If you are/ were a woman with a high-flying and high-earning career..

[jolliejullie]

.. and you decided to have kids, what was the impact of kids on your career?

I am still ver much on the fence about kids (which is telling in itself I suppose given that I am 33!), but I have been wondering what impact having children would have on my career hypothetically. I work with other women in demanding leadership roles (same level as me or above) but all of them are either childless or have older children (12+). I am not sure if that is a coincidence.

So I'd love to hear other women's experiences. If you are/ were a woman with a "big job" and career ambitions, how did having children impact your career?

I've two young DC. I'm a Producer and I've had to hit pause completely on touring as well as any evening youth arts activity. Commercial touring pays better than community arts work, which is currently my main gig, so I've felt the impact fairly heavily tbh.

Worth it though, and to be fair I do prefer to be working in community contexts anyway!

It stalled my career without a doubt. It wasn't my employers fault, but my own conscience that made me constantly prioritise my children over my work and eventually led to me giving up altogether.

It's had a stalling effect for me. I think it would be mad to expect no impact at all.

Mine stalled…

Partly because I stopped doing so much international travel (I was away once a fortnight-once a month before that…) and partly because my heart just wasn’t in it in the same way.

I think I just got a different perspective on what was important, and the thrill of winning a deal suddenly wasn’t as important when I could be home making my toddler giggle in the bath

The pandemic helped a lot in covering up my desire to be at home a lot more, and I’m still in a senior role earning very good money but I haven’t chased promotions, and turned down a couple of approaches from headhunters because I don’t want the stress of a new job - pre-kids me would have bitten their hands off..!

I'm single and I work in a sector where there are lots of women in junior to middle management roles and few higher up, and the effect on my career has been massive. The pandemic hasn't helped. I think it depends on you as a person, your situation and the kind of work you do.

Both my husband and I had high flying careers, with long and frequent business travel. Maternity leave was only 12 weeks, so I quit work for what I thought would be 2 years when my first was born. We knew we couldn't manage both of us in high demanding careers so I was happy to take a sabbatical.

My husband was then moved overseas, so I became a trailing spouse had my 2nd child and have never managed to get back to my career.

I'm in a senior, highly-paid role. I'm a sole parent to 2-year twins.
There has been no negative affect on my career. I think only having to take one maternity leave (8 months) helped.

While on maternity leave, I learnt my team (and therefore my role) was being made redundant. I interviewed internally, which was difficult, since I was away from the office, and in "mum" mode. I got the role with a pay rise.

To keep everything on track, I need to pay a lot for childcare - over €3,000 per month.

Also, Covid has meant I can work from home, and no international travel is expected.
That means I feed the twins lunch every day (that I batch cook), and can Siena more time with them, since no time wasted in commuting.

@MintJulia

I moved from an international role to a U.K. based role before I conceived. Took a 20% pay cut. Was 'made redundant' first morning back after maternity leave. Co. had given my job/team to the sales director's wife. My partner changed as soon as this happened. In his head I'd gone from independent career woman to unemployed single mum and his respect for me evaporated. He ignored the fact that ds was his, he was single dad etc. It took me a year to win an unfair dismissal case, then find a new job, leave dp, buy a house. At which point DP wanted back in! I guess I was aspirational again I declined the opportunity. Now running department in new company, own house, ds is joyous 13, I'm a happy single mum. Life is good.

Lucky escape from a very twatty partner. Congrats on getting through the otherside!

I'd say it's never too late to go back. I've changed careers, before and honestly even if you go in at the bottom again, if you do an excellent job it's easy to move upwards. I got a secondment to another department within 13 months ( despite having to be there 2 years to be considered, I just asked my manager to support me and she did) and it set me up for a very lucrative career that I'm still in. Bear in mind I got the entry level job as a temp originally, not even knowing the programme required for the job. Then was made perm. If you are capable and willing to learn you can do it.

However after children I went back in the same level, as someone said it's knowing your worth. Having that confidence ( fake it!!)

I had severe hyperemesis gravidarum in pregnancy (until term) and was in and out of hospital for 9 months, which culminated in me losing my job. We decided to have DC2 shortly after, before I got a new job (and lost it again due to another HG pregnancy). This resulted in a 3 year career gap that was very difficult to overcome.

I’m back in a full-time, senior role now but I never in a million years anticipated that pregnancy would temporarily torpedo my career.

I'm a senior manager in public sector, I think I'm probably a year or so behind but nothing major. I got several promotions whilst p/t in the first year. I think just having one child really helps - obviously it's only one pregnancy (I despised being pregnant and found work insanely hard) & one mat leave. But also balancing one child & work responsibilities is doable, I don't feel like my DD is missing out on lots of positive attention & time but if I had two or more I think this would become so much more challenging. My DH & I very much share everything in fact, although we're at a similar level because my role needs me to be more responsive on a day to day he will do much more of the drop off/pick ups. We very much share sickness, leave etc. Finally the blended work life we now have with Covid absolutely makes this so much easier, without having to do commute all the time it's so much easier, in fact a couple of days a week we collect her at school time and she can come home and play, watch tv whilst we work, it definitely makes it a lot easier.
In terms of changing priorities, I am definitely still motivated and ambitious but it has taken the edge off slightly, it has helped with being more balanced.

People used to say to me: “your job won’t keep you warm in bed when you’re old”. I was single and 30s and wanted to jab them in the eyes when they said that.

Anyway I did meet DH and have kids. I did really want to be a mother, always had, but I don’t actually like being a mum particularly (I’m not one of these “making memories” kind of a mother). But I think just with age and hindsight I agree that the career that felt so important to me in my 30s really isn’t the thing that’s important long term.

Anyway in terms of career impact - pregnancy and 2 maternity leaves made me invisible. I came back and other younger people were the new stars. I worked 4 days, but got given the non-career-enhancing projects. I had to run out the door at 5:20 sharp for nursery pickup, and worked at home every single evening to late. It was horrible.

When the DC started school I got a full time job, earning less and a longer commute, in the charity sector. Got a nanny. DH had a new job nearer home so I was like the dad - I’d come home to kids in the bath and dinner cooking. Being a dad is great.

It’s a far more rewarding job than my old one. If I’d not had kids I’d have stayed in my soul-destroying old job, and as a woman with typical female traits I’d have never made it all the way to the top anyway.

It hasn’t affected me. I was promoted whilst on mat leave. At the start of the financial year, I made it clear I wanted to go up next year (promotions are once a year). I got pregnant soon after but kept focussing on the promotion. Several people in my team also wanted to be promoted to the same level - all men actually.

I was the only one who got promoted, and I was on mat leave too (still am!). My new salary was also on the more generous side compared to others in the same role in my department. I return to work soon, but I have taken a full year off, plus more with annual leave.

My manager also jokes that he expects me to go on mat leave again within months of coming back, so he knows I hope to go off for another year. So it hasn’t affected my career.

Dp went part time to support as he didn't like his job as much as I liked mine although at that time salaries were the same ish. I did 9 months maternity leave and then he took over.
One not through choice but that probably helped too.

All the data shows having children puts women at a career disadvantage. There will be exceptions and maybe you will be one of them.

If you are 33 and not sure about children, perhaps you don't want them? And that's fine. My first career stalled after my second child, as I went down to 2 days a week. As some previous posters have said, it's a lot easier to maintain a career with just one child.
Looking at my friends, the two most 'successful' career women had children in their mid thirties - when they were both already directors. They also had slightly older husbands, who took on the bulk of childcare because one of them had retired early and the other was in a lower paid, but highly flexible job. They still both have nannies, but the husbands are able to pick up a lot of the slack. The husbands cook supper and pick up the slack if the nanny is off sick. This means my two friends can be completely committed to their jobs.
Other have a lot of grandparent support and make it work that way. What is your support network like?

Well I also had HG during pregnancy, I was a wreck. Supportive company though. Was supposed to go back after the year on maternity leave. But was still a physical wreck, plus not sleeping baby, plus 1 year olds are really cute!
So I resigned. Had struggled to get back into my career, a couple of years with a shit company. Now in an amazing job. And crucially my DH picks up all the childcare slack. If you are not a team, your career is over basically.

I had my first DC nine years ago and worked in the city, head of marketing for EMEA. Knew it wasn’t going to make me happy to go back to it so I quit, freelanced for years on my own terms and had two more children.

Few years ago, I went back into employment as a senior marketing manager for a Tech start up. That was probably the single best thing I ever did career wise. Although I was made redundant during Covid, I found another role in another start up very quickly and was promoted to director about 8 months ago. Career is maybe five years behind but not terrible. Definitely impacted it though.

I don’t think any of us can truly have it all. There’ll be exception of course, but on the whole - how can children not impact your life and your career? Men don’t have it all - largely, those that didn’t let it impact their career miss out on the family/ school events or just being there when they’re young. Freelancing gave me the closest sense of “having it all” because I was there in the day at home and doing all the mummy things - playgroups, park etc - and worked when they napped or at bedtime. Ironically my old corporate actually wanted me back so I contracted completely on my own terms, and worked the hours I wanted and exclusively from home. This was at least six years before Covid. But there was no life balance - I was either with my children or working (literally my only rest was when I was sleeping). I would work 6/7pm to 11pm and it was hard and I was exhausted, but it kept my career on some sort of track. But is that really what is needed just to not having a family impact your career too much?

This thread has made me quite sad. The effort and sacrifice people have to put in to have a family and a career. If you're competent at your job, surely you can be promoted even with not working full time or ridiculous over time? I'm working in a growth industry and have skills which are in short supply. I'm hoping I can work on my own terms and still get promoted. We shall see how it pans out!

@Franca123

This thread has made me quite sad. The effort and sacrifice people have to put in to have a family and a career. If you're competent at your job, surely you can be promoted even with not working full time or ridiculous over time? I'm working in a growth industry and have skills which are in short supply. I'm hoping I can work on my own terms and still get promoted. We shall see how it pans out!

Yes you can, it does have additional challenges though and it would be disingenuous to say otherwise. It does depend on the sector, and in my experience lots of people move jobs as they feel it's not what they want to do now priorities have changed etc rather than having to if you see what I mean?

Banking.
Two kids who I see a lot, part time for years.
I have a job which pays well. But not a career. No way to have both.
If I’d been a man I would have worked a lot harder and would probably be making at least 500k now.
It’s not fair. It is getting better. But slowly.

Have kids, keep working a bit, pick up the career again when you can.

I could now but now I can’t be bothered ! But staying in banking means that we don’t worry about money and can take the kids to days ours, have new phones, go on exotic holidays.

Some mothers must manage that, franca. I personally don’t know any that have, so far.

I reckon you've got a 20% chance of children not knocking your career off path.

Mine got obliterated. But I know others who made it through. On paper they were as talented/committed as me so just luck.

I tried really hard but ultimately it was very structural and I couldn't overcome that with the hand I was dealt. Husbands career went well though.

At least you can see through the bullshit after kids and how mediocre many men are (and how underemployed many women are).

And I should add, I did ever bring right on paper
Had an absolutely amazing nanny, DH did his fair share, negotiated flexibility with work etc

But when the chips were down, my work just didn’t motivate and excite me in the way it used to, and my enthusiasm reflected that..!

I’m sure it’s different in other industries but for mine (banking), it relied on me living and breathing the job and I just couldn’t