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Original poster

8 yr old thinking we are living in a computer programme

105 replies

GoodReazons · 13/03/2022 21:04

would be grateful for advice please! My 8 yr old is really worried we are living in a computer simulation. He has basically described the matrix or something. It is causing him quite a lot of distress "what if this is all not real / what if it's a computer programme". Serious replies only please... I know it sounds kinda funny but he is genuinely really upset and scared about it 😔 he is a deep little thinker but I am finding it hard to explain how he isn't. It is hard to prove a negative!! I am especially worried as schizophrenia runs in his dad's side of the family and when his aunt got sick she basically thought the same. So that is making it even harder for me to form coherent sentences as I am panicking a bit. Thanks xx

OP posts:

HappeeInParis · 13/03/2022 22:17

Also possible that he has friends who’ve been discussing Free Guy.

Samsalone · 13/03/2022 22:19

It’s a pretty common thought/ concern and is actually a known philosophical question.
I mean, how can we we actually prove for sure one way or another?! It’s a bit like the belief in God. How can it actually be definitively proved? It can’t, it’s a belief.
I would give him general strategies for managing worries, monitor his viewing and engage in age appropriate discussions. He is clearly a thinker and intelligent children will often naturally over think things.

NeverChange · 13/03/2022 22:22

I don't think it's highly unusual. Children have very active imaginations and stuff on tv/online easily influences their thoughts. My niece had something similar with dreams, what if everything is just a dream. What if we are dreaming when away & real when sleeping etc. She grew out of it.

Would you consider asking him why he thinks it? Start with very basics like he can see you, touch you, smell your scent etc whereas he can't with video characters etc.

You have a pulse, a heart beat etc. Video characters don't.

He can't control your movements, etc v he can with video characters etc.

I know it sounds very basic but ask him as many questions as possible and de-bunk them all one by one.

Limit screen time and get him involved in everything that is as removed from computer games & tv etc as possible.

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8 year olds Families

ChloeHel · 13/03/2022 22:28

Children say and do strange things. My mum was only telling me the other week when I was younger I would cry to her saying I want to go home, and she’d explain that I was home, and I would respond with “no to my real home, this isn’t real”.

I am completely fine and have my own daughter, luckily she isn’t at talking age. The strange thing is I do vaguely remember saying weird stuff like that, but I couldn’t tell you what my thought process was!

It could be something he has seen on tv, or something another child has said to him or that he has heard.

For now I would just try and comfort him

DressingGown · 13/03/2022 22:29

When I was 8 I did a lot of thinking about whether I was someone else’s dream. The other day Dd (8) tells me she’s been thinking a lot about whether we might be someone’s dream. I’ve asked other people if they had similar thoughts as children. Unscientifically and entirely anecdotally, it seems fairly common from what I can see. I hope he’s not too upset.

LoveFall · 13/03/2022 22:31

This made me wonder about whether he has watched Upload. I watched a bit yesterday and it kind of creeped me out. Some people being able to afford it and living people paying. Very odd concept and if I was a worrier child it might bother me.

CorpusCallosum · 13/03/2022 22:33

@AndSoFinally

It's actually a very famous philosophical debate. Have a look at the theory, that gives a lot of counter arguments if you think he'll respond to those. The bottom line though is basically how would we we know if we were?!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain innavat

Hi OP. Worrying for you and unusual for an 8yo to be having these thoughts. But, this PP is right. This kind of scepticism is an established line of philosophical thinking and lots of people calmly, and rationally ask & debate these kind of 'troubling' questions.

Consider talking to him seriously about his thoughts and encouraging him towards a book like 'Adventures in Philosophy' to expand his thinking in an age appropriate way.

I was reading Sophie's World at 9 and went on to do a degree in Philosophy. He is not too young to be having these thoughts & exploring them more thoroughly/discovering that people have been debating this type of existentialist question for hundreds of years may lessen any distress 🙂

Rhubarblin · 13/03/2022 22:34

I thought this as a kid. I thought the whole world was set up just for me and everyone else knew it wasn't real and all women were secretly witches (like the Roald Dahl book). I grew out of it, I'm neurotypical and don't have any mental health problems. I think I just had a very overactive imagination as a child and tended to be a bit anxious but in the longer term it made me more resilient. Perhaps a chat with the school ELSA?

Mustreadabook · 13/03/2022 22:40

Elon Musk said the same thing recently. He may have seen it in the news or something. It’s not really irrational if the tv is reporting that a multi milllionaire thinks it’s true. Perhaps you just have to persuade him that is it irrelevant if we are or aren’t…

IrishMama2015 · 13/03/2022 22:46

Hi OP, this is very random but my DC is reading Diary of a wimpy kid series and one of the ones he read recently has this kinda thinking and scenario at the start of it. I thought it was weird but any chance he would have read that?

MsDFye · 13/03/2022 22:57

Err, I think this idea is the premise of a famous 90's film called, The Matrix. Could your son have seen it, or trailers or clips from it, online? Or heard an older child or adult discussing it? It's quite a well known film and I'm surprised no one else has mentioned it

j712adrian · 13/03/2022 23:06

there's something here which says being at a particular stage of development here - his mind is probably testing out what is real and what isn't

I'd just keep the conversation going on it and he may well play it through and be reassured by talking about it

Summerfun54321 · 13/03/2022 23:20

He sounds like a very bright boy. The modern world is absolutely crazy and he’s clearly cottoned on to that. Just keep discussing with him, don’t take him to the GP and suggest you think he’s ill. He’s only 8 and is questioning not insisting he knows (which would be a concern).

HappeeInParis · 13/03/2022 23:35

@MsDFye

She mentions the Matrix in her first post. I think people are trying to suggest things OP hasn’t already thought of.

AlexaShutUp · 13/03/2022 23:49

I think this kind of philosophical thinking is pretty common at that age, I certainly played around with that kind of idea a lot as a kid. What is unusual, I think, is the degree to which the ideas are causing him distress. That's what I would focus on.

Try to understand what exactly it is that he finds upsetting. Even if it were true that we were all just characters in some kind of computer game, would that actually matter? What difference would it make to our experience of life? Is it the possible lack of free will that concerns him? Or something else?

Don't just dismiss the ideas. Engage with them and explore them. Help him to articulate exactly what it is that he finds upsetting and try to explore that with him.

Original poster

GoodReazons · 13/03/2022 23:58

@NoLunch

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I can see how that must be very worrying, especially given family history. I've not got exact experience of this, but i do have a "doubter" of a child. "How can I know you're my real mummy and you didn't kidnap me" etc etc. I try to approach it lightheartedly, with gentle reassurance and not getting drawn into too much conversation about it (for example, in your case, perhaps "it does feel a bit like that sometimes, doesn't it :) but I can promise you were not in a computer programme. I've been alive long enough to know that it's all real, so you've no need to worry". Acknowledge the fear, don't dismiss it as "being silly", but don't get drawn into proving anything - play the "I'm your parent, and you can trust me" card. I find it works mostly).

And yes, I'd second PP suggestion of speaking to GP soon to get professional support in case it's needed. Better to be on it sooner, rather than wishing later that you weren't so far down the waiting lists :)

Good luck, and courage to you - you're not alone.

I have just remembered as a small child that I used to think my dad coming home from work wasn't my dad but an imposter. No idea where this came from. I was about 5 and my parents didn't even have a TV and were ludicrously protective of me. I was generally a worrier.

OP posts:

Original poster

GoodReazons · 14/03/2022 00:03

@JackieCollinshasnoauthority

That's the kind of thing my son would worry about. He has ASD. How long has he been concerned about this? How does it affect his behaviour?

Is there a kid friendly version of Descartes?

Last few days. I think he has ASD but his teacher doesn't because he masks (like in the same way a lot / some girls with ASD do - meltdowns at home, crying at home, worrying at home but presenting as OK at school, albeit quite quiet). I have an extremely difficult relationship with his father (history of emotional and financial abuse towards me, would be intimidating also) and any thing I think DS has, my ex will say that he doesn't. I have recently been to the GP as I feel that DS is dyspraxic and ex rang up to say I am a mad hypochondriac in as many words. So GP then didn't take me seriously at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

GoodReazons · 14/03/2022 00:06

@FelicityBeedle

I’m sure there’s some science thing that proves it’s impossible we are living in a simulation, would that help?

Yes very much so!! I have taken it seriously and reassured him that I am real, not a computer simulation and he seemed to believe that. Argh it is so horrible. I am bad a philosophy

OP posts:

Chattycatty · 14/03/2022 00:07

I used think what if someone was dreaming the whole world, nothing was real and we were just in someone's dream. I think most children go through this stage but I can understand your worry due to family history.

Pinkbonbon · 14/03/2022 00:07

I'd just ask him why it would matter? I mean, we will never know, so it doesn't actually change anything does it? So what if we are, why care xD

Pinkbonbon · 14/03/2022 00:13

Maybe add a 'actually it would be kind of cool because it means we're all on a big adventure'.

Original poster

GoodReazons · 14/03/2022 00:16

Thank you so much for all the replies.

No roblox and I have not heard of Free Guy but if it's doing the rounds at school maybe he has picked it up at school or something. He does play minecraft so maybe that is where it is from - but his worry is not like we are in a computer game but more like nothing is real. Even me, his siblings etc. Think the word he used was "illusion" though I have got myself so worried I am not actually sure! He is scared every thing is an illusion except him

OP posts:

throughtheair · 14/03/2022 00:19

Thing is, some scientists think it's more likely that we are in a simulation than not! Rather than just dismiss it I would acknowledge the possibility with him, but then pose to him - does it matter if we are? Nothing changes, our life experience is still the same. It's nothing to feel upset about.
I certainly don't think you need to take him to the GP as pp have suggested.

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 14/03/2022 00:26

Just a friendly word of advice. My Dad's mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and my childhood was overshadowed by my parents assuming that every show of emotion or upset was a precursor to schizophrenia. It had a huge affect on me as I wasn't allowed to have normal human reactions. When I was stressed about my A level results, my mum asked if I was hearing voices. If you can, please relax about that and don't attribute everything to mental illness.

As it turns out, I'm autistic and possibly she was too.

No specific advice on his fears but perhaps drill down into why he thinks that and you can discuss it together and point out where he uses his free will to make choices which he couldn't do if someone was controlling everything.

LemonsLimes · 14/03/2022 00:37

When I was about 7 I remember wondering if I might be the next jesus. We had a book on child development and I think it said this sort of thinking can be normal at that age. I grew out of it fine

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