Taking kids to parents evening

[bigyellowTpot]

Just that really, Do you take your kids to parents evening? I never have but now my year 9 dd is adamant she wants to come to parents evening next week as she wants to know what her teachers are going to say about her. I have said no as teachers may not feel comfortable talking openly about her while she is present. she is now not happy as all her friends are going with their parents apparently. I don't care and she's still not going but do other MNetters take their dc along??

I never took mine, bar one time. The teachers spent the whole time speaking to the child. They can do that in lesson time. It’s PARENTS evening and a chance to ask questions.

@Fedupsotired
Feeling sad for my children is a little dramatic, obviously if the teachers specifically requested they were there then I'd take them.
At primary I've noticed any children who are there sit outside the classroom while the parents speak to the teacher.
At secondary the teachers just seemed to be reinforcing/telling us what they'd already spoken to DC about anyway. So I don't really see what they were missing out on.
A couple of times in secondary DC asked us to raise an issue that they didn't feel confident enough to raise themselves or something they felt hadn't been solved effectively. DD in particular wouldn't have spoken about it if she was there with us so it was beneficial to her not to be there.

I teach secondary. It's very rare for the child not to be present.

I honestly thought teachers would prefer them not to be there as was the case in her primary and that's why it was called parents evening.

As appointments run from 3:30pm to 6:30pm I am not convinced about the word “evening” so I would not hold too much store by the definition of the word “parents” either!

We have always brought ours. The primary school prefers it from about Year 3, there are three chairs provided, we needed to for practicality (it is important to us that both parents attend as we are equal parents and so both need a good relationship with the teachers) but most of all we believe it is the correct thing. Our children are responsible for their own education - we will help and guide as much as we can - but in the end it is them who have to do the work and them who will either receive the rewards or face the consequences. So they need to be there.

I would assume that if there was something difficult that the teacher needs to say that isn’t appropriate in front of my child that they would have already contacted us to discuss and not waited until a random date mid term when we are in a hall with 50 other parents.

Definitely the child should go, it's about them after all.

I would assume that if there was something difficult that the teacher needs to say that isn’t appropriate in front of my child that they would have already contacted us to discuss and not waited until a random date mid term when we are in a hall with 50 other parents.

This is the reason why to me it's not hugely important my DC attend. Anything DC needed to hear would already have been discussed with them and us if necessary rather than waiting for parents evening.
Staff and pupils are in the same building five days a week, there is plenty of opportunity for them to speak to my DC.

Mostly after parents evening we'd say "Mrs Maths says you need to focus on ..."
and DC would say "yes we've spoken about it and I'm going to attend her catch up sessions/do extra homework"

Secondary the child attends too normally.
For my DDs it was extremely beneficial as they could hear themselves being praised in front of me, and also hear me advocating for them.
(Though I would have discussions with SENCO out of their hearing.)

@cptartapp

Mine are 19 and 17 now but never ever took them to parents' evening. Most people didn't.

mine are 26 and 24, mine went to parents evening from year 6 onwards, all the children went, even back in the 70s we went to parents evening

I've always taken mine along to secondary school parents evening. The teachers always start with asking them how they feel it is going and then we go from there. And if there are nice things to be said it is lovely for them to hear that first hand.
I agree it is not clear whether to take them, I didn't take my DD to her first yr7 one and the teachers asked why she hadn't come along. So even though it is not the norm at primary it does seem to be what happens at secondary school.

mine are 26 and 24, mine went to parents evening from year 6 onwards, all the children went, even back in the 70s we went to parents evening

The only parents evening I went to as a pupil was when in the final year I was a prefect and we were asked to escort parents between classrooms.

And as I child of the 70's, I never went either.

My kids are asked to attend parents' evening from year 3. I'm not a big fan at such a young age as there are some questions you want to ask in private. Having said that, feedback to the child in front of parents is advantageous as both parties are aware of feedback.

In the 90s I went to my secondary school parents evenings. There were a couple of teachers in KS3 that wanted me to stay outside, but most were fine with me being there. At KS4 we were encouraged to be a part of the conversation.

I've taught at numerous secondaries and pupils being present is encouraged. The point of the evening is to give praise and feedback to optimise the pupil's performance and it's usually beneficial to involve the pupil in that. Generally for pupils with issues, contact will have been made by phone anyway. I often found that parent's evenings attracted the parents of pupils doing well that don't get that kind of feedback through the year, so not that many difficult conversations. It's a tiring night, but it's so useful meeting parents and seeing the parent/ pupil dynamic in person.

My two have generally been to their primary parents evenings and been involved in their own conversation. DS was struggling with concentration early in y2. I knew it. His teacher knew it. Having the three of us in that conversation did have a positive effect on DS and it was far more effective having 6yo DS involved in that conversation than teacher and I reporting that seperately.

I always attended with my parents. Can't think of a reason for the kids not to attend, unless you planned to twist what was actually said for your own gain!

The high school my eldest went to insisted on the kids attending. Better to have a conversation involving the young person than about them.

It was expected with their first primary - they oddly offered some school day appointments which we sometimes took and they'd always get the child out of the classroom to sit in.

Next primary also seemed to expect them to be there - it was straight after school so often tehy went from lesson to hall to wait to see teachers.

Secondary they were expected but that surpised me less as even in 90s as a studuent I was often expected to attend. My parents prefered it as well as with older siblibling when it was so clear they could be there they often felt he was mixed up with other children.

Occasionally it's been awkward when I wanted to raise an issue but usually it was better they were there.

I would have hated having the DC there at primary.
I wanted honest feedback, not fudged to not upset the DC.
I wanted to be able to say 'how behind are they really?' or similar. It's hard enough getting teachers to be honest without the DC present, let alone with them there!
(NB I understand why teachers put positive spin on things as so many parents don't like negative messages, but if I was to have any chance of helping the DC I needed to understand where they were.)

I went in the 80s and 90s. My children have always attended theirs. Their schools encourage it (primary and secondary).

To the original OP- schools can’t be expected to offer guidance on everything. If you want to take your child and she wants to go- I don’t see the issue. It’s good for children to take an interest in their own progress and to hear one to one what they may need to work on.