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Original poster

MIL and her stupid comments about baby

62 replies

mummyjane8 · 21/03/2022 09:22

DS is 5 months old. We see MIL once a week. DS is a very chilled and happy baby and just quite easy in general. He does get a little twisty when it is tired or hungry obviously and MIL has witnessed this and refers to him as having temper tantrums. She is a regular thing that she will say. This week he could her DP making his bottle as his bottle was due and was getting a little twisty (not crying) and she said 'never mind you and your temper tantrums'. She made a very similar comment the week before aswell.

I would hate to know what she would see if he was properly crying like he occasionally does. When he was a few weeks old she she something along the lines of 'oo he's got a right temper on him'. I've usually brushed it off to be honest but I'm getting massively pissed off about it. Like I say he's 5 months old. She's offered to watch him while I attend a family funeral but I just feel so uncomfortable with it, worrying about if he properly cries and god knows what she would say or do. Am I overthinking this? I'm kind of hoping I am! I kicked myself for not saying something last week after I was sick of her saying it and then this week I was upstairs but I could still hear her so couldn't comment immediately.

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 21/03/2022 09:27

I think this is one of those things for your husband to bring up with her in private and ask her to stop saying

An aunt of mine would say that my DD was “being naughty” at that age and it really fucked me off as it was such a stupid comment. It’s not meant harmfully but is incredibly annoying.

Catapultaway · 21/03/2022 09:27

Think you're overthinking it to be honest. She's raised at least one of her own she's not going to meltdown at a crying baby.
Go to your funeral and try not to worry.

And sorry for your loss 💐

itisyourbirthdayKelly · 21/03/2022 09:30

“Why don’t you shut up/fuck off”

Not for everyone but I cannot tolerate shit like that. I’m usually very polite but I can’t stand digs.

Years ago, my first ds was crying as I was holding him. My MIL said “oh poor you, mummy doesn’t know what you need, does she?”

I told her that if she ever made snide comments like that again, she wouldn’t be welcome in my house. She went bright red and has never tried it again.

The best piece of advice I was ever given as a young person is that if someone is upsetting you, tell them to firmly to stop. It’s saved me endless drama and hassle in my life.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old Babies & sleep Families

itisyourbirthdayKelly · 21/03/2022 09:32

Oh - and never leave your child with someone you aren’t 100% confident in.

RockAndRollerskate · 21/03/2022 09:32

Comments like this are harmless but so bloody annoying!
I’d watch more how she acts about him getting fussy, rather than what she says.

Zwellers · 21/03/2022 09:34

You are seriously over thinking this. Its not like yor baby knows what mil said, and it's a bit of jump to she's going to neglect him. She might have meant it in fond/joking way as well as well. Not sure what twisty means in this context.

JodieFoster1 · 21/03/2022 09:36

itisyourbirthdayKelly I agree with you.

MIL being horrible, I wouldn’t trust her with your DS. A 5 month old baby having temper tantrums, ridiculous and ignorant! Enjoy your chilled out baby and tell MIL or anyone else to buck up their ideas or clear off.

ShirleyPhallus · 21/03/2022 09:37

Why don’t you shut up/fuck off”

I cannot believe you’re seriously giving the advice to tell your MIL to fuck off?! This is the worst piece of advice. Ever!

Original poster

mummyjane8 · 21/03/2022 09:37

Forgot to mention aswell, DS is very chatty at the moment and makes a lot of little sweet noises. She was holding him last week and he was making 'oooo' noises and she turned him around and said 'what's all that about' not really in a lighthearted way but as if it was him misbehaving or something? I spoke to DP about it but he just brushed it off as he hates to offend anyone! This week he did say when she made the next comment about temper tantrum that he's just telling his nanna what she wants but if fell on deaf ears, I don't even think she heard him.

OP posts:

maddy68 · 21/03/2022 09:38

It's just a flippent comment and you are overthinking this. She is not meaning anything horrible
(I'm dreading being a mother in law!)
Just talk to her if it's pissing you off

RedWingBoots · 21/03/2022 09:40

@Zwellers

She isn't over thinking.

Saying stupid things to babies is how they get stereotyped as older children get given a certain place in the family.

OP do as itisyourbirthdayKelly and tell your MIL to shut up. Then the next time she does it just pick yourself with your child and leave.

itisyourbirthdayKelly · 21/03/2022 09:40

@ShirleyPhallus

Why don’t you shut up/fuck off”

I cannot believe you’re seriously giving the advice to tell your MIL to fuck off?! This is the worst piece of advice. Ever!

The MIL is saying things that upset the OP.

The OP should be able to tell her that in whatever way she likes. Otherwise people just walk all over you and think they can say whatever they like.

If OP had pulled her up firmly/rudely however she wanted the first time she made a comment she didn’t like, then she wouldn’t be writing this post now.

People need to be told that they are being hurtful or saying things you don’t like or they will just keep on doing it.

You can’t control how they react to that, but other peoples reactions aren’t your problem.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/03/2022 09:40

I think it's just one of those things some people say, it's not an indication that they wouldn't take good care of your baby.

My MIL used to say "she's got you right where she wants to", or "she's got you wrapped around her little finger" because I wouldn't leave DD to cry, and yes, her saying it did piss me off. But she was a lovely granny to her, and I had no qualms leaving her with her once she was old enough.

Zwellers · 21/03/2022 09:42

Based on your second update you seem determined to find fault and get offended with anything your mil does. What's that all about appears a normal thing to day to random baby noises. Pfb?

ShirleyPhallus · 21/03/2022 09:43

I cannot disagree harder @itisyourbirthdayKelly

Relationships are long term, complex things which each party has to do their part in. The MIL has made an irritating but ultimately harmless small comment, telling her to fuck off would be a huge overreaction which would completely damage their relationship, and by extension the relationship of OP> husband > his mother.

Why on earth wouldn’t you just talk to her in a rational way about this and then save the “fuck offs” for the people who have done things to really harm you?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/03/2022 09:44

I think it depends how she is saying it. If she'd saying it in a cheerful talking-to-baby voice then it's just chit chat. If she's saying it in a stern angry voice then don't leave the child with her.

Either way, do not say "Why don’t you shut up/fuck off” as advised above. This woman raised your DH and seems to have done a reasonable job, based on the fact that you married him and they are on good terms, so this is probably an irritant more than anything else.

I remember when DS was tiny my DM used to chat to him in this weird English accent (she is Irish). I have no idea why she did it but it infuriated me so much I would have to leave the room. I think small things can get blown out of proportion when you're short of sleep.

Mischance · 21/03/2022 09:47

At the moment it is simply irritating as baby is so small. But over time it could become a problem if she is saying such things to hi when he can understand.

I guess it might be best to say: no he is not being naughty - you have no reason to think that and I would prefer you did not say it. Easier said than done.

Babyvenusplant · 21/03/2022 09:49

If she wants to see a real temper tantrum then I'll take her to the shops with my 3 year old

In all honesty it sounds like she's just not very natural with young children, some people aren't

Pyri · 21/03/2022 09:51

I think also that you can have the best relationship in the world with your MIL but hormones and sleep deprivation can send you a bit loopy, and stuff that would never bother you really does. Especially when someone who you don’t know THAT well is really over familiar with your very precious little baby.

My MIL would say “do you want all my kisses?” and constantly croon the word “grandMA” which huge overemphasis on the end (as in “here’s grandMA” “do you love your grandMA”), both things basically harmless but I’d have to leave the room cos they were so annoying to me

itisyourbirthdayKelly · 21/03/2022 09:53

I just like to nip things in the bud in life. Doesn’t make me popular or likeable as I can be very blunt, but that’s fine not everyone will like me and I can deal with that and still be courteous when we mix.

And I know relationships take work - which is why I show that I won’t be tolerating anything I don’t like. I appreciate it when other people do the same.

Xpologog · 21/03/2022 09:54

@mummyjane8

This makes it even odder —- how old is your MIL? Even 45 -50 years ago there were lots of baby books and magazines, lots around about child development. She doesn’t seem to have much ( any) understanding of babies. What she says will have an effect, first on you and then on your DS as he’ll grow with this feeling of disapproval. Your DH should speak with his mother. If he won’t then step in —- the cooing is his first communication, show her how babies will mirror your facial expressions. If this fails hand her a book and tell her to read it. If this person was not family would you let her influence your child like this? Time to out her right and I wouldn’t let her look after her dgc until she learns a bit.

Turningpurple · 21/03/2022 09:56

Telling your MiL to fuck off because she makes comments that are mildly irritating is ridiculous advice.

Op these things are just things people say. She isn't having a dig. To take this to the extreme of 'I don't trust her to look after him' and seeing this as she wouldn't be able to cope if he really cries is, imo, an over reaction.

Your dp is likey brushing it off because its not a big deal. Rather than he doesn't want to offend her.

Halllyup17 · 21/03/2022 10:01

Don't be daft.

moocow1234567 · 21/03/2022 10:02

Unfortunately I think you are overthinking it.

I completely understand why you feel pissed off though. If my MIL so much as breathed after I had my first child, it would piss me off. Every little thing irritated me about her and I started to hate her.

After I had my 2nd child, I suddenly realised that I had massively overreacted a lot of the time. Not all the time mind. But some of the smaller comments seemed so much bigger in my head than they actually were. I'm a bit embarrassed now about how I reacted. I think it's something that is ingrained in a new mother to be quite defensive and protective etc and I think it turns us all a bit loopy.

MrsPsmalls · 21/03/2022 10:04

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