I don't even know why I'm upset

[TypicallyTopically]

I'm upset about having 1 child and I don't even know why.

Upset because you would like more than one?

In an ideal world but now I'm feeling nope. I'm getting older. I struggle with motherhood. The age gap would be too big. I'm in a new relationship so it wouldn't be for a while anyway

Having one child is okay. You get your freedom sooner, it's cheaper and you can focus your efforts in a more direct way and not have to spread yourself too thinly.

I don't want him to be alone and I know the usual siblings may not get on etc but it gives him a chance

I was an only child and fine. I had lots of friends and was able to play outside.

I just don't want him to be alone.

I totally get that, I have two DS’ with a very close gap, adults now, and best friends, I know they will support each other, when me and their dad are gone.

I'm crying over it and I don't know why

The age gap will be too big anyway.

I have a 10 year gap between ds and dd. They adore each other. X

Is it just that life in general is very unsettling at the moment (Ukraine) and you are feeling life is vulnerable etc?

Could it be hormones?

Could it be that he's getting a little older and you are saying goodbye to that phase in life where you have "little" children?

Do you have regrets about not having other children, or is it the what if aspect?
I have an only child, and at the moment she's only 3, but I have zero doubts in my mind that I've made the right decision to just have one.

I don't know if I want another. I don't think I could cope with the anxiety of pregnancy at an older age

I understand OP. My DS is 13 and I am now 51. PND and struggled when he was little so not had any more. Didn't meet DH til I was 35.
Sorry you are upset this evening
You will grow to accept it. I have xx

I'm just so upset

I've let him down

Families are all shapes and sizes, i wouldnt rule out a sibling just for the fact that there'd be a big age gap.

It's always a risk if they'll get on or if they wont, age gap or not. Do what feels right for you and your family.

It's not a family it's only me and him

I've had three I hate being pregnant I hate giving birth I'm too old to have another baby but part of me is upset I'm never going to have a baby again I think its natural

My pregnancy was stressful as I didn't want to be married. I felt trapped and he was born early due to me.being so stressed. I cry all the Time about him being alone

But you and him are a family. He has you and you have him, that’s enough. There are advantages and disadvantages of any family size. You may have another when he is older or you may not but don’t let that cloud this time you have together. Enjoy what you have

I'm too old.

He won't be alone. He will have friends, does he have cousins? Please don't cry, enjoy your child. As an only child he will learn to depend on himself and that is not a bad thing. I say this as an only child myself. He will build strong relationships as he grows older. You haven't failed him and please don't think like that.

I shouldn't have pissed about so much when I was younger and started earlier with someone decent

He's got cousins he doesn't see.