Tell me how you managed breastfeeding success

[byuppin]

I'm not far off giving birth to my second child.

With my first, I really tried, but just couldn't make breastfeeding work. I really want to try again.

I'm looking to understand why it didn't work out with my first and get some advice on what I could do differently from successful breastfeeding mums.

With my first, apparently I didn't even have any colostrum and the baby kept crying, so the midwives told me I had to just give her formula. This started the spiral of mixed feeding, which is where the problems started, I think.

After that, baby girl was just so unhappy on the breast and just wanted the bottle. She would just cry and cry and cry, every time I tried to feed her.

Then after a couple of days, I finally got some colostrum, after a lot of massaging. And at day 3 or so, my milk came in.

But again, baby always distressed at the breast. She would feed only for a few minutes and then just cry and cry and cry and we would give her a bottle.

Then I started pumping. Maybe that would help. So I followed various pumping schedules, whilst still putting baby on the breast as much as possible. Baby just again, cried and cried and cried,

I pumped every couple of hours for the recommended time and was able to feed baby 1 bottle of my own milk a day. That was it.

Breastfeeding support advised I do a pumping marathon. So I did that and basically, the more I pumped, the less milk I had. I gave up completely after 3-4 weeks. It was a nightmare, I don't want to repeat in the same way.

I find it cruel now to think back on how much I forced my baby onto my breast and how much she didn't want it and would cry. I will not do that again.

Does anyone have any advice or insights as to where I went wrong ?

Things I'm thinking of doing differently :

1 harvesting colostrum before birth to get off to a good start

2 no formula at all

3 no pumping

4 more skin to skin

Thank you for your insights.

Sorry to jump on your thread OP, but I just wanted to ask what woman did if their baby had jaundice?

Pregnant with DC3. Didn't manage to BF DC1 or 2. Both c sections, my milk takes 4-5 days to come in and if I keep trying to BF during that time both kids just get more jaundiced and end up needing UV light therapy. Ended up moving to formula pretty swiftly after that.

I just don't understand... my friends who have BF where it took a few days to get going, their kids didn't get jaundice or need any UV therapy.
I just feel like a bit of a failure because of this!

@MorningSicknessIsHell did you harvest colostrum with either of your first two children? My milk came in much faster with DC2 than DC1 (I only did harvesting for DC2, but would recommend it for anyone hoping to breastfeed and it seemed to help with milk production)

DC2 had jaundice (DC1 wasn’t) but wasn’t an issue. Just fed and all was fine.

[quote hullaballoo19]@byuppin did they sting during the feed or just generally? My breasts 'sting' when they are getting a bit full and sometimes at the start of a feed (but only if I haven't fed recently) [/quote]
They stung occasionally when I wasn't feeding or pumping !

Sorry to jump on your thread OP, but I just wanted to ask what woman did if their baby had jaundice?

Fed, fed, fed some more. I also had c-sections so got comfy on the sofa, snacks, tv remote and didn’t move. As above i didn't really bother unlatching, just left them on. You’ve pretty much got to let them feed constantly- one it increases supply rapidly, two they need milk to metabolise the bilirubin that causes the jaundice so constant feeding helps them do that. Don’t try and force breaks or a routine if you can, just let them feed.

Also sun. As much sun on as much skin as possible. When i needed a shower or a break I got dh to take them a walk outside. In the house i stripped them down to a nappy and made sure we were in as sunny a spot as we could find. Any naps were in front of a window. In the hospital I had a bay with a window so left them in front of that as well.

So feed and sunlight. Both of mine were very jaundiced but this got breastfeeding going and avoided UV therapy by using natural light.

For me, it was having my husband do everything for me. I basically sat there and breastfed and he brought me food, drinks, painkillers, chocolate, TV remotes, helped me get up, looked after our visitors, cooked, cleaned... He did EVERYTHING so all I had to do was nourish the baby and try to rest.

I appreciate that not everyone's DH can take three weeks off work, though, and that some might be arseholes who just aren't inclined to. But having that support was just invaluable. He was wonderful.

I haven't got much more to add than what has been said by PP, but I can't stress enough that YOU need to feed, feed, feed too. Lots of water and full fat everything (blue top milk, full fat yoghurts, decent full fat cheese). My sister struggled with supply/babies' weight gain until baby no 3 when a HV looked in her fridge and told her to get rid of all the "light/diet" stuff and from that point it improved massively.
I'm pregnant with DC2+3 and am going to fully embrace being able to eat whatever the fuck I want in the name of BF for the last time

My milk didn’t come in for days because I lost a lot of blood after birth (I eventually had a blood transfusion and then BAM!) By then we had given DD formula and she just wouldn’t latch properly: it was extremely stressful and I nearly gave up on breastfeeding but one of the community midwives suggested I try nipple shields. DD latched straight away and I never used formula again! (I used the shields for about 3 months, and one day she just got the hang of it without them)

@MorningSicknessIsHell

Sorry to jump on your thread OP, but I just wanted to ask what woman did if their baby had jaundice?

Pregnant with DC3. Didn't manage to BF DC1 or 2. Both c sections, my milk takes 4-5 days to come in and if I keep trying to BF during that time both kids just get more jaundiced and end up needing UV light therapy. Ended up moving to formula pretty swiftly after that.

I just don't understand... my friends who have BF where it took a few days to get going, their kids didn't get jaundice or need any UV therapy.
I just feel like a bit of a failure because of this!

You're not a failure. I honestly think it's 'luck of the biological draw' (each mother and baby, birth, breasts, and general 'feeding journey' is different).

Establishing breastfeeding was a real struggle with my first (due to tongue tie) and I ended up expressing regularly and giving (expressed milk) top ups after every breastfeed under the direction of the midwives; we narrowly avoided light therapy for jaundice.
My second baby also had a tongue tie but much less severe, so he was barely jaundiced at all (and breastfeeding was easy to establish).
I often felt as though I'd done something wrong with my first, but now I've had another baby who was easy to breastfeed, I can now see that the cards were severely stacked against me and it really wasn't my fault.

C sections can cause a slight delay with establishing breastfeeding due to factors such as blood loss, stress and associated lack of oxytocin.

In your shoes, if you're keen to breastfeed, I'd maximise skin to skin and breastfeed at every opportunity. Expressing and offering the expressed milk as top ups is helpful, but it is labour intensive and you might want to prioritise sleep (especially when recovering after a c section - adding to the exhaustion won't help!), so I'd maybe try formula top ups if necessary but aim to cut down as your breast milk comes in rather than rely on them/increase too much. Your breasts will produce milk according to demand and stimulation, so a formula top up is essentially a missed opportunity for stimulating milk production... bear in mind that cluster feeding and fussiness at the breast is a normal part of the process and as long as baby is gaining weight and has good nappy output, you can be reassured that input is good.

@MorningSicknessIsHell

Sorry to jump on your thread OP, but I just wanted to ask what woman did if their baby had jaundice?

Pregnant with DC3. Didn't manage to BF DC1 or 2. Both c sections, my milk takes 4-5 days to come in and if I keep trying to BF during that time both kids just get more jaundiced and end up needing UV light therapy. Ended up moving to formula pretty swiftly after that.

I just don't understand... my friends who have BF where it took a few days to get going, their kids didn't get jaundice or need any UV therapy.
I just feel like a bit of a failure because of this!

My first had jaundice and had UV therapy before we left hospital. I just kept feeding though and woke him in the night to feed, lots of waking him mid feed and swapping sides lots. And put his moses basket in a sunny window at home!

@Poppins2016 @Nomoreusernames1244 @workflowers thank you for your replies, I'll try harvesting some collustrum again.
I had a terrible time with DC1, Labour for 3 days, didn't get past 2cm, epidural only worked on one side of my body! So when he was finally born we were so exhausted and the midwife advised us to just let him sleep as he'd wake if he wanted food ...which wasn't for 9 hours after he was born! So I don't think it helped listening to that advice.
With my daughter I was harvesting collustrum for a couple of days and then it just stopped coming? Couldn't get anything out. Then 2 days later my milk came in.

I also find that when I pump I only get 30ml from each breast, I tried for a couple of weeks but the supply never got any better and I started to get depressed.

All I want is to put baby to breast and be done with all the other crap...!

Anyway, thanks again ladies and perhaps nearer the time I'm due to give birth again I will put a post up :)

The only thing I can think, is that I didn't eat a lot. That might have contributed.

I struggled with low supply, in part due to tongue tie and in part due to having a 'velcro baby' who wouldn't let me make myself a decent meal, so I just didn't get enough calories. I noticed a difference once I started eating better. Oats (porridge, flapjack), eggs, meat, nuts, green veg and full fat food options are all good for supply (in general, aim for a balanced diet). You need around 400 extra calories per day while breastfeeding!

Poppins2016 'I honestly think it's 'luck of the biological draw' (each mother and baby, birth, breasts, and general 'feeding journey' is different)' - totally agree. It is down to luck and kind of matching jigsaw pieces, as well as you not having had a traumatic birth or any of the other things that can interrupt it!

MorningSicknessIsHell 'I also find that when I pump I only get 30ml from each breast, I tried for a couple of weeks but the supply never got any better and I started to get depressed.' - I've never had success with pumping, so I refuse to believe that it's related to supply. I used to wake up in puddles of milk and yet when I tried to use my pump, I'd get fuck all. Again - I think it's a luck of the draw thing.

@MorningSicknessIsHell when you say you harvested colostrum with your second, do you mean in advance of the birth? I harvested from about 37 weeks with DC2, largely because my first struggled to latch and I had to try to hand express after a very long, tough labour and really struggled to get any colostrum post birth so wanted to prepared if we had the same issues again with DC2. We didn’t and I didn’t use the colostrum, but milk came in much faster than with DC1. Good luck!

Best advice I had was skin to skin. As much as possible, as early as possible. Stripped top half, baby just in nappy, snuggled down in bed and it all just seemed to flow from there. Me and baby, in physical contact, in our own little exclusive love bubble is what made it work for me at the start.

I had the exact same experience as OP with my first except got massive midwife support to BF, nobody ever mentioned formula. So although I feel bad that my baby looked starved for about the first four weeks of life, I did ultimately manage to BF for a year.

Second time round, totally different experience because a) I put myself first in terms of recovery, made sure I got a good few hours of sleep every day and ate and drank enough for a small army; b) fed all the time, like there was rarely a moment my newborn didn't have a nipple in their mouth. My supply second time round was like the Niagra falls after a week.

Fingers crossed for you OP. Loads of great advice on this thread

Breastfeeding didn't work at all with DC1. I want to give it a try with DC2 who is due in September. When and how can I start preparing my body to ensure breastfeeding success?

Re: let down - I've never had a feeling of let down, I've also never leaked milk when not feeding. But once the milk came in (again, no real feeling that this happened, no engorgement or anything, I just got really weepy) I must have had enough of it as babies had plenty of wet/dirty nappies, gained weight etc.

My eldest had jaundice and needed light therapy. The younger two, when the feeding was much easier to did have it and needed monitoring, but no treatment.

I would agree with all the PP who have said feed as often as possible, whenever baby gives the opportunity. Cluster feeding happened with all mine, I was told it's the natural way they increase your milk supply and it seemed to work with me.

Oh that sounds awful.
As a pp said, being successful is sometimes just luck. Please don't blame yourself.
A few comments

• I had lots of milk and the baby fed well, but pumping was just hopeless, hardly any milk, it was such hard work. It only worked when I had baby feeding on the other breast and then pumped. I just never got proper let down if the baby wasn't feeding.
• it does take a couple of days for your milk to come in. None of mine were particularly hungry in that time, so I wonder if your baby was born hungry because your placenta wasn't doing so well, so she just couldn't wait for the milk to some in.
• lots of skin to skin is good, and lots of baby mooning (you and baby snuggled up in bed together) BUT you have a toddler, so unless you have fantastic support it may just not work. Don't beat yourself up about it.
• I have 3 who I fed and they all fed differently, and my milk was different in volume and how they fed, so there is a good chance it will be different this time anyway.

But in the end, food is food. A happy baby is as important as a breastfeeding.

@failedparent

Oh that sounds awful. As a pp said, being successful is sometimes just luck. Please don't blame yourself. A few comments

• I had lots of milk and the baby fed well, but pumping was just hopeless, hardly any milk, it was such hard work. It only worked when I had baby feeding on the other breast and then pumped. I just never got proper let down if the baby wasn't feeding.
• it does take a couple of days for your milk to come in. None of mine were particularly hungry in that time, so I wonder if your baby was born hungry because your placenta wasn't doing so well, so she just couldn't wait for the milk to some in.
• lots of skin to skin is good, and lots of baby mooning (you and baby snuggled up in bed together) BUT you have a toddler, so unless you have fantastic support it may just not work. Don't beat yourself up about it.
• I have 3 who I fed and they all fed differently, and my milk was different in volume and how they fed, so there is a good chance it will be different this time anyway.

But in the end, food is food. A happy baby is as important as a breastfeeding.

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm lucky that my mum is coming over and toddler will be at nursery. So I should have time to get it established !

Interesting point you raise about baby not really being that hungry. My daughter literally came out and started sucking on whatever there was. She was absolutely starving. She was on my breast pretty much immediately and constantly after she was born, via c section.. it was a planned section, at 39 weeks. I had no signs of any type of Labour. I also thought maybe that was the reason. I wasn't ready in any way.

It was entirely down to chance, there was nothing I did or didn't do that made it work. I had formula in my hospital bag and a couple of bottles just in case, started giving one bottle of formula per night from four weeks so I could sleep longer. No problem at all.

I breastfed my daughter til just shy of three years old. She had a tongue tie and struggled with feeding until she had it snipped at ten days. Until then we combi fed and then after that I reduced the formula so she was just on the boob although she did have the occasional bottle of formula. I was ridiculously determined and it wasn’t easy for the first six weeks but then suddenly it was ok.

I redefined success. Bought an SNS and accepted the reality that my babies would have formula but not bottles. I have hypoplasia, both dc2 and dc3 lost weight around 12 days and needed supplements. They had them through the SNS at the breast.
DC2 breastfed until 15 months all with SNS, he also had bottles alongside.
DC3 dumped the SNS at 8 months after starting solids. She’s still breastfeeding age three

Hi op . Your baby is born with enough nutrition to survive a couple of days without milk. I'm also suspicious of how the midwives knew you were not producing colostrum. A baby can take from the breast in a way q hand or pump cannot.

From my knowledge and what I understand you should not have been discouraged in the early days. Just keep putting baby on the breast.

Real life help and devote all your time to it

There was a dedicated breast nurse at my maternity to hospital. She was like a granny to us all, a wonderful woman. I was upset that my baby wasn't feeding, just sleeping all the time. I had pethedine for a very long labour and Mrs N told me the baby was affected by that and would come wide awake on the third day. In the meantime I was to give baby just water. She was the calmest most reassuring person I have ever met and I believed her. She showed me how to tip up the nipple to help baby latch on.
Sure enough, day 3 arrived and the baby was squalling We put her to the breast and with no fuss the baby was guzzling. The nurse burst out laughing when the baby lay back, fast asleep and dribbling milk .
The secret of success was not to panic if baby was slow to get going, not to start formula when there isn't a problem . My breast nurse was so reassuring that I became sure all was well. I think babies know if you' te tense and nervous. Relax and enjoy.