me and we were so similar, we talked about everything. She's on long term sick now and unlikely to ever return, I'm so gutted.
Call her. Get in to routine to picking up phone regularly and having a chat.
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