What family activities do you do with your teens?

[spudjulia]

Thread about the cost of activities has spurred me into asking this question as I feel lost.

When my kids were little and primary aged, family activities, days/afternoons out were a breeze. I had a couple of passes to local attractions (like a farm thing and big soft play) and we'd either do that, or go to the forest, or go out on our bikes, or organise play dates. Or on occasions do the more expensive stuff: trampoline parks, clip n climb, go ape. Just going to the supermarket or garden centre or for a walk was a fun filled activity (for them, I found the supermarket stressful).

Now my eldest is a teen and the hormones have hit him hard. He doesn't want to go on walks, finds all our usual haunts boring and for babies (his words). He's very shy and doesn't have a huge number of friends, he doesn't arrange to go out with the ones he does.

So I'd love some ideas of things you do that your teens enjoy. It could be that he's in that phase where everything is boring (go ape for example, surely that's for all ages) and I'll never be able to please him. But I agree with him that my repertoire is dated and we need some new and exciting stuff to do. Doesn't have to be free/cheap stuff, although free/cheap stuff most welcome.

@MarvelMrs

Ha - I didn’t mean the slot machines. I mean the 2p 10p tipping point type machines.

They are my favourite. My youngest son is also a big fan of those! We don't live near the sea, though. We live the furthest away from the sea possible, probably, in England.

@Twilightstarbright

Whereabouts do you live? We might be able to suggest some ideas?

I live in East Midlands.

How about teaming up with other mum friends with teens? This worked for us (and still does even though they're much older teens).

Providing there was some sort of "reward" at the end like coffee and cake or a cheap 'n cheerful lunch they would happily go for long walks as they could chat to the other teens too.

Another idea is to have a shared hobby with them like cycling, martial arts etc You get chance to spend time together doing the activity but also have something you can talk about together.

OP I don't have any suggestions but feel your pain as we're in a similar situation, and am reading the suggestions on here with interest.

My teen is very active, outdoorsy and a little immature for his age, probably due to SEN. So this might not be representative of your usual 14 year old.

He still loves a kick about at the park, swimming, skate park, a trip to Costa, bike rides, clothes shopping, watching football matches, cinema and going out to eat.

Stuff with friends and is more popular than stuff as a family, but they need help organising it to begin with imo.

@MoiraNotRuby that's been a bit of a problem for me, and I wish I could crack it. He's gone to secondary school from a small primary and I'm finding it difficult not knowing all of the mums to arrange activities. I offer to my son to take him and mates places (town, pizza place, etc) and he refuses to ask them - he's shy and socially anxious. If I knew their mums I'd sort it out with them!

DH takes DS go-karting once a fortnight, it's eye-wateringly expensive but worth it for them to have a 'thing'.

We have a games night when the schools are on holiday - if we did it more often he wouldn't take part but because it's part of the 'holiday' vibe he'll tolerate it three or four times a year.

Over lockdown we did have a proper house party. For the three of us. With drinks in fancy glasses, casino stuff and nibbles. That was fun.

But holidays are the main way we connect, simply because I refuse to take games consoles away with us. the first night is usually a bit rough and withdrawal-y but then it's OK after that.

He's also great with my friends younger DCs and will come on a 'trip' with them which is very sweet. Consequently we invite them over quite a lot!

I asked my DD about this before as my son is ASD and was not sure how much is ASD and how much teenage boy. She has always been active and sociable and now 16 and got independent from about 13 which was great.

She said that amongst the boys half are sociable and go out and half just stay home, grunt occasionally at each other and live like sloths. I know in lockdown I was doing the lessons for DS and the teacher said what have you been doing at the weekend and I replied for DS hibernating and loads of boys replied to say that is my favourite activity too. It can also be depression / anxiety related and also excessive time like this can lead to depression / anxiety. I think kids do need to rest but there needs to be a balance. Ideally independent socialising is great but with ones like my DS that is never going to happen so family things are next best. Though sometimes on holiday we go somewhere and leave him and his sister to go to beach etc, wander round by themselves so like a half way if in a suitable area. I do find going in the car in the best chance of communication happening, not that much of it happens but at least you have a captive audience. Both mine love food though nothing fancy but adding a drive through McDonalds can get them in the car and its cheap.

I do think it is normal for them to go into some sort of hibernation in years 7 or 8 to about Yr10, maybe 11.
They are too old to have things arranged for them by parents. DEFINITELY too old to go places with parents.
However they haven't yet got the combination of organisational skills, money, social skills, and confidence to arrange things themselves.
Hormones kick in, self esteem is low. It is too risky to ask someone if they want to go and do X, for fear of rejection, or, possibly even worse, being mocked.
It is normal, and it is the reason I would encourage all parents to really encourage their dc to keep doing 'something' as they head into secondary - Scouts, footballs, rugby, orchestra, cricket, so they are still getting out, still mixing with people other than school mates and family.
I know, with some dc that is easier said than done.

However, just to let you know they do come out the other side, and it is really normal for lots and lots of 12 - 15 or 16 yr olds.

Walks (but 1 on 1 not whole family).

That might be the key. I do force him out and it's then like he tries his best to make everyone miserable as punishment.

@FiveGoToAsda

OP I don't have any suggestions but feel your pain as we're in a similar situation, and am reading the suggestions on here with interest.

@Kite22

I do think it is normal for them to go into some sort of hibernation in years 7 or 8 to about Yr10, maybe 11. They are too old to have things arranged for them by parents. DEFINITELY too old to go places with parents. However they haven't yet got the combination of organisational skills, money, social skills, and confidence to arrange things themselves. Hormones kick in, self esteem is low. It is too risky to ask someone if they want to go and do X, for fear of rejection, or, possibly even worse, being mocked. It is normal, and it is the reason I would encourage all parents to really encourage their dc to keep doing 'something' as they head into secondary - Scouts, footballs, rugby, orchestra, cricket, so they are still getting out, still mixing with people other than school mates and family. I know, with some dc that is easier said than done.

However, just to let you know they do come out the other side, and it is really normal for lots and lots of 12 - 15 or 16 yr olds.

Nail on the head! I want to clarify that I offer to take him and his mates places but leave them there, just act as taxi/moneybags. I have no desire to overstep the mark and hang around with a bunch of 13yo boys. But when I suggest things, he says he wouldn't want to ask them as they'd find it boring. I feel sometimes that he wants to do stuff with them but is too scared of rejection.

I feel quite fortunate that DS (15) likes to hang out with us during the holidays - I suspect that might be because he boards during term time. When he's home we hillwalk, go to the climbing wall, paddle board, go ape, cinema (we are all film buffs), eat out, trips into London (he loves eating at our London Club - which sounds v fancy but comes with DH's job), museums of all kinds, theatre, long local walks (15kms+), running, sailing, lunch out in local cafes. He also sits with us in the evenings to watch films, box sets etc.

We go into London to see supercars with my teen ds, we go out for lunch/brunch, we go to sporting events he enjoys, shopping, museums that he likes the sound of, out for afternoon tea, escape rooms, Treasure Trails, geocaching, and walks (But he likes walks).

Walking, swimming, cinema, eating out, cycling., 'helping' with food shop. We don't do all of those things weekly but I try to get out and do at least something together for an hour or so even if it's just a walk.

Ds doesn't want to do much with us but he doesn't go out with friends much either, so I try to bribe him. He finds most things boring now but will usually tag along to f there's a chance d if an ice cream or a kick about with dh.

He does do Scouts and plays a sport, otherwise he'd just live in his room.

Our youngest (now 18) has been hosting a movie night for us once a week for a long while. It's a way for us all to be together and something he really enjoys as it's his choice, and it really means a lot to him that it is. We just say 'no jump scares or gory horrors'. The other two have an anime night that we watch with them.

We do get outside as well. We do day trips some weeks as we bought a year's pass to English heritage after being stuck in a lot during the pandemic. My lot luckily enjoy castles and ruins, especially as my youngest like the challenge of finding holes/passages in the ruins.

We play video games and watch you tubers we both like, sometimes we go for a coffee and sit on a bench just chatting crap.

I have a DS who is 13. He has lots of activities during the week, several sports, scouts, music etc so he is reluctant to do anything other than play video games and homework. He will moan about having to go out with us. He does go out with his mates after school every Friday plus hangout with them after school, so he's very social. Weekends are difficult though, trying to get him to go out as a family. Today was a good day though...we went to the theatre together, I played basketball with him for an hour, football for half an hour and board games in the evening. Winning at parenting today!

With ours we did dog walks which involved a bacon sandwich & coffee stop. Either coastal path or forestry walks.

I would look for nice coffee shops that did good food and then openly bribe them to come with us.

Oldest now is into boarding so will meet us for food on our walk then we go our separate ways us walking, him boarding. Later we pick him up in the car

They like eating out
Sunday lunch type semi event eating at home
Cinema
Theatre
City weekends
Not madly sporty but would do a rugby match
Museums / exhibitions to their interest
Surprisingly national trust tolerant
Will deal with a walk if we can deal with screen time, and ideally there is nice food at the end
Beach stuff - swimming body boarding
One plays the piano quite well
The other one loves anything to do with cooking

One of them is obviously a raging gamer

We live in rural France, so DS and his mates (not all at the same school) aren't within easy get-together distance. So naturally they spend a lot of time chatting on PS4. And on Saturdays, we bake. So when he gets back online, he'll tell them all "yeah, I just went to bake brownies" (or whatever). Two weeks ago, they were all at a sleepover - he took brownies he'd made that morning. Went down a storm. As a result, I never struggle to get him into the kitchen to bake on a Saturday.

Teenagers often don't really want to spend time with you, it's a natural progression really, but it is sad.
For me DS was harder than DDs.
None of them wanted to do the farm parks, walks through the woods, castles and obvious too big for soft play.
But they sometimes can be tempted by a film ( but would rather go with friends) or bowling or ice skating or a theme park.
DDs love shopping and thats the only thing they are reliably keen to do but that's because they love spending my money but it can be ruinously expensive!
DS not interested in shopping and went through a stage of barely leaving his bedroom and was just gaming online with friends, which I think is fairly common!

We got merlin passes for a couple of years, these ones run out end of june. For the theme parks and london attractions and also in Blackpool. My dd, 17 and my partners son, 13. Its the only thing we can all do with no fuss.
My dd likes most things including cinema, shopping, meals out, seaside and zoos. But partners son, all he wants is vr game cenntres and arcades, so very often we don't do things as a family. Partners son makes it very clear he isn't happy if its not what he wants, this then spoils it for everyone else.
I quite like a bit of time with just dd anyway.

I get that he doesn't want to suggest anything to school friends as they can be a dismissive lot! My 13yr old GS started gaming with a couple of boys he 'knew' in his year and they talked on headsets from their bedrooms - Fifa, Minecraft (you build shared worlds apparently) etc. It gave them a common interest to talk about at school and now they sort of hang out IRL. Would this work for your son? My other son was a loner through school, happy with his own company, met a lovely girl his first month at uni and they've been together for 25 years - he's still not bothered about 'outsiders' though! See if he can find a connection with someone at school (it shouldn't be engineered by mum at this age tbh) and then gently fan the little spark.

My 17 and 15 year olds do a lot of sport which thankfully keeps them off their computers.

In terms of things we do together, I try to find one tv program we can all watch (it's The Apprentice at the moment). Another vote for escape rooms, the cinema and (always) food.

Both have taken a passing interest in photography so they enjoy wandering around London taking photos. Also mini golf.

I share your pain, sometimes you run out of ideas. Although technology has many benefits, I sometimes wonder if my parents had it easier in that we have to actively entertain our kids to stop them spending their whole day gawping at the computer.