Tell me how you managed breastfeeding success

[byuppin]

I'm not far off giving birth to my second child.

With my first, I really tried, but just couldn't make breastfeeding work. I really want to try again.

I'm looking to understand why it didn't work out with my first and get some advice on what I could do differently from successful breastfeeding mums.

With my first, apparently I didn't even have any colostrum and the baby kept crying, so the midwives told me I had to just give her formula. This started the spiral of mixed feeding, which is where the problems started, I think.

After that, baby girl was just so unhappy on the breast and just wanted the bottle. She would just cry and cry and cry, every time I tried to feed her.

Then after a couple of days, I finally got some colostrum, after a lot of massaging. And at day 3 or so, my milk came in.

But again, baby always distressed at the breast. She would feed only for a few minutes and then just cry and cry and cry and we would give her a bottle.

Then I started pumping. Maybe that would help. So I followed various pumping schedules, whilst still putting baby on the breast as much as possible. Baby just again, cried and cried and cried,

I pumped every couple of hours for the recommended time and was able to feed baby 1 bottle of my own milk a day. That was it.

Breastfeeding support advised I do a pumping marathon. So I did that and basically, the more I pumped, the less milk I had. I gave up completely after 3-4 weeks. It was a nightmare, I don't want to repeat in the same way.

I find it cruel now to think back on how much I forced my baby onto my breast and how much she didn't want it and would cry. I will not do that again.

Does anyone have any advice or insights as to where I went wrong ?

Things I'm thinking of doing differently :

1 harvesting colostrum before birth to get off to a good start

2 no formula at all

3 no pumping

4 more skin to skin

Thank you for your insights.

Seems odd that the midwives decided you didn't have any colostrum so early?
I gave birth in a "baby friendly" hospital so I don't think they are even allowed to mention or suggest formula
When I couldn't feed my eldest straight after birth a midwife literally milked me and my OH fed the baby with a syringe

I never did it but harvesting colostrum before birth sounds like a good idea to make you feel more confident - and then you can feed with a syringe rather than use bottles.

With subsequent babies I'd say the main things I did was having skin to skin and putting the baby to the breast straight after birth.

Mine all had tongue ties and two needed them snipping, so I'd ask about that if you are having any trouble feeding.

I struggled the first time round and combi feed at first and then gave up breastfeeding. I was genuinely traumatised by the experience.

Second time I was physically much stronger and more emotionally prepared. When DD2 was hangry and wouldn’t latch I would give her a few sips of formula so and I were calmer and then try and latch her. I had good midwifery support at home. I watched loads of YouTube videos about how to latch. I was realistic about how difficult it can be. It was still fucking hard. Two and half years later and I’m still bf DD2.

DS4 was only successfully breastfed until he was three years old because in the first 48 hours of his life he had cartons of SMA, if that hadn’t of happened there’s absolutely no way I would’ve continued to breastfeed my nipples were in bits by the time I left the hospital and I had so much pain until the milk properly came through I couldn’t entertain putting a baby near them. By the time we got to day three I was absolutely fine and he had none of this nipple confusion nonsense you read so much about.

@thebabynanny

Seems odd that the midwives decided you didn't have any colostrum so early? I gave birth in a "baby friendly" hospital so I don't think they are even allowed to mention or suggest formula When I couldn't feed my eldest straight after birth a midwife literally milked me and my OH fed the baby with a syringe

I never did it but harvesting colostrum before birth sounds like a good idea to make you feel more confident - and then you can feed with a syringe rather than use bottles.

With subsequent babies I'd say the main things I did was having skin to skin and putting the baby to the breast straight after birth.

Mine all had tongue ties and two needed them snipping, so I'd ask about that if you are having any trouble feeding.

Yeah it was strange perhaps. They did try for ages and ages and ages and just couldn't get anything. Baby was crying a lot. She did go on the breast as soon as she was born. That's all she wanted to do, she came out and just opened her mouth and started sucking.

It was so cute.

I never explored tongue tie. I've read that getting it snipped, doesn't make much difference anyway ? Is that something they grow out of ? My DD is 2 now and is fine... I also find it quite cruel, doesn't it hurt them to cut it ? If it doesn't work out again, I'll definitely explore this though.

Milk can take a few days to come in so I definitely recommend persevering. No formula. I was offered formula with my first. I refused and it took five days to establish feeding and a few more days to get there confidently. Bf for 16months.

Following 🙏🏻

Currently pregnant with my seccond and breastfeeding did not go to plan with first and ended up exclusively pumping for 13 months. This time my plan of action is:

1. Get tounge tie looked at by numerous proffesionals even if it means paying privatley- i was told at hospital with my first he had a slight tounge tie and it wouldnt affect him, took an hour to feed him and at 9 weeks we finally got it cut and it was 60% tounge tie, feeding was much better from then but he had developed a bottle prefrence. I honestly think if his tounge tie was cut at the begining we would have breastfed with no problem!

1. I am not bringing formula in my hospital bag, the midwife with my first just dug it out my bag without me trying to breastfeed. Also i am not having formula at home. I live above a shop so worst comes to worst the shop is not far

1. Persist and ask for help as much as possible and reach out to friends that have breastfed for support, my first was born in the pandemic and so getting support and help was impossible!

1. No bottle. No bottle. No bottle. If my baby really needs to be topped up with formula/expressed milk it will be syringe or cup. No bottle. Will be bright red, bold, in cappitals on my birth plan.

Don't forget that for a lot of people (myself included) they didn't do anything for breastfeeding to work. We were just lucky that it did. ie baby was able to/books were working 'fine'. What I'm trying to say is, it's not down to your mistakes that it didn't work, be kind to yourself, if it doesnt go to plan. But also be positive, because it really might go much better too!

@Twattergy

Don't forget that for a lot of people (myself included) they didn't do anything for breastfeeding to work. We were just lucky that it did. ie baby was able to/books were working 'fine'. What I'm trying to say is, it's not down to your mistakes that it didn't work, be kind to yourself, if it doesnt go to plan. But also be positive, because it really might go much better too!

Yeah that's what my parents said at the time.

Mum said she wouldn't have even tried as long as I did. She said when we were born it just worked and if it hadn't, she would have given the bottle.

She was actually quite upset to see how much I was upsetting the baby by continuously trying. She thought it was horrendous. It either works or it doesn't.

I'm going to tweak a few things this time and hope for the best.

@byuppin think it depends on the severity of the tongue tie. My eldest just had a small tie at the front, and although it wasn't initially causing me a huge problem they felt it might cause him a problem so snipped it - it was literally done with scissors and he barely cried and fed straight after.
My second had a very severe tongue tie and took chunks out of my nipples, it was horrendous. It was more of an ordeal having it snipped but he still recovered quickly.
3rd one, the fashion had changed a bit and although she had a similar tongue tie to my eldest they weren't so keen to snip. She fed ok but her weight gain was slow until we weaned early, and she later had to have speech therapy.
She fell off a sofa as a toddler and split it then!

I did exactly what I did for ewes struggling to feed their lambs.
I made sure I had lots of skin to skin, rest (in fairness the sheep get more than women do) drink plenty and good food (lush grass for sheep), painkillers and not messed around (that didn’t happen for me either ).
I didn’t care about top ups because we are always topping lambs. There are rules for top ups though. Make sure the lamb is emptying the ewe on both sides and only top up at set times and a limited amount. So first thing in the morning, lunch time and evening after they have fed. Usually top 60ml for a lamb but when I was topping ds I had to top up 30ml of formula. If you have to top up they should give you an exact amount to top up as I think many mothers mix up a full feed and then let the baby drink as much as it wants and then it won’t want to suck later.
Feed every 3 hours both lambs and babies from the mother. More often if they want. Do not top up outside the top up schedule.
Feed in the early hours. The more they suck the more the milk the mother makes.
It’s sounds mad but it worked twice for me.

By almost starving my child and then combi feeding.

Also tounge tie which was snipped but too late really.

Also agree it is luck and circumstance!
If it doesn't work it doesn't work and you know already that formula is fine and has fed your happy baby girl.

I never explored tongue tie. I've read that getting it snipped, doesn't make much difference anyway ? Is that something they grow out of ? My DD is 2 now and is fine... I also find it quite cruel, doesn't it hurt them to cut it ? If it doesn't work out again, I'll definitely explore this though.

Tongue ties are only divided if necessary, based on clinical assessment. My first child had a significant tongue tie and it was divided twice (scar tissue formed which re-created the issue). The IBCLC midwife who carried out the procedure explained that young babies have fewer nerve endings than adults, meaning that the procedure is far less barbaric than I'd assumed. The procedure was carried out due to poor latch (my nipples are still scarred!) poor supply, jaundice and poor weight gain in the early days.

On the other hand, my second child also has a tongue tie however it's been left intact as he has a good latch and we've had no issues (now 6 months in). I've done nothing different, it's simply that biology was on my side this time (tongue tie is less severe and tongue movement is better).

Your list of things to try looks good to me. The key thing is lots of direct feeding at the breast, skin to skin whenever you can, and just keep an eye on nappies (good output = indicator of good input). Breastfeeding/nipple stimulation will produce more milk: bear in mind that cluster feeding and associated fussiness is completely normal and is natures way of boosting your supply... it's nothing to worry about as long as you have enough wet/dirty nappies and baby is gaining weight.

Best advice is get your real life support in place in advance, find your local infant feeding team or breastfeeding specialist health visitor or local lactation consultant. Then you know you can instantly access the support you need.

You really, really tried first time. That sounds like an awful experience for you 💚

For my first I had a similar story to you except I was able to pump enough to give DD just breast milk which kept me going until she finally took the breast.

DS has just been born, he's a few days old, and it's just 'worked'. Birth was easier so I was able to do and sustain skin to skin after birth, he latched and sucked straight away. I kept putting him on the boob every time he so much as opened his mouth for the first 24hrs.

I'd also harvested colostrum before he was born so boobs were primed. I found this tedious but it definitely helped, I set aside minimum 30min a day to hand express & looked at pictures of DD as a newborn while I did it. At first it really was just a few drops but after a week or so I could get 1ml at a time and a few days after that I was up to 2.5ml. I switched boobs a few times during a session to really get them stimulated.

Having bfd before also helps as boobs are more ready, even if you stopped a long time ago all that work you did before for your DD will have contributed to a greater chance of success this time.

DD also had tongue tie which had to be snipped twice. Don't hesitate to get it cut if it's causing problems.

Good luck this time, I really hope it works out for you 💚

Honestly? I ignored all helpful “advice”.

I knew nothing about breastfeeding. So all I knew was to put baby to the breast at the slightest squeak.

I knew it was the latching and unlatching that was uncomfortable, so I didn’t. I left the baby on the breast and they’d doze/feed for hours.

Like you all i got from m/w was the offer of formula. Everytime they saw me feeding “again” they’d go and get formula to “give me a break”, i’d just politely refuse.

Then when i got home it was friends and family. Shall I give a bottle to give you a break? No actually, a break would be you making tea, ot putting a load of washing on. Not you sat on your arse with a bottle while I run around catching up on chores.

Then the endless comments about “feeding again”, and maybe I didn’t have enough milk, or my milk wasn’t rich enough, or they were a hungry baby and needed more than i could offer.

I just politely said no, i’m fine, the baby’s fine on endless repeat.

So that would be my advice. Feed, feed, feed some more. No pumping, no faffing, just feeding. If you can bear it refuse weighing as well, it isn’t accurate, us meaningless without the whole clinical picture, and just induces anxiety.

If you want to know if feeding is going well, look at your baby. Are they pink, healthy looking? Eyes wet? Is there plenty coming out, wee, poo? Are they active, do they sleep between feeds? Do they cry- crying requires energy so if they are yelling loudly then that’s a good sign 👍.
Watch out for dehydration- sunken fontanelle, dry eyes, strong urine. Lethargy- not sleeping a lot, that’s normal, but not having the energy to cry, kick, grab a finger.

Also remember feeding pretty much constantly for the first days and weeks is normal. They have teeny stomachs which empty as soon as they fill. It is not necessarily an indicator that you have no milk.

Pretty much everything that @Nomoreusernames1244 said is spot on.

Feed, feed, feed again. Every time the baby stirs / murmurs / whimpers, offer to nurse. Nurse / nap together.

I really like @Mayblossominapril advice above, it makes so much sense to me!

I had an awful time with DC1, he was premature and my milk took ages to come in, there was a horrible regime in hospital of attempting feeding, pumping, topping up...I had no real senses of what i was doing, I still can't bear to do any pumping as it brings it all back. He had tongue tie which we were advised not to cut but in hindsight should have done. What saved me was really good advice and support from a local breastfeeding group. I would really advise finding out what is available locally to you - ours was not connected to the health visitor or midwives or anything. My experience with DC1 was precovid so there was a group you went along to. My sister lives in a different area, she had a breastfeeding support volunteer who came to her home for advice and she was able to contact them pre birth (she had some issues that made feeding likely to be more complicated) and they were really helpful. Given your experience last time there might be something similar that you could access?

By contrast my second and third babies were completely different, they just 'got' feeding and latching far more easily and the whole process was much better.

Wishing you an easier time next time OP, it's so awful when it's hard

I think much of what I’d say has been said. Put baby to boob for anything. Watch videos and read about the best latching and positioning techniques. Go to groups, talk to other women.

Definitely get tongue tie assessed if you are sore. Both my children had them and were snipped. Be dogged about breaking the latch and reattaching baby if you are at all uncomfy. You feel guilty but it’s the best thing in the long run.

But like pps have said, you did all you could. I had oversupply so it was no problem to feed them but I had so many other problems with blocked ducts, engorgement, mastitis etc. Hope it works for you this time

I found harvesting colostrum helped give me confidence- i didn’t even use it in the end but at least I knew it ‘worked’. I googled some videos of a deep latch and tried to latch my baby on as much as possible- she probably fed every 20mins at first. I think that helped my milk to come in though. Good luck!

What helped:

Harvesting colostrum from 36 weeks, so so so slow going but I was desperate to bf

Reading everything possible on breastfeeding so I had realistic expectations

Having loads of bf stuff such as nipple pads (to soothe sore boobs), nice nursing bras, easy clothes, so much nipple cream (weleda was best for me)

Only having bf supportive people around me

Telling myself to take each day at a time and that I could switch to ff whenever I wanted, which helped, as the first 3/4 weeks were pure agony

Having multiple midwives look at the latch as my nipples were fully flat and tiny and she had to suck hard to break my nipple bonds (no idea what the technical name is but it was agony!) - they are no longer flat anyway.

So many wise words from @Nomoreusernames1244!

I was the same, any noise, straight on the breast
Lots of time lying in bed topless with babies sleeping on me, relaxing, drinking water, skin to skin and forth trimester-ing

@Nomoreusernames1244

Honestly? I ignored all helpful “advice”.

I knew nothing about breastfeeding. So all I knew was to put baby to the breast at the slightest squeak.

I knew it was the latching and unlatching that was uncomfortable, so I didn’t. I left the baby on the breast and they’d doze/feed for hours.

Like you all i got from m/w was the offer of formula. Everytime they saw me feeding “again” they’d go and get formula to “give me a break”, i’d just politely refuse.

Then when i got home it was friends and family. Shall I give a bottle to give you a break? No actually, a break would be you making tea, ot putting a load of washing on. Not you sat on your arse with a bottle while I run around catching up on chores.

Then the endless comments about “feeding again”, and maybe I didn’t have enough milk, or my milk wasn’t rich enough, or they were a hungry baby and needed more than i could offer.

I just politely said no, i’m fine, the baby’s fine on endless repeat.

So that would be my advice. Feed, feed, feed some more. No pumping, no faffing, just feeding. If you can bear it refuse weighing as well, it isn’t accurate, us meaningless without the whole clinical picture, and just induces anxiety.

If you want to know if feeding is going well, look at your baby. Are they pink, healthy looking? Eyes wet? Is there plenty coming out, wee, poo? Are they active, do they sleep between feeds? Do they cry- crying requires energy so if they are yelling loudly then that’s a good sign 👍.
Watch out for dehydration- sunken fontanelle, dry eyes, strong urine. Lethargy- not sleeping a lot, that’s normal, but not having the energy to cry, kick, grab a finger.

Also remember feeding pretty much constantly for the first days and weeks is normal. They have teeny stomachs which empty as soon as they fill. It is not necessarily an indicator that you have no milk.

Definitely this 👍 your list of things sounds good op. And, as said by many pp, my advice is just feed feed feed. If they cry, feed. If they're still crying after a decent feed check all the usual (nappy, temperature, burped etc), give comfort and feed some more. Speak to your midwife/health visitor if genuinely concerned (they aren't always great unfortunately so it's wise to research things yourself but they are trained to know what to look out for and some can be great support and a source of reassurance). Both my dds cried/cry (dd1 is 10, dd2 is 5 weeks) A LOT but it's not because I'm not making enough milk so try not to stress too much that that's the problem. If they have plenty of wet and dirty nappies, no sign of dehydration and decent weight gain then milk supply is not the issue. Best of luck to you 😊

I really struggled with DD1, sounds similar to your experience- mix feeding from quite early on, ended up pumping for 6 months.

With DD2 I decided not to listen to any experts on what she should or shouldn’t be doing- whenever she so much as whimpered I put her on my breast and pretty much kept her there! I let her fall asleep feeding, she slept in bed with me, I fed her anywhere and everywhere without faffing with the BF cover or muslin. I ended up feeding her til she was 3 1/2!

I will just add though- don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work out. They are now 13 and 11 and there is literally no difference between them- if anything DD2 is the slightly more illness- prone one!