Misunderstood chatty introverts

[WanderingFruitWonderer]

I just wondered if there other chatty introverts out there, who get mistaken for extroverts?
I'm extremely chatty and friendly, really too much sometimes I get anxious, and I'm very keen for people to like me. I love people myself, most people I meet I find interesting in some way, and I love hearing other people's stories. So I kind of get puppy-like enthusiasm when meeting people and in my nervous desire to connect, I talk a ridiculous amount etc.
However, I also find it exhausting! I love to retreat and be alone and silent, to re-energise. But people don't realise. They think I'm an extrovert. When in fact I'm a very nervous, neurotically chatty introvert!
Does anyone else relate? Also, any quiet extroverts? I wonder how many of us don't fit the introvert/extrovert stereotypes?

I can relate! I'm a chatty introvert, I confuse people that way

Less so post pandemic and maternity leave, its extra exhausting nowadays

I don't find labelling people and then having expectations of them based on that label helpful.

Tbh, I never meet anyone and mentally categorise them as introvert or extrovert. Is it something I'm supposed to 'realise'?

Chatty introverts and quiet extroverts..? Does it matter?

Are you not just an ambivert like 20% of the population

Rather than the lesser spotted MN introvert

Being an introvert isn't supposed to mean you don't speak to people anyway.

The difference between the two is supposed to refer to whether you recharge your batteries by being in company or alone.

People misunderstand introversion/extroversion — it doesn’t have anything to do with how talkative you are, it’s whether you find being in company restorative or sapping.

For instance, I’m a socially confident person, I love seeing other people, I don’t struggle with friendships — but I absolutely need solitude to recharge. It doesn’t matter to me whether other people think I’m extrovert because they mistakenly think introverts are quiet and socially timid. As long as I understand my own needs, that’s what matters, surely?

I think you are overthinking labelling yourself. Most people are a mixture of both in varying proportions - it’s more of a scale not an either or.

I’m also a chatty introvert. I also think society misinterprets the two.

@NoNeedToWorryAboutAThing

Being an introvert isn't supposed to mean you don't speak to people anyway.

The difference between the two is supposed to refer to whether you recharge your batteries by being in company or alone.

Oh yes, absolutely. That's what I mean. I rechargey batteries alone. But I think many people misunderstand it, and think chatty people tend to be extroverts. Which is often the case, but not always...

How about - it's an unnecessary label.people.apply to themselves and then get upset when people's interpret it because most people don't really give much thought to it?

How would you know they don't realise you consider yourself to be an introvert unless you announce it to them?

Perhaps you 'pass' as an extrovert?

Who cares!

People misinterpret it

@Pleasebeafleabite

Are you not just an ambivert like 20% of the population

Rather than the lesser spotted MN introvert

I've wondered about that, but I don't think so. My need to recharge my batteries alone is overwhelming. I don't think it's a better or worse thing either way at all

I'm autistic but also have ADHD and the two are a contradiction at times.

The ADHD side of me is chatty, outgoing and tends to be the leader in conversations. I appear confident and sociable and can talk to anyone in the room.

The autistic side of me finds it fucking exhausting.

If I've been at an event, or even just to see friends or family, and there's been a lot of conversation, I am utterly utterly drained afterwards. I don't have any need to repeat the experience any time soon.

I can manage social occasions really well, and I adore people who are interested in talking about anything and everything. I find it deeply stimulating and enjoyable, but also bloody knackering. I also have to gear myself up for the occasion, and given the opportunity will procrastinate and not arrange any meet-ups until forced. But then I'll go and will love it, but will retreat into a hole for a while afterwards.

The idea of staying at someone else's house overnight unless it is a long-time partner is absolutely abhorrent. Even my closest, loveliest friends who I love to bits - no thank you, I need to escape home at the end of a night. I couldn't do joint holidays for this reason. I wish I were different but I'm not.

@NoNeedToWorryAboutAThing

How about - it's an unnecessary label.people.apply to themselves and then get upset when people's interpret it because most people don't really give much thought to it?

How would you know they don't realise you consider yourself to be an introvert unless you announce it to them?

Perhaps you 'pass' as an extrovert?

Who cares!

That's a good point. I'm possibly overthinking it! But I find human personality and behaviour so interesting, and wonder how many other people come across in a way that gives people an inaccurate impression of themselves...

@SpidersAreShitheads thank you for sharing. That's so interesting. I often wonder if I might have ADD...

I’m a total introvert who is very good at acting sociable and friendly for fairly short periods. My partner is a shy extrovert. She loves being around people and hates being alone but is shy and socially awkward with people she doesn’t know unless she’s at work. I’m the opposite - hate being around people most of the time, happiest in my own company but have learned to come across as confident and chatty. It exhausts me though.

@bookish83 and @Mummyoflittledragon thank you. Good to know I'm not the only one who feels like this

Thank you Andoffwego I guess there's the whole range. You sound like a perfectly balanced couple, personality-wise

You sound like an ambivert, like me 😊 I’m talkative, good at convo but get completely and utterly drained by it. I have to have a lie down when I get home!

Introverts generally don’t like chat chit and small talk. However, introverts are not misanthropic. They are often interested in people; they simply feel exhausted by lots of talking and socialising, particularly lots of, what they perceive to be, unnecessary talking.

Small talk is something that makes most introverts cringe. What they need is a reason to talk. You don’t sound like a classic introvert!

This describes me. People assume that I'm an outgoing extrovert as I make the effort to be chatty in public, but I'm not that person at all. I'm shy, lacking in self esteem and am happy just being with my family.

Hi I think it can be useful to have awareness of yourself and your needs so that you can plan your life around managing your feelings etc (will I need downtime after this event, being kind to yourself if you don’t chat with many people if you’re feeling quiet etc) and I also think that the introvert/extrovert model is useful. But pls do remember that these are really just words to describe a concept and make sense of what we see. Ie we use the words as a map, but the map is not the territory!

@AnIconOfImperfections

You sound like an ambivert, like me 😊 I’m talkative, good at convo but get completely and utterly drained by it. I have to have a lie down when I get home!

Introverts generally don’t like chat chit and small talk. However, introverts are not misanthropic. They are often interested in people; they simply feel exhausted by lots of talking and socialising, particularly lots of, what they perceive to be, unnecessary talking.

Small talk is something that makes most introverts cringe. What they need is a reason to talk. You don’t sound like a classic introvert!

I don’t think that’s necessarily generally correct, that introverts don’t enjoy talk, or are usually actually exhausted while actually socialising — I love it while it’s happening, and I initiate social occasions, I’m just wiped afterwards and need to compensate with solitude.

You have just described me. An extroverted introvert.

I hate it when people laugh and say “oh there’s no way you could be an introvert”. Because I love a good chat and can be loud and jokey at social events.

But I absolutely prefer the solitude and calm of my own company. Every time.

@NoNeedToWorryAboutAThing

Being an introvert isn't supposed to mean you don't speak to people anyway.

The difference between the two is supposed to refer to whether you recharge your batteries by being in company or alone.

This.^ I went on a leadership course a few years back and we had Myers Briggs personality tests. They described the difference between introvert and extrovert being about how you recharge your batteries. Introverts do this by being alone, doing an activity alone and extroverts by being with others and doing group activities.

I'm an extreme introvert but still enjoy people's company and chatting but it tires me out and I then crave some alone time.

I can be a bit of both depending on the situation. I do like chatting to the people I want to talk to but I dislike making small talk just for the sake of it. I am good at masking the way I am and I can hold a conversation and know the right things to say and the right way to say them but it doesn't come naturally to me.

Yes me!

A definite introvert - recharge my batteries alone, anxiety ridden in the run up to events etc.

However, I can talk the hind legs off a donkey. People who meet me think I'm this confident, people loving person. Then they get to know the real me...