Tell me how you managed breastfeeding success

[byuppin]

I'm not far off giving birth to my second child.

With my first, I really tried, but just couldn't make breastfeeding work. I really want to try again.

I'm looking to understand why it didn't work out with my first and get some advice on what I could do differently from successful breastfeeding mums.

With my first, apparently I didn't even have any colostrum and the baby kept crying, so the midwives told me I had to just give her formula. This started the spiral of mixed feeding, which is where the problems started, I think.

After that, baby girl was just so unhappy on the breast and just wanted the bottle. She would just cry and cry and cry, every time I tried to feed her.

Then after a couple of days, I finally got some colostrum, after a lot of massaging. And at day 3 or so, my milk came in.

But again, baby always distressed at the breast. She would feed only for a few minutes and then just cry and cry and cry and we would give her a bottle.

Then I started pumping. Maybe that would help. So I followed various pumping schedules, whilst still putting baby on the breast as much as possible. Baby just again, cried and cried and cried,

I pumped every couple of hours for the recommended time and was able to feed baby 1 bottle of my own milk a day. That was it.

Breastfeeding support advised I do a pumping marathon. So I did that and basically, the more I pumped, the less milk I had. I gave up completely after 3-4 weeks. It was a nightmare, I don't want to repeat in the same way.

I find it cruel now to think back on how much I forced my baby onto my breast and how much she didn't want it and would cry. I will not do that again.

Does anyone have any advice or insights as to where I went wrong ?

Things I'm thinking of doing differently :

1 harvesting colostrum before birth to get off to a good start

2 no formula at all

3 no pumping

4 more skin to skin

Thank you for your insights.

Feed feed feed (baby)
And rest, eat and drink (you)
And feed feed some more.

Basically at every opportunity offer Baby your breast, all day and all night until feeding is established.

As long as baby has wet nappies don't worry.

@hullaballoo19 OMG so lovely to see your name! We were on the April TTC thread together - did you have your baby!? My little boy is 11 weeks now!

In regards to BF I couldn't BF my daughter but with my son I did loads of skin to skin, no formula or bottles at all when I went into hospital and basically just kept offering my boob! He had tongue tie cut at 5 weeks which helped too. Unfortunately due to my older daughters complex needs hes now bottle fed as couldn't put the time into it properly but it did work for us. I also harvested my colostrum before the birth (only a few syringes) but better than nothing and set him up nicely.

I had all the best intentions this time around but I am combi feeding again, just like last time.

Your plan sounds really good but don't forget you have an older child, so don't put so much pressure on yourself as your time will be more limited. I barely manage to pump once a day!

Honestly? Sheer grit and determination. Plus support - both professional and personal (though mainly personal from friends with bfing experience).
Time, realistic expectations, some formula top ups for first few days. Willingness to pump around the clock - baby didn't latch for 10 weeks, but I only combi-fed for a few days- I pumped every 4 hours 24-hours a day until she latched, to establish and maintain supply (and to feed her of course). Offering the breast at every feed, even when she utterly refused. Lots of skin-to-skin. Feeding in the bath. Breast massage and compressions. Feeding from both breasts at each feed. Feeding on demand. Using shields for a short while and taking them off part way through a feed.

Good luck.

I had two other young children at the time too. It's hard, but definitely worth it and possible.

With DD I used nipple shields - she fed great but I don't know if it was that her latch was bad or just from how long she fed but my nipples were so blistered and painful. I would have probably pushed through the pain but my breasts were so engorged that she also really struggled to latch (she'd just kind of slip off), the shields meant she could latch and that it didn't hurt my nipples when she did so were a win win. We stopped using them when she was almost 5 months and she just pulled them off and latched as if she always did it like that.

DS was in NICU for a week and while he was there I pumped and he was given bottles as well as being breastfed. Didn't have any trouble feeding him even though his latch is terrible. I also didn't have much time with him when he was first born as he wouldn't latch and then I was unwell and so was he. I think I first fed him when he was 2 days old and it really didn't set us back at all.

I think some of it is luck though. I have a lot of milk and it comes out with very little effort so I think my babies don't find breastfeeding a lot harder than bottle feeding.

Honestly? Give yourself a break here. Breastfeeding is not the be-all and end-all. Your first baby was totally happy being bottle and formula fed.

I honestly think that if trying to do something upsets you, then you shouldn’t do it. It either happens naturally and easily or it doesn’t. It’s no detriment to your baby, but can have huge implications for your own mental health, and I’m a huge advocate for mothers taking care of themselves as well as their new baby.

So sure, try those things if you have the will to, but please don’t upset yourself if it doesn’t work out. I am agog at the things mothers will put themselves through tbh, some extreme examples on this very thread.

Congratulations on your impending new baby, I hope it all goes well.

Some great advice on here. Congrats on your pregnancy & however you feed your baby I hope you feel supported. It sounds like your first baby thrived and this baby will too - no matter how it is fed.

If you are really keen to try this time i would suggest:

1. Yes, harvest colostrum. If you don’t get any, fine. If you do, bonus.

1. When baby is born - optimal cord clamping & immediate skin to skin.

1. If all is well, Skin to skin for minimum of 1hr. No removing baby for a ‘quick check’ or ‘just weigh them’ or ‘pop the labels on’. Uninterrupted skin to skin.

1. Keep baby down your top - in a nappy. No other clothes. It makes such a difference. Truly. Do this for about 3 weeks or until BF is absolutely established.

1. Keep baby (safely) with you. Not in a cot.

1. Have staff check for TT again & again if you’re struggling. If you’re still worried, go private.

1. Be calm and view this as a long term project. You’ll likely be doing this for over a year so explain you want to stay in hospital until it’s done. Until BF is established. Yes it might be 2,3,4,5 days out of your life but if this is what you want to do, go all in.

1. Prepare your hardware. So nipple shields, decent nursing bra. Button up tops. Lansinoh nipple cream. Pillows.

1. Gather your tribe. Have some friends on hand who have BF. Make sure you already have the number in your phone of a lactation specialist. Make sure you already have a TT specialist number in your phone. Don’t be on here at 2am looking for a Lactation specialist, already know who you’re going to call.

10. Don’t buy formula. If you need it in an emergency the hospital will provide. Likewise it’s at every 24 shop. No need to have it to hand.

11. If your baby has wet and dirty nappies with changing poop, consider finishing weighing on day 5 or when birthweight is re-achieved. Whichever comes first.

All of the above was my plan, because by the time my baby arrived all I had left was BF. Nothing else had gone ‘right’. BF saved me and I’m so glad I did it. I spent 2 nights in hospital and rang the bell for every feed. I went home knowing 2 positions to feed and I did a LOT of reading and video watching beforehand. I viewed it like a battle campaign I won the battle (BF) but not the war (pregnancy, Labour, birth).

Good luck!!

Apply pure lanolin to your nipples every for the last month before the baby is due. That way you won't get cracked nipples

First one was horrific experience for lots of reasons. Second one just worked, I did nothing special or different - I also needed that experience to help me get rid of self blame from the first time being so awful.

Second time round I used shields when I needed them (I was afraid to use them on my first and quickly got to a point where he was drinking blood as well as milk).

I kept going back and back to the lactation consultants until one day it clicked. Everyone, and I mean everyone told me the latch was fine and I was doing great but I knew something wasn’t quite there.
And then I got the hang of it and it was pain free and easy.

But I had to be brazen about getting the help I needed!

Make sure you eat and drink plenty yourself. It's really easy to forget to do this when you're so focused on the little one, but your body isn't going to make milk will if it doesn't have the energy to do it. I was told by our intent feeding team that they don't care if you live on 12 Mars Bars a day, just make sure you get enough calories.

Loads of skin to skin helped as well. I struggled with my milk supply for the first few weeks but this really helped.

Oh god, sorry about all the typos, it's 4am and I'm up with my 14 week old

Hi, my suggestions are:

Read the la leche league book a few times so it all sinks in.

Feed as often as possible, no interrupting or delaying. Yes to skin to skin.

Pump in between to build up stocks.

Look after yourself like you are the most expensive and vital piece of equipment in the house - you need to be fed, watered, rested (where possible) and calm.

I wouldn’t be refusing weigh ins as one poster suggests. I did have a happy content baby but he wasn’t putting in weight he was getting enough just to cover the energy he put into bf. He had a tt. Don’t just accept what a midwife/dr/HV says about this though as most aren’t trained we needed a breast feeding specialist to diagnose and went private for the snip which wasn’t traumatic. Every baby is so different your list sounds good. We topped up with expressed milk for 3 months then stopped and just bf.

Hey @zeromango 😀 nice to 'see' you! Congratulations on your little boy ❤️ hope life and (second time) motherhood is treating you well. Yes I had a girl, she's now 5 and a half weeks and lovely x

Fed baby every time they made a noise.
Cuddled all the time, lots of skin to skin.
Got tongue tie checked and cut by someone who knew what they were talking about early.
Ignored midwives who said he wasn't tongue tied.
Got latch checked by same person who cut tongue tie.
Drank lots, ate well.
Didn't pump, ever.
Didn't do formula top ups, just kept baby on breast. (This is not to say formula is bad, it isn't).
Didn't weigh baby much, only when needed. Went on wet/dirty nappies, contentment, obvious signs of growth/filling out instead.
And again, fed baby whenever they seemed the slightest bit unhappy. Didn't watch the clock.

Oh, and used multimam compresses for inevitable sore nipples in the beginning and before tongue tie cut. They are awesome and worked much better for me than lansinoh.

Dd struggled to feed enough so we eventually topped up with formula for a few weeks.

1). Drink so much water you think your bladder will explode.
2). Protein. My dm cooked me steak for breakfast for a few weeks.
3). Fenugreek. I could get it in capsules so took 2, 4 x daily. Eventually I changed to seeds which was cheaper. It took a week, iirc, for them to work but at 7 weeks, I had my first proper letdown and things got very easy after that. I used it for nearly three years. Some people use blessed thistle but it only gave me a migraine.
4). I think my milk came out slowly. I would get letdowns as we went along but even so …. My regime was eventually 45 minutes per side with a nappy change at half time. It took an enormous chunk out of my day but dd was satisfied. Dd was also patient enough to deal with it. One friend thinks she had the same problem. One child was patient with it, the other definitely wasn’t so got topped up fairly sharpish.
5). Did I mentioned fenugreek? All the above all together just wasn’t enough. www.healthline.com/health/breastfeeding/fenugreek-breastfeeding#alternatives

[quote TheSandgroper]Dd struggled to feed enough so we eventually topped up with formula for a few weeks.

1). Drink so much water you think your bladder will explode.
2). Protein. My dm cooked me steak for breakfast for a few weeks.
3). Fenugreek. I could get it in capsules so took 2, 4 x daily. Eventually I changed to seeds which was cheaper. It took a week, iirc, for them to work but at 7 weeks, I had my first proper letdown and things got very easy after that. I used it for nearly three years. Some people use blessed thistle but it only gave me a migraine.
4). I think my milk came out slowly. I would get letdowns as we went along but even so …. My regime was eventually 45 minutes per side with a nappy change at half time. It took an enormous chunk out of my day but dd was satisfied. Dd was also patient enough to deal with it. One friend thinks she had the same problem. One child was patient with it, the other definitely wasn’t so got topped up fairly sharpish.
5). Did I mentioned fenugreek? All the above all together just wasn’t enough. www.healthline.com/health/breastfeeding/fenugreek-breastfeeding#alternatives[/quote]
Thank you. I had loads of fenugreek last time. Didn't do anything for me.

The only thing I can think, is that I didn't eat a lot. That might have contributed. I'm not even sure what a let down feels like to be honest. I sometimes remember my boobs felt like they were stinging a bit. Not sure what that was. It just always felt like there wasn't much milk.

@Nomoreusernames1244 is really spot on, it's the latching/unlatching that can be uncomfortable, so allow them to doze there. Bare chested stuff really helps, but be prepared you need to manage your visitors to do this (e.g. limits) - personally I was just fine with that, they can have lots of time with baby as it grows and once your supply is established.

I just persevered. It was difficult with DC1&2 in particular, I often had cracked bleeding nipples and was in agony but I kept going because I was determined to make it work. Midwives and some doctors can be far too eager to push Mum’s into formula, think it’s easier for them because they can discharge you quicker. Refuse to do it, I had to with DC4 when a doctor tried pushing me into it and he was BF until 20 months when I had DC5.

@SartresSoul

I just persevered. It was difficult with DC1&2 in particular, I often had cracked bleeding nipples and was in agony but I kept going because I was determined to make it work. Midwives and some doctors can be far too eager to push Mum’s into formula, think it’s easier for them because they can discharge you quicker. Refuse to do it, I had to with DC4 when a doctor tried pushing me into it and he was BF until 20 months when I had DC5.

So you would push to stay in hospital until your feeding is established ?

I didn't manage breastfeeding with my first for very long but did manage with my second, hope that it works out for you second time around. Try not to get too stressed out about it, either way, your baby will be fine!

First time around I really got freaked out by health visitors about my baby not gaining weight. The truth is that most breastfed babies take longer to gain weight to begin with so don't freak out about that too quickly, hold your nerve!

Everything I read said the baby would have a good feed and would be satisfied but that just wasn't how it was to begin with - my babies sat on my boob for hours and cluster fed - that didn't mean they weren't getting enough.

Look after yourself - rest, get loads of skin to skin cuddles, eat oats (I ate huge amounts of flapjacks!), eat a lot of good food including loads of protein because breastfeeding is hard work.

I accepted second time around that apart from feeding I wouldn't get a lot done for the first few weeks (as above he wouldn't get off my boob!) So I accepted that and watched boxsets and not much else until feeding was established.

Treat advice from well meaning relatives and health visitors and even midwives with a pinch of salt. Unfortunately most of them won't have much experience. Ask around and build up some relatives and friends who did breastfeed for realistic advice.

In my case I think both kids had a liptie. Health visitors and midwives aren't experts on this so find a local expert you can pay to check if your baby has a liptie or tongue tie. Don't assume HVs or midwives know this.

If it doesn't work be kind to yourself!

@byuppin did they sting during the feed or just generally? My breasts 'sting' when they are getting a bit full and sometimes at the start of a feed (but only if I haven't fed recently)