I lost DH less than a year ago, he'd been terminally ill for a long time so some of the grieving had already started.
This coincided with things opening back up and suddenly young adult DC were out and about a lot, when I'd been used to having them at home.
Anyway, the whole thing was really hard. I felt (although rational me knew it wasn't true) that I lost my DC at the same time as DH. I tried really hard not to project on to them and was largely successful, I tried to enjoy the fact that they were finally able to live a bit and not to be needy.
I set about making myself an active new life and enjoying the freedom of no longer being a carer. I missed DH terribly but tried to keep busy. I grieved for the future plans we'd had, as well as for him.
So within a few weeks of his death, I took the decision that I would say yes to each and every social invitation I got. It was a good plan, I've got to know a lot of people who were previously in the "acquaintances" bracket and generally, I've enjoyed life. There have naturally been periods of intense sadness, but I don't know what's to be achieved by inflicting that on the people around me and I've made an effort to be good company when I'm out.
Also, they say you find out who your friends are and that has certainly been true. Some of the people I would have expected to be "there" have practically disappeared, so these new friends have been very welcome.
So in the last few months I've
- been on holiday
- danced the night away, once with a single male friend more usually in a group.
- been to lots of sporting events as a spectator both with one friend and as a group. Sometimes but not always male - friends who enjoy sport do tend to be predominantly male.
- participated in sports events and enjoyed the social afterwards - mixed groups
- spent several happy evenings in the pub 121 with men and women and in mixed groups.
- watched a number of bands with a mixed group, once in an all male group
- joined a hiking group
My weekends are always full and I'm enjoying life despite everything.
Anyway, a friend (one of the old ones!), recently made some comment about me "getting about a bit". I have been, it's been deliberate and TBH I'm quite proud of myself and the effort it's taken to do it and not be a burden on family and friends, but I got the impression it was not a compliment!
FWIW not one of the men has made any sort of pass at me, they've been kind and fun and never made me feel uncomfortable in any way. Because of my sporting interests, I do seem to know a lot of men!
If you were watching me from afar, would you be thinking I was enjoying life too soon?